Distance Domination-Support Thread

Lizzie_Borden said:

How do you guys cope with the LD factor?

Honest question, because I just don't know if I'm strong enough to hack it.

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Wondering if you're strong enough is probably a good thing. It's a sign that you are being realistic about the difficulties you face. Note that I did not say "possible difficulties". There is no possible to it, as every LDR is difficult. What matters is if you are willing to work through the difficult times.

If you are in it with the right person though, it is worth it. I suffer through the LDR difficulties gladly because of the incredible woman that I am in an LDR with. She's worth it.

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myinnerslut said:

uhh... and us.

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True that. Though I figured it went without saying, and I wanted to point out the folks that don't get as much contact as we do.

I know it will be hard, but the trust factor is my biggest concern. Is she talking to another online? Is she lying to me? Is she seeing someone RL?
All swarm in my head.

Sqoodd said:

I know it will be hard, but the trust factor is my biggest concern. Is she talking to another online? Is she lying to me? Is she seeing someone RL?
All swarm in my head.

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Take the time to let the trust build. My Dominant and I chatted/phoned for 5 months before I become his submissive. We took the time to get to know each other before any committments were made or expected. After more than three years that trust, going both ways, is solid.

ecstaticsub said:

Take the time to let the trust build. My Dominant and I chatted/phoned for 5 months before I become his submissive. We took the time to get to know each other before any committments were made or expected. After more than three years that trust, going both ways, is solid.

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Thank you.

ecstaticsub said:

Take the time to let the trust build. My Dominant and I chatted/phoned for 5 months before I become his submissive. We took the time to get to know each other before any committments were made or expected. After more than three years that trust, going both ways, is solid.

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Ditto

Jounar and I talked for 3 months before any mention of relationship was made.

Homburg said:

True that. Though I figured it went without saying, and I wanted to point out the folks that don't get as much contact as we do.

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Looks like I hold the record there...not that I am really thrilled about that, but I think just like everything else, the timing just had to be right, and it finally was.

Homburg said:

Wondering if you're strong enough is probably a good thing. It's a sign that you are being realistic about the difficulties you face. Note that I did not say "possible difficulties". There is no possible to it, as every LDR is difficult. What matters is if you are willing to work through the difficult times.

If you are in it with the right person though, it is worth it. I suffer through the LDR difficulties gladly because of the incredible woman that I am in an LDR with. She's worth it.

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I know it'd be so, so hard. And I know it could/would be worth it.

I think perhaps, I've seen other people dealing with it, and right now, I'm feeling a bit emotionally battered so it makes me wonder.

I won't lock that door, but I might close it for a little while and have some me time.

I must say though, that you folk are pretty inspiring.

Lizzie_Borden said:

How do you guys cope with the LD factor?

Honest question, because I just don't know if I'm strong enough to hack it.

And I guess I don't want that fact to limit my choices, my search for my someone special.

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It is never easy, and sometimes like for us, you just have to decide to not cope with it any longer, and be together. We met through online BDSM Personals, we established our relationship through online and phone conversations, we met 5 months after the first email exchange, and married on that visit as soon as was legally possible, I moved to be with him a couple of months later....we just celebrated our 6th anniversary this year (first as Master/slave and later in the year, Husband/Wife) and see many more to come. I think too often people get caught up in the 'we can't be together right now' thought process which often spells doom for the long term future of the relationship. The first step/s can be difficult, and can turn your world upside down for a long time, but if it is what you both feel in your hearts is worth the commitment and sacrifices, the alternative of long term distance is far more painful and difficult, not to mention frustrating and at times unnecessary. If being together is really out of the question at the time, then planning toward when that can and will change can help a great deal.

Catalina

the captians wench said:

Ditto

Jounar and I talked for 3 months before any mention of relationship was made.

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and Master and i for about half a year

the captians wench said:

Ditto

Jounar and I talked for 3 months before any mention of relationship was made.

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Me and my now boyfriend were friends for over a year via MSN before we went into a relationship.

Lizzie_Borden said:

I know it'd be so, so hard. And I know it could/would be worth it.

I think perhaps, I've seen other people dealing with it, and right now, I'm feeling a bit emotionally battered so it makes me wonder.

I won't lock that door, but I might close it for a little while and have some me time.

I must say though, that you folk are pretty inspiring.

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Honestly, we all go through periods of doubting, I've had one recently, but so long as you keep communication about your feelings open, it shouldn't break down.

I'm really having a harder time than I expected adjusting back into our normal rutien. I didn't expect it to be easy by any means, but I just can't seem to shake it like I can with every one and every thing else.

I feel the depression settling in, and I hate it. I fight it. I clean, I cook big healthy meals, I clean, I work, I do special projects, I clean, I surround myself with people, but nothing seems to perk me up. It's just not like me. I'm always the perky bubbly one. And it makes me feel even worse when I remember how hard he tried to keep me smiling and laughing seeing me to my plane, even while he had tears welling in his eyes.

