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How do you like to hurt?

A

A Desert Rose

Simply Charming Elsewhere
Joined
Aug 16, 2002
Posts
13,997
A short exchange with someone today prompted me to think about this:

Assuming that you are a masochist, what kind are you? A physical or emotional one? Or a combination of the two? Why do you think so? Do you think you can seperate the two? Or do you need to be one, in order to be the other? Do you think that your history has anything to do with your choices or masochistic bent, again assuming you are a masochist?

On the other side of the coin: You call and toss it.

This is bathroom thinking for me. I'll be in the shower giving this a great deal of thought.

Hold all my calls, please.
 
I'm all physical pain. I do NOT enjoy emotional pain. Sometimes, I feel too deeply and for me, emotional pain has deeper, more permanent scars than the physical pain.

Maybe it comes from over 30 years of being "teased" for everything from being fat to being part native american to being a hillbilly with a bad accent, or the way I pronounce my words.

Beat me all you want, make my skin bleed, make me hurt and I'm in heaven...

but be emotionally cruel to me and I'll shut down and shut off.
 
it's separate for me babe

A Desert Rose said:
A short exchange with someone today prompted me to think about this:

Assuming that you are a masochist, what kind are you? A physical or emotional one? Or a combination of the two? Why do you think so? Do you think you can seperate the two? Or do you need to be one, in order to be the other? Do you think that your history has anything to do with your choices or masochistic bent, again assuming you are a masochist?

On the other side of the coin: You call and toss it.

This is bathroom thinking for me. I'll be in the shower giving this a great deal of thought.

Hold all my calls, please.
Click to expand...

I'm into physical pain only and I'm on the low end of the masochism scale. Give me emotional pain and it's a major turn off. All relationships eventually involve some psychic pain; it's human nature. However, don't purposefully fuck with my emotions. Ever. That's the kind of thing that will cause me to consider ending the relationship. Yep, it's all based on my history. I'm the sum of my experiences. I've taken alot of shit over the years and I'm not likely to put up with much more. :cool:

Enjoy your shower dolly. Hope it's long, hot, and relaxing. I've been grubbing in the dirt and will be contemplating life from under a stream of hot water soon, myself. Gawd knows, I need it. I'm a dirty old broad.
 
Beat me all you want, make my skin bleed, make me hurt and I'm in heaven...

but be emotionally cruel to me and I'll shut down and shut off.
Click to expand...

Fi hit the nail on the head for me. i have enough "emotional scars" to deal with. i try to avoid any fresh ones.
 
I am a combination of the 2 with physical usually the more dominant one. I have a hage cache of emotional scars, some which are regularly added to even now (and not appreciated), but there is a place where I can appreciate, crave, and emjoy emotional pain inflicted intentionally and in particular ways. I think a large part of why I feel I can enjoy (thought that is a little misleading in the usual sense of the word's meaning) the emotional masochism element is because it is to be done intentionally, and also I am with someone now who has managed to give me a sense of security that allows me to indulge the prospect of wallowing in EM. Who knows, it could all change...most things do, often without warning.

Catalina:catroar:
 
for me, it isn't so much the physical pain, that actually kind of bores me.
Its the violence that I love.
I like the toying with emotional pain, but by the time I'm playing that game with a person, I trust them so much I know they won't hurt me like that.
I suppose it becomes something like a role-play.
 
emotional pain is too difficult to deal with and the affect of it can last forever. I enjoy physical pain but only in certain situations. I never realized how much I liked it until I met a certain someone on here. I've done a lot of soul searching to try and understand this, and the only reason I can think why I like physical is for the same reason the native beauty up thread mentioned. I was teased and tortured mentally my entire life by peers. Heart broken so many times that in the heat of the moment pain turns me on. The affect only lasts for a week max and the enjoyment seems to last forever. Don't know if this really makes sense at all because it really doesn't yet to me, but this is how I perceive it so far. I could have it all wrong, but one thing I do know is how much I enjoy a good rough sexual experience.
 
Physical pain only. Emotional pain causes me to shut down. Receiving physical pain while I am being loved is amazing.
 
This is interesting.

I didn't want to make this a poll thread because I think it can become too complicated for a simple poll.

Many of you say you are not emotional masochists, in fact I think all of you for the exception of Catalina.

Of course it's already been said by several that the physical side of pain causes emotional responses and obviously those are pleasant responses, else why would anyone want to be physically hurt?

Does anyone find that they tolerate the emotional pain, in order to receive the physical pain you crave (if you crave it, that is)? For instance, staying with a Sadist who hurts you emotionally because he/she gives you the physical pain you need?

I'm no Jack Handy... deep thoughts have never been my claim to fame.
 
