Ask A Woman

stlgoddessfreya

Really Experienced
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Apr 26, 2014
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Over the past few weeks, I've seen many authors, especially new ones, asking for feedback on how they connect to a female audience or asking for a female perspective on an element of their narrative. I've helped several of them, but it seems like I end up giving a lot of the same advice.

Here's your chance to have me answer specific questions about your story in progress; read your story and provide content feedback; or post your experiences as a female reader or author that may be helpful to people who want to write better female characters or appeal to a female audience.

Who I Am: The Norse goddess of Love, Home, and War. In this incarnation, an avid reader and writer for more than 25 years, and a woman for more than 30. I am a fan of genres that some other people who are generally willing to read and give feedback won't do, like Incest/Taboo and Non-Con.

Preliminary Questions:

Will you RP/chat with me? No.

Will you line edit my story? No.

Will you tell me what all women want to see in erotica? No. My tastes are mine, other women's are different. There are some basics of appealing more broadly to women as a group that I (and, I hope, others like me who will chime into the thread) can tell you about.
 
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Pregnancy: Knocked up or blessed event?

(This just came up in another thread as a set of assumptions of a male writer and a helpful male reader giving feedback.)

Do women want to get pregnant, or do they want to have babies? The answer, of course, is that it's a Venn diagram with significant, but not total, overlap of the two spheres.

First, a word about women and NOT getting pregnant. Most women have been terrified of getting pregnant before it was even possible. Unless you grew up like Carrie from the Stephen King classic, you knew a missed period meant you were in big trouble even before you had your first one, maybe before you even understood what a period was, because "being late" is a major plot point for culture involving teen characters from "Grease" to "Juno". The average age for a first period is between 12 and 13. The average age an American woman is at birth of her first child is now between 25 and 26 and teen pregnancy is at the lowest rate since national statistics began being collected in 1933. That means most American women have spent 12-14 years or more being terrified for a few days most months that they will miss their period. Yes, even though they've never had sex or haven't had sex in any timeframe that would make pregnancy possible. Yes, even some transwomen and other women who don't have monthly periods for medical reasons.

Why? It's not because women are crazy or over-emotional. It's because we spent a lot of years hearing that getting pregnant before you're ready will literally ruin your life. Think of it this way: if you knew there were three days each month when you had a distinct chance of being in a serious car accident, how would you feel about driving to the store to get milk? Accepting a ride from a friend who'd always been a safe driver before? Hell, would you even sit in your car? That's what it's like to have a period.

It's a wonder anyone gets pregnant at all. So why would women do it?

1) Some women love having children, but happily take a pass on being pregnant, if they can.

Adoption isn't just for people who can't have biological children. Pregnancy is a terrible physical burden for some women, both in the short term with discomfort, swelling, morning sickness, etc. and the long term with diabetes and body changes. Some women who could become pregnant choose to adopt, anyway. Adoption, especially of an infant, can be a long and expensive process. Many women who would adopt instead of be pregnant don't have that option, so they go through pregnancy instead.

2) Some women see pregnancy as an essential part of having a child.

For all of the being terrified of pregnancy that many women live through, there's another pull for many, perhaps a majority of women, to have the essentially bodily experience of having a child grow inside them from a fetus. The pull can be so strong that cisgender men fantasize about being pregnant and giving birth and some transmen get pregnant.

Many people find transcendent, joyful experience in pregnancy and childbirth itself.

3) Some women like to be pregnant for the sake of the pregnancy, not the child.

Lots of people think pregnant women are hot, and they're not all men. Some women think they look best and most sexual with the round belly and full breasts of pregnancy. Pregnancy can have some interesting and sublime effects on a woman's libido because the soup of hormones that makes a fetus develop is the same one that makes her want to be done hard on all fours six times a day. Maybe that serves an evolutionary, pair-bonding advantage. Maybe it's a coincidence of nature. I'm not that kind of doctor, and I welcome info from anyone who is.

Fact is, some women like being pregnant even though they don't want to have more children of their own. These women make exceptional gestational surrogates, carrying a fetus to term for someone else who can't.

As with anything profound, a woman, as much as a man, doesn't have to fit into just one of these categories or just one her entire life. She could be a raging sex panther while pregnant the first time and still decide to never do it again because of the drawbacks.

