Old 11-08-2017, 04:14 PM   #1
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Yikes!

It has been a while since I've visited here, but the reason I quit coming by seems to have gotten worse.

I'm a hard 10 lesbian, so I certainly have no issues with gay men doing their thing here, lesbians doing there thing here, bisexuals, transsexuals, transgenders, queers, etc., etc., etc., doing there things here. I am totally cool with that.

What I'm not totally cool with is straight guys, who happen to enjoy wearing women's underwear, being an intrinsic (hell, who am I kidding... change that to 99.9999%) part of what used to be a pretty lively and diverse LGBTQ forum. Even THAT would have been semi-okay, but the "straight panty boys" insisted on jumping into any and all posts, including the ones labeled "Lesbian".

"Back in the day", if I recall correctly, these folks primarily did their thing in the Fetish Forum (because... well... IT'S A FUCKING FETISH!). However, they always seemed to gravitate over here and once it got too much I and I'm sure a LOT of others left.

Revisiting it seems like they have completely taken over and LGBTQ posts are like hens teeth. Is that just me, did I visit at a bad time and this really IS a GLBT Forum or is it worse then it ever was???

BTW, who I am NOT talking about are transsexuals, transgenders or people who are "exploring" their sexuality. The "panty boys" know exactly who the are/want to be and it is NOT transsexual/transgender.
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Old 11-22-2017, 12:11 AM   #2
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It's a valid rant but only one way that the forum has changed....for the worse.

My biggest problem is that this used to be a forum (referring to it as a whole, and not the GLBT section) in which people actually discussed things of substance rather than just engaging in short soundbites about their prurient desires and posting porn images, GIFs, and links to commercial porn images. Picture posts, mostly from third party porn sites that you can find all over the web, now occupy most of the space.

Most of the posts aren't much more than primitive, thoughtless, grunts anymore. It seems that most of the population no longer knows hot to use WORDS.
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What can I say? After all these years, and a diverse variety of sexual experiences, kinks, and fetishes, I'm still trying to figure out this
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Old 11-22-2017, 12:18 PM   #3
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Well that makes three of us then
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Old 11-22-2017, 01:57 PM   #4
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I know I shouldn't identity-police anyone... but the truth is that I (gay dude) don't feel particularly welcome or comfortable in the LGBT section here. It looks mostly like a jack-off space for deep-closet cases to me. :/
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Old 11-23-2017, 11:18 AM   #5
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I guess there's no reason why, under a News and Issues section, we can't discuss Issues important to L,G,B or Ts.
It's frustrating that the main section has gone that way, but you can't undo it and loads of people use it so...
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Old 11-28-2017, 09:39 AM   #6
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I know I shouldn't identity-police anyone... but the truth is that I (gay dude) don't feel particularly welcome or comfortable in the LGBT section here. It looks mostly like a jack-off space for deep-closet cases to me. :/
I can totally relate to this comment.
Iíve repeatedly tried to have discussions about things that matter, especially during Glasgow Pride, but alas everyone seems to be here, to rub one out, or beat one off.
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Old 12-15-2017, 04:52 PM   #7
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I know I shouldn't identity-police anyone... but the truth is that I (gay dude) don't feel particularly welcome or comfortable in the LGBT section here. It looks mostly like a jack-off space for deep-closet cases to me. :/
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I can totally relate to this comment.
Iíve repeatedly tried to have discussions about things that matter, especially during Glasgow Pride, but alas everyone seems to be here, to rub one out, or beat one off.
Agreed....and I hope you don't mind me commenting on the subject as a semi-closeted bisexual man. Out to my wife, out to a few others, out here but closeted to most other friends and associates.

I remember a time when we could ponder, and discuss, the deeper things in life which, for me, often was "Why am I the way that I am?", and "Why didn't I take that other path?"

