Salvor's new journal

09/29/09 Halo and horns...mostly horns

Most days, I like humans in general and woman more so than men. Today though, I started out with an undercurrent of misogyny. Just something about the very nature of the female animal had me on edge. And as I tried avoiding women I ran into more men, and then I moved from misogynistic to full on misanthropic.

I wanted to just be scary, to walk about with an air of malevolence, so that people would instinctively know to clear a path as I approached. Not that I wanted to be violent or do harm, I just wanted to remove the temptation in interacting with people. In short I wanted to look like Darkness in Legend.


The long flowing cape, the piercing eyes, and the horns. Nothing says badass like a pair of large black horns. Even my favorite Disney villain, Maleficent has those pointy extensions on her head.


I am sure they are heavy, unwieldly and cumbersome. Neck aches, headaches, and several instances of walking into door frames awaits anyone foolish to try and wear such a set without professional help. But still, with halloween coming up, I think I may invest in a pair. Maybe not that big, but noticeable, pointed, and something I can wear when I want to tell the world "approach with caution".

Salvor-Hardon said:

I am sure they are heavy, unwieldly and cumbersome. Neck aches, headaches, and several instances of walking into door frames awaits anyone foolish to try and wear such a set without professional help. But still, with halloween coming up, I think I may invest in a pair. Maybe not that big, but noticeable, pointed, and something I can wear when I want to tell the world "approach with caution".

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Just be careful that you don't turn your head too fast and poke someone's eye out by accident... if you did want to, then go for it. Oh, and don't forget to carry your trick or treat bag with you.

oooooh Maleficent is my favorite Disney character

Or you could just go with the Madonna Bra on your head, and talk to everyone using only a combination of sock puppets and interpretive dance. Everyone would be so confused they would eventually give up and go away.

(Plus I thought Tim Curry's devil from Legend was kinda hot so that probably wouldn't send me screaming in the other direction. Just sayin. . . )

10/04/09 Choosing an avatar.

There is a drawback to being a visual and graphic thinker while being involved in various on-line communities. I create mental images of the people I read and with whom I interact. I have seen photos of some, and others are a complete and utter mystery. Personally I associate the avatar they choose with some aspects, and there are people that I pass over simply because their avatar and the first post or three I read are just not that engaging. I admit it, I am biased based on avatars (iconist?)

Part of the problem is the very nature of an avatar. The etymology of the word itself shows the danger in their usage. "1784, from Skt. avatarana "descent" (of a deity to the earth in incarnate form), from ava- "down" + base of tarati "(he) crosses over." We have to compress our being, personality, thoughts and feelings into a 150 square pixels. The kenosis of such limitations is maddening.

I have met 4 people from lit who have used real photos as avatars, and no amount of photoshop could ever do justice to the presence of the real people. We knew personalities, and established relationships through numerous conversations, and yet seeing the person, each time, was so much more.

And yet as I logged in this morning I starting reading and the first thing I did was look to the left and get that glimpse. What did that person choose to put up to represent themselves? What do they want to show me? Does the image they show mesh with the words they express or is there a disconnect of sorts? Is that disconnect a reason to not trust them to some level?

I've toyed with the idea of turning avatars off. But there's something comforting, something safe about seeing at least a sliver of a person. That's when I changed mine, to its current choice. It fits my mood, it shows who I am, or at least how I feel so that people can get a hint as to what to expect when they read me.

10-10-09 Brain droppings

Just random thoughts running in my head, I don't want to sort through. I'm hoping by getting them on 'paper' I'll get them out of my head.


The more I listen to Bare Naked Ladies, the more I really like their music. Especially "Brian Wilson"

I'm not sure I like the way they portray Green Arrow in the new "Batman: The Brave and The Bold". He's too juvenille.

I really want to meet and talk to a AI expert to see if there is a flaw in my thinking, that Godel's incompleteness theorem presents a theoretical cap, and how it relates to quantum computing.

I need a party. A real party, with music, and food, and laughter and dancing.

Selling my guitar was a mistake. Not a big one but I miss having one when I want one.

