13 o'clock ( dark-er poetry)

Carvings

still has a bit of kinks of work out of the last verse..any thoughts...the flow seems a bit off...blue

Beyond the hour of darkness,
Entering Into eyes brimming
with artistic wonder, am I
floating frozen and forlorn.

A piece of scrimshaw
crudely marred by time
displaying all its scars.

The slenderest tread
holds its form silently in
lullaby waves
waiting for sight of
will to reveal
its earthen beauty.

Thus the artist
with a masters touch
may burnish the tracks
left by tears
eclipsing my indigo ways.
:confused:
 
It is a bit opaque in the middle, but I like the flow very much. I would trim a bit and add some clues where it gets dense. I think it is about redemption at the hands of a midnight lover, am I right? As such, it is a well-worn theme and would benefit from some explanation of the narrator's scars, or the healing process. Something to make it unique.

QUOTE=bluerains]

Beyond the hour of darkness, <-- I like this: it suggests the trauma is passed.
Entering Into eyes brimming <-- "entering" implies "into"
with artistic wonder, am I
floating frozen and forlorn. <-- how are you "floating"?

A piece of scrimshaw
crudely marred by time <--"marred" implies "crudely"
displaying all its scars. <-- I want to know more, here

The slenderest tread <-- "tread" or "thread"? This image is difficult for me; earlier you were frozen, then a piece of scrimshaw. The thread (if that is what you mean) doesn't fit for me.
holds its form silently in
lullaby waves
waiting for sight of
will to reveal <-- I don't know what "sight of will" means
its earthen beauty. <-- The thread has earthen beauty?

Thus the artist
with a masters touch <-- "artist" implies mastery
may burnish the tracks <-- "burnish" as in highlight? I'm not sure this is the right word, though it certainly fits with scrimshaw. "Banish," perhaps. But I still don't know what he/she did to heal you.
left by tears
eclipsing my indigo ways. <-- How are your ways indigo?
:confused:[/QUOTE]

Good luck with this.
 
thanks FG

flyguy69 said:
It is a bit opaque in the middle, but I like the flow very much. I would trim a bit and add some clues where it gets dense. I think it is about redemption at the hands of a midnight lover, am I right? As such, it is a well-worn theme and would benefit from some explanation of the narrator's scars, or the healing process. Something to make it unique.

QUOTE=bluerains]

Beyond the hour of darkness, <-- I like this: it suggests the trauma is passed.
Entering Into eyes brimming <-- "entering" implies "into"
with artistic wonder, am I
floating frozen and forlorn. <-- how are you "floating"?

A piece of scrimshaw
crudely marred by time <--"marred" implies "crudely"
displaying all its scars. <-- I want to know more, here

The slenderest tread <-- "tread" or "thread"? This image is difficult for me; earlier you were frozen, then a piece of scrimshaw. The thread (if that is what you mean) doesn't fit for me.
holds its form silently in
lullaby waves
waiting for sight of
will to reveal <-- I don't know what "sight of will" means
its earthen beauty. <-- The thread has earthen beauty?

Thus the artist
with a masters touch <-- "artist" implies mastery
may burnish the tracks <-- "burnish" as in highlight? I'm not sure this is the right word, though it certainly fits with scrimshaw. "Banish," perhaps. But I still don't know what he/she did to heal you.
left by tears
eclipsing my indigo ways. <-- How are your ways indigo?
:confused:

Good luck with this.[/QUOTE]

here is corrections ...hope this will relate better..if not please feel free to comment..its so much clearer to see through someone elses eyes...
:rose:
Beyond the hour of darkness,
entering into eyes brimming
with artistic wonder, mind recalls
sterile eyes floating in backward lenses.

A piece of scrimshaw,
its segments, marred by time;
displays its penetrated scars
carved from a great white shark.

The slenderest thread
holds its form silently in
lullaby waves,
waiting for insight of
will to reveal
its silver earthen beauty.

Thus the artist
with a masters touch
could burnish the tracks
left by tears of trust
eclipsing my indigo ways;
who fancied an eagle of prey.
 
Sir Knight

An invitation from between
his nocturnal sheets, beacons
her into his rhythmic haven
dissolving hours of mundane...

