Getting into the BDSM Community?

Honestly, I think more than anything people should just help this poster relax. All this talk about experience and such, I mean really, it's not a club, there's no membership fee, nobody's going to stamp your hand or make you study for the bar or something.

BDSM is just relationships--friends, lovers, partners, just like everyone else. All you're looking to do is meet people who share a common interest with you, the same way you would for anything else in life. No more complicated than that.

allenas said:

Any advice on how to get my feet wet and dispelling common misconceptions would be great.

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TamLin01 said:

Honestly, I think more than anything people should just help this poster relax. All this talk about experience and such, I mean really, it's not a club, there's no membership fee, nobody's going to stamp your hand or make you study for the bar or something.

BDSM is just relationships--friends, lovers, partners, just like everyone else. All you're looking to do is meet people who share a common interest with you, the same way you would for anything else in life. No more complicated than that.

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The responses were mostly answering specific questions the OP had. The last part I have quoted opens the door to everything else mentioned.

Sure, it is meeting people with common interests. I suppose, she's doing that right now by reaching out to the contributors of this forum. Lots a great advice here (and a slight derailment). OP asked that we help dispel some misconceptions. One misconception is that a submissive has no say in what they do.

It's fine and dandy to jump in and get your feet wet. Relax, have a good time, it's awesome. Just know that there are people who prey on newbies, people that give themselves titles like Dom and master. If we didn't say to learn about BDSM and just told her to relax and meet people, we wouldn't be helping very much.

I remember the moment I mentioned I was new to all this. Immediately I received PMs containing "advice" for how to be submissive. I also received messages from men claiming they knew all about being dominate (spelled wrong on purpose) and how they were willing to train me. If I had been single and hadn't first gotten advice here, I might have fallen for that bullshit.

So, everyone please continue giving advice to those that are new! I still get new info every time and I'm sure that lurkers also get a great deal from it.

What about those weird introverts like me? Are we still allowed to be considered part of the community if we don't do anything out in public but are active on forums/chat groups?

HisGoodGirl20 said:

What about those weird introverts like me? Are we still allowed to be considered part of the community if we don't do anything out in public but are active on forums/chat groups?

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We had a thread about this a few months back - you're not the only one!

HisGoodGirl20 said:

What about those weird introverts like me? Are we still allowed to be considered part of the community if we don't do anything out in public but are active on forums/chat groups?

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Well, introverts aren't always weird.

I learned a lot online before I made the leap in to the real world. I'm one of those introverts who isn't shy - I just get exhausted and overwhelmed if I'm in a big group of people for a long period of time. Small talk is painful, I see it as a necessary evil.

That being said, I am a part of the local community. I've found some awesome friends in the community. It seems like many of the groups are made up mostly of introverts who eventually find each other!

I particularly enjoyed going to parties or demonstrations to see what I liked. This occurred when I was single and it was a nightmare at times to gather up the energy and the confidence to walk in someplace by myself. At times, I'd contact the moderator of a group and say hi - I'm coming alone, do you have any advice?

Because I had a good experience going from the online community to the real time one, I've become a moderator for a local spanking group because I want to make newbies feel welcome. Plus I love spanking. Our group straddles the line between kink and vanilla - so it's a great start for new people to explore.

But a community is a community whether it's online or meeting with a group of like-minded people in person. You have to take the same precautions, weed out the posers and the players, figure out who you like, what you like and keep exploring.

I wonder if the OP will ever come back and let us know where she's at?

not sure if the OP will ever come back, but you all have given me some great information as i am currently curious about exploring the D/s lifestyle. so thanks!