On the bright side, my apt has never been cleaner.

the captians wench said:

I'm really having a harder time than I expected adjusting back into our normal rutien. I didn't expect it to be easy by any means, but I just can't seem to shake it like I can with every one and every thing else.

I feel the depression settling in, and I hate it. I fight it. I clean, I cook big healthy meals, I clean, I work, I do special projects, I clean, I surround myself with people, but nothing seems to perk me up. It's just not like me. I'm always the perky bubbly one. And it makes me feel even worse when I remember how hard he tried to keep me smiling and laughing seeing me to my plane, even while he had tears welling in his eyes.

On the bright side, my apt has never been cleaner.

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*hugs* for you honey, I know how hard it is.

I burst out crying when he walks into the departures lounge at the airport and left me for the first time, and he watched me through the door walking away then text me 10 minutes later telling me to stop crying because we'd soon be together again.

the captians wench said:

I'm really having a harder time than I expected adjusting back into our normal rutien. I didn't expect it to be easy by any means, but I just can't seem to shake it like I can with every one and every thing else.

I feel the depression settling in, and I hate it. I fight it. I clean, I cook big healthy meals, I clean, I work, I do special projects, I clean, I surround myself with people, but nothing seems to perk me up. It's just not like me. I'm always the perky bubbly one. And it makes me feel even worse when I remember how hard he tried to keep me smiling and laughing seeing me to my plane, even while he had tears welling in his eyes.

On the bright side, my apt has never been cleaner.

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Honestly, IMHO if you didn't feel this way you would need to ask yourself how seriously you felt about each other. Doesn't make it easier, but at least you know the waiting was not in vain.

Catalina

catalina_francisco said:

Honestly, IMHO if you didn't feel this way you would need to ask yourself how seriously you felt about each other. Doesn't make it easier, but at least you know the waiting was not in vain.

Catalina

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I know, I tell myself this about once an hour. If I wasn't this upset, I'd worry.

It's a relief in some way

Harmony_1985 said:

*hugs* for you honey, I know how hard it is.

I burst out crying when he walks into the departures lounge at the airport and left me for the first time, and he watched me through the door walking away then text me 10 minutes later telling me to stop crying because we'd soon be together again.

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He sent me a text shortly after I was beyond his sight telling me he already missed me so much. He also watched me until he couldn't see me anymore, and I tried not to look back, I knew I would loose it if I did...I did peak a little, to see if he was still there.

the captians wench said:

Looks like I hold the record there...not that I am really thrilled about that, but I think just like everything else, the timing just had to be right, and it finally was.

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Leaving used to be the worst thing imaginable. It is still no fun, but we have a system. I leave well before she has to be about her day, as my parking permit is only good til 8am. So we have breakfast together, and I put her back to bed. She goes to sleep, and I leave, and she goes on about her day when she wakes up (calling me on the road, of course). It probably helps that the day I leave is her busiest day each week, and thus she can throw herself into mundane work requirements.

It sure as hell beats seeing her crying in my rear view mirror as I drive away. That was heartbreaking. No, I don't like leaving her, but she is beautiful and peaceful while asleep, and it almost makes me feel like it's okay.

I feel for you wenchie. I really do. As Cat said though, it just makes clear how very real it is for you both. *hugs*

Homburg said:

Leaving used to be the worst thing imaginable. It is still no fun, but we have a system. I leave well before she has to be about her day, as my parking permit is only good til 8am. So we have breakfast together, and I put her back to bed. She goes to sleep, and I leave, and she goes on about her day when she wakes up (calling me on the road, of course). It probably helps that the day I leave is her busiest day each week, and thus she can throw herself into mundane work requirements.

It sure as hell beats seeing her crying in my rear view mirror as I drive away. That was heartbreaking. No, I don't like leaving her, but she is beautiful and peaceful while asleep, and it almost makes me feel like it's okay.

I feel for you wenchie. I really do. As Cat said though, it just makes clear how very real it is for you both. *hugs*

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I couldn't do the sleep thing. I'd wake up and freak out that he wasn't there. Infact i've had dreams and ended up doing the same thing well before my trip there. I'd dream that he was in bed with me, and it would be so vivid that when I woke up I would search my apt to find out where he went.

He did a good job of making the actual parting as easy as it possibly could be. I know it was just as hard for him as it was for me, and still is. I also know he doesn't want me to be moping around all the time. Our last night together, I tried so hard not to cry, but I think he felt the tears soaking his shirt as I scielently sobbed. His responce was "hey, this is your last night here, you shouldn't be crying, you should be fucking me". *giggles* It got me to giggle and focas on something else. The next morning when ever I was getting a little mopey, he'd change my focas whether it was on the sunrise, breakfast, getting a cab, talking about the week or my next visit. He just wouldn't let tears fall.

As much as I aprecieated this then, I think it's time I let myself now. No tears ment we had as happy a parting as we could, but I also haven't allowd myself to morn that parting since. I don't think that's what he intended, and I think it's what I need to snap out of this funk and refocas myself.

