Just looking for motivation/ideas on a series

babyfaced93

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Nov 6, 2013
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The only stories I've put up so far were my Unexpected Situation series, and I'd like to continue them soon. Unfortunately, I've ran into a bit of a writer's block (I'm sure many can relate), and I'm in need of some pointers from the more experienced posters (or anyone, really) with some good ideas. Thanks in advance, you guys!

P.S.
The first one is less wordy and a bit rushed, but the rest are all worth your time, I'm hoping. Part one still came away with a 3.9x rating, I believe...
http://www.i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=760339
 
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I don't know what sort of feedback you are seeking, but I will try to be as gentle as I can. In one and one half minute of research I learned: "Though a man's penis may be long enough when erect to reach a woman's uterus, it cannot enter the uterus. The entrance to the uterus is held nearly closed by the cervix. The opening is large enough for sperm to swim through, but not nearly large enough for a man's penis."

Errors such as this make it seem to readers that you are not serious about your writing. Also it is apparent that you have nor reread or made any attempt to refine or edit your work. You can be a writer, you have what it takes, but laziness such as this won't get you there.

I remember my first short story ever. It was to be a tale of a human and a beautiful but eerie alien making love in weightlessness. About half way through I learned I knew nothing about weightlessness. Struggling, I soon discovered I knew even less about sex. This seems to be where you are. Seek help, seek advice. Try to invent real people, then have them behave in real ways.

Then have someone edit your work, then learn from that and write again, and so on. . .

Your story is totally unrealistic and unbelievable. You need to study female anatomy. Male too for that matter, because hey stud, eight inches ain't nothin' for a woman to handle. Also entry under the conditions you describe is like cirque de soleile.

Explain to your reader why this nice young man who gives her his jacket to prevent her embarrassment doesn't mind raping her later.

The reason for blackmailing her into silence doesn't work. Any woman I have ever known, especially 17 and 18 year olds (and I have known many since I have been a teacher) would begin screaming bloody murder the moment she woke with a strange cock penetrating her. And everyone would believe her.

The entire story reads like a newspaper description of a sex act with a very thinly veiled attempt to make your characters seem like people.

Keep writing, but work at it. It ain't easy!
 
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I don't know what sort of feedback you are seeking, but I will try to be as gentle as I can. In one and one half minute of research I learned: "Though a man's penis may be long enough when erect to reach a woman's uterus, it cannot enter the uterus. The entrance to the uterus is held nearly closed by the cervix. The opening is large enough for sperm to swim through, but not nearly large enough for a man's penis."

Errors such as this make it seem to readers that you are not serious about your writing. Also it is apparent that you have nor reread or made any attempt to refine or edit your work. You can be a writer, you have what it takes, but laziness such as this won't get you there.

I remember my first short story ever. It was to be a tale of a human and a beautiful but eerie alien making love in weightlessness. About half way through I learned I knew nothing about weightlessness. Struggling, I soon discovered I knew even less about sex. This seems to be where you are. Seek help, seek advice. Try to invent real people, then have them behave in real ways.

Then have someone edit your work, then learn from that and write again, and so on. . .

Your story is totally unrealistic and unbelievable. You need to study female anatomy. Male too for that matter, because hey stud, eight inches ain't nothin' for a woman to handle. Also entry under the conditions you describe is like cirque de soleile.

Explain to your reader why this nice young man who gives her his jacket to prevent her embarrassment doesn't mind raping her later.

The reason for blackmailing her into silence doesn't work. Any woman I have ever known, especially 17 and 18 year olds (and I have known many since I have been a teacher) would begin screaming bloody murder the moment she woke with a strange cock penetrating her. And everyone would believe her.

The entire story reads like a newspaper description of a sex act with a very thinly veiled attempt to make your characters seem like people.

Keep writing, but work at it. It ain't easy!

You were much gentler than I was, Robert. I commented on this story in Lien Geller's thread (since I know he won't critique non-con). You mentioned some of the same issues I noticed. I also had serious concerns about the ages of the characters -- CJ is a senior in high school, but it's specified that Tori is a junior, and no clarification that she is over 18 -- juniors are typically 16, maybe 17.

And a cock shoved through the cervix into the uterus -- not the first story where I've read of this bizarre feat. It makes me cringe and shudder, and not in a good way. I've had three children, I know what it feels like when one's cervix dialates, and it's no roll in the hay. :eek: On the plus side, when I wrote my comment, I linked to a nifty site about female anatomy, with pictures! :D
 
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Ok, I just wanted to start off with the fact that I really do appreciate your comments and constructive criticism. And the first story is very weak, I'll be the first to admit. However, I was mainly looking for critiques on 3 and 4...and I can promise there's no non con in either, and they're written much better. If you could review the 3rd and fourth parts, I'd be much more grateful. ..
 
Errors such as this make it seem to readers that you are not serious about your writing.


