Question for everyone!!!!

Ok, so! I’m having a hard time understanding something! First I’ll explain what has transpired then I’ll ask the question. Bear with me if you will. Ok, so I’ve chatted with a few ladies on forum and thought things were going well, that is until I complimented them on how good looking they were! Once I told them they had great eyes, great lips, or just all out good looking, you could almost hear the perverbial “click” as the tempo of the conversation changed! Then an answer that was quite a few lines long went down to answering in one or two words, then the response went from within minutes to days then never again.
Then in a couple othe cases, in their bio they have things written like, “What would you do to me?” Or “Talk dirty to me” or whatever the case may be. So trying what they ask I do on a mild level and then get the door slammed shut there too!

I try to be a decent guy and get to know people first and get an idea of, are they going to be ok if I say this or say that. So when I do say something or send a picture from the net pertaining to said quote.

SO! My question is simple, and I know the ladies who have done this probably won’t voice up and say. But guys and gals alike I’d like to know...

Why????

Because I’m baffled as all hell why we, as adults are on a “adult oriented- sexual site” and people get offended by talking sexy???????

I’m not claiming to be an expert, but maybe they just didnt like the specific way you dirty talk and/or give compliments.
Place yourself in the shoes of a generous lady here on lit that is trying to interact with some interesting guys around here: she probably recieves dozens of messages, most are sexual, many of those are gonna be along the same line. ‘You’re pretty’, ‘i wanna fuck you’, ‘let me eat you’,...

Try to be creative, get a genuine connection and use original phrasing and topics that your partner at the other end of the line is also into.

If you were allready doing that: great, good job! The particular ladies probably weren’t a good match, which can happen, keep looking!
If not, try it, its a dance between two people walking a tight rope; its fun and exciting, but easy to fall off. Thats ok, just jump back on and learn.

Having said that, i agree it can be frustrating not knowing what you did wrong and sometimes I wish a lady i was chatting with would be a little more willing to tell me what i did to upset her and give me a second chance. But hey, thats life.

Good luck!

Time to move on

Maybe because the ratio of men to women on this site is heavily eskew. One could hypothesize that if you don’t tickle her fancy juuuuuust the right way that she will simply lose interest and move on to the next leg humper. (Not that you are a leg humper). I’m just saying for Christ sakes if you’re a red blooded male with at least average intelligence then you know this is an AWFUL site to meet women. Just terrible.

Try treating them like a person, and not a object. Sex is more than body parts, maybe they just want to get to know you first, and be valued for who they are, and treated as just a sexual image

I don't wanna make a long winded post.
But unfortunately I've had more negative experiences on here than positive so I try to keep a low profile but sometimes I'm in heat and I'll post something to take the edge off but that's to help me and my cravings, its not an invitation and if I do get to a point with a guy where we might talk offsite something always makes me regret it. So sometimes I'll talk to someone once only, sometimes they only talk to me once because there are men who could share some stories about some of the women on here, so we're all cautious bar a few.

But I find those who cant accept "no thank you" are the ones that are abusive, so I block them and do my thing, but then the guy who is nice doesn't get a look in, or the one who appears to be nice turns out to be needy and obsessive, so I can't speak for those ladies but when I find it too much I turn off my PM's or leave my inbox full.

I will pm strangers sometimes but as I clear some space in my inbox the obsessive ones have filled it up again. if there were more women here no one would bother with me so I'm not flattered by compliments because I don't believe them to be genuine especially since most of the time they dont know me.

But there lies the cycle, I won't let them get to know me because I think what's the point. So i have to ask myself why I come on here, as I don't need an account to listen to audios but I do like to post now and then, however, im not looking for a connection with anyone from lit, this place is an escape from the 'good girl' I am 90% of the time.

And when I am in bad girl mode if I want to express publicly so be it, but don't get angry if I dont want your 'assistance'.

I'm just rambling now, none of this is helpful.

This is such a tough question to answer, it really does depend on the individual circumstance!

I think in some cases things in someone's bio are not necessarily an invitation to anyone, but more to be taken as a description of what that person is into.

