A Virgin discovers her desires

FWIW, I had a couple of reactions. One was that it’s too expository. Pooja did this. Pooja did that. Pooja felt this way. Pooja felt that. It’s just strung together with no reason to care even remotely about any of it. It tells - it doesn’t show. And it felt like you were fetishizing her. A gyno visit, a period, an Indian woman - you treat it like it’s all so unusual and interesting in and of itself. A billion Indian people and 3.5 billion women on the planet would argue that none of it is unusual at all.

If I were writing a scene like this, I’d try to get in Poona’s head.

“Take off your clothes and put on the gown, then get in the chair and put your feet up here and wait for the doctor.” The nurse explained it all in a businesslike tone, even as she gestured at what looked to Pooja like a medieval sex frame.

“All my clothes? Or leave on my underwear?

“All of it. The doctor needs to examine what’s under there.”

She left then, and the room was strangely quiet. She removed her shirt. Leave the bra on? The nurse had said everything. She reluctantly ditched the bra.

————

Anyway, I’d go on from there. I’d probably have her imagine a male doctor. I’d have the fact that she’s a lesbian be a secret. It’d be a surprise when a female doctor comes in as she’s laying back, legs in the air, exposed and yet titillated by being so exposed. The doctor would be cute. She’s feel a rush of embarrassment and excitement. Her touch would be oddly gentle, and she’s feel a stab of arousal.

That’s how to take a ridiculous and even insulting premise and make it credible. Create some tension. Make her emotions real. Dramatize the discomfort and the way it excites her. The. You’d be into something maybe.
 
I like it. It's quite imaginitive, and in some ways different from the usual.
I like the shower scene and the dream. The ending is a bit abrupt, but I guess there will be more chapters.
 
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