Husband crossdressing

klippert said:

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First and foremost...It is upon him, NOT YOU, to now be completely honest, and open with you...Do NOT let him make you believe, because you're having mixed emotions about this...That he is a 'victim' of some sort, that you don't understand NO EFFING Way...

He's kept this a secret from you and you found out the hard way. He must be there for you, as you need to be there for him...BUT, he IS not a victim in this. If anyone is...you are. You thought you married a "Man's man", now you're not sure if you marred a Nancy... you said it....You married a man, and want (and deserve) a man, and not interested in a woman...I'm guessing especially a man dressing and acting like a woman...

To many times I've read (on a different site) woman finding out there husband is Bi or a cross-dresser.... and they're (the wife) made out to be the "bad guy" in all of this.. Sorry it doesn't workout that way. These men have lied and kept a secret...it is your husband that needs to understand the only victim is you his wife.

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Hey, I thought I married a woman who was insterested in having sex more than once every 2 years...

We can all think we married our ideal mate, but let's inject a huge dose of reality into this conversation, eh?

1- People change, over time. A friend of mine who is a marriage counselor once told me that most marriages fail not because of money, or what glamour magazine tells us, but because people constantly grow and change, and more often than not, couples grow apart, not together. It's simply that people are always growing/changing, and the odds that two unique individuals grow and change the same way, regardless of how close their marriage is, are against you.

2- He is a victim in this, as much as she is. At least without further input on this- he was pushed in life to ignore his own sexuality and embrace a predisposed image of who he is. Maybe he knew all along, maybe it was bottled up and he only realized it in recent years, but he is what he is. You (the OP) need to decide if you can live with it or not. It's really that simple. He can break down and pretend he's not bi/CD/Trans, but eventually he will get resentful that he has to hide it or that you don't accept it (or both).

3. That statement about marrying a "MAN" makes me think of all the times people tell others to "Man up".. men are expected to be cookie-cutter images that we cannot possibly live up to. We're taught through life to pretend and fake it. Why do you think so many men come out in their 40's as bi or gay? Midlife crisis is a big part of it, but mostly the crisis just triggers the realization that we're living lies, manly-men, girly girls... But girls get a pass - they can be ALT, or tom-boys, or feminist, and nobody can tell them different without being slain in the court of public opinion, but men cannot step outside the exact same opposing sexist stereotype without being crucified.

Talk about hypocrisy.

JulieAnn42 said:

I just found out in October that my husband likes to dress up as a woman. He assures me he is not interested in men and I believe him. However, I married a man and I want a man and I am not interested in a woman. I am struggling with this.

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He's still a man if he still has a cock and hasn't tried to develop breasts, etc., he just likes to dress in women's clothing just like I do, although I do love sex with men as well as women. My late first wife had a friend who always said "a man isn't a real man if he won't have sex with another man", a I'm a "real man" by her standards, even though I am now married to a man.

sub2femdom said:

Hey, I thought I married a woman who was insterested in having sex more than once every 2 years...

We can all think we married our ideal mate, but let's inject a huge dose of reality into this conversation, eh?

1- People change, over time. A friend of mine who is a marriage counselor once told me that most marriages fail not because of money, or what glamour magazine tells us, but because people constantly grow and change, and more often than not, couples grow apart, not together. It's simply that people are always growing/changing, and the odds that two unique individuals grow and change the same way, regardless of how close their marriage is, are against you.

2- He is a victim in this, as much as she is. At least without further input on this- he was pushed in life to ignore his own sexuality and embrace a predisposed image of who he is. Maybe he knew all along, maybe it was bottled up and he only realized it in recent years, but he is what he is. You (the OP) need to decide if you can live with it or not. It's really that simple. He can break down and pretend he's not bi/CD/Trans, but eventually he will get resentful that he has to hide it or that you don't accept it (or both).

