Let's Talk About 'Gentle' FemDom

Welcome - shall we begin?

I have a few questions, but it would be great if the gentlemen chiming in here could give us just the tiniest bit of an intro by way of including their age and how they became interested in FemDom (gentle or otherwise). Thank you!

**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?

**Why is it appealing?

**What does a 'gentle' Domme look like to you? How does she behave?

**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?

**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?

Interesting thread, but I'll see what I can contribute, if however little it may be. I'm only 24, so its not like I have decades of experience with hundreds of people

Anyway, I've always enjoyed the sexual side of Femdom and not so much the out-of-the-bedroom-do-all-my-household-chores-naked side of Femdom. The dirty names, being told what to do or how to touch myself, edged, teased, anal play, etc. The list goes on. Back to the Gentle Femdom stuff now that the preliminary is out of the way.

To begin I haven't heard of Gentle Femdom as opposed to 'vanilla' Femdom but hey, this is my take on it. Given my interests and how I see Femdom, I pictured GFD as more of a sensual thing. Instead of a Female trying to overpower her partner and bend him over her lap to spank him, for example, I imagine more of a sensual seduction kind of thing. Having him stand there while she slowly undresses him into a CFNM scenario, facesitting, light teasing, maybe even some small bondage such as hands tied behind his back. Basically coercing, teasing, and seducing him until hes completely wrapped around her finger and wanting to please her. Also, it sounds more directed towards the mutual pleasure of both participants instead of just do-whatever-the-fuck-I-say-and-like-it.

A 'gentle' Domme would be one who obviously acts confident, knows how to get what she wants, adds a bit of sexual teasing into everything, enjoys slowly pushing boundaries, and (obviously) is a highly sexual person behind closed doors. Kind of like a person you wouldn't expect.

To be honest, what I've been posting sounds... ideal to say the least. Sounds like exactly the kind of woman I'd love to meet. Definitely could see it directed towards mutual pleasure, as stated before.

My point of view.

Oh, now I quite like the idea of a naked manservant bringing me breakfast in bed.

Firstly, I appreciate the nerve it takes to post on a thread about FemDom. My guess is there are probably some guys out there who would like to join in the conversation but are a bit shy about it, so thank you.

YoungToy said:

<snip> I pictured GFD as more of a sensual thing. Instead of a Female trying to overpower her partner and bend him over her lap to spank him, for example, I imagine more of a sensual seduction kind of thing. Having him stand there while she slowly undresses him into a CFNM scenario, facesitting, light teasing, maybe even some small bondage such as hands tied behind his back. Basically coercing, teasing, and seducing him until hes completely wrapped around her finger and wanting to please her. Also, it sounds more directed towards the mutual pleasure of both participants instead of just do-whatever-the-fuck-I-say-and-like-it....

Click to expand...

I like what you say here. Someone commented in another thread that they saw it as being more sensual and I agree. Although I think an argument could be made for OTK bare-handed, bare bottom spanking as a very sensual activity.

Hello miss honey, how wonderfull to find this thread. Because I have been recently wondering about this myself. I am 30 years old. I signed up for this site because I had submissive fantasies... but kt wasnt untill after I joined what femdom could mean... To be honest a lot of it turns me right of.
Like mr young toy, being told what to do, in bed, long edging, maybe a little humiliation and defering to a woman sexually turn me on the most. I do not feel the need to wear pantyhose or leather masks with a zip where the mouth should be.
A long story short... the idea is new to me, it turns me on, but I am not yet sure what to do with it....

But I can't wait to read and learn more about it...

Love,

Hello, and thank you for joining us!

SecretSubM88 said:

Hello miss honey... I had submissive fantasies... but kt wasnt untill after I joined what femdom could mean... To be honest a lot of it turns me right of.

Like mr young toy, being told what to do, in bed, long edging, maybe a little humiliation and defering to a woman sexually turn me on the most. I do not feel the need to wear pantyhose or leather masks with a zip where the mouth should be...,

Click to expand...

It seems that by 'Gentle,' most are meaning that it involves fewer of the more extreme aspects of typical FemDom, and leans heavily in the direction of a more sensual style. Would you agree with that?