I've stopped replying to various people for a few reasons, but for me personally, the biggest factors are external from lit. From my posts people may have gathered that I have suffered a bereavement, I work non-stop, I'm often tired. So sometimes I come on lit feeling bubbly and happy and ready to talk to everyone, but other days I've popped in for a distraction that I don't manage to find, or struggle to get out of my own head and can't think clearly, or it was just a flying visit - and before I know it, the PMs build up. Then, in the case of last night, I completely empty my inbox because I've lost track of where I replied and where I haven't, and haven't intentionally neglected to reply!

So that's my long-winded, rambled way of saying it might not even be you, it's probably factors in an individual's life that stops them replying sometimes. There's no harm in sending one more message, just to be sure, but if that one goes unanswered too, it's probably a sign to stop trying.

The boards can be less pressure than PMs as well. I enjoy the one line banter, but as I said, I have so much in my head at the moment that I only really feel able to converse properly with someone who really knows me, as I don't feel very likeable right now!

Try not to take it personally, which I know is easier said than done!

CuriousDaddy86 said:

I’m not claiming to be an expert, but maybe they just didnt like the specific way you dirty talk and/or give compliments.

Place yourself in the shoes of a generous lady here on lit that is trying to interact with some interesting guys around here: she receives dozens of messages, most are sexual, many of those are gonna be along the same line. ‘You’re pretty’, ‘i wanna fuck you’, ‘let me eat you’,...

Try to be creative, get a genuine connection and use original phrasing and topics that your partner at the other end of the line is also into.

If you were allready doing that: great, good job! The particular ladies probably weren’t a good match, which can happen, keep looking!
If not, try it, its a dance between two people walking a tight rope; its fun and exciting, but easy to fall off. Thats ok, just jump back on and learn.

Having said that, i agree it can be frustrating not knowing what you did wrong and sometimes I wish a lady i was chatting with would be a little more willing to tell me what i did to upset her and give me a second chance. But hey, thats life.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

I just wrote a long response to your question but apparently I got timed out and it was deleted - so short answer: personally I agree with pretty much everything CuriousDaddy said and LikeableMe.

We are generally creatures of emotion. Sometimes we're just as horny as you (or even more so!). Other times we're not really thinking about sex but want some attention or just want someone to talk with.

Hang in there. Move on. Play out on your favorite threads.

The worst thing about Lit, IMHO, are not women, who stop writing you with no discernable reason, when the communication that flowed before was fairly "light", as you indicated it was, in your opening post, Krazy Kat. The ladies who posted #5, #6 and #7 mentioned some plausible reasons, why that may have happened.

Much worse than that are women, who lead you on. Who let you believe they want what you want (and have clearly indicated in several posts of yours), and to top it off, who make you believe in their mails that you have reached their hearts and souls. Only to gost you then, after you begin losing your heart to them.

Important to realize, perhaps, is that Lit is not a place where you can find eternal happiness, however much you may crave it. I used to believe several times I had found that, only to learn later, how self-centered pretty much every woman is, who comes here. After all, when 10 or more men are available for the picking, for any women, and maybe 50-100 for any woman, who can write a half ways decent ad, why should she really behave any different than women who go shopping on-line for items of clothing?

They can always send everything back and order more; it won't cost them anything

The "trick" IMHO would be to find a woman who is definitely not self-centered and egotistical. Who wants to listen, understand, and provide some empathy here or there. In return for what she is getting from you. A woman, who used to exist in earlier times, perhaps, when the "rules of the game" were completely different, when civilized behavior was still the norm

But we live in different times now, Krazy Kat. No sense complaining; you'v gotto run with the flow, and enjoy to the fullest what you can get.

glBock said:

The worst thing about Lit, IMHO, are not women, who stop writing you with no discernable reason, when the communication that flowed before was fairly "light", as you indicated it was, in your opening post, Krazy Kat. The ladies who posted #5, #6 and #7 mentioned some plausible reasons, why that may have happened.

Much worse than that are women, who lead you on. Who let you believe they want what you want (and have clearly indicated in several posts of yours), and to top it off, who make you believe in their mails that you have reached their hearts and souls. Only to gost you then, after you begin losing your heart to them.

Important to realize, perhaps, is that Lit is not a place where you can find eternal happiness, however much you may crave it. I used to believe several times I had found that, only to learn later, how self-centered pretty much every woman is, who comes here. After all, when 10 or more men are available for the picking, for any women, and maybe 50-100 for any woman, who can write a half ways decent ad, why should she really behave any different than women who go shopping on-line for items of clothing?