Tonight will be a good night to try something new in teh kitchen.

I'm thinking its time I write a new story for Lit.

I wish there was a currency of sorts for thing's like karma, so the math part of my brain can quantify it. I know there is not and can never be, but I still wish.

Salvor-Hardon said:

Just random thoughts running in my head, I don't want to sort through. I'm hoping by getting them on 'paper' I'll get them out of my head.


The more I listen to Bare Naked Ladies, the more I really like their music. Especially "Brian Wilson"

I'm not sure I like the way they portray Green Arrow in the new "Batman: The Brave and The Bold". He's too juvenille.

I really want to meet and talk to a AI expert to see if there is a flaw in my thinking, that Godel's incompleteness theorem presents a theoretical cap, and how it relates to quantum computing.

I need a party. A real party, with music, and food, and laughter and dancing.

Selling my guitar was a mistake. Not a big one but I miss having one when I want one.

Tonight will be a good night to try something new in teh kitchen.

I'm thinking its time I write a new story for Lit.

I wish there was a currency of sorts for thing's like karma, so the math part of my brain can quantify it. I know there is not and can never be, but I still wish.

Click to expand...

Your writing always pleases me. Consider your karmic bank account just a little richer this morning.

glynndah said:

Your writing always pleases me. Consider your karmic bank account just a little richer this morning.

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Thank you

Funny thing about karma...

For me, Maleficent, is truly 'made' by her voice.
I don't know who the actress was, but that voice could curly your toes at a hundred yards.

Handley_Page said:

For me, Maleficent, is truly 'made' by her voice.
I don't know who the actress was, but that voice could curly your toes at a hundred yards.

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Her name was Eleanor Audley. She was brilliant and her voice is so wonderful. Its that measured elegance and polite tone that gives you chills, knowing its a thin veneer to such evil.

Salvor-Hardon said:

Her name was Eleanor Audley. She was brilliant and her voice is so wonderful. Its that measured elegance and polite tone that gives you chills, knowing its a thin veneer to such evil.

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Nobody....NOBODY beats the wicked woman voice of the late great:



man, she could purr.

cloudy said:

Nobody....NOBODY beats the wicked woman voice of the late great:

man, she could purr.

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*shiver*

Oh hell yes!

I may have to do an appreciation post "In praise of women's voices"

Salvor-Hardon said:

*shiver*

Oh hell yes!

I may have to do an appreciation post "In praise of women's voices"

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meow.

(I have absolutely no idea what my own voice sounds like)

cloudy said:

meow.

(I have absolutely no idea what my own voice sounds like)

Click to expand...

I do Oh boy I do

Salvor-Hardon said:

I do Oh boy I do

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Well...do tell.

cloudy said:

Well...do tell.

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Cloudy's voice...

The first unique quality is her southern drawl. Its not the over the top caricature you think of, but she has a warmth and quality that can only be described as "welcoming". If you've ever experience true southern hospitality, you know the feeling. Its like getting hugged n your ears.

Her voice is also kinda low, still very feminine but with a timbre that has depth. You can hear it soft and low in cuddle or yelling at kids across the sandlot. Its a voice that has strength in it, even in a whisper.

And her laugh is infectious. its raw pure genuine laughter.

Salvor-Hardon said:

Cloudy's voice...

The first unique quality is her southern drawl. Its not the over the top caricature you think of, but she has a warmth and quality that can only be described as "welcoming". If you've ever experience true southern hospitality, you know the feeling. Its like getting hugged n your ears.

Her voice is also kinda low, still very feminine but with a timbre that has depth. You can hear it soft and low in cuddle or yelling at kids across the sandlot. Its a voice that has strength in it, even in a whisper.

And her laugh is infectious. its raw pure genuine laughter.

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I think I like your description better than what my dad used to say...he said I had a voice like a drill sergeant (it carries).

cloudy said:

I think I like your description better than what my dad used to say...he said I had a voice like a drill sergeant (it carries).

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Naw, you're way sexier than a drill sergeant. Though I do want to hear you say "you eyeballing me, boy?"

