For Love or Money???

I suspect the only logical reason for setting the bar so high is to make it impossible to get over - sounds like someone's getting cold feet.

Personally, on a relationship level, I would want to be confident living together was the right progression. End of. Everything starts from there.

Then, you sort out the practicalities. If I was going to expect someone to travel 1200 miles to come and live with me, I would work on the basis of the worst case scenario: I would want to be able to support both of us; our finances that finances would be joint; and anything she brought in would go into the post and a bonus for both of us. If that's not feasible, then a compromise solution can be found.

And I've even put my money where my mouth is.

There is no earthly reason to introduce ultimatums and bank balances or anything else.

Out of curiosity would you be crossing an international border? Would you be entitled to work? If the roles were reversed would he agree to these terms?


M

I do think the question of how are we going to live is a fair one because one must be practical but the consideration/thought is do we want to live together and then how do we do it? This should be a joint discussion/decision.

However, asking someone to relocate and provide 1/2 the money for everything is a bit much. I have been in relationships where I contributed but we always did it on a percentage of income basis. At various times, I had more income so I paid more. I have never been fully supported and in general I would be resistant to the idea, however if I really wanted to be with someone and that was the only option I would do it.

Marksman has a good point, if you are shifting country can you legally work there? If you are coming to the states, bear in mind that on average women earn at most 80% what men do for the exact same work. I would also do the worse case scenario.

One of the big problems is that if you are not part of making the decisions on what to spend the money on, the cost of housing, etc... you are just basically subsidizing someone else's lifestyle. I knew someone who used to be like this, he was a libertarian who believed his gf should pay 1/2 of everything and he made more than she did. When he wanted to make house improvements, she said no, she couldn't afford the extra money and he didn't understand this. Fate has forced him to see the error of his ways.

Also what do you want from this relationship? A room mate/business arrangement who whom you have sex with or a life partner?

If this is the same man who broke your heart a while back, I suggest you let him go, if you can't do that, have him come to you.