3. That statement about marrying a "MAN" makes me think of all the times people tell others to "Man up".. men are expected to be cookie-cutter images that we cannot possibly live up to. We're taught through life to pretend and fake it. Why do you think so many men come out in their 40's as bi or gay? Midlife crisis is a big part of it, but mostly the crisis just triggers the realization that we're living lies, manly-men, girly girls... But girls get a pass - they can be ALT, or tom-boys, or feminist, and nobody can tell them different without being slain in the court of public opinion, but men cannot step outside the exact same opposing sexist stereotype without being crucified.

Talk about hypocrisy.

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All true. But... Sometimes we do not marry the person we thought we did. In my case, my ex husband created a persona that he said he knew I would fall in love with. We were together for 8 years before we married.

We went on vacations together, he used to take me up to Stanley Park in Canada just so I could feed and pet the squirrels, he bought me a cat, showered me with gifts, I'd come home to find that he had stocked the kitchen with food, etc. Also led me to believe that he loved sex.

About one minute after our wedding ceremony, he laughed and said it had all been for show. He wasn't interested in any of these things. He wanted someone to cook, clean and do whatever else he said. He also knew that I was kind of trapped because I had given up my career and my apartment to be with him. We were making a cross country move.

I tried. I hoped he would somehow become that seemingly kind person he once was. Nope. There was no working it out because he saw only one way. His way. And he did everything within his power to make sure that I couldn't get out of the marriage. Finally after 22 years, he decided HE wanted out. Oh what a happy day that was for me!

More recently, I had a situation where an old friend I had been not been in touch with for many years, tried to get back with me. That didn't work out either. In a nutshell he said that I had evolved and he had not. I believe this is true.

As for the cross dressing, I don't see what the big deal is. Unless perhaps he was actually into it before they were married and did not tell her. The not telling part would be the big deal for me. Not the cross dressing. I would hope that the person I was with would be comfortable enough with me to not keep secrets like that. I can understand why they might not want to tell me. But I would feel hurt that they did not. I know that we could discuss it and go on from there but it would leave me wondering what else they didn't tell me?

Wow, this thread has gone through some twists and turns, work about 25 percent relevant and insightful commentary, and a whole bunch of inflammatory or misleading bullshit.

I'll write more later when not on a phone, and try to dispel at least a small portion of the conflated, inaccurate, generalized drivel I've read.

Except this one I have to hit now:

Someone stated "crossdressing is a very rare fetish".

Firstly; That's patently false.

Studies estimate around 10 percent of males do it have engaged in crossdressing. That ain't very rare.

Crossdressing is NOT a fetish any more than a rectangle is a square. Seems like for folks in a fetish forum, too few know what am actual fetish comprises.

If there is no dependency on this activity for sexual pleasure, a fetish it is NOT.

Are there CD fetishists? Yes.

Are there CD sissy fetishists? Yes, and that's another category altogether, including some manner of subjugation.

I could go on with the categories, but the point is crossdressing is not usually a fetish for the crossdresser, and they're fairly seldom gay. Bi maybe...but studies ( albeit dated) show that the overwhelming majority are straight, usually above average IQ, and typically successful by societal measures.

Most who did it in secret, do receive some sexual gratification, and I posit that's largely because of the forbidden nature of it.

Remove the forbidden aspect, and the sexual aspect goes with it, unless the couple choises to actively make that a part of their sex life.

The reasons men (and women) cd are vast, and for myself at least, continue to evolve. I'd have to draw one hell of a Venn diagram to explain it all, and then redraw it in a year or two, I'd wager.

Dressing allows me freedom to be creative in ways I cannot in my masculine life, and it makes me feel good in ways no ornery activities match. Define me? No. Complete me? Yes.

I'm very much a "manly man" to those with whom I interact who aren't privy to Rochelle's existence. Many of my friends know, and by virtue of effective communication and explanation...they don't care. Granted; I didn't reveal to a bunch of narrow minded prices, but still.

Life is far more shades of gray than black and white.

I'm hardly a cross-dresser, but I do wear panties. My wife bought me panties as a retirement present when I retired form the military over 25 years ago saying she thought that they would be more comfortable that the military issue boxers I always wore and she was absolutely right. They are the only undies I ever wear. It doesn't make me any less of a man. I am now bisexual, but the panties had nothing to do with that.