Fatal Oath

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

Robert A. Heinlein

I've never attempted this forum before as I largely agree with the late Mr. Heinlein, but I fear that I just can't resist.

My latest offering, 'Fatal Oath' is a non-consent story. All of the commentators seemed to either love... or loathe it.

I'm interested in entering into a dialog with anyone who has or will read it.

Thank you in advance.

Heinlein & Chalker? Good taste in authors...

Might want to add a link to it so readers can find it more easily.

Yes...

Provide a link...

https://www.literotica.com/s/fatal-oath

AlinaX said:

Heinlein & Chalker? Good taste in authors...

Click to expand...

You are the first person to have caught the Chalker reference.

It makes me sad...

Hi Nathan,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. You do have a rather interesting one to discuss.

I didn't really enjoy the story, but I did appreciate it. I'm well aware that most abusers were abused, so I found your resolution totally believable.

I'm also familiar with the formula wherein a heroine succumbs to her captor through the almighty orgasm. Even when done well, I find this formula be a total eye-roller, so I was pleased you didn't go there. That said, most readers in the non-consent category likely wanted you to go exactly there and you teased them with just that, so I suspect many readers found your ending to be a nasty little surprise.

Readers looking for that formula are probably the ones who left the comments defending the male character-- as if raping her by threatening to kill hundreds of innocents is somehow benevolent. Some of the other seemingly negative comments I would take to be compliments; like the ones griping about how spoiled she is. Hello?! She's a princess-- shouldn't she be spoiled?

I was willing to believe she could develop an unquenchable fury toward everyone she imagined had wronged her, which is pretty much everyone she knew. That she becomes a tyrant due to her hatred of a tyrant works for me.

I had more trouble with his character. He says at one point that he wants her due to her fiery nature; that much I believe-- he has everything and she's at least a challenge-- but I never quite believed he'd stake everything on his ability to win her heart. Not that I don't think he got what he deserved-- I just had a hard time imagining a tyrant willing to go down that proverbial road.

What the two characters say to each other prior to his death felt overdone to the point of being modern and preachy-- it seemed like the characters were belaboring a point to me rather than talking to each other. Before that, I liked most of your dialogue.

Although the story is all about a woman taken against her will, and not just sexually, this is not what most readers of Non-consent/Reluctance want, so I don't think anyone ought to be surprised some readers were disappointed, to say the least. I know it's not supernatural, but I can't help but wonder what the rating might be if this tale was in Erotic Horror instead.

It is rather horrible, isn't it?

Take Care,
Penny

Many thanks

Thank you Penelope!

I appreciate your willingness to give me feedback on my story. Your critique seems more than fair and I will weigh your comments when I write my future efforts. Let me see if I can specifically answer some of your comments.

You said that you didn't really 'enjoy' the story, and that makes total sense to me; this particular story was not meant to be 'enjoyed' in a traditional Literotica sense, and it sounds like you understood that. The ending was the reason for the story.

Your point about the character of Zander is probably more than fair. I restricted myself to a one chapter short-story when most tales of this type run much (MUCH) longer. The general trope is to show the rapist as being changed by his victim's love. As the chapters are released, the rapist begins to question his earlier assumptions and the victim eventually forgives him... no matter what crimes he has committed.

I didn't want to write a multi-chapter epic, so I was forced to condense Zander's changes and hope that the reader would be familiar enough with the trope to understand what was happening. Your comments show me that I was only partially successful here.

The dialog between the two characters as overlong and preachy? Well... I wrote the story so I could preach to those who enjoy these sorts of stories, so yes, you are probably right here as well, but considering the mindset of many non-con readers, I'm reasonably sure that I wouldn't change a thing. Being a bit preachy is an occupational hazard for a satirist.

I was not surprised by the violent reactions toward my story. Indeed, when I read the comments, I may have rubbed my hands together in a sort of manic glee... ahem... sorry. Your comment about placing it in erotic horror is on point though. I might ask; aren't stories of rape horrible?

Again... thank you so much for allowing me this soapbox.

Nathan_Brazil said:

The general trope is to show the rapist as being changed by his victim's love.

Click to expand...

Who isn't familiar with the dashing rogue and headstrong damsel-in-distress taming one another?

In your story, I never imagined she loved him-- and I hoped she never would. He clearly thought she eventually would love him, but I never saw any reason for him to believe at any point that she actually did.


Why did you choose to tell your story in a non-chronological fashion?

Non chronological

I chose to present it non chronologically in order to delay revealing the fate of her brother. I had hoped to show that her family STILL opposed her wishes, even a year later.

Everyone she had ever loved aligned against her, even when it became obvious that she had the upper hand. Everyone (included many of my readers) wanted her to fold and accept the fate that they had written for her. Truly, she was all alone. I hoped that it would make sense when she snapped-- her hatred boiling over and consuming everyone and everything she knew.