They can always send everything back and order more; it won't cost them anything

The "trick" IMHO would be to find a woman who is definitely not self-centered and egotistical. Who wants to listen, understand, and provide some empathy here or there. In return for what she is getting from you. A woman, who used to exist in earlier times, perhaps, when the "rules of the game" were completely different, when civilized behavior was still the norm

But we live in different times now, Krazy Kat. No sense complaining; you'v gotto run with the flow, and enjoy to the fullest what you can get.

Click to expand...

THIS!!!!! YES THIS!!!! All of it. Well said GlBock. I mean have you seen the kick messenger thread. WHY MEN WHY?!?!

Really?

“how self-centered pretty much every woman is, who comes here.”

Not true, I’ve found the exact opposite in my interactions with other women who are by and large compassionate, supportive, decent human beings.

I don’t know anything about the interactions you gentlemen have had, easiest thing is to directly ask for feedback, why not? What’s the worst that can happen?

AlliaPotestas said:

Really?

“how self-centered pretty much every woman is, who comes here.”

Not true, I’ve found the exact opposite in my interactions with other women who are by and large compassionate, supportive, decent human beings.

I don’t know anything about the interactions you gentlemen have had, easiest thing is to directly ask for feedback, why not? What’s the worst that can happen?

Click to expand...

Lucky woman you are. Asking feedback from a ghoster? How do you get that accomplished?

And finding out, whether a woman is self-centered or not, how do you get that done? By asking her "are you self-centered"?
.

So here is a little food for thought not sure if it is accuarate not, it goes both ways men and women i feel do this as well. But how many have an excitement factor trying or chasing seeking out a pleasurable moment ( what ever that may mean to an individual) that once they find that desired feeling, they are done or the high is gone and need to search after it again.

Not saying this is the only thing going on. But along with some of what others have said we are starting to build an extensive list as to why people may or may not be talking. So many personalities and desires / goals. I would say this is not in my opinion the most healthy place for relationship. But it can be place we find fun.

Most of the above posters have given good reasons why things fizzle out or individuals are ghosted.

Real life is a big reason why some people become "quiet". Feelings of guilt if one is in a RL relationship may contribute to this, especially when things become intense with someone online.

It might be that the person you are corresponding with read some of your posts and learned something about you that was a deal breaker. Or maybe they themselves were not really all who they purported to be and realized they had gone too far.

Ultimately, isn't everyone on here "self-centered"? That doesn't preclude caring for others or treating them decently. Sometimes conversations online naturally fall off and later may or may not re-ignite.

Try not to take it personally or to make generalizations about an entire gender (not that I think you are, OP; I appreciate your desire to explore this).

I can’t speak for all women

I can’t speak for all women but there are a few different reasons I have given a man short responses to PMs. Here they are in no particular order:
+ Maybe I wrote a short response because I had a limited amount of time to chat - if I am at work I can only get in a few words while my boss isn’t looking.
+ Maybe I wrote a short response because I am tired - I want to respond to you, but I’m worn out.
+ Maybe I wrote a short response because I don’t know what to say - sometimes I just can’t think of a good response, but I want to continue the conversation and hear more of the sexy things you want to tell me. I can’t think of a sexy response, but I want more.
+ I hope you’re not offended by this last one. Maybe I wrote a short response because what you wrote is not really what I wanted to read - it might be because you repeat yourself. OR It might be because what you wrote to me was something that is totally focused on your own pleasure without any consideration or understanding on how to sexually please me. OR what you wrote might be something that I have heard men say to me all the time and I am not interested hearing the same thing from you.

You can PM me some samples of things you have previously written to women or that you want to write to a woman and I can look at them and maybe give you tips?

kraziecat,

Sounds like you might be spending too much time on-line. I think all of the responses from the women here are really valid and I can relate to what they are saying. Posting, writing, reading stuff here is very much like fulfilling an easy fantasy "as needed." There is nothing wrong with this until you start expecting a certain type of response. ...and this world(on-line) is not the world I occupy when I go out to work or with friends or to make new friends. Very little of what I read here or say, or get as responses comes anywhere close to the way it happens off-line and in person.

Thanks for all the feedback folks! Been busy all day today and finally getting a chance to read.
All of what has been said here and I know some have messaged me with good ideas and reasons! I’ve gone as far as tell some that I talk to that maybe I don’t belong on Lit as maybe I’m too nice of a guy!? I chat with a couple ladies and have been for a month or two. I’ve asked them how they feel chatting with me and telling them what has happened with the others! I’m not going to say what they said but...