Something I've been wondering for a while... What's the difference between a woman who is sexually aggressive, and one who is dominant?

Mostly, "gentle" femdom seems to be people who are into F/m (or F/f, but "femdom" usually means F/m), but aren't into the ridiculously fetishized black-leather-and-heels-and-whips stuff - you know, the stuff that, despite putting the F in charge, still somehow requires way more work from her than from the m.

That's the impression that I get, anyway.

reallyunsure said:

Mostly, "gentle" femdom seems to be people who are into F/m (or F/f, but "femdom" usually means F/m), but aren't into the ridiculously fetishized black-leather-and-heels-and-whips stuff - you know, the stuff that, despite putting the F in charge, still somehow requires way more work from her than from the m.

That's the impression that I get, anyway.

Click to expand...

Veroe posted some good thoughts on the subject of how Dommes dress in Asa's Temple of the Goddess thread (SRP Lounge). My personal take on it is that if that's what she wants to wear either because it pleases her or because it pleases her sub, then more power to her. But she oughtn't do it out of a sense of obligation.

I happen to wear a lot of flowy skirts, soft colors and dangly earrings, and that's not going to change based on what sort of dynamic I'm in at the moment. In fact, I get a little rush of sneaky satisfaction at the thought of women exercising the element of surprise and the the looks on their partners' faces when it it turns out the one who looks like a kitten/babygirl/pyl is the one who's running the show.

There are plenty of writings out there about submissive women deserving credit for being strong, capable, independent people outside of their D/s relationships; I think it would be nice if dominant women felt the freedom to be gentle or nurturing or whatever appeals to them without concern that they might be viewed as less effective or desirable.

reallyunsure said:

.

Click to expand...

Oh, and welcome to the thread!

I'm Honey, but you can call me Miss Honey if you prefer.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

Something I've been wondering for a while... What's the difference between a woman who is sexually aggressive, and one who is dominant?

Click to expand...

I can, and have, been very sexually aggressive, but I'm not Dominant. I feel all the feels and I'm right there with him. I just don't want to, ultimately and regularly, be in control.
I can, and have, made the first move, led, "topped"... whatever it is called, but what I desire is to relinquish that to him.
Me to him.

I don't know if I'm explaining it well.

Farawyn said:

I don't know if I'm explaining it well.

Click to expand...

Perfectly.

(Thank you )

When I was new at Lit, a dominant friend encouraged me to explore dominance, and I'm glad he did. I discovered a passion for topping when the timing and the chemistry is right. I've been fortunate to have had a couple of close friends here who liked letting me have a turn at the wheel when I was in the mood, and now I can't imagine having a RL relationship with someone who wasn't flexible in that area, and didn't think it was fun to change things up now and then.

Farawyn said:

I just don't want to, ultimately and regularly, be in control... what I desire is to relinquish that to him.
Me to him.

Click to expand...

At the end of the day, this ^^ is what I always come back to; this is home for me. But I enjoy talking about and exploring the ins and outs of a F/m dynamic in the meantime!

Wild_Honey_66 said:

...and how they became interested in FemDom (gentle or otherwise)

Click to expand...

One day, I started orgasming from going down on my girlfriend. This led to a lot of fun. This meant we had a lot less PIV for a while, and after a while, her getting excited about that turned me on too.

If that sounds strange to you - well, it does to me too, and I'm the one living it.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?

Click to expand...

There's a traditional type? I don't get the impression that there is. There's the porn stereotype, and that stereotype turns a lot of men on, and a lot of pro dommes play those stereotypes up. But none of the real women I've ever met are interested in dressing up in uncomfortable clothes to whip a guy and not get laid. Even the one or two who like whipping (and are okay with the not getting laid) usually want to do it in some comfortable shoes.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

**Why is it appealing?

Click to expand...

Well, I like the idea of giving up on the stereotype that women don't seem to be actually into. The point of this is for her to have a good time, let's not do it backwards.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?

Click to expand...

I don't know if it's GFD, but I like the idea of a woman who wants me to do all the work in bed, and doesn't worry too much about me having a good time. Is "dominant pillow princess" a thing?

Wild_Honey_66 said:

**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?

Click to expand...

