Why do older men become bi-curious?

Maybe it's the result of the brain getting desensitized as we get older. According to psychology, as people get older, their emotions mellow out. What got us riled up in our 20s don't bother us as much in our 40s and 50s. It's like eating spicy food - our taste buds get desensitized and we need to add more spices to taste it.

Probably same with sexual desire - vanilla sex with women doesn't do it for us. We need something more to get us aroused. I'm 49 and almost have a perpetual pink fog where I want to dress up as a woman and get taken as a woman. I have no homosexual tendencies - I still desire women - but am more open to other venues.

I've talked to a lot of married guys who want to suck cock or have some sexual experience with guys. Many state that they never had any bi desires growing up. Many of them went from free internet porn to trannys to gay porn.

LincolnDuncan said:

I've talked to a lot of married guys who want to suck cock or have some sexual experience with guys. Many state that they never had any bi desires growing up. Many of them went from free internet porn to trannys to gay porn.

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maybe watching gay porn brought out some buried desires. If you see something that causes an erection, it must be something you like. It takes time to admit that though

From my perspective as a female whose desires have widened over the years, I think it has to do with "permission."

Growing up in the "free" and noncomformist late 60s and early 70s, there was still a huge compulsion for one's noncomformity to conform. Same sex attraction wasn't part of the equation.

The older I get, the less I feel I have to fit someone else's view of what I should be.

yes, the 'permission' thought is a good one.
society now seems to accept more than say 30 years ago

There seems to be more acceptance now than in earlier years, but there's still the part of finding the right buddy to see if the desires are real or something imagined.

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I'm just glad that I've accepted the fact that another man can turn me on. I like the feeling and am comfortable with it now.

Older bi-curious

I have been asked by several people what I fantasize about as I think about trying my first bi experience.

1. Masturbating a cd under her skirt through her panties.
2. Licking a couple while they are making love and then licking his cum out of her while he plays with my ass.

I would love to feel your warm wet lips around my cock and fill your waiting throat with my cream.

Katiesub said:

From my perspective as a female whose desires have widened over the years, I think it has to do with "permission."

Growing up in the "free" and noncomformist late 60s and early 70s, there was still a huge compulsion for one's noncomformity to conform. Same sex attraction wasn't part of the equation.

The older I get, the less I feel I have to fit someone else's view of what I should be.

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"The older I get, the less I feel I have to fit someone else's view of what I should be." .... Simply and elegantly expressed, Katie.

One of the true, often overlooked 'benefits' of growing older is you reach a point where you simply no longer give a damn what people might think of what YOU might think. While you still might not want to go around advertising your 'curiosity'at the office, (for 'practical reasons) whatever psychological baggage it might have saddled you with earlier in life evaporates with the passage of the years. It's actually quite internally liberating

For example, the fact that watching a video that features some attractive woman swirling her tongue over a man's cock head makes me envious of HER is not something that makes me feel bad about myself.

"For example, the fact that watching a video that features some attractive woman swirling her tongue over a man's cock head makes me envious of HER is not something that makes me feel bad about myself."

Understand completely. Years ago, I forced myself to only be envious of HIM. Now I feel it's okay to want to be doing what she's doing too!

Here is an anecdote from my own life experience. It shows how much the passage of time can strip us of inhibitions and how it might change the way we might handle a situation. Just yesterday I related this to a male 'Lit' member with whom I exchange personal messages. I've shortened it a bit for comment purposes...

Years ago, and I mean many years ago, long before 'personals ads' made such hookups at least a little bit easier, I had a 'missed opportunity' for a M2M encounter. But because I was not 'there' yet, and and wouldn't be for quite some time, I did not take the advantage of it that was all too obvious.

The year was 1979. I was 'between marriages'. It was the around the peak of the 'disco era', where both women AND men were often seen wearing VERY tight 'disco pants' that seem to be almost spray painted on. I think of some of the pants I wore then, and in retrospect I cringe.

At that time I was working at a small design firm in a southern city. One of the employees was a male secretary. I'll call him Jake.

