COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Topic feedback.

J

jlorthia

Virgin
Joined
Jun 26, 2015
Posts
11
There is no story right now for anyone to look over, but I just wanted to get a general sense of something.

I am writing a story, I guess it could qualify as erotica. I find it fairly appealing, but I was wondering if it the topic would have any sort of mass appeal.

The story is basically a coupling of two very horrible people. They are unrelatable but somewhat realistic, they are very ego driven hedonistic sociopathic criminals. The basic story is that a mafia money launderer(the woman) gets married to a mafia hitman who she is attracted to because he murders people. She hits him and scratches him in order to piss him off so that he will have brutally rough sex with her. They get divorced once he stops quits being an assasin and she taunts him by fucking men and calling him leaving messages on his phone of her fucking men that she knows. He resists killing anyone, due to him actually not caring about her anymore.

Then she is caught embezzling money from the mob and offers "anything" the hitman wants from her if he kills about seven people in short succession to prevent the mob from killing her and her family. He does what she wants(Killing his former employer among others) and in return she becomes subsurviant to his every demand.

The story started off as an excersize in writing a story in first person(it isn't done yet.) It is from the perspective of a horrible, horrible person and it is basically mostly about doing whatever you want for completely selfish purposes. My idea was to let readers kind of escape their own paradeim of morality and kind of live vicariously through a completely hedonistic person(s), with absolutely no limits to their actions.

My question is basically: Is there any appeal to a story with two completely horrible people in an ubelievably messed up relationship, who have unbelievably messed up jobs and who only care about themselfs? Is any of this erotic in anyway? Honestly I am not sure myself. I guess it's kind of an anti-love story.
 
Well on the movie level Natural Born Killers had huge appeal and an audience rooting for two absolutely insane sadistic killers.

I think you can get appeal, the anti hero is popular today, but....I feel you do have to give some type of redeeming quality to them, a flawed nobility, something. Non stop "look at how fucked up they are" with no break will make them seem like cartoons.

Play up the love angle-albeit a sick love-between them and you could get some sympathy for them

Having said that this site is vast and there is something for everyone and the thing is to write what you want and let them find you.

Realistically I would not except this to be a hugely read high voted piece, but you'll get some people who will enjoy it.
 
why did they turn horrible? were they simply born that way, or has something happened to turn them?
 
The story is told from the male hitman character and he explains at the beginning of the story that he personally just don't care about other people and he has no goals except for pleasing himself. He states that his one slip up in this category was getting married to the the other end of the messed up relationship and he states that he only did that because he was addicted to the violent sex and she made an ultimatum. Although he states that he doesn't care why she is the way she is, it seems as though she is seriously masogonistic, she is refered to as "sick" and "perverted." Her background is described as being from a rich family, that is very "normal". She will only have sex with very powerful and violent men who are somewhat abusive and she does her best to make them be more abusive. I am sure if I wrote the reason why she is like she is it probably would be even less erotic than it already is.

Honestly now that I've written more of the story I find it to be somewhat interesting as far as a writting excersize, but I myself don't find it to be the least bit erotic.

So I think I've answered my own question. I was just trying to get out of my comfort zone, although my current stories have some of these themes, it isn't nearly as intimate or realistic. Usually my stories are in a fantasy setting and are more detatched. I have about a half dozen stories that I have started and never finished. Many of them I intend to be erotic stories, but they end up morphing into bizzare non-erotic stories.

Anyway I think I'll chalk this one up as a failure and move on. This story actually has some similar themes to my other stories, but the combination of the depravity and the 1st person perspective made it really too messed up for me to continue. It just isn't sexy.
 
Last edited:
jlorthia said:
The story is told from the male hitman character and he explains at the beginning of the story that he personally just don't care about other people and he has no goals except for pleasing himself. He states that his one slip up in this category was getting married to the the other end of the messed up relationship and he states that he only did that because he was addicted to the violent sex and she made an ultimatum. Although he states that he doesn't care why she is the way she is, it seems as though she is seriously masogonistic, she is refered to as "sick" and "perverted." Her background is described as being from a rich family, that is very "normal". She will only have sex with very powerful and violent men who are somewhat abusive and she does her best to make them be more abusive. I am sure if I wrote the reason why she is like she is it probably would be even less erotic than it already is.

Honestly now that I've written more of the story I find it to be somewhat interesting as far as a writting excersize, but I myself don't find it to be the least bit erotic.

So I think I've answered my own question. I was just trying to get out of my comfort zone, although my current stories have some of these themes, it isn't nearly as intimate or realistic. Usually my stories are in a fantasy setting and are more detatched. I have about a half dozen stories that I have started and never finished. Many of them I intend to be erotic stories, but they end up morphing into bizzare non-erotic stories.