In reference to the uterus thing ... maybe it's just the rapist thinking he's so powerful and strong that he 'entered the uterus.' A little over imagination won't always hurt writing (just look at comics! men can't fly! MEN CAN'T FLY!)
 
Ok, I just wanted to start off with the fact that I really do appreciate your comments and constructive criticism. And the first story is very weak, I'll be the first to admit. However, I was mainly looking for critiques on 3 and 4...and I can promise there's no non con in either, and they're written much better. If you could review the 3rd and fourth parts, I'd be much more grateful. ..
My advice is to not continue a series where the first story is very weak. Everyone is going to start with the first story and then make a decision whether to read any more based upon that. Start a new series that's similar (or not) and make the first chapter the very best that you can write.
 
In reference to the uterus thing ... maybe it's just the rapist thinking he's so powerful and strong that he 'entered the uterus.' A little over imagination won't always hurt writing (just look at comics! men can't fly! MEN CAN'T FLY!)

This, I think. Just because the author and readers know that something isn't possible or scientific doesn't mean that a character, in his/her mind or dialogue, have to know that as well. Showing a character as misinformed/dumb about something could just be part of establishing a real, well-exhibited character.
 
In a comic, we accept that someone got radiated, or came from a different planet, or got bit by a spider. This rape is not only happening in this protagonist's mind, but the story tells us he is actually entering her uterus. In addition he only has eight inches so , hmm, I dunno. I have taken eight in my throat, but past a cervix? I don't think so, no matter what conventions we might accept.
 
In a comic, we accept that someone got radiated, or came from a different planet, or got bit by a spider. This rape is not only happening in this protagonist's mind, but the story tells us he is actually entering her uterus. In addition he only has eight inches so , hmm, I dunno. I have taken eight in my throat, but past a cervix? I don't think so, no matter what conventions we might accept.

You also cut everything down to the barest of words that makes writing seem textbook ... No doubt you can't think that the non-consenualist might be exaggerating in his story telling because he's off in his own world.
 
Everyday, you are full of crap. You have never read one of my stories if you think they are bare. I advocate cutting out only those words that detract from a story. Unfortunately, we have all been taught to write by English teachers who assign a certain number of words or pages, so we beef up our writing with non-essentials. trimming out the excess. I never said or advocated anything "bare". I try to apply the same principles to my own work, which is by no means devoid of romance, descriptions, flavors, sights, sounds, etc. Non-consent is a feature in much of my work, especially the discovery of the ultimate pleasure of surrender. So you speak from the wrong hole. Read my work before you comment on it.

Now for the facts. An author can create any reality he or she wishes, but if they are operating in this world then human anatomy must prevail, unless the writer tells us we are operating in a different reality. "True to life" is a basic tenet of fiction, no matter how far afield the imagination of the writer takes us. If you create a world in which the sun is blue, it can't be red in the next paragraph without your telling us why. Or we (the readers) will all go "HUH?", as I did when I read a bout a penis penetrating a womb, without calling an ambulance.

You need to get over my saying you were verbose. I thought you wrote well except for that.
 
No, this wasn't literary exaggeration, and it's not a comic book; it's being presented as realism. He describes CJ pushing his penis so deep that he finds this secret hidey-hole women evidently have deep in their vaginas and he's able to force his cock into her uterus. He mentions the same thing in one of the later chapters (yes, the author insisted the story got better, and I read further...and no, it does not). He asked for a critique of his story shortly after it posted, and the other writer noticed the exact same problems and told him then it was ridiculous and impossible.

This level of ignorance about the mechanics of sex and how female bodies work is beyond amateurish writing. I certainly hope the writer is old enough to even be posting here.
 
Now this story wasn't for me, in fact I had to skim most of it when I started reading ... but being from the point of view of the rapist, I imagined that the main character was full of himself, so high off his own power that that is how he saw himself, so big, huge & god like that he could have fucked her right to her brain if he chose too.

What the author actually meant, I don't know, but writing leaves room for interpretation at times and a character as vile as this cannot but help think himself to be such a man that he prick touches any part of the body he wishes it too.

Distaste for the story aside, maybe the author really didn't know what he was talking about, but when a character like this who preys upon the fear and control of others is telling the story, that is what I imagine goes through his head.

It's like the character in the tell tale heart, did he really hold the lamp so steady? did he really hear that heart beat over and over again? No, he was nuts ... much like this character. This guys feeling of power leads to exaggeration. I didn't read the entire thing, I skimmed parts because I'm not into things this rough, but that's how I saw it for the parts that I did read.

My comic book comment was just for laughs.
 
OK, there are so many references to this cock-in-the-uterus image that I looked at it. Only the author knows if he really intended that, but on the surface, this is a first-person account by a character who is a cocky pea brain. Thus, he's a character in the story. It would be in character for him to have little knowledge of anatomy and to both talk about jamming his cock up in the uterus and not understanding that that wasn't what was really happening. Only the author can say which it is.
 
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