What Else? Looking for Feedback

I wrote a story (Gay Male) that received some good feedback and a 4.63 score. Encouraged, I wrote a second story that I thought was better, and a sequel to the first that I thought was "hotter" than the original. Both are hovering at 4.47.

Now, 4.47 is a B+ - so not bad, I know.

BUT. I want to improve, not go, you know, the other way.

SO. What do I need to know? What will make future stories better?

More character development? Less?

Is it the plotting? The pacing? The tone?

Is it the descriptions of sex itself?

Please be specific - if you can! I would like to, ahem, nail this.

Two of the three are quite long, so helping me out is a bit of an investment of your time. (But maybe there's a happy ending in one of them for you?!?)

Anyway, here's a link to my Author page, with all three.

Thanks in advance!

You're asking good questions, but I'm not sure there are good answers we could provide.

It's kind of an irony of the site that the better an author thinks he or she did with a particular story, the less likely that is to correlate with the score it receives. My personal favorite of my own stories is the only one without a red H. It's just proof that what works for me doesn't always translate to what other people love.

I neither read or write gay male stories...as a lesbian with zero experience with, and zero interest in, men, there's really nothing the category can offer me or that I can offer it. That said, while very short stories can score well, the trend in many categories seems to be that longer stories which engage the readers beyond just having a good wank over the course of a few minutes are the ones which make the top lists.

You say two of the three are quite long, but they are 2-pagers, the third is a one-page second chapter. "Long" by your standards is "barely getting started" by Lit denizen standards. The current #1 spot on the GM top list is held by a story which runs 8 Lit pages, which is longer than all of your stories put together, and it's just the conclusion of a series which runs for 21 total pages.

This doesn't mean your stories are bad, but it may look to the average reader like they're "strokers", which means you'll catch the casual readers, but the people looking for more 'lit' than 'erotica' here may pass them over in favour of longer works which are heavier on character development and romance, and those readers tend to vote higher on stories they truly enjoy.

So my suggestion for making your stories better? Don't be afraid to go longer. 3-4 pages seems to be a good compromise for drawing both people looking for a quick fix, and those who want more than just a one-page fuckfest. Take time to build your characters, invest in the relationship, and your readers will pay you back dividends if you do it right.

I'm sorry I really can't help with specifics, but the generalities are gleaned from fifteen years' experience writing and lurking here, and the evidence in both my stories and other writers' points toward this working. Best of luck in your next story, and ultimately don't worry about the scores. If you're satisfied with what you did, then you need only focus on doing it better next time, and don't worry about the numbers.

Easier said than done, I know, but trust me, it's worth it to let it go.

Thanks for your reply.

I would disagree that "as a lesbian... there's really nothing the category can offer me or that I can offer it", as good stories = good stories. Human connection, and all. (Well, I can think of a few exceptions. Like "Incest Werewolves from Space", perhaps!)

Interesting, your comments on length. I felt like mine were long, but, yeah, objectively I can see what you're referring to. (Things I've never said to a lesbian, for sure). I felt like, at 5000 words or so, perhaps I was overdoing it. Perhaps I was wrong. I figured that the LIT was in service to the EROTICA. In Part 2, I purposely tried to get into hot and heavy action faster - isn't that what sequels do, anyway? - figuring that's "what people want".

I hear you on not chasing scores - but absent any other measure, it's hard to know how and where to improve. I'm working on a new story now, so we'll see.

Thank you again.

Saying there's nothing the category can offer me does come off a bit close-minded, and for that I apologize. Good stories are, of course, always good stories. I simply lack the experiences and turn-ons necessary to either write them myself or truly appreciate what I'm looking at from a reader's perspective, and I'm finicky enough on both to make a cat roll its eyes.

You weren't wrong in figuring Lit was in service to the Erotica at all, and there are dozens of stories people could use as examples where this wasn't the case, including one of mine which cracked the top list for the non-erotic category despite being only one Lit page. But by and large, for most categories outside Loving Wives (because that place is a partisan nightmare of people who don't know what they want voting with people who know exactly what they want who are voting against other people who know what they want), longer stories with good development for plot and characters take home the bigger scores.

This is especially true with multi-chapter stories, where after a few chapters you've lost all your nay-sayers and are basically left only with people reading it because they want it to continue. This is why so much of the top list for every category is populated by later chapters of stories, but that's another complaint entirely.

The truth is, there are no other metrics for you right now than the scores, but it's the same for everybody else who starts out here. Unless you earn top list recognition right out of the gate, it's slow-going to build your own little audience who likes what you're doing and wants to see more of it. They're the ones who reward you with higher scores, which then bring on new readers who vote, and start that lovely vicious circle.

I wish you awesome success on your new piece!

I read The Keynote

(This is just my opinion)

It has no tension. Tension drives your plot. A plot without tension isn't a plot. It's just a setting.

In this case, the theoretical source of your tension is the "Will they/Won't they" style of boy meets boy, but there's no forseeable reason for a "Won't they" outcome. Ergo, the outcome is more or less predestined and predictable.

Imagine a go kart track. A predictable plot is like putting all the go karts on rails. Yes, the go karts are still fun to drive in that situation (write), but there's no excitement to watch it (read).

There's nothing wrong with straight forward erotica if that's what you're going for. Two men see each other from across the room, share a moment, and slip away. That isn't what you're trying to do here. You had bigger aspirations for this. You can write well, and you can expect that as you learn to put roadblocks between your characters and their goals, you'll learn all sorts of wonderful things.

There is no better way to learn to write than to read other people's work. Read it critically. Ask yourself questions about character motivations, or how the author uses description to highlight some things and not others. More often than not, what you'll learn is that other people make mistakes too, but it is in recognizing these missteps that we learn to avoid them ourselves.

Follow up comment

More straight forward erotica needs a hook to work. Amazing dialogue. Alluring characters. Sex that pours off the page. Something shiny. If/when you go that route, remember this.