It seems like it's the same threads, mostly panty picture posting or links to little bytes of porn, over and over again. They're the only threads with any kind of post counts on them. People are just too lazy to have original thoughts, or to discuss anything "deep" any more. At least we're trying to discuss it. I think many folks have just given up which is why the count of new threads seems way down.
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True stories of my youthful gay follies.

What can I say? After all these years, and a diverse variety of sexual experiences, kinks, and fetishes, I'm still trying to figure out this
"nature vs nurture" thing.


In any event, I yam what I yam and dat's all what I yam .
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Old 04-23-2018, 10:10 AM   #8
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I've wondered why there hasn't been more discussions on the how and why of being how we are. I tried started one or two in there, but the pics seem to be more interesting in there. It's a discussion I have had in forums a few times and hearing others like me is interesting and enlightening.
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Old 05-01-2018, 05:20 PM   #9
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Ok here's a something non-sexual to discuss. There's a whole raft of people who want to dismiss trans folk as having a mental illness with motives to steal their children and rape their daughters in the rest room. Their methods are to play on people's fears and pave the interests of the majority over the meager rights of the few: 'Why should normal people have to make accommodations for...' The deniers also want to cure transgender people, either by sending them for reparative therapy or just beating them up.


I discovered last autumn I was ASD ( that's autistic spectrum disorder, formally known as Aspergers, or simply autistic or aspie ). Since I've been getting know this part of me, I've been noticing the similarities between the experience of being trans in a cis world and of being ASD in a NT world ( Neurotypical = NT = regular brain ). Only last week I read a media story trying to link some shooting in the US to autism. An infamous organisation, Autism Speaks, is aimed at finding a cure, so that no family need suffer the humiliation and embarrassment of having an autistic child.

So here's the thing: I don't need cured of either being trans or ASD. They may not be everyone's ideal choice from the picnic hamper of Life, but you won't go hungry... or rape anyone, or shoot them.

But society doesn't want that. Everyone's holed up in their internet make-believe world where they can make everything perfect and, if it goes wrong, someone is culpable: you have to be able to blame someone else and take zero responsibility for your own shit.
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Old 05-01-2018, 11:12 PM   #10
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I love this, Sticky.

I don't know WTF I am in terms of labels, but I for damned sure don't need or want to be cured. Tight-assed and rigid people don't get to claim "normal" as their exclusive domain and as their platform for oppressing other people.

Instead, they should indeed be forced to take responsibility for being tight-assed and rigid.
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Old 05-02-2018, 09:20 AM   #11
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I have to no desire to be other than who I am. I've finally come to a point in my life where I'm ok with my sexual desires and actually like myself as i am. I'm just a guy who happens to love men and women.

To me, I'm the normal one. The "tight assed and rigid" are the ones who need cured. Especially the ones who use their religion to try to suppress what they don't like.
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Old 05-04-2018, 08:09 AM   #12
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I discovered last autumn I was ASD ( that's autistic spectrum disorder, formally known as Aspergers, or simply autistic or aspie ).
Heh, I think about 50% of the trans people I know are autistic. I've seen some research that suggests it's a common combination, although the sample was kinda small.
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Old 05-04-2018, 05:55 PM   #13
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Heh, I think about 50% of the trans people I know are autistic. I've seen some research that suggests it's a common combination, although the sample was kinda small.
There's a correlation but it's coincidence not causal. I'm still a bit puzzled why no one picked it up sooner in me, but then girls hide their autism better than boys, so it doesn't get picked up early. Most auties girls I know ( just a few ) didn't get diagnosed until they were in their late teens, because that's when life starts falling apart for them. From posting in forums I've noticed most are non-binary or simply don't see the relevance of the binary.
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Old 05-06-2018, 02:01 AM   #14
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It's a valid rant but only one way that the forum has changed....for the worse.

My biggest problem is that this used to be a forum (referring to it as a whole, and not the GLBT section) in which people actually discussed things of substance rather than just engaging in short soundbites about their prurient desires and posting porn images, GIFs, and links to commercial porn images. Picture posts, mostly from third party porn sites that you can find all over the web, now occupy most of the space.