Passively she watches as
he unlaces her Stevie Nicks gypsy boots,
unbuttons her bedraggled bodice,
and emancipates her bound mane,
once defiled by plebeian dust,
and wraps scented palms
around luscious soft angles
of her of abundant lust.

As her servant he indulges
her drained body,
swathing its musky odor
with a butterfly tongue,
liberating her from loveless grime
beyond requisite portals
of images sublime,
and riding him high,
she's a gypsy queen one more time... :rose:
 
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somewhere close to my ear
or miles away there is the sound
of creatures fighting sleep
and one another to the death
we're doomed they shriek
with hollow laughter wanting
only safe haven and sucour
from me and my ilk
but there is none
and they leave with less
than they arrived with
we don't feel guilty just
relieved it isn't us.
 
not his feathered glory
pushing her vague
and terrified aside
but the great wings beating
still on her shoulders
the brush of night
concealment, sticky truth
is blood on white down
linen dripped with wine
claret and clarity divine
One taking flight and Leda
spread across the rock
sown with seeds of Troy
satiated, saturated
with the promise of history
the curse of immortality
 
the spider's legs curl inwards
to the centre
of a dark and poisonous carapace
she hangs in shadowed gloom

the web entangled
round empty husks
of happiness
sucked dry through fangs
starving for a taste

hang now alone
companion to the dust
that shrouds each sticky thread
this is the house she's built

no matter that the walls
are true perfection
and that the sun glitters
through each faceted pane
no matter these
when naught more than a gust
of truth gently brushes
past they crumble

all that's left is the spider
curled inwards
empty of all but regret.
 
Other Side of Midnight

Between dawns awakening,
past the hour of midnight;
the sun places
orange kisses on a rich
dark mound of ripened
intimacy somewhere,
other than this moonless
moment where tears bleed
in solitary labor.
:rose:
 
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sandman~

bring on the sand man
with his ghostly doom-gloom
shower me with the grit of time
cutting into this life of shadows end

grim reminders surface within a quiet night
darker images playing on a long stretch of road
stealing the innocence of a child's golden years
smirking lips paralyzing with fears razors edge

gritty teeth biting upon soft flesh
snapping with an alligators appetite
choking talons withdrawing all strength
frozen in times warped sense of humor

dreamlike eyes dull-void
nothingness stands strong
capture of prey at its end
whisking away-the soul

done
gone
whishhhhhhh~



:eek:
 
she sits
in the door way,
like a thousand
times before,
waiting.

so many things
has changed.
so much left,
unsaid.

coffee has gotten cold.
wine glass, now filled.
a woman on the brink,
of what used
to be.

tunnels twisting,
turning her mind.
shaping forms,
of long ago.

tears now dried.
shaking, has finally
stopped.

lost in thought.
torn from within.
so much, so
wrong ...

when will it be
over, she worries.
when will the waiting
end ...

doorway crumbles,
all around.
lady inside
fallen.

wine glass,
upon the floor
shattered ...
 
From both sides of the story…

Delicious, wicked thrill,
Called in sick, day off.
Relaxed, lounging, weather hot.
House quiet, secluded; all alone.

Eyes watching, hungry, brutal,
lust in his eyes, evil heart,
Touching himself, aroused.
Wanting a woman’s body; control.


Late morning, shower, refreshing.
Memories of past lusts,
touching, caressing, rubbing.
Moaning, knees weak; pleasured.

Coming closer, evil incarnate
One desire, one intent.
Wicked mind, planning, working.
Licking lips; anticipation.


Body clean and fresh.
Mind relaxed, house safe.
Clothes light, sun hot.
Enters garden, green; vulnerable.

Blood pounding, eyes staring.
Sees the prey, savage smile.
Wants to take, abuse, capture,
coming closer, nearer; cruel danger.


Sitting in the sun, tanned.
Dress pulled high, legs exposed.
Sun warm, sleepy, no danger.
Innocent, happy; a victim.

Move to front of house, quiet.
Eyes quick, darting, suspicious.
Checking for danger, door unlocked.
Enters the home, their sanctuary; he defiles.