Salvor-Hardon said:

Naw, you're way sexier than a drill sergeant. Though I do want to hear you say "you eyeballing me, boy?"

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To be honest, with three kids - two of them boys - that drill sergeant quality has come in handy now and then.

10-14-09 Going stag to homecoming

In the 15 years since my college graduation, I've only gone back to homecoming once. Even that one was not a pleasant experience, just not tiresome and mindnumbing. It was a even wash.

Part of my reluctance to return is that the culture of the school is not to my liking. I was there as a student and within a year realized I was not the student they were looking for, and my degree would be one of my own making. Thankfully I found like minds and we became a band of brothers and sisters in a world where we didn't belong. And those friends rarely, if ever, get back to the old stomping grounds. Even if we all manged to work out getting together again, the greater part of the time together would be spent in "remember when?" To me, the journey of building the connections, forging the bonds was more enjoyable than the activities that were the backdrop.

Lately though, I've been missing that process. The fun and laughter, the discoveries of probing into someone's past, opening up and being vulnerable as well, all the things you do when you are around people you enjoy for prolonged periods of time. At work, we work. I've gotten to know some co-workers better, though much more slowly, just little glimpses, no glaring revelations. My neighborhood is a not a neighborhood, just gathering of dwellings. Time is the enemy, much more so than in younger days. Staying up til 4 am to talk bad dates and embarrassing moments is okay when you're 19. At 40, its just not worth it the morning after.

Plus there is a certain foolishness that you can't claim at 40. I know full well what will happen when I soak a tennis ball in lighter fluid then shoot it out a Pringles can mortar. I was pretty sure I knew what would happen back then, but, damn, it was fun to watch. Now, even with training for 10K races, I can't out run authorities after the third flaming missile splatters the parking lot.

Facebook has been interesting as we reconnect. Some people have grown and its fascinating to see the depths they've achieved. Others have suffered and hurt, and yet are still the same as they were 17 years ago. And there are some people I avoided back then that I am glad I never connected with.

I may go make a tennis ball mortar this weekend though. I'll just point and say "they went that way... damn kids" when the cops show up.

I'm *thinking* about going to Homecoming this year....haven't been in ages and ages.

Our thing was getting the campus cops to chase us onto the ice-slick parking lot, and then running off (I had front wheel drive) and leaving them spinning in circles on the ice.

10/18/09 Mind and Body

I was aked a question recently, an off shoot of a group discussion. "is it simpler to arouse the mind or the body?" Mind first reaction was "body" only because I know that arousing a mind takes time, effort, skill, and a certain talent, and even then not knowing the deepest darkest reaches of the mind you are arousing, you are probing bit by bit until you find the clues that ring true.

As I thought about it more (it was and is a most haunting concept) the more I realized arousal and simple are not two words that go together. As well, body and mind are not separated and distinct either. I began deconstructing the question, and building it back into something I could work with in detail.

"Arousal" was to be sexual. The goal was to elicit the illicit. It was to be marked by the flushed cheeks, the quickened pulse, stiff nipples, damp pussy, hard cock and the dilated pupils. Those are physical markers, bodily reactions. Without someone being brutally honest, we would never know the thoughts, the true thoughts of mental arousal. Are they picturing sex with me? Is it soft and romantic, wild and kinky? Did I trigger the memory of a particularly memorable romp? Did I inspire an idea they would try with their partner later? Would they be thinking of me as they did it? There are nuances, depths, and splinters to what mental arousal is.

And when the mind is going, so is the body. That's just the way we work.

I wondered if it would be possible to stimulate just the body. Even under lab conditions, double blind studies, the mind is so intricately linked in arousal there's no way to remove it from the equation. I tried to imagine a pair of subjects, chosen at random, with no way of knowing each other before the study. They are tasked with bringing the other to orgasm purely by physical contact. Even with so outrageous an experiment, there are the sights, smells and sounds that are mental. The cues and non-verbals of undressing, the approach, the retreat, the dance we do as we feel each other out before we feel each other up, that is a head game. We do it by instinct, by practice seduction, by trial and error, and by sheer luck.