Most of the posts aren't much more than primitive, thoughtless, grunts anymore. It seems that most of the population no longer knows hot to use WORDS.
I'm glad to see it's not just me. I have a hard time limiting a meaningful response to a couple of sentences...I've probably deleted before posting more comments than I've posted lately. And it seems too often when I do post I end up being the thread killer And yet, I keep checking in hoping for something interesting
Probably if I didn't have the story writing hobby I would fade away for good.
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Old 05-06-2018, 03:29 PM   #15
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I'm glad to see it's not just me. I have a hard time limiting a meaningful response to a couple of sentences...I've probably deleted before posting more comments than I've posted lately. And it seems too often when I do post I end up being the thread killer And yet, I keep checking in hoping for something interesting
Probably if I didn't have the story writing hobby I would fade away for good.
Ah, the good old days... but you're right. There used to be a couple of threads that were kind of role playing and were hysterically funny. For me the web is at its best when it leaves me crying with laughter and there were so many witty people. I miss that so much. I know I've changed so I'm glad to read it isn't just me and my perspective.
Agrred Yukon, I've deleted plenty and never posted, though mostly rants so maybe it's just as well
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Old 05-07-2018, 03:06 PM   #16
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Ok here's a something non-sexual to discuss. There's a whole raft of people who want to dismiss trans folk as having a mental illness with motives to steal their children and rape their daughters in the rest room. Their methods are to play on people's fears and pave the interests of the majority over the meager rights of the few: 'Why should normal people have to make accommodations for...' The deniers also want to cure transgender people, either by sending them for reparative therapy or just beating them up.


I discovered last autumn I was ASD ( that's autistic spectrum disorder, formally known as Aspergers, or simply autistic or aspie ). Since I've been getting know this part of me, I've been noticing the similarities between the experience of being trans in a cis world and of being ASD in a NT world ( Neurotypical = NT = regular brain ). Only last week I read a media story trying to link some shooting in the US to autism. An infamous organisation, Autism Speaks, is aimed at finding a cure, so that no family need suffer the humiliation and embarrassment of having an autistic child.

So here's the thing: I don't need cured of either being trans or ASD. They may not be everyone's ideal choice from the picnic hamper of Life, but you won't go hungry... or rape anyone, or shoot them.

But society doesn't want that. Everyone's holed up in their internet make-believe world where they can make everything perfect and, if it goes wrong, someone is culpable: you have to be able to blame someone else and take zero responsibility for your own shit.
I saw this yesterday but wanted to think about it before answering. Here's my thoughts for what they are worth.

There was a time in human history in various cultures when Transgender people were revered as something special. There are still a few indigenous cultures who continue that. It makes total sense, because why wouldn't a person who can bridge the gap between male and female be an asset of wisdom? Sadly, as societies became more homogenized this changed. I tend to view trans people as special gifts of creation. (not that all trans people necessarily act like special gifts, but I wonder how much society is the cause of that?)

I'm sure you've done your research on Asperger's, but for any who haven't and may be interested, I would suggest a search of 'The Benefits of Asperger's'. One will find that the potential of such humans can again be seen as very special gifts of creation (or gifts from the Creator if you're so inclined).

In my time knowing you, reading your thoughts here on Lit and working with you on our story, I am not even surprised to hear this news. I love the way you have embraced this 'gift' and I believe this new found understanding of yourself will be a gift to all who know you ~

But possibly I am something more than I suppose myself to be.
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Old 05-07-2018, 03:59 PM   #17
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Cheers YK
ASD and Autism are often described as a spectrum, but that seems too linear to me: it needs to be a three-dimensional mental picture. I've read once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie and in researching, there are certainly things we have in common but just as many differences.
So yes, there can be 'gifts' like super-focused mental abilities, memory, extra sensitive senses but for every 'gift' there is a kick in your butt too. Samantha Craft has written a checklist a book, which was like discovering the Dead Sea Scrolls to me.