I would never, ever, stay with someone who hurt me in a way I did not want.
No matter what else they might do to/for me.
 
for me its a bit of both desert rose is right when she says emotion goes with the physical pain .

as a sub i like to feel helpless that is why i love bondage

i sometimes like to be made to feel worthless for example (being called a dirty slut, a dirty cocksucker)

these would normally be emotional pain but when your with someone who you know loves you dearly it doesnt have the same long lasting effect on you .

ive started to rant sorry hope that made sence :)
 
I like some forms of physical pain, and I can tolerate most others. A lot of factors go into that, like how the other person is administering it, what kind of mood I'm in, and how often I've played lately (which affects my tolerance for it). There are some types of physical pain I love and crave, and those are the things I'm interested in dishing out to others as well. Like someone else said, it's not so much the pain itself that I'm interested in (though that's certainly nice in its own right), but the violence and the brutality when I'm on bottom.

As for emotional pain...I need it. I need it more than I need to breathe sometimes. No, it probably isn't healthy, and, yes, it does get me in trouble a lot of times. But it's a craving that never goes away. It doesn't wax and wane like my need for physical pain. There's practically never a time that I won't welcome humiliation, degradation, and just plain emotional cruelty.

Furthermore, it's not something most people are any good at, either. It's hard to convince a man that I need something more than having sexual insults hurled at me ("whore," "slut," whatever). I'm not easily humiliated or easily wounded, so I guess I run around most of the time trying to get my fix by jumping into supremely stupid situations. :rolleyes:

That being said, it's not something I want non-stop. While it's happening, I need to believe that he means what he says. If I think he's play-acting, it kills the whole mood, and I'll laugh in his face. I have to think it's real. And him telling me the second it's over that he didn't mean any of it kills the mood, too. I need to be allowed to wallow for a little while, then loved back to where I need to be. It makes the bond stronger, in my opinion.

There are some definite bad sides to this, but the post is already long enough. I'll write more later if y'all are interested.
 
luvitlong said:
for me its a bit of both desert rose is right when she says emotion goes with the physical pain .

as a sub i like to feel helpless that is why i love bondage

i sometimes like to be made to feel worthless for example (being called a dirty slut, a dirty cocksucker)

these would normally be emotional pain but when your with someone who you know loves you dearly it doesnt have the same long lasting effect on you .

ive started to rant sorry hope that made sence :)
Click to expand...

thats sort of what I was saying.
You know the other person cares about you, and you trust them.
The words are a momentary, temporary thing then.
 
Many of you say you are not emotional masochists, in fact I think all of you for the exception of Catalina.
Click to expand...

If you are saying that all of us are with the exception of Cat, that's a very harsh and somewhat uneducated judgment.

I would not stay with someone that emotionally hurt me just to have physical pain. Pain is only "sweet" when it is backed by love/affection. Otherwise, it just fucking hurts.
 
A Desert Rose said:
Does anyone find that they tolerate the emotional pain, in order to receive the physical pain you crave (if you crave it, that is)? For instance, staying with a Sadist who hurts you emotionally because he/she gives you the physical pain you need?
Click to expand...

For me, no, I dont "tolerate" the emotional pain because if it happens, I shut down.. I dont respond to anything.

luvitlong said:
for me its a bit of both desert rose is right when she says emotion goes with the physical pain .

as a sub i like to feel helpless that is why i love bondage

i sometimes like to be made to feel worthless for example (being called a dirty slut, a dirty cocksucker)

these would normally be emotional pain but when your with someone who you know loves you dearly it doesnt have the same long lasting effect on you .

ive started to rant sorry hope that made sence :)
Click to expand...

I guess it would depend upon what YOU, the person, considered emotional pain. Being called dirty names like dirty slut or cocksucker, they dont inflict emotional pain. However, would either my husband or my Master started saying things, look at you, why would anyone want to be with an ugly, fat, whore like you, you dumb redneck, you're not worth the air you breathe... wouldnt matter that I know that both these men love me more than life.. I would die a little inside.. and I would shut down.. emotionally, and I would no longer trust them because they know what would hurt me and used it against me.
 
I think in a lot of ways emotional masochism is more difficult to explain than physical. Both have their difficulties when trying to put into words, but for me at least it is only when I find someone who shares or connects on an opposing plane that it is understood for what it is. Like BB, being called a whore etc., really doesn't work for me if it really is just words...unlike BB I need more than to believe it is meant for the moment, but that I know it actually is meant. There is no time period whereby it is recanted, more it is accepted and part of the whole relationship dynamic. There are also other ways of creating emotional pain which plays a part in our existence and will increase I expect...like the derogatory name calling or descriptors, it is also not meant to be employed for the moment as a role play type tool, but is real and remains real. It creates a never ending cycle of pain and pleasure, pleasure and pain, each complimentary to the other.

2505998559_f58a81f0a7_s.jpg
Catalina
 
HottieMama said:
If you are saying that all of us are with the exception of Cat, that's a very harsh and somewhat uneducated judgment.

I would not stay with someone that emotionally hurt me just to have physical pain. Pain is only "sweet" when it is backed by love/affection. Otherwise, it just fucking hurts.
Click to expand...

you have apprarenlty misunderstood my post or I was not clear enough.

I was not making judgements or being harsh.

I apologize.
 
BiBunny said:
I like some forms of physical pain, and I can tolerate most others. A lot of factors go into that, like how the other person is administering it, what kind of mood I'm in, and how often I've played lately (which affects my tolerance for it). There are some types of physical pain I love and crave, and those are the things I'm interested in dishing out to others as well. Like someone else said, it's not so much the pain itself that I'm interested in (though that's certainly nice in its own right), but the violence and the brutality when I'm on bottom.