Sun too hot, wanting shade.
Stands, stretches, body beautiful.
Turns towards house, cool.
Strolls, enters her home; terrible danger!

Waiting, patient, dangerous desire.
Hears door opening, breath held.
Excitement, throbbing, tasting the tension.
Delicious, vicarious thrill; sweat.


Singing softly, graceful movement.
Unaware, innocent, safe.
Kitchen, no danger or fear.
Sudden noise! Head turns; too late!

Rushing forward, masked face hidden.
Victim terrified, eyes wide, fear!
Pinned by the evil intent,
hands reaching, grabbing; slow motion.


Mind screams, not here! Not now!
Confusion, cannot move, held.
Hands, fingers grip tight, pain.
Wanting to run, escape; captured.

"Don’t move bitch!", harsh words.
"Not a fucking word!", no mercy.
"Treat me good or else!", vicious.
Pulled close; attempted kiss.


Repulsion, horror, fear.
Pungent, sickening smell.
Face turned away, disgust written loud.
"Stop please, not this…"; whimpers.

"Fucking bitch!", angry words.
Arm raised, rough hand.
"Teach you some manners!", slapped!
Pent up anger spilling out; resentment.


Face slapped, head spinning.
Slapped again and again!
Strength fading, consciousness slipping.
No longer able to scream; shock.

"That’s better, a slap never hurt anyone"
masked face; eyes cold and black.
The hand that slapped now caressing.
Wanted to be loved; wanting.


Body trembling, body cringing.
Small voice screams silently,
Why me? What have I done?
Innocent victim; random statistic.

Hands reaching, grasping breasts.
Clumsy, brutal, hurting.
Squeezing hard, pulling, pinching.
Not the touch of a lover; a stranger.


Tears, sobbing; intimate touch.
Body touched, dirtied.
Looking for compassion, masked face.
No gentleness, nothing; dead eyes.

"Lets see what you’re hiding", grinning.
Fingers grabbing, pulling, tearing.
Dress pulled apart, ripped open.
Screaming, "Noooo…!"; exposed.


Hands covering, vestige of modesty.
Blushing, starting to realise,
actuality of rape.
Eyes pleading for mercy; tearful.

Pulling, pushing, rushing,
Forced face down, cold table surface.
Heavy breathing, frantic lust.
Tugging, tearing dress; defenceless.


Pinned, cold table, hot hands.
Ripping clothes, white panties.
Fighting, struggling, shouting.
Underwear pulled down, naked.

"Nice fucking ass, bitch!", hands groping.
Pinching, squeezing, probing.
Unzipping trousers, cool air.
Touch of male flesh against female flesh; awful sobbing.


The indignity, the fear, the humiliation.
Cringing from his touch, crying.
Fingers penetrating, dry, such pain!
Hardness touching, pushing; raped.

"You had better enjoy this!", pushing.
Forcing, penetrating, hard.
Hands on hips, tight.
Thrusting, driving; buried deep.


Impaled, pinned, taken.
Defiled, abused, fucked.
Eyes staring, fixed on wall.
Wanting it to end; why?

Grunting, swearing, sweaty.
Feeling it build,
climax building,
one final savage thrust; semen.
 
Man Ray said:
From both sides of the story…

Delicious, wicked thrill,
Called in sick, day off.
Relaxed, lounging, weather hot.
House quiet, secluded; all alone.

Eyes watching, hungry, brutal,
lust in his eyes, evil heart,
Touching himself, aroused.
Wanting a woman’s body; control.


Late morning, shower, refreshing.
Memories of past lusts,
touching, caressing, rubbing.
Moaning, knees weak; pleasured.

Coming closer, evil incarnate
One desire, one intent.
Wicked mind, planning, working.
Licking lips; anticipation.


Body clean and fresh.
Mind relaxed, house safe.
Clothes light, sun hot.
Enters garden, green; vulnerable.

Blood pounding, eyes staring.
Sees the prey, savage smile.
Wants to take, abuse, capture,
coming closer, nearer; cruel danger.


Sitting in the sun, tanned.
Dress pulled high, legs exposed.
Sun warm, sleepy, no danger.
Innocent, happy; a victim.