Like I said before as I read what some have said here, about people being busy and can’t say much at the time. But to go on for days? I get that we all have lives and such, I do too..

I don’t know, maybe it is me??

Thanks for the info everyone!

It is tough to sustain a conversation long term. I have found that both parties have to make an effort. When you get a short reply back, for whatever reason, it can be hard to make a reply back that can continue the conversation or keep the interest up. When i don't get a reply back to previous pms with a person i usually go back and read my reply to see if i wrote anything that was offensive or off putting. I try to be thoughtful in my replies but sometimes it is not enough to keep up the interest from the other person. A lot of times i write nothing sexual and that makes me think that maybe i come across as boring sometimes, i don't really know.

All you can do is keep trying and just be yourself.

A few things come to mine but these are just guesses.

Perhaps they were just messing with you? Some people do like doing that kind of stuff.

Perhaps the pic or pics you saw of them wasn't really them. Or was a much older pic and they no longer look like that.

Perhaps they don't take compliments well. I know such people. They have such low self esteem that they can't possibly fathom that anything might be likable about them. These same people can't stand it if someone else gets a compliment either.

Perhaps they are sensing that you are only attracted to whatever feature you mentioned and not them.

Perhaps they felt that you were getting too close and they were uncomfortable.

Maybe they like you and enjoy your company but they've mentally friend zoned you and when you talk about their physical trait's it drives home that you're wanting more when they've already moved you to the part of their brain that will keep you from ever being sexually desirable to them. You don't have to be offensive or off putting to have become someone who isn't sexually desirable to another person. Some people just don't click sexually.

again, more good points Stargazer,Jada and Domesticity!!!

glBock said:

Important to realize, perhaps, is that Lit is not a place where you can find eternal happiness, however much you may crave it.

Click to expand...

That's a strong statement. I know multiple people that met here....now married or living together. I know others that have long distance relationships going and see each other multiple times a year.

talkeasy5813 said:

I can’t speak for all women but there are a few different reasons I have given a man short responses to PMs. Here they are in no particular order:
+ Maybe I wrote a short response because I had a limited amount of time to chat - if I am at work I can only get in a few words while my boss isn’t looking.
+ Maybe I wrote a short response because I am tired - I want to respond to you, but I’m worn out.
+ Maybe I wrote a short response because I don’t know what to say - sometimes I just can’t think of a good response, but I want to continue the conversation and hear more of the sexy things you want to tell me. I can’t think of a sexy response, but I want more.
+ I hope you’re not offended by this last one. Maybe I wrote a short response because what you wrote is not really what I wanted to read - it might be because you repeat yourself. OR It might be because what you wrote to me was something that is totally focused on your own pleasure without any consideration or understanding on how to sexually please me. OR what you wrote might be something that I have heard men say to me all the time and I am not interested hearing the same thing from you.

Click to expand...

All very reasonable, valid reasons. I'm sure these are some of the same reasons real-life dates don't go well. Then there's the "We just didn't click." reason...in both realms...that accounts for two people never seeing or contacting each other after a first date. Keep in mind that the perceptions of the two people about how things are going rarely sync up all that well. On Lit you also have the unique problem that the "woman" you're chatting with may really be a guy who's here to mess with other guys. I'm sure that's a very small percentage of the women's profiles here, but they do exist.

I've had many of the same kinds...and more...of experiences the OP has had, but I view this kind of as a numbers game, just as in real-life dating. You have to go through a lot of "lemons" to find the apple of your eye. It helps to be patient and persistent. It's also a good idea to take time to be completely honest with yourself about who you really are and what you really want. Once you determine those things, don't swerve from them for someone else's sake, and especially not because you happen to be really horny or desperate on any given evening. I've discovered that, for myself, being honest on my profile and posts about who I am and what I want has led to my best connections being with women who've been the initiators of the contact.

I really love this thread, some good points and some good discussion and surprisingly little trolling. I think that speaks to the genuine nature of the OP or that's my impression of him from reading his posts. I really don't have much to ad at this moment but wanted to voice my appreciation for the points made and a few of them are helpful to me as well.

I hate the friend zone. Lol