If by "in the bedroom" you mean "mostly in the bedroom but sometimes on the couch and occasionally on the kitchen floor", then, yes. I like the idea of things being unequal - sometimes very unequal - in the bedroom, but the rest of the time, we're just people.

Terrific responses! Thoughtful and funny - thank you!

reallyunsure said:

There's a traditional type? I don't get the impression that there is. There's the porn stereotype, and that stereotype turns a lot of men on, and a lot of pro dommes play those stereotypes up. But none of the real women I've ever met are interested in dressing up in uncomfortable clothes to whip a guy and not get laid. Even the one or two who like whipping (and are okay with the not getting laid) usually want to do it in some comfortable shoes.

Click to expand...

I should have said 'stereotypical.'. My bad.

reallyunsure said:

The point of this is for her to have a good time, let's not do it backwards...

I don't know if it's GFD, but I like the idea of a woman who wants me to do all the work in bed, and doesn't worry too much about me having a good time. Is "dominant pillow princess" a thing?

Click to expand...

Sounds like a great way to spend a long afternoon.

Hey, I'm 29, male.
I'm a switch leaning heavily towards domination, but I'm interested and turned on by many things, including being dominated.
In fact, when I'm dominating someone I focus on their experience and get off on how good/submissive/helpless they must be feeling as I do what I do. I always want to be in their place, so my submissive desires kinda entwine with my dominant ones.

Now that the introduction is taken care of, here's my take on GFD:

I absolutely adore it. And in fact I don't like cruel/bitchy/entitled femdom at all. It just does nothing at all for me.

Being gentle and loving is what I associate with "feminine". A good woman for me is a quintessence of love, gentleness and care.
It doesn't mean a domme can't be cruel or mean, but for me the best way is when she's abusing her power over me, making me suffer for her, while all the way through smiling teasingly and cooing soothingly, calming me down, helping me down that road. I know it's kind of a contradiction, but I like it when she's both the one to inflict discomfort on me and take it away by pitying me and saying encouraging soothing words.

I guess in this regard I'm kinda a little bit like a baby (although I'm not into age play, don't get me wrong). I want this strong, almost maternal figure who has absolute power over me but at the same time I know how she loves and cares for me, that in her hands I'm totally safe even if she punishes me.
Does that make sense?

A loving, gentle domme is the one to whom I am ready to submit willingly. To experience her soothing presence, her feminine gentleness, her teasing allure - I am ready to suffer for her.

On the other hand, the colder the domme acts the less I can associate with that kind of play. Worst of all when they act like a bitch or an entitled brat. Even worse is if they have such a foul mouth that I instantly wash it with soap.
I doubt I could ever really, truly submit to such a domme. I could engage in a play with her, true, especially if she manages to turn me on enough, but I would feel the negative emotions like anger, resentment, annoyance. That's not what I'm looking for in sex, to be honest.

To make perfect examples, there's for example British girl named Mistress Whiplash who specializes in heavy ballbusting. Now, I'm not into ballbusting at all, and I'm terrified of such thing, but god does she act nice. It's a perfect blend of being strict and demanding with not actually being a bitch. She almost gives a vibe of doing everything she does in her sub's best interests. She may talk as if taking pity on him, like she honestly feels sorry for him, while crushing his balls in her hands at the same time.
I just love watching her videos, not because of ballbusting but her attitude.

On the other hand we have most of Kink.com femdommes like Maitrese Madeline or Lorelay Lee. The first acts like a total take-whatever-I-wand-and-not-give-a-shit bitch. The second often incorporates bratty notions, talking loudly and vulgarly.

Lastly, how do I see it fitting in my life. Honestly, bedroom only. And, like, no more than 10-20% of the time. I'm still enjoying dominating way too much, and I also like vanilla sex a lot, I don't think it's any less fun than kinky. It's different. I I'd say my perfect sexual life is 10% femdom, 30% vanilla and 60% maledom.