And finally don't give money to Autism Speaks, which is a very dodgy charity that consumes a lot of cash and was until recently searching for a 'cure' to autism that was more eugenics than providing resources or support.

...anyway, enough about me me me
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Old 05-07-2018, 06:56 PM   #18
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ASD and Autism are often described as a spectrum, but that seems too linear to me: it needs to be a three-dimensional mental picture. I've read once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie and in researching, there are certainly things we have in common but just as many differences.
So yes, there can be 'gifts' like super-focused mental abilities, memory, extra sensitive senses but for every 'gift' there is a kick in your butt too. Samantha Craft has written a checklist a book, which was like discovering the Dead Sea Scrolls to me.

And finally don't give money to Autism Speaks, which is a very dodgy charity that consumes a lot of cash and was until recently searching for a 'cure' to autism that was more eugenics than providing resources or support.

...anyway, enough about me me me

Hey, you, you, you!!!

YOU just made me laugh. Your description of the "linear" aspie spectrum is what is repeated ad nauseum by I'd bet are the same people who talk about the "linear" Kinsey scale (which ain't either!). When you talk to them (and of course, they all swear they are a "1") they think the rest of us line up one arm length apart all the way up the scale. When you try to explain that there is a HUUUUGE bell shaped curve over the top of the mid point they stick their fingers in their ears and scream, "nanananananananananana!" LOL

I really like your point about "once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie". For example, over the years I got to know several who frequented the Author's Hangout here. One was a guy who was a career teacher (and a sweetheart... he and Stella were pretty close), but VERY often got upset because he didn't grok what was "meant". Another (I think her name was Jenn) was a total kinky, "freak flag flying" exhibitionist (had great boobs too! LOL) who was a physics major in college. Anyone who could jam those two into the same box is a far, far better woman than I!
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Old 05-07-2018, 07:40 PM   #19
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Cheers YK
ASD and Autism are often described as a spectrum, but that seems too linear to me: it needs to be a three-dimensional mental picture. I've read once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie and in researching, there are certainly things we have in common but just as many differences.
So yes, there can be 'gifts' like super-focused mental abilities, memory, extra sensitive senses but for every 'gift' there is a kick in your butt too. Samantha Craft has written a checklist a book, which was like discovering the Dead Sea Scrolls to me.

And finally don't give money to Autism Speaks, which is a very dodgy charity that consumes a lot of cash and was until recently searching for a 'cure' to autism that was more eugenics than providing resources or support.

...anyway, enough about me me me
Thank you for the list. There are some amazingly wonderful "gifts" noted by Samantha Craft. Seems more up-side than down, but the "butt kickers" can no doubt pack a wallop...like one "butt-kicker" probably screws up several "gifts" worth at a time Anyway, my wish upon a star is that you find more "gifts" than "butt-kicks"

(funny the list contains quite a few of my own traits...especially toward the introvert personality and the empathetic stuff. I've grown to be thankful for these in my life. But, I'm assuming they may be more focused and intense in some Aspie people.)
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Old 05-08-2018, 06:20 PM   #20
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Hey, you, you, you!!!
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I really like your point about "once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie". For example, over the years I got to know several who frequented the Author's Hangout here. One was a guy who was a career teacher (and a sweetheart... he and Stella were pretty close), but VERY often got upset because he didn't grok what was "meant". Another (I think her name was Jenn) was a total kinky, "freak flag flying" exhibitionist (had great boobs too! LOL) who was a physics major in college. Anyone who could jam those two into the same box is a far, far better woman than I!
Yeah - the same with any other group I suppose and that's takes us back to the whole labels debate.