Turning this idea over and over in my head has given me opportunity to think about times I was aroused. What got me going, what turned me on, what were turn offs, and what was so powerful it wasn't flipping a switch it was overloading a system. I remembered the times I did the arousing. There may have been polite facades to save my ego, there may be more mind shattering moments than I know.

As I sit and bring my thoughts to bear on what is arousal, I come to the conclusion we arouse neither body or mind. We arouse the person; body, mind and even spirit. The heart has reason that reason does not know, and lust has fires that burn through the depths of our full being.

Salvor-Hardon said:

I was aked a question recently, an off shoot of a group discussion. "is it simpler to arouse the mind or the body?" Mind first reaction was "body" only because I know that arousing a mind takes time, effort, skill, and a certain talent, and even then not knowing the deepest darkest reaches of the mind you are arousing, you are probing bit by bit until you find the clues that ring true.

As I thought about it more (it was and is a most haunting concept) the more I realized arousal and simple are not two words that go together. As well, body and mind are not separated and distinct either. I began deconstructing the question, and building it back into something I could work with in detail.

"Arousal" was to be sexual. The goal was to elicit the illicit. It was to be marked by the flushed cheeks, the quickened pulse, stiff nipples, damp pussy, hard cock and the dilated pupils. Those are physical markers, bodily reactions. Without someone being brutally honest, we would never know the thoughts, the true thoughts of mental arousal. Are they picturing sex with me? Is it soft and romantic, wild and kinky? Did I trigger the memory of a particularly memorable romp? Did I inspire an idea they would try with their partner later? Would they be thinking of me as they did it? There are nuances, depths, and splinters to what mental arousal is.

And when the mind is going, so is the body. That's just the way we work.

I wondered if it would be possible to stimulate just the body. Even under lab conditions, double blind studies, the mind is so intricately linked in arousal there's no way to remove it from the equation. I tried to imagine a pair of subjects, chosen at random, with no way of knowing each other before the study. They are tasked with bringing the other to orgasm purely by physical contact. Even with so outrageous an experiment, there are the sights, smells and sounds that are mental. The cues and non-verbals of undressing, the approach, the retreat, the dance we do as we feel each other out before we feel each other up, that is a head game. We do it by instinct, by practice seduction, by trial and error, and by sheer luck.

Turning this idea over and over in my head has given me opportunity to think about times I was aroused. What got me going, what turned me on, what were turn offs, and what was so powerful it wasn't flipping a switch it was overloading a system. I remembered the times I did the arousing. There may have been polite facades to save my ego, there may be more mind shattering moments than I know.

As I sit and bring my thoughts to bear on what is arousal, I come to the conclusion we arouse neither body or mind. We arouse the person; body, mind and even spirit. The heart has reason that reason does not know, and lust has fires that burn through the depths of our full being.

Click to expand...

I have always said "the brain is the most important errogenous zone..."

Interestingly enough...I have been brought to orgasm with no physical contact whatsoever...just suggestive, erotic whispers in my ear.
However I have never reached orgasm with touch alone.

10-24-09 I wanna know what love is.

Forgive the Foreigner song reference, but it fits. I've been turning over the word "love" in my head, contemplating and pondering, and I've come the conclusion that those four little letters really piss me off. Its a word that has can either be tremendously powerful, or completely ineffectual, annoying or comforting. The fact that it's so fluid, that it can be so many things and can be so easily and so wildly misinterpreted makes me want to abolish it from the english language. But because it is so entrenched, and it can be so powerful, I know I can't. But I at least want to annotate it.

To most people with a christian background, or who have been through church based couples counseling, there is the familiar "four loves" from the Greek. Storge is the love you feel for family and friends, that bond of connectedness and camaraderie. Phileo is the love for things that fascinate you, or that you enjoy, i.e. loving pizza, books, 13th century French sex toys what have you. There is Eros love of boners and wetness and heavy breathing and orgasms aplenty. And then there's Agape supposedly divine love, unconditional love, love by choice for no other reason. I'm neither a linguist, and no longer want to be a theologian, but I am a math geek. So I propose annotating love with a 4 digit qualifier so that the concept being expressed can be more easily understood.