Anyway I think I'll chalk this one up as a failure and move on. This story actually has some similar themes to my other stories, but the combination of the depravity and the 1st person perspective made it really too messed up for me to continue. It just isn't sexy.
Click to expand...

i wouldn't use the word 'failure'. i have an file labelled 'abandoned' on the laptop. it's chock full of stuff. sometimes it's useful to go back and pull out some old stuff - just like LC' missus does when they go to bed. :D (sorry LC ;))
 
geronimo_appleby said:
i wouldn't use the word 'failure'. i have an file labelled 'abandoned' on the laptop. it's chock full of stuff. sometimes it's useful to go back and pull out some old stuff - just like LC' missus does when they go to bed. :D (sorry LC ;))
Click to expand...

Oh...oh....ow!

Jeez I didn't say they were tormented with your LW stories....
 
jlorthia said:
My question is basically: Is there any appeal to a story with two completely horrible people in an ubelievably messed up relationship, who have unbelievably messed up jobs and who only care about themselfs? Is any of this erotic in anyway? Honestly I am not sure myself. I guess it's kind of an anti-love story.
Click to expand...

Ask E. L. James. Ask Stephanie Meyer. They can tell you.

Okay, snark aside: it's all going to depend on whether you can make the characters likeable. Audiences will root for anything if you can get them to sympathize with the characters, or think the characters are cool. So the answer is, Yes, there is appeal, IF you know what you're doing. =)
 
CWatson said:
Ask E. L. James. Ask Stephanie Meyer. They can tell you.

Okay, snark aside: it's all going to depend on whether you can make the characters likeable. Audiences will root for anything if you can get them to sympathize with the characters, or think the characters are cool. So the answer is, Yes, there is appeal, IF you know what you're doing. =)
Click to expand...

Save time and just ask Meyers. James wouldn't be able to answer until she sees what Meyers says so she can copy it.
 
My advice is to let them go. Don't restrict your characters. Let thm be outrageous.
Give them free reign to behave as you obviously would not. For the two of them, probably should be straight up missionary, but they should bring others into their web that are weak and subservient like the third man in Bonnie and Clyde who many believe had sex with Clyde on the down low while Bonnie was probably laughing or worse. Everyone they encounter does not have to be dead, but should certainly be ruined. As for consent. Their are those who enjoy being subservient, especially to those they see as strong or powerful.
 
Bad vs. good

jlorthia said:
There is no story right now for anyone to look over, but I just wanted to get a general sense of something.

I am writing a story, I guess it could qualify as erotica. I find it fairly appealing, but I was wondering if it the topic would have any sort of mass appeal.

The story is basically a coupling of two very horrible people. They are unrelatable but somewhat realistic, they are very ego driven hedonistic sociopathic criminals. The basic story is that a mafia money launderer(the woman) gets married to a mafia hitman who she is attracted to because he murders people. She hits him and scratches him in order to piss him off so that he will have brutally rough sex with her. They get divorced once he stops quits being an assasin and she taunts him by fucking men and calling him leaving messages on his phone of her fucking men that she knows. He resists killing anyone, due to him actually not caring about her anymore.

Then she is caught embezzling money from the mob and offers "anything" the hitman wants from her if he kills about seven people in short succession to prevent the mob from killing her and her family. He does what she wants(Killing his former employer among others) and in return she becomes subsurviant to his every demand.

The story started off as an excersize in writing a story in first person(it isn't done yet.) It is from the perspective of a horrible, horrible person and it is basically mostly about doing whatever you want for completely selfish purposes. My idea was to let readers kind of escape their own paradeim of morality and kind of live vicariously through a completely hedonistic person(s), with absolutely no limits to their actions.

My question is basically: Is there any appeal to a story with two completely horrible people in an ubelievably messed up relationship, who have unbelievably messed up jobs and who only care about themselfs? Is any of this erotic in anyway? Honestly I am not sure myself. I guess it's kind of an anti-love story.
Click to expand...

Bad characters with interesting back stories can be very appealing. Check out Victor Gishler's Shotgun Opera as a prime example.

The idea of two horrible people in a relationship is a common theme in film noir, so I would say give it a go. I'd read it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Andreas_Kreuz
Non consensual BDSM stories
2 3
Replies
51
Views
2K
WeShallUnclench
WeShallUnclench
LuckyKatie
Converting a story to a series - Truth or Fantasy?
Replies
10
Views
396
8letters
8letters
Spykid427
I need a feedback of my story
Replies
2
Views
192
Sammael Bard
Sammael Bard
D
"Her Brother's Giant Cock" - My Favorite Story Ever
Replies
12
Views
4K
Dalelaw2164
Dalelaw2164
cdog21
Help with choosing the right category
Replies
10
Views
285
Helgamite
Helgamite
Back
Top