At 65, I came into the BDSM lifestyle late in life. There's not much opportunity to explore your kinky side when you're in the Army and living in barracks for over 21 years. And when I got out, I had health issues that curtailed the kind of sexual adventures I would have liked to try. But I've dabbled in BDSM, at first viewing myself as a dom, since I'd been in charge much of my military life. But the more I explored the BDSM lifestyle, the more I tended to lean towards the submissive side when it came to women. It might have been the way I was brought up to treat women. It might have been because most the units I was in charge of in the Army had a strong female presence. And some of those female soldiers had a knack for wrapping me around their fingers. Maybe there were latent submissive tendencies showing back when I was in uniform?

**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?
It's less about playing a role and more about simply taking charge in a relationship. As such, while I like leather and latex, such outfits are looked upon as part of the femdom role, but not a necessary part of GFD. Likewise, the stilettos and whip are all part of a role, but not necessary to the GFD.

Then there's the behavior. On the one hand, you have the strict arrogant domme who verbally and physically abuses her man, while on the other hand, you have the smothering domme who wants to feminize her man or play his mother. Neither role appeals to me. Too much of it is theater, based on what people have seen in movies or on TV. I'm not looking to be demeaned or turned into a woman.

I want a woman who wants to take charge and who I want to serve. Anything else is bullshit.

**Why is it appealing?
Because it's more genuine than the alternative forms of femdom.

**What does a 'gentle' Domme look like to you? How does she behave?
To me, there's no such thing as a specific look. How she behaves is more important. If she's confident and self assured and caring, her appearance will reflect that.

**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?
I'm not sure how to answer that question, since I haven't found anyone yet. But I would hope to find a strong, beautiful, self assured woman who loves me for what I am, but likes to be in control. A woman who sees me as a man she controls, not a floormat she walks all over.

**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?
If the opportunity presents itself, I would want it to be a lifestyle choice.

Nezhul said:

...but for me the best way is when she's abusing her power over me, making me suffer for her, while all the way through smiling teasingly and cooing soothingly, calming me down, helping me down that road. I know it's kind of a contradiction, but I like it when she's both the one to inflict discomfort on me and take it away by pitying me and saying encouraging soothing words....

Click to expand...

This is a great visual - made me laugh.

Thanks for sharing, and welcome!

Hi, dale!

I am giddy about these long, personal replies. Thank you so much guys - what a great thread you're all creating here.

Nezhul, I quite agree - high quality vanilla is some good stuff.

reallyunsure said:

One day, I started orgasming from going down on my girlfriend. This led to a lot of fun. This meant we had a lot less PIV for a while, and after a while, her getting excited about that turned me on too.

If that sounds strange to you - well, it does to me too, and I'm the one living it.

There's a traditional type? I don't get the impression that there is. There's the porn stereotype, and that stereotype turns a lot of men on, and a lot of pro dommes play those stereotypes up. But none of the real women I've ever met are interested in dressing up in uncomfortable clothes to whip a guy and not get laid. Even the one or two who like whipping (and are okay with the not getting laid) usually want to do it in some comfortable shoes.

Well, I like the idea of giving up on the stereotype that women don't seem to be actually into. The point of this is for her to have a good time, let's not do it backwards.

I don't know if it's GFD, but I like the idea of a woman who wants me to do all the work in bed, and doesn't worry too much about me having a good time. Is "dominant pillow princess" a thing?

If by "in the bedroom" you mean "mostly in the bedroom but sometimes on the couch and occasionally on the kitchen floor", then, yes. I like the idea of things being unequal - sometimes very unequal - in the bedroom, but the rest of the time, we're just people.

Click to expand...

This has to be one of the most sane posts ever.

Any time you can mention "sensible shoes" with kink, sex, D/s - it's all so so good.

Great thread, Honey. Almost seems like a Talk thread... lots of good info for others, too!!

dale, I like what you say about GFD being less about playing a role. That makes sense to me, and is a big part of what I find appealing about it.

Hi cookie!

cookiecat said:

This has to be one of the most sane posts ever.

Any time you can mention "sensible shoes" with kink, sex, D/s - it's all so so good.

Click to expand...

cookiecat said:

Great thread, Honey. Almost seems like a Talk thread... lots of good info for others, too!!

Click to expand...

I know, isn't it great?! I'm so excited!

I debated over where to put this, not knowing what sort of input it would get. It's getting plenty of views, so I hope we'll continue to get new people dropping by for a visit.