It was no secret around the office that Jake was gay. No, he didn't go around flaunting it, or get in your face about it. Far from it. He was very likeable, and undeniably masculine and handsome. If he had been so inclined, he would have had little trouble being a 'chick magnet'.

Among the features of this particular office building was a long, somewhat drab corridor that ended at a stairwell. Also at the end were a couple of vending machines. One day, dressed in another pair of my ass cheek flattering disco pants, I made my way to the soft drink machine. When I arrived, there was Jake, coins in hand to buy his little soft drink. I stop in front of the machine just as he deposits the coins and pushes the button of his choice. We exchange rountine pleasantries as he bends over to retrieve his soft drink.

As he straightens back up, he YELPS! 'Oh my God, I almost DID IT! I ALMOST did it! At first it didn't register what he meant, but then I realized that as he straightened up, his other hand formed a cup as if he were about to grab my crotch! I suspected that when he was alone with a 'man friend' such playful actions were habitual, and he had ALMOST groped my bulge as if by force of habit.

Now, understand that at that time, I had no interest or even 'curiosity' about M2M intimacy. And Jake was a nice guy, and so I played dumb and made nothing of it....

Fast forward to today. Were that same situation were to happen today, my response would be to invite him into the stairwell, and after looking around to make sure we were alone for a few seconds, I would take his hand, place it on my crotch and ask 'Is this what you 'almost' did?' I would have then offered 'If you can keep shut about it, how about dropping by my place tonite and you can do the same thing, only this time with the pants out of the way.'

Ah, if only there really was a 'time machine'...

kismet999 said:

Where do you land on the intimacy question? The act itself is inherently intimate but was your desire based on having an intimate act with another male or just getting your rocks off and moving on?

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For me, I love to make someone cum - man or woman. Was never into kissing or hand holding etc. Just wanted to get sucked and suck them off. As I got older, I did get more into foreplay. ie. sucking nipples or sucking their balls and even some kissing if the guy wanted it.

saylervee said:

I would have described myself as straight until about 5 years ago when I started having m2m encounters. I'm 50 now.

I've also wondered why it is that so many guys start to get these urges in their '40s...could it be an evolutionary thing? - we still have a sex drive but the quality of our DNA is declining so nature turns our interests to other guys, leaving the young bucks to do the reproducing.

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I think part of it is the declining interest in sex of many women. I understand that the declining interest may be just as much the man's fault but I for one still enjoyed getting off most every day and the wife simply was not into that much sex. There were plenty of guys that also wanted to get off so it was easy to help each other.

Intimacy is such a difficult term to define. Wikipedia defines it as "An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate attachment or sexual activity. While the term intimate relationship commonly implies the inclusion of a sexual relationship, the term is also used as a euphemism for a relationship that is strictly sexual."

I've had my cock sucked by guys and sucked guys cocks and never thought of it as intimate. But I will admit that I totally enjoy giving that level of physical satisfaction in bring a guy to an orgasm by using my mouth on his penis. It's the exact same with a women. With women sometimes I thought it was intimate and sometimes not so much. But then I will admit that using ones mouth to provide physical pleasure to another persons sexual organs is special even if I don't think it always has the emotional connection that I would associate with "intimate".

Anyway, I sucked cock in my teenage years ... and then not again until my 30's ... and then no again until my 50's. I do believe a lot of it is the ease of discovering via the internet that m2m sexual desires is not that rare or bad or sinful.

In the end, for a man it's about what the other guy has in his pants. No more complicated than that.

secret_passion49 said:

In the end, for a man it's about what the other guy has in his pants. No more complicated than that.

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I hope that's not true.

I was in my early 40s when I became curious about other men sexually. I remember coming across a video of two men having sex. It was the first gay video I had ever seen. I wasn't repulsed, but intrigued. Both men were well-built and handsome. I watched that particular video a number of times and was fascinated by it. It was so different by what usually attracted me when I was the surfing the web.