Move to front of house, quiet.
Eyes quick, darting, suspicious.
Checking for danger, door unlocked.
Enters the home, their sanctuary; he defiles.


Sun too hot, wanting shade.
Stands, stretches, body beautiful.
Turns towards house, cool.
Strolls, enters her home; terrible danger!

Waiting, patient, dangerous desire.
Hears door opening, breath held.
Excitement, throbbing, tasting the tension.
Delicious, vicarious thrill; sweat.


Singing softly, graceful movement.
Unaware, innocent, safe.
Kitchen, no danger or fear.
Sudden noise! Head turns; too late!

Rushing forward, masked face hidden.
Victim terrified, eyes wide, fear!
Pinned by the evil intent,
hands reaching, grabbing; slow motion.


Mind screams, not here! Not now!
Confusion, cannot move, held.
Hands, fingers grip tight, pain.
Wanting to run, escape; captured.

"Don’t move bitch!", harsh words.
"Not a fucking word!", no mercy.
"Treat me good or else!", vicious.
Pulled close; attempted kiss.


Repulsion, horror, fear.
Pungent, sickening smell.
Face turned away, disgust written loud.
"Stop please, not this…"; whimpers.

"Fucking bitch!", angry words.
Arm raised, rough hand.
"Teach you some manners!", slapped!
Pent up anger spilling out; resentment.


Face slapped, head spinning.
Slapped again and again!
Strength fading, consciousness slipping.
No longer able to scream; shock.

"That’s better, a slap never hurt anyone"
masked face; eyes cold and black.
The hand that slapped now caressing.
Wanted to be loved; wanting.


Body trembling, body cringing.
Small voice screams silently,
Why me? What have I done?
Innocent victim; random statistic.

Hands reaching, grasping breasts.
Clumsy, brutal, hurting.
Squeezing hard, pulling, pinching.
Not the touch of a lover; a stranger.


Tears, sobbing; intimate touch.
Body touched, dirtied.
Looking for compassion, masked face.
No gentleness, nothing; dead eyes.

"Lets see what you’re hiding", grinning.
Fingers grabbing, pulling, tearing.
Dress pulled apart, ripped open.
Screaming, "Noooo…!"; exposed.


Hands covering, vestige of modesty.
Blushing, starting to realise,
actuality of rape.
Eyes pleading for mercy; tearful.

Pulling, pushing, rushing,
Forced face down, cold table surface.
Heavy breathing, frantic lust.
Tugging, tearing dress; defenceless.


Pinned, cold table, hot hands.
Ripping clothes, white panties.
Fighting, struggling, shouting.
Underwear pulled down, naked.

"Nice fucking ass, bitch!", hands groping.
Pinching, squeezing, probing.
Unzipping trousers, cool air.
Touch of male flesh against female flesh; awful sobbing.


The indignity, the fear, the humiliation.
Cringing from his touch, crying.
Fingers penetrating, dry, such pain!
Hardness touching, pushing; raped.

"You had better enjoy this!", pushing.
Forcing, penetrating, hard.
Hands on hips, tight.
Thrusting, driving; buried deep.


Impaled, pinned, taken.
Defiled, abused, fucked.
Eyes staring, fixed on wall.
Wanting it to end; why?

Grunting, swearing, sweaty.
Feeling it build,
climax building,
one final savage thrust; semen.



:eek:

very Dark

goosebumps
skimming

the surface

reality
dreams

that once were

now
shattered

to the floor

fallen
defiled

walls closing in

scary images
dark memories

mindless grief
alone~
 
screams ... screeches
all around
not a lova nor a fighter
to be found

long dark walks
slow bloodily drips
the wall is covered
with the fearsome ... dead

shadows dance
mirrors scream
fearing ... yet hoping
its all a dream

do not let
the monster loose
in the basement

i beg
he is after
the big head

close
so close
boundingly tall

fearsome ... gruesome
not a man ... at all

sucking all the life
from all who dare
to come to his lair

charming he is not
sexy ... but a mirage
long lonesome
lechery it would seem

fangs long ... jagged
fingernails so sharp
slicing the heads

killing the ones
who dare to draw breath
in his
gruesome doom

run fast I say
all night long
do not stop
not even for long

over the hills
through the night
till day becomes one
within your flight

fight all you can
punch ... scream
will do no good

for he is here
to take us all
down deaths
long haul ...
 
deaths highway ~

vultures circling
mounting morbilitity
wheezes, wet succulent
preys' pounding heart.

running death, to ground.
harpooning strokes, of slicing,
diced the skeletons, brittle bones.

crumbling the foundation
of futuristic hopes ... dreams.
withering decay whimpers,
moans ...

commissioning deaths warranty
effortless monopoly on life's highway
sinking ... in the whirlpool
of nothingness ... gone ...
 