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(funny the list contains quite a few of my own traits...especially toward the introvert personality and the empathetic stuff. I've grown to be thankful for these in my life. But, I'm assuming they may be more focused and intense in some Aspie people.)
I'd always assumed autistic people looked kinda weird and talked in a monotone, but it turns out that people who smoke skunk do that too So sure, there's plenty you have in common because 'human beans'. A lot of it is internalised, so I can discuss things here and in forums, but if I was in a room full of people I'd just sit on my hands and say nothing. It's not shyness, but because for every line of argument there are a zillion answers and aspies tend to think through them all before they can decide on the best one. I hate witnessing arguments, which has turned me into a diplomat, I hate criticism so I do everything as best I can to an obsessive degree, I am super critical of myself in social settings so I'll lie awake after a party going over and over every comment, every joke, everything I've said and the reactions they produce endlessly until somehow I fall asleep....or I'll get so shit-faced I collapse without thinking.

So plenty of things you can relate to, but until they become a problem, they're normal.
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Old 05-08-2018, 10:43 PM   #21
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I'd always assumed autistic people looked kinda weird and talked in a monotone, but it turns out that people who smoke skunk do that too So sure, there's plenty you have in common because 'human beans'. A lot of it is internalised, so I can discuss things here and in forums, but if I was in a room full of people I'd just sit on my hands and say nothing. It's not shyness, but because for every line of argument there are a zillion answers and aspies tend to think through them all before they can decide on the best one. I hate witnessing arguments, which has turned me into a diplomat, I hate criticism so I do everything as best I can to an obsessive degree, I am super critical of myself in social settings so I'll lie awake after a party going over and over every comment, every joke, everything I've said and the reactions they produce endlessly until somehow I fall asleep....or I'll get so shit-faced I collapse without thinking.

So plenty of things you can relate to, but until they become a problem, they're normal.
I can relate most easily with the room full of people thing. Once I began to learn about the real characteristics of introverts from a TED talk a few years ago, I began to connect the dots in my own life. Oddly, I never really thought of myself as an introvert...but in hindsight I was. I respond in a large group of people similar to you, but not as focused or intense. I don't latch onto every trail of the conversation, per se...but I find myself just feeling like I'm being overwhelmed and drained of all positive energy. In general I am very glad that I'm an introvert as it moves me in the direction of more thought, quiet places and a slower life style. (things that would drive an extrovert mad ) It also has the effect of causing me to avoid shallow/casual friendships as a waste of time and draining. On the other hand, it drives me to become extremely close to those who are true friends or lovers. I get some flack from some family and acquaintances for being so anti-social...but I wouldn't change if it even if I could. None of this is a problem though...so none of the butt kick stuff from ASD.

I guess one thing that could be viewed as a "small butt kick" is the fact that I also have now learned about the trait that is termed 'demi-sexuality'. This is where one must have an emotional connection to a person before being sexually interested. This caused some embarrassing moments as a teen/young man It also leaves me shaking my head when I read about all the casual sex folks engage in

Looks like this has become a confession thread (is it weird that this makes me uncomfortable even though it's all anonymous?)
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Old 05-09-2018, 01:37 AM   #22
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I guess one thing that could be viewed as a "small butt kick" is the fact that I also have now learned about the trait that is termed 'demi-sexuality'. This is where one must have an emotional connection to a person before being sexually interested. This caused some embarrassing moments as a teen/young man It also leaves me shaking my head when I read about all the casual sex folks engage in

Looks like this has become a confession thread (is it weird that this makes me uncomfortable even though it's all anonymous?)
Yukon, good discussion about being an introvert, and about your confusion regarding so-called casual sex. Some, but not all, aspects of my introversion were sort of blasted out of me during the cultural revolution of the 1960s/70s. People took psychoactive drugs back then in a much more supportive cultural environment, especially in the area where I lived near San Francisco.

One thing that did get affected was my initiation into sex. It all happened for me very quickly, but relatively late in life compared to other young people of that time. In a two-week period, I became actively bisexual, immediately starting a series of long-term relationships with women and occasional casual sexual activity with mostly men and very rarely a woman. This rapid transformation was unusual for an introverted college student. My overall realization was that sex was an almost universal need that had been deeply sublimated in me, and that I was not really that different from most other men in that regard.