If you're a man reading this and you think I've lost it with all this talk of sexiness and transcendent joy of pregnancy because the mother of your child did nothing but complain about her swollen ankles and hemorrhoids while she was pregnant, consider this. You have ankles. You have a lower back. You have an ass. You understand what it's like to have those things hurt. But if you've never and the anatomy or desire to be pregnant, what was she going to tell you it felt like when it was good?
 
Two questions:

1) What's with decorative towels? I mean, really.

2) In your (obviously) humble opinion as the Norse Goddess of Love and other stuff, what are the biggest problems male writers have in connecting to connect with the average female reader? (I know, no such thing. Humor me)
 
Two questions:

1) What's with decorative towels? I mean, really.

2) In your (obviously) humble opinion as the Norse Goddess of Love and other stuff, what are the biggest problems male writers have in connecting to connect with the average female reader? (I know, no such thing. Humor me)

1) Decorative towels, like BDSM, is about the beauty to be found in exerting ceremonial control in our personal interactions in the face of the chaos and helplessness of the rest of the world. Keeping a bathroom clean is, by the very nature of bathrooms, impossible, even with constant vigilance. Instead of tilting at that windmill, we carve out a little space that can be clean, pretty, and have some observable rules attached to it that actually get followed. I can tell you not to pee in the shower or to clean out the drain after you s rub your hairy body in there, but I can't really enforce those rules in a timely fashion. You mess up the good towels, though, and you know what happens.

2) The biggest problem I see is in not describing many, if any, non-sexual traits, thoughts, or actions the female character has or makes. If you want female readers to identify with a female character, even if you want them to identify and reject or be disgusted by the character, there has to be something there other than T&A or the direct road to T&A. One goddess' opinion - I hope to hear from others, too.
 
An interesting idea, though a bad idea for me to use. Most instances, I am looking for little details. The problem is, I'd have to describe a whole passage of the story to explain where the little detail works in and therefore explain the rational I am using it in.

Maybe I'll think about it and see if I can dummy down the dialog and exchanges so I'm not "giving away the homeworld."
 
An interesting idea, though a bad idea for me to use. Most instances, I am looking for little details. The problem is, I'd have to describe a whole passage of the story to explain where the little detail works in and therefore explain the rational I am using it in.

If you have to add a whole passage to explain your little detail, isn't that a sign that it's the wrong detail? Find a detail that's relevant to your scene, and it won't take so much set-up.
 
Hemingways recommendation for rapport with female readers is, write as usual then change the gender of the pronouns to feminine. Its still good advice.
 
Wonder if a heterosexual woman can get turned on by the sound of another woman moaning?

Wonder if a woman can get so aroused that she "desperately" needs to masturbate?

Both relevant to my next story... but relatively minor points...
 
Wonder if a heterosexual woman can get turned on by the sound of another woman moaning?

Wonder if a woman can get so aroused that she "desperately" needs to masturbate?

Both relevant to my next story... but relatively minor points...

She could if you write it that way.
 
Unleashed

Hi there! So, after refusing to do a review for you in my thread I now find myself here asking for a review in yours. I know. I suck.

I'm not sure if you do reviews, and if truth be told I'm not asking for a full review of one of my story. The thing is that I've written some stuff, and I thought that it was very male oriented. I am all about the boobies. That being said, I've had some really positive comments from female readers. So, I figure I'm doing something right. I'm just honestly not sure what that is.

Anyways, the story I'd like you to take a look at if you get a chance is called Unleashed. I'm just wondering if this works from a straight dudette's perspective as well as it does for a straight dude's. Or, y'know, any relevant sexuality mix that might be appropriate.

I've been trying to get the critical female perspective on my work for a while, so I'd really appreciate you going through what works and what doesn't in that respect. I'm not promising I'll change my style, but it's always nice to broaden your horizons.

I'm also aware that this story is fucking huge, so if it's too much to bite into then that's fair enough. Thanks for the time anyways!
 
Wonder if a heterosexual woman can get turned on by the sound of another woman moaning?

Wonder if a woman can get so aroused that she "desperately" needs to masturbate?

Both relevant to my next story... but relatively minor points...

Yes, straight women can be aroused by the sounds of a woman moaning in pleasure. Some women with no interest in actually having sex with another woman frequently watch porn and read erotica that doesn't feature men at all because women's pleasure turns them on.

