Maybe I was well trained by my very first girlfriend who was very domineering, but I go down before AND after and never finish until she has. With some girls that is all I have done and took my own needs into my own handsI feel your frustration! My husband use to go down quite often. Apparently he thinks I am not to bright because now, he goes down, maybe licks twice if I am lucky and then uses his finger, trying to make me think it's his tongue! It has really become a turn off for me! Waste of time ! If you don't want to do it... Just say so, don't pretend!