Most men I knew during my early life were very homophobic and culturally conditioned, but there was a small contingent of bisexual men who seemed to instantly recognize each other by some form of communication that is not entirely obvious to me. Somehow my initiation into sex had taken on an almost mystical quality. Sex with these men did not involve a commitment to an extended emotional connection, but the emotional connection was nonetheless strong and unashamed during the sex. It was like, "You and I are a lot alike"

While almost all of my love relationships with women have been long term, to this day I occasionally meet a man who instantly provides an intimate bond, "Oh, there I am again, embodied in another person."
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Old 05-09-2018, 07:24 AM   #23
Bramblethorn
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Originally Posted by stickygirl View Post
ASD and Autism are often described as a spectrum, but that seems too linear to me: it needs to be a three-dimensional mental picture. I've read once you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie and in researching, there are certainly things we have in common but just as many differences.
Oh yeah. The people I've met who decided that all Aspies are soulless robots based on one bad relationship/whatever. I especially loved the one who told me that we're all animal-torturers o.O

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So yes, there can be 'gifts' like super-focused mental abilities, memory, extra sensitive senses but for every 'gift' there is a kick in your butt too. Samantha Craft has written a checklist a book, which was like discovering the Dead Sea Scrolls to me.
I get conflicted about the "gifted" thing sometimes.

I mean, yeah, autistic people often do have exceptional abilities. I have some, and I've been able to turn them into a career; I win technical awards in a workplace full of technically-minded people. I want us to be proud of those and celebrate them.

But sometimes it feels like Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer - everybody treated him like shit until they realised his abnormality was something they could use. Back in the 1930s, part of Hans Asperger's job was separating out the "useful" autistic kids, the ones who could earn their keep and make a contribution to the Fatherland, from the ones who were... not so useful. Sometimes I hear echoes of that when people try to divide us into "high-functioning" vs. "low-functioning". And I wish the conversation was less about dividing us into burdensome and non-burdensome types of autistic, and more about our well-being - because I spent so much time working on being the non-burdensome kind, and not nearly enough on the self-understanding that's required for self-care.

Like, when I was ten years old, one of my teachers complained that I never looked him in the eye and it felt creepy. So I understood that it was my responsibility to change my behaviour to avoid creeping him out; nobody ever considered the possibility that maybe it was his responsibility to get over it and learn to deal with me the way I was. I made myself make eye contact, and it became - not a natural thing, not comfortable, but a deeply ingrained habit. It's only when I'm very relaxed with somebody that I can let go of that, and do what's natural and instinctive for me. It's tiring, and I'm starting to understand why so many "high-functioning" autistic people experience burnout around their forties.

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And finally don't give money to Autism Speaks, which is a very dodgy charity that consumes a lot of cash and was until recently searching for a 'cure' to autism that was more eugenics than providing resources or support.
They are the WORST. A few weeks back my work was promoting something called "Light It Up Blue Day", which is backed by A$, and we had to explain to well-meaning co-workers why they were a terrible organisation.

And this fucking ad. Where to start? And the time they had to be publicly shamed out of letting a white supremacist group walk in their fund-raiser.

...sorry, that got a bit ranty. Apologies SB if I'm derailing your original post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stickygirl View Post
A lot of it is internalised, so I can discuss things here and in forums, but if I was in a room full of people I'd just sit on my hands and say nothing. It's not shyness, but because for every line of argument there are a zillion answers and aspies tend to think through them all before they can decide on the best one.
it me

I like asynchronous communication, like this forum, because it lets me do that thinking-through. I can actually do quite well presenting to an audience, as long as I have a lot of prep time and decompression time afterwards.

I travel for work sometimes and when I'm visiting another office, people like to cram my schedule absolutely full of meetings etc. They don't understand that I need quiet time in there.

That checklist: "escapes into other rooms at parties". Yeah, that's me.
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