Women have the same spectrum of intensity of sexual desire as men. Not only can a woman feel a desperate need to masturbate, most of the ones who read stories on Lit probably have in the past week or two. While studies on masturbatory habits are notoriously unreliable because they rely on self-reporting and interviews, one I think is decent from 1993 showed 10% of the women surveyed masturbated daily to several times a week and an additional 38% masturbated several times a month to weekly. I've seen higher numbers than that, but, again, reliability is spotty.
 
Hi there! So, after refusing to do a review for you in my thread I now find myself here asking for a review in yours. I know. I suck.

I'm also aware that this story is fucking huge, so if it's too much to bite into then that's fair enough. Thanks for the time anyways!

Lien, the only thing that failed there was my reading comprehension. You were absolutely up front about what you didn't like to read, so no harm there. That said, your story is...extensive. I'll work my way through, looking for things I think appeal to women particularly, but you have to promise not to be disappointed if the answer is good writing, compelling plot, and hot sex scenes.
 
I promise!

Cool with me! *Fist bump*

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts as someone with lady parts. ^_^ Hope you like it! And if you don't then please don't feel the urge to trudge through it.
 
Two questions:

1) What's with decorative towels? I mean, really.

I don't know. I find them useless and don't have them myself. In other people's houses they look nice, though.

2) In your (obviously) humble opinion as the Norse Goddess of Love and other stuff, what are the biggest problems male writers have in connecting to connect with the average female reader? (I know, no such thing. Humor me)

I'm not the goddess of anything, but here goes. :) Just in general, make the woman a person as well as a woman. Do not load her down with the usual stereotypes. For example, I am not a shopper, so if you give me a woman stereotyped as a shopper, I will not be interested, unless there is something else.

It is also refreshing when things don't center around men for the female characters, or not exclusively, even in erotica. Women have lives, jobs and hobbies.

I don't know that male writers have problems writing female characters, not in general. I've read plenty of books by plenty of men and like the women in them just fine. The difference may be erotica, to an extent. Since a lot of men fantasize to a certain stereotype of woman, a lot of writers put that in their stories. And that's fine, but it will probably turn off a number of women.
 
PL, you are a tigress, which is the earliest kind of goddess. Older than modern humans, 600 pounds of claw and muscle that sees in the dark, moves silently, drops out of trees and fucking *swims*?

Why would you make sacrifices to a bull or stalk of millet if THAT was part of your reality?
 
PL, you are a tigress, which is the earliest kind of goddess. Older than modern humans, 600 pounds of claw and muscle that sees in the dark, moves silently, drops out of trees and fucking *swims*?

Why would you make sacrifices to a bull or stalk of millet if THAT was part of your reality?

I suppose I wouldn't.
 
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I don't know that male writers have problems writing female characters, not in general. I've read plenty of books by plenty of men and like the women in them just fine. The difference may be erotica, to an extent. Since a lot of men fantasize to a certain stereotype of woman, a lot of writers put that in their stories. And that's fine, but it will probably turn off a number of women.

Kind of the way I see it.
 
Unleashed

Cool with me! *Fist bump*

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts as someone with lady parts. ^_^ Hope you like it! And if you don't then please don't feel the urge to trudge through it.

The Great: You had a fantastic handle on Larry's voice from the beginning. Legitimately funny, sarcastic, sometimes sure of himself, sometimes unsure, always horny - that's what I remember being like at 18. I identified strongly with Larry. The perceived challenge of a lot of fiction, both written and in TV/movies, I've read, is that women will more readily identify with a male protagonist than men will a female protagonist. I really enjoyed reading him work his way through the problems of the story.

Your pacing was also top-notch. It's exceptionally difficult to keep a story propelled through 14 Lit pages and not have your reader think anything is gratuitous or rehashed. Great work there. Anyone not expecting the end to be tragic and bloody wasn't paying attention. I thought you foreshadowed it nicely without cracking the reader across the snout with it like a rolled-up newspaper.

The Good: Larry and Jenny's relationship made sense. This story might have been a real groaner if she'd just been the hot girl next door he'd silently lusted after for years. Instead, they had a good connection as friends and lovers without you having to do much but give them some easy banter.

