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Old 05-03-2018, 11:24 PM   #1
tenchikoi
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Need Advice For Husband

I am 40/F and he is 42/M. How can I help my husband better learn how to tell me what he needs sexually? He's not a good communicator when it comes to this. He feels uncomfortable talking about sex things and I'm usually left trying to figure out when he wanted to begin with.I feel like I married a sexually stunted man and I hate that for him. I would love to just have sex with my husband and not have it devolve into me playing 20 questions trying to guess what he wants for me since he's unable to come out and say it. I'm so frustrated! But he's always been that way.
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Old 05-03-2018, 11:32 PM   #2
Jada59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tenchikoi View Post
I am 40/F and he is 42/M. How can I help my husband better learn how to tell me what he needs sexually? He's not a good communicator when it comes to this. He feels uncomfortable talking about sex things and I'm usually left trying to figure out when he wanted to begin with.I feel like I married a sexually stunted man and I hate that for him. I would love to just have sex with my husband and not have it devolve into me playing 20 questions trying to guess what he wants for me since he's unable to come out and say it. I'm so frustrated! But he's always been that way.
Probably the best you can do is try two different things, like at the eye Dr. Which is better? This? Or... This?
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Old 05-04-2018, 09:53 AM   #3
littlecordelera
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My husband is not as bad as what you're dealing with, but he is shy about certain subjects. So years ago, I started sending suggestive emails to his anon account, so he didn't have to talk about things face-to-face. He would respond in differing ways, but it was good enough to provide me with a gauge. Then I started sending him short bits of porn. That worked way better. Whenever I got a "Wow!" I knew I had struck gold.

By the way, I ventured into sex acts I never would have thought he would be into. Some of it we have experimented with and some of it I'm never going to do. Be careful what you might find, you might not like it, but treat him with kindness. We can't help the way we feel.
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Old 05-04-2018, 02:07 PM   #4
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Unfortunately we tend to live in a world where many still feel burdened in some way by traditional roles. Ideas about who we should be vs who we are in terms of our sexuality can be a tough topic to address.

All I can recommend is that you start the conversation by opening up about your own desires and put very little pressure on him to start. What we think is offering encouragement can sometimes be felt like pestering and judgement.

Lit can be a wonderful resource...if I were you, id go diving.

Good luck!
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Old 05-04-2018, 03:48 PM   #5
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Is this the same guy you were grumbling about in 2012 when you described him as your boyfriend?

If you have had problems since then, I fear it's unlikely that you'll be able to fix things up now.
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Old 05-16-2018, 11:24 AM   #6
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If you have to ask then you don't know how to make love. You don't ask, you just do whatever gives him the most intense pleasure and at the same time, letting him know what gives you the most intense pleasure. It's called love making.
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Old 05-16-2018, 11:40 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by CuckoldGuy View Post
If you have to ask then you don't know how to make love...
I disagree completely with this.
In my experience, the best communicators make the best lovers.
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Old 05-16-2018, 02:55 PM   #8
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Maybe a fantasy for a fantasy? Tell him what you want, and then he can share what he wants.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:48 PM   #9
ReadyOne
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Show him some stories

Look at the tags portal to Literotica Stories and find something you want to do with him...

PS: Set up an "alt" id here (use his information; does he have a pet nickname?) beforehand just in case 1) He wants to know what you're doing on Lit, or 2) Wants to find stories for you!
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Old 05-19-2018, 01:01 AM   #10
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Booze?
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Old 05-19-2018, 01:13 AM   #11
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why would you need to play 20 questions every time? Don't you need to figure him out once?

Most men are pretty simple. If he likes something once - he likes it all the time. My best suggestion - just play "20 questions" a few time, figure out several things, and then mix and match them. You should figure some of it rather quick, no?
Also, don't let him be the only one talking about himself. Match him. Make it a discussion. Share what YOU like, your dirty secrets, hear his opinion and share yours. The more you have those talks - the easier it will be for him. Just don't make it a questioning at gunpoint.
You can even spread it out. Pick a topic and discuss it today. Discuss another thing tomorrow.

Also a lof of men are really woman-centered in sex. Meaning that their enjoyment comes the most through YOU, and the least through their own body. Sure, orgasm feels nice, but for me personally it's a negligeble feeling all the same. I enjoy the most watching my woman's reactions and playing with her body.
If you want a certain thing to improve - start with yourself. Lingerie, for example, even the simplest one makes a world of difference.
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Old 05-23-2018, 01:33 AM   #12
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it may sound primitive, but my method is simple. I start acting like a little girl, telling a story that interests me, then I just pull it out with my whining. Trial and error! And when he gives up, and we get something, I'm playing a stormy passionate delight. And emotionally show my gratitude, even if the result was not satisfying me. It works. He's just instilling confidence that he gave me pleasure. And so, step by step. I don't know if you understand. Probably not. Sorry for the bad English.
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Old Today, 07:14 AM   #13
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Bind his hands at his side or behind his back, have him lie on his back and do whatever you want to him. Get him hard with your mouth? Hands? Tease him to a point near orgasm then hold off. Have him watch you while you masturbate to a point where you are dripping and swollen with desire. Sit on his hard cock and take a few strokes and then pull off and give him another taste of your combined juices. Switch around and suck him while your pussy is above his face. Eventually have him cum in your pussy and repeat the above.
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Old Today, 10:14 AM   #14
NightL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tenchikoi View Post
He's not a good communicator
who is not the good communicator?

You be a better communicator and leave him no choice but to respond.
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Old Today, 10:18 AM   #15
TarnishedPenny
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BertrandRussell View Post
I disagree completely with this.
In my experience, the best communicators make the best lovers.
Precisely
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