It should be expressed "I love-XYZQ you" or "I love-XYZQ this ......" where X is a 0 to 9 scale for love that is teh fascination or phileo, Y is the connectedness or storge, Z is eros, and Q is agape. The greater the number the higher the intensity of the feeling.

An example from real life would go like this. A co-worker said to me "I love you". I said "I love you too." Now, she is relatively new, we haven't talked a lot, but she is a nice person and we get along well. I make her job easier, I'm easy to get along with, we have a few areas of common interest, and she's pretty good looking. She's not super model hot, but she is attractive.

With the new annotation would go her saying "I love-5442 you" and I reply with "I love-6352 you too". The discrepancy in numbers is because she is from a culture I know little about, and wold like to learn, I don;t know her that well and I am a bit guarded around new people, she doesn't know I am a sex jedi but I am not repulsive either, and while she is attractive I don't know that she is into the same sexual deviances I am, but we could easily make out were we not both married, and work place dalliances rarely work out. Any unconditional or unmotivated affinity would be low.

The merit is we can say "I love-6180 Dancing with the Stars" and people know I mean I am fascinated by the dancing, there's no connection, I get aroused by the women in skimpy clothes, but its not something I am emotionally invested in. Saying "I Love-7828 you" is a good friend I don't have to worry about showering around but "I love-8699" is someone who makes me feel like king of the world.

Its that last digit, the unconditional love that is hard to nail down. I've got some 9 friends, that even after years of silence, and even some tense moments, all it takes is a phone call and we are laughing and talking and we are reconnected y>7. There are a number of 5<Q<8 friends, that while I enjoy them, and I would do a lot for them, there are limits. And there are people in my life that are Q<4. They really have a few qualities that make me want to help them at all. Q<1 and they might as well be strangers.

All in all, I know this will never work. Not everyone thinks in numbers and pictures the way I do. Some people would find it hard to approximate the four numbers in a timely fashion. Some people would inflate to stroke ego or decieve, some would low ball just to hide the feelings that are so hard to understand much less express, even with the magic of numbers.

I think Randall Munro fo XKCD.com said it best with :

god sakes, I love (9756) your geeky, math driven mind.

and the whole sex jedi thing is just a bonus. bonus, I said, not "Bone us."

11-07-09 An open letter to Literoticans

This is my 14,000th post, and it gives me pause to stop and think about this place that's not a place, a community that has no location. I am thankful, grateful to be a part of the conversations, the interactions and to some extent the lives of the people here. It is the people here, the minds and personalities that come through the words, that makes Lit feel like a virtual version of the neighborhood bar (Abstrusions being a prime example).

Since my first post here, I've had the good fortune to actually meet and enjoy the company of six other Litizens. Every time my stomach was jumpy and my hands trembled as I got closer to the meeting place. Every time the reward was well more than the risk, and those moments are truly highlights of my life.

Without getting all math geeky and counting, there are several dozen more I would call friend, and dear friend. People I would help in whatever way I could, either making a database, or trying to diagnose a computer problem, offering advice or even a listening ear. I've spoken with them on the phone, we've exchanged emails, there are christmas cards and secret santa gifts and a collection of kiss prints that remind me day in and day out, I am never more than a day's journey from a warm hug and a cold beer, any where in the world.

There have been posts presented here that have challenged my thinking, that made me stop and truly wrestling with my preconceived notions. There has been art work that has taken my breath away, and stories that struck chords so deep, I thrummed even days later. I came here for arousal, and found myself stirred in unexpected ways. To sit and stare at a screen for minutes through tear filled eyes, at a site that two clicks away has people laughng and flirting and humping, that says a lot about the people you find here.

Now that I'm done being introspective and nostalgic, I'm going to go look at boobs

But I do think this place is special. I think the people here are exceptional.