Jenny's suddenly increased libido is also not treated as any sort of problem, other than wearing Larry out. You made the point of saying she'd had other relationships before, and, even though they hadn't been very good ones, she has a reasonable amount of sexual experience before her change. You didn't portray her as being ashamed or alarmed, but rather as enjoying herself and the flush of a new relationship. While some readers get a particular thrill out of a supernatural occurrence turning a pristine virgin into a raging sex machine, I'd say that's the minority of readers. The majority of readers (and thus, the majority of female readers) would find Jenny more relatable because your depiction of her is more realistic to an 18 year old woman before she changes.

The Wishlist: You re-use a lot of words and phrases, especially in describing Jenny. While that's understandably going to happen in a story a story this long, me noticing it when I read the story in a half-dozen bursts probably means you need to vary your usage more. I may also have picked some out asrepeats because they're common ways to describe something in idiomatic British English but not American English. So I might notice when "peachy bottom" gets used 3 or 4 times because it's not something I normally hear, where I wouldn't even notice "bulging biceps" being reused because it's a very common phrase for me.

Also, for some reason, Larry says Jenny's name a LOT when he's talking to her, but she doesn't do the same.

Timing also seemed a little off. Jenny and her parents came home early from their camping trip because she was mauled by an animal, Larry went to see her the next day, and they started school the day after that? And it was still only 28 days to Halloween? Jenny knocked out some of Stuart's teeth the first week after being bitten, Larry hit him hard enough to split his lip or break his nose a week or two after that (no later mention of Larry's broken finger, either), and the guy's raring to go with a baseball bat in a parking lot full of people a week later?

I think the whole story would have made more sense if there had been a full moon *between* the start of school and the Halloween party. You could have the same chained to the tree scene, where she shows that her combined will and the locket can suppress her enough to make it safe to go to the party. Then Jenny and Larry come off a lot less irresponsible in going to the party even though it's on the full moon and it sets up the idea that it takes a while for the curse to take complete hold.

The Bad: The only thing I can think of that I didn't like about your story is that Jenny does virtually nothing about her own condition other than go with Larry to the library. Once. They don't test to see what she can do. She doesn't say she's looked for any other books, online resources, other occult bookstores, anything. She lets Larry solve the problem and just goes along with whatever he suggests. Granted, he's the narrator, so we only see what he does, but even though they talk about her changes throughout the story, she never talks about how her senses have heightened, how much stronger or faster she is, about testing her healing ability, nothing. You also didn't indicate that she was any different than before when she was under control. That kind of difference in their reactions might make sense if her animal nature was making it difficult for her to read and think rationally, but that doesn't seem to be the case at all. For someone who can feel herself turning into a werewolf, she's remarkably passive about the whole thing.

Overall, a great and engaging read where the sex added to rather than distracting from the plot and you struck a graceful balance between humor, believable romance, and horror.
 
Shoes. Explain.

Why are there so many kinds of women's shoes? Why do some women have so many pairs of shoes? Why do women wear high heels at all? Can women have shoe fetishes? Why do women readers roll their eyes when they read about someone dressed for the office in four-inch heels? Why are jokes about women AND ALL THEY SHOES still a thing?

Even a goddess needs a little more direction to help with an answer.
 
Thanks very much!

Thanks for the review. It was immensely helpful.

This story was written in sections over the course of a year. I re-read it myself last night and noticed a few inconsistencies myself. Call it poetic license! Or, more accurately, shitty planning. I was also pushing for a Halloween release date because it was a contest entry. You're right that I should have expanded more on Jenny's adventures into lychanthropy!

Much of what you said was very reassuring though! And thanks again for reading through all that. I know it takes effort to write a review that detailed, and it's always wonderful to read such thoughts and get another perspective. Cheers!
 
Thanks for the review. It was immensely helpful.

This story was written in sections over the course of a year. I re-read it myself last night and noticed a few inconsistencies myself. Call it poetic license! Or, more accurately, shitty planning. I was also pushing for a Halloween release date because it was a contest entry. You're right that I should have expanded more on Jenny's adventures into lychanthropy!

Much of what you said was very reassuring though! And thanks again for reading through all that. I know it takes effort to write a review that detailed, and it's always wonderful to read such thoughts and get another perspective. Cheers!

If I hadn't been reading it specifically for review, I might not have noticed anything on my Wishlist, and I can definitely see why it rocked the Halloween competition. You do great, detailed reviews for other people, so it's only fair you should get one back. If I ever manage to write something that's not in your restricted categories, I'll let you know and you can return the favor.

Anyone else have a review of Lien's story? It's absolutely worth the read.
 
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