LOL, you know, even when you live together in the same place, parting can be just as painful and teary. I know he usually gets emotional when I am off to Oz to visit family and I know more than once I cried the whole 22 hour flight to Oz (not sure if people thought I was mad or deeply grieving, but they all let me get on with it), and then when I had to come back here, I cried all the way again because I was leaving my family behind....it is a catch 22 situation where you are happy and devastated all at once, both for different reasons. Similarly, I usually get teary if he has to go away on business.

Catalina

the captians wench said:

I couldn't do the sleep thing. I'd wake up and freak out that he wasn't there. Infact i've had dreams and ended up doing the same thing well before my trip there. I'd dream that he was in bed with me, and it would be so vivid that when I woke up I would search my apt to find out where he went.

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I do that... I reach over for him expecting to feel his warmth. And then the realization settles in that we are apart, again. Just ruins my whole day. But I savor those dreams of being close and feeling his body molded to mine in sleep.

Those dreams got more vivid once I found out what it felt like to actually sleep next to him... I miss it.

kittenartist said:

I do that... I reach over for him expecting to feel his warmth. And then the realization settles in that we are apart, again. Just ruins my whole day. But I savor those dreams of being close and feeling his body molded to mine in sleep.

Those dreams got more vivid once I found out what it felt like to actually sleep next to him... I miss it.

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I noticed that too, he seems more...real in my dreams now than ever before.

What's really odd is that some times this tshirt wrapped pillow smells so strong of him that I would swear he just took it off, and some times I sniff and sniff and sniff and can't smell a thing. Tho that could just be my whacked out nose. *shrug*

I miss A. real bad too after his visit here.

I loved him before the visit and love him even more now. We get really close while those 4 days he was here. My daughter keep talking about him and so do I, we all miss him. I love when he talk about me and my kids as about "HIS" girls. Makes me happy that we all clicked so well!!

The first night with my A. I was SOOOO SHY, I really was. A. made it as easy as possible for me tho, lay down to my bed and called me with arms open wide "come here my wee pet". I lay down next to him and snuggled into his arms. Felt like a frightened birdie hiding under his wing. My heart was beating so wild I am sure he must have hear it too. I was shaking and fighting tears of joy, excitement and abashmend. Remeber he asked me several time if I am okay, and I was, was more than okay right there in his arms. I couldnt believe he was really there with me till I felt his big hot hands caressing my trembling body.

I was losing it right from the moment I snuggled up into his arms. When he start touching me, I was just whimpering, couldnt really talk. His presence, his touches, his voice whispering into my ear, all that was so overhelming. God I will never forget that night, his touches and him telling me "we are all excited now, arent we pet?" And I was yes. I was so excited it made me cry how bad I needed him. That was so embarasing!! I told him meekly "yes...." and sink my face deeper under his arm. I was shaking and whimpering in his arms till he helpled me out and get me busy. I turned into shameless slut pretty fast when he start dom me. Remeber the first spanking he gave me. So loved it!!!!!!!! I always knew I would. Loved my first real spanking very much!

We had very nice time together that night and slept in each other arms after. I slept like a baby in his arms, so peaceful, and so did he.

When I get to know A. we used to "dream" about things, about future. Now that I met him, I "KNOW" what my futures gonna looks like. One sweet day l will live by his side, I know that for sure. Cannot wait till it happens!! Untill that day I will lust and long and yearn and crave and dream and miss and pine and need and sniff and want and cry and wish for him to be here with me, NOW.

There are days when I miss my A. so much that I just sit and cry, but theres always the warm feeling deep inside too. The knowing one sweet day it will be over and we will live our heaven on the earth, together forever. And thats what keeps me going on. Thats what keeps me smiling when I wake up in the morning and see he's not by my side. One sweet day he will. Till then I am gonna sniff the pillow with his scent still in it, cuddle with the tshirt he gave me and long and yearn for him with all of my being.



I remeber the day he was leaving back home. We was on the train station a bit early, had 30 mins or so left. He held me in his arms the whole time, checking if I am not crying. And I didnt, I fought the tears till his train was gone and then I done my crying, so he couldnt see. He was gone just two minuts and I felt pain like I didnt see him for years. See him leaving was the hardest thing I had to do in last few years. Wished I have tied him up to my bed, so he would stay here with me.

Cannot wait to have him back!!!!!!!

*giggles* When we were curled in bed before we had to get ready to go to the airport I whispered to him "can't you just keep me in your wardrobe?"

With out missing a beat he said "I'll keep you in me bed!"

*giggles*

Later at the airport after I checked in, we were having breakfast and I looked at my carry on and said "I guess it's too late to cram you into one of my bags and take you home with me." He just laughed at me.

in my last relationship i had this saying i would use the make the distance hurt less. the words didnt mean much but it got people to stop asking questions and let me be. they never really left me with any real sense of comfort. i think i sad it then becuase i wanted it to be true, but thats a different story.

now, i use the same statement, only i feel the truth in the words and its comforting. it lets me acknowledge how much i hate being away from him, but without letting it taint anything.

i love him more then i hate the distance

oops