As for emotional pain...I need it. I need it more than I need to breathe sometimes. No, it probably isn't healthy, and, yes, it does get me in trouble a lot of times. But it's a craving that never goes away. It doesn't wax and wane like my need for physical pain. There's practically never a time that I won't welcome humiliation, degradation, and just plain emotional cruelty.

Furthermore, it's not something most people are any good at, either. It's hard to convince a man that I need something more than having sexual insults hurled at me ("whore," "slut," whatever). I'm not easily humiliated or easily wounded, so I guess I run around most of the time trying to get my fix by jumping into supremely stupid situations. :rolleyes:

That being said, it's not something I want non-stop. While it's happening, I need to believe that he means what he says. If I think he's play-acting, it kills the whole mood, and I'll laugh in his face. I have to think it's real. And him telling me the second it's over that he didn't mean any of it kills the mood, too. I need to be allowed to wallow for a little while, then loved back to where I need to be. It makes the bond stronger, in my opinion.

There are some definite bad sides to this, but the post is already long enough. I'll write more later if y'all are interested.
Click to expand...
I am interested and I hope you do post more.

Several things in this post are online with how I feel about emotional pain.
 
I think I’m both. Humiliation and degradation are big turns on for me. Physical pain is like a catharsis to me and I definitely need it. I’m not entirely sure if that makes me a physical masochist though because I don’t usually physically enjoy it (very much).
 
catalina_francisco said:
I think in a lot of ways emotional masochism is more difficult to explain than physical. Both have their difficulties when trying to put into words, but for me at least it is only when I find someone who shares or connects on an opposing plane that it is understood for what it is. Like BB, being called a whore etc., really doesn't work for me if it really is just words...unlike BB I need more than to believe it is meant for the moment, but that I know it actually is meant. There is no time period whereby it is recanted, more it is accepted and part of the whole relationship dynamic. There are also other ways of creating emotional pain which plays a part in our existence and will increase I expect...like the derogatory name calling or descriptors, it is also not meant to be employed for the moment as a role play type tool, but is real and remains real. It creates a never ending cycle of pain and pleasure, pleasure and pain, each complimentary to the other.

2505998559_f58a81f0a7_s.jpg
Catalina
Click to expand...

You're right about it being hard to explain. I suck at talking about things like this, anyway.

I don't think I actually need it recanted, though looking back on my post, it looks like that's what I meant. I just couldn't live with it all day, every day. Does that make sense? I always say I need roughly equal parts of pain (physical or emotional) and petting, and I'll be perfectly happy. Sounds remarkably simple, I suppose, but it's really something deep and complex, I think.

Blech, I'm talking in circles again.

A Desert Rose said:
I am interested and I hope you do post more.

Several things in this post are online with how I feel about emotional pain.
Click to expand...

I'll be glad to answer any questions, but I'm kind of at a loss of what to say about it right now. Like cat said, it's hard to talk about. Not in the "it pains me to discuss this" kind of way, but in the "I'm not really sure how to put it into words" kind of way. I'm sorry; I know I always pick the worst times to become inarticulate.

Vail_Indigo said:
I second that.
(as I PMed)
Click to expand...

*Hugs* Thank you for your PM.
 
ImpishSeraph said:
emotional pain is too difficult to deal with and the affect of it can last forever. QUOTE]

EmpressFi said:
For me, no, I dont "tolerate" the emotional pain because if it happens, I shut down.. I dont respond to anything.

I guess it would depend upon what YOU, the person, considered emotional pain. Being called dirty names like dirty slut or cocksucker, they dont inflict emotional pain. However, would either my husband or my Master started saying things, look at you, why would anyone want to be with an ugly, fat, whore like you, you dumb redneck, you're not worth the air you breathe... wouldnt matter that I know that both these men love me more than life.. I would die a little inside.. and I would shut down.. emotionally, and I would no longer trust them because they know what would hurt me and used it against me.[/QUOTE]

This is how I feel as well. I've been hurt enough emotionally.. more than enough, and the pain is still here. Sometimes hidden beneath the surface, and sometimes like an open, raw wound. I'm a wimp when it comes to physical pain, but sometimes when the emotional wounds are too much to bear, I need the outside of me to be hurting just like the inside.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
 
A Desert Rose said:
A short exchange with someone today prompted me to think about this:

Assuming that you are a masochist, what kind are you? A physical or emotional one? Or a combination of the two? Why do you think so? Do you think you can seperate the two? Or do you need to be one, in order to be the other? Do you think that your history has anything to do with your choices or masochistic bent, again assuming you are a masochist?

On the other side of the coin: You call and toss it.

This is bathroom thinking for me. I'll be in the shower giving this a great deal of thought.

Hold all my calls, please.
Click to expand...

I like to hurt people both ways and I prefer to go deep with people who appreciate both ways, in a generic sense. I definitely think that people can separate, M is into the physical in a serious way but COMPLETELY uninterested in the emotional.
 
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