Now I am in my mid-50s and enjoy videos of of men with other men. It is not something unusual or odd now. I really enjoy erotic stories of (mostly straight) guys experimenting with each other. I still prefer heterosexual porn, but gay porn is a niche within me.

I have never done anything with another guy except engage with "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" when I was just a kid. And it is doubtful that I will act on any male curiosities now. But it doesn't stop me from fantasizing about it.

I think that one of the reasons men may find themselves fantasizing about other guys when they enter mid-life is that my this time in life we are probably more comfortable with our sexuality and willing to discover any eccentricities when may discover. Maybe those impulses and yearnings were there all along. Maybe they are new. I'm not sure that it matters. Also, we live in a different time sexually than we did thirty+ years ago. Not only have there been huge advances for gays and lesbians - bisexuality is more embraced now than previously. Maybe we feel that is more okay to explore sexually than previously in our lives.

One particular fantasy of mine is about mutual masturbation with another guy. If that were to ever happen in real life, I'm not sure that I would have to have a deep emotional connection for this to take place. But when it comes to something more intimate - like oral or anal sex - I think I would need to have some sort of intimacy or emotional bond for this to happen. That said, I just can't imagine loving a man the way I love women. But I could see such intimacy growing out of deep friendship.

This is an interesting thread. Let's keep up the conversation.

Dru

kismet999 said:

The fantasy of a M2M episode presents itself on a regular basis to me. However, I have never found a male in real life that would interest me in any kind of relationship or contact. Any bi-curiosity I have begins and ends in fantasy. My assumption is that the bi-curiousity that each of us has varies with the individual. It might be Dom/Sub driven. It might be the aspect of giving sex when obtaining it in real life has become problematic. My testosterone was checked and I am not in the red area as yet. As I see it, two questions need answering: [1] where is the bi-curiousity coming from and [2] how will each of us react to it. I would be interested in how each of you respond to #[2].

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I agree that it varies with the individual. And I think the dom/sub aspect you mentioned should always be taken into account.

hikingman37 said:

I agree that it varies with the individual. And I think the dom/sub aspect you mentioned should always be taken into account.

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#2
I would very much like to meet and have a regular 'buddy' to share and and blow jobs with.

For those who are bi-curious, do you find yourself checking out guys while out and about?

While I'm interested in being taken by a guy while I'm dressed in Sandy, I'm still not attracted to a guys looks. It's more about me being desired so my motivations may be different.

andrewgoogle said:

I was in my early 40s when I became curious about other men sexually. I remember coming across a video of two men having sex. It was the first gay video I had ever seen. I wasn't repulsed, but intrigued. Both men were well-built and handsome. I watched that particular video a number of times and was fascinated by it. It was so different by what usually attracted me when I was the surfing the web.

Now I am in my mid-50s and enjoy videos of of men with other men. It is not something unusual or odd now. I really enjoy erotic stories of (mostly straight) guys experimenting with each other. I still prefer heterosexual porn, but gay porn is a niche within me.

I have never done anything with another guy except engage with "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" when I was just a kid. And it is doubtful that I will act on any male curiosities now. But it doesn't stop me from fantasizing about it.

I think that one of the reasons men may find themselves fantasizing about other guys when they enter mid-life is that my this time in life we are probably more comfortable with our sexuality and willing to discover any eccentricities when may discover. Maybe those impulses and yearnings were there all along. Maybe they are new. I'm not sure that it matters. Also, we live in a different time sexually than we did thirty+ years ago. Not only have there been huge advances for gays and lesbians - bisexuality is more embraced now than previously. Maybe we feel that is more okay to explore sexually than previously in our lives.

One particular fantasy of mine is about mutual masturbation with another guy. If that were to ever happen in real life, I'm not sure that I would have to have a deep emotional connection for this to take place. But when it comes to something more intimate - like oral or anal sex - I think I would need to have some sort of intimacy or emotional bond for this to happen. That said, I just can't imagine loving a man the way I love women. But I could see such intimacy growing out of deep friendship.

This is an interesting thread. Let's keep up the conversation.