Madness drips at the sink
the washer worn,
knifeblade cleansing, shedding
drops from flesh torn
through and crying on the floor.
Too deep.
Too deep to bandaid
over the hurt:
not this time.

Come play with my little kink.
a fetishist's delight.
Turn the water rosy with droplets
of a ruby night.
Flesh laid open, the way stands clear.
Too dark.
Too dark to see
the end of the road:
through red drapes.
 
champagne1982 said:
Madness drips at the sink
the washer worn,
knifeblade cleansing, shedding
drops from flesh torn
through and crying on the floor.
Too deep.
Too deep to bandaid
over the hurt:
not this time.

Come play with my little kink.
a fetishist's delight.
Turn the water rosy with droplets
of a ruby night.
Flesh laid open, the way stands clear.
Too dark.
Too dark to see
the end of the road:
through red drapes.

Cracking poem carrie, I take my hat off to ya your a wonderful poet :rose:
 
Jennifer C said:
Cracking poem carrie, I take my hat off to ya your a wonderful poet :rose:
Don't forget to use sunscreen on your nose if you're going hatless! Thanks Jenn.
 
champagne1982 said:
Don't forget to use sunscreen on your nose if you're going hatless! Thanks Jenn.

Lol, no I won't forget the sunscreen! Your welcome Carrie, it's my pleasure :D
 
body bag tha man.
dig your hole ghastly deep.
make sure he is covered good.
plant cement, over the grave.

might wanna post a watchman.
he has been known to be slippery.
leave it to him, to come back.
screwing up, the whole plan.

:eek:
 
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What I want to hear you say...

here in the woods
rape me
as the clock strikes midnight
use me
with the moon shining balefully bright
fuck me
as the watching trees whisper their approval
love me

:rose:
 
here in the woods
darkness all around
screech owl howls
his lonesome sound

trees reaching out
night crawlies scampering
high piercing screams
shake on the wind

come with me,
I can show you
the way
whispering sighs
of contentment
are all you
are allowed to say

throw me down, hard
upon the misty ground
take what you will
get your full fill

sin runs rampit
all is so wrong
together we carouse
no, no playin house ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~

grrrr headache ... might be back later ...
can not think with it this bad ... grrr
 
I like `The Woods`..

Yesterday evening I walked through the woods…

The same woods so redolent with your life spirit.
The spirit that captivated me and snared my heart.
The heart of the wood beckoned me back in time.
The time that floats so sensuously in my mind.
The mind that blooms with flowers of happiness.
The happiness that pervades these arboreal halls.
The halls of green gold light shimmers with love.
The love I have for you grows amidst these trees.
The trees that witness the torment of my soul.
The soul that walks with you along these paths.
The paths that lead in tortuous sensual circles.
The circles we dance in midnight’s dark light.
The light that beckons you and I to starlit rooms.
The rooms that contain our entwined bodies.
The bodies that we share in joyous copulation.
The copulation of willing bodies, hard and soft.
The soft moss blanket floor of the woods our bed.
The bed, which we share with woodland nymphs.
The nymphs that shower us with perfumed elixir.
The elixir of love that turns us both beautiful…

:rose:
 
On Waking Up Before Dawn​
How is it that we often find the woods
a place where night wraps tight
her sheets and tucks us in beneath
a star bright canopy? The milky way
spills from the centre of the darkness
to fall over the horizon and beyond.
I fear what waits, close on the other side,
I have been and back again
and knew only dreamless sleep.
Whisper now and promise me
there is more that waits over the edge.
More than the centre of the night.
More than cold, dark sleep. Wake me
into your morning on the other side.​
 
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