Dru

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Great post.

andrewgoogle said:

I was in my early 40s when I became curious about other men sexually. I remember coming across a video of two men having sex. It was the first gay video I had ever seen. I wasn't repulsed, but intrigued. Both men were well-built and handsome. I watched that particular video a number of times and was fascinated by it. It was so different by what usually attracted me when I was the surfing the web.

Now I am in my mid-50s and enjoy videos of of men with other men. It is not something unusual or odd now. I really enjoy erotic stories of (mostly straight) guys experimenting with each other. I still prefer heterosexual porn, but gay porn is a niche within me.

I have never done anything with another guy except engage with "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" when I was just a kid. And it is doubtful that I will act on any male curiosities now. But it doesn't stop me from fantasizing about it.

I think that one of the reasons men may find themselves fantasizing about other guys when they enter mid-life is that my this time in life we are probably more comfortable with our sexuality and willing to discover any eccentricities when may discover. Maybe those impulses and yearnings were there all along. Maybe they are new. I'm not sure that it matters. Also, we live in a different time sexually than we did thirty+ years ago. Not only have there been huge advances for gays and lesbians - bisexuality is more embraced now than previously. Maybe we feel that is more okay to explore sexually than previously in our lives.

One particular fantasy of mine is about mutual masturbation with another guy. If that were to ever happen in real life, I'm not sure that I would have to have a deep emotional connection for this to take place. But when it comes to something more intimate - like oral or anal sex - I think I would need to have some sort of intimacy or emotional bond for this to happen. That said, I just can't imagine loving a man the way I love women. But I could see such intimacy growing out of deep friendship.

This is an interesting thread. Let's keep up the conversation.

Dru

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Ditto on the great post comment!

andrewgoogle said:

I was in my early 40s when I became curious about other men sexually. I remember coming across a video of two men having sex. It was the first gay video I had ever seen. I wasn't repulsed, but intrigued. Both men were well-built and handsome. I watched that particular video a number of times and was fascinated by it. It was so different by what usually attracted me when I was the surfing the web.

Now I am in my mid-50s and enjoy videos of of men with other men. It is not something unusual or odd now. I really enjoy erotic stories of (mostly straight) guys experimenting with each other. I still prefer heterosexual porn, but gay porn is a niche within me.

I have never done anything with another guy except engage with "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" when I was just a kid. And it is doubtful that I will act on any male curiosities now. But it doesn't stop me from fantasizing about it.

I think that one of the reasons men may find themselves fantasizing about other guys when they enter mid-life is that my this time in life we are probably more comfortable with our sexuality and willing to discover any eccentricities when may discover. Maybe those impulses and yearnings were there all along. Maybe they are new. I'm not sure that it matters. Also, we live in a different time sexually than we did thirty+ years ago. Not only have there been huge advances for gays and lesbians - bisexuality is more embraced now than previously. Maybe we feel that is more okay to explore sexually than previously in our lives.

One particular fantasy of mine is about mutual masturbation with another guy. If that were to ever happen in real life, I'm not sure that I would have to have a deep emotional connection for this to take place. But when it comes to something more intimate - like oral or anal sex - I think I would need to have some sort of intimacy or emotional bond for this to happen. That said, I just can't imagine loving a man the way I love women. But I could see such intimacy growing out of deep friendship.

This is an interesting thread. Let's keep up the conversation.

Dru

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Lots of valid points. I think another part of it is that married men in their 50s and 60s have few or no really close friends since most of us have let our wives take charge of our social lives. So we don't have anyone with whom we feel comfortable talking about really personal stuff. One of the unconscious appeals of a regular "buddy" may be to have someone to open up to without having to worry about being judged. After all, if you have gotten past the sexual taboo and shared that level of intimacy, you can probably safely talk about anything. Random hook ups are not going to provide that but when you are in your 60s just getting off may not be enough. Ironically I think you might have to start with the sex because once a friendship is established without that part I'm not sure how you introduce it without unacceptable risks.
Of course all of this is just abstract musing. I haven't figured out how to act on it.