Tell a Joke

Bunper Stickers:

A BARTENDER IS JUST A PHARMACIST WITH A LIMITED INVENTORY

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

I heard somewhere that “Bless your Heart” is Southern for “You're Stupid."

Bob Munden passed away Dec 10th at the age of 70.




AN EX-FBI AGENT WHO WAS SUPPOSEDLY TIMED IN LESS THAN 3/100'S OF A SECOND.

THIS GUY COULD SHOOT YOU EVEN IF YOU WERE HOLDING A GUN ON HIM, YOUR REACTION WOULD NOT BE FAST ENOUGH TO PULL TRIGGER.

NO - I MEAN YOU COULD START PULLING THE TRIGGER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE WITH HIS GUN STILL IN THE HOLSTER AND YOU WOULD LOSE.
IMPRESSIVE STUFF

http://www.wimp.com/fastestgunman/

Big ones, small ones, short ones, long ones, if you really like some titties raise your.... ummmm hands.

http://mamelles.net/

BusyAfternoon said:

...

He's 17 and she's only 15. But together, they won the 2012 Junior Division National Carolina Shag Dancing Championships.

They're dancing to Joe Turner's "Flip, Flop and Fly."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF80SbicjBE&feature=player_embedded

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A great performance that doesn't translate into British.

Shag Dancing Championships would mean "FUCK Dancing Championships" and therefore against Literotica's rules for the age of the contestants.

oggbashan said:

A great performance that doesn't translate into British.

Shag Dancing Championships would mean "FUCK Dancing Championships" and therefore against Literotica's rules for the age of the contestants.

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On reflection......I like the English version better. Let's say that he was 19 and she had just turned 18 and were part of a family that gyrated night and day and...ah screw it, I didn't think of that when I posted, so thanks. Sorry to disappoint..... your version does sound interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-5QhHm2Nh0&feature=player_embedded


short history of "shaging:"

Some dance historians say there is evidence to suggest that the term "shagger" was used to refer to vaudeville performers in the late 19th century [3], who were known to have danced the Flea Hop. Later "shag" became a blanket term that signified a broad range of jitterbugging (swing dancing). In the 1930s there were arguably a hundred or more variations of the dance, which differ in various respect depending upon the geographic region in which they were done. Thus, Carolina Shag often bears only the faintest resemblance to other dances that share the shag designation. Contemporary St. Louis shag, for instance, (an eight-count dance) does not look much like contemporary Carolina Shag, though both originated in the Swing era of the 1930s and 40s. Though St. Louis Shag is still often danced to swing music, Carolina shag is more closely associated with a variant of rhythm and blues known as "beach music". And, for this reason, many dancers no longer consider Carolina Shag to be a true swing dance.

The term "Carolina Shag" is thought to have originated along the strands between Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and Wilmington, North Carolina, during the 1940s. According to Bo Bryan, a noted Carolina Shag historian and resident of Beaufort County, the term was coined at Carolina Beach, North Carolina. Today, the Shag is a recognized dance in national and international dance competitions held across the United States.

Shagging is a synonym for Dogging

I've been trying to find a video of Bacchanale from Saint-Saens Samson and Delilah but nothing matches what I saw live in the 1960s.

Sadlers Wells Opera produced Samson and Delilah. The end of the Baccanale had apparently naked dancers shagging on stage. It was so good I saw it three times with different young ladies.

After all it was London in the Swinging Sixties.

"Mother In Law" is an anagram for "Woman Hitler"

5 interesting but useless facts:

Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black", the non racist version of "Snow White", has been put on hold .
All of the 7 dwarfs : Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Car Jack, Drive By, Pimp and Wog, have refused to sing "Hi Ho"
They also say they have no fucking intention of "Going off to work".

The Climbing Goats of Morocco.
Watch them in video 16 Goats In A Tree
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQev3UoGp2M&feature=player_embedded

Another Anagram

RobDownSouth said:

"Mother In Law" is an anagram for "Woman Hitler"

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Strap on is an anagram for No parts

A pregnant woman is walking down the street when an armed robber bursts out a bank firing in all directions, hitting the woman three times. They rush her to hospital where the doctors save her and her triplets but can't locate the bullets. She later gives birth to two girls and a boy. Years pass until one day the eldest girls comes running to her mum to say she'd been for a pee and a bullet came out. Mum sits her down and explains what happened. A week later the other daughter does the same, so again she sits her down an explains what happened years before. A few weeks later her son comes bursting into the room 'let me guess' says mum 'you had a wee and a bullet fell out?' 'No,' says the boy




'I had a wank and shit the cat.....'

RUSSIA – Baby-Swinging Yoga is growing in popularity in Russia.

The video below shows a Russian woman – Lena Fokina – doing yoga with a squirming baby. She uses “dynamic exercises” that involve swinging it by its arms and ankles, upside down and over her head.

Baby Yoga with Lena Fokina is the biggest trend in Russia today and will soon be coming to the United States.

Russians have for centuries felt that swinging babies around helps develop them into “tough, strong” individuals.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6IHjSJfunk&feature=player_embedded

Russians will typically swing their babies until they reach age 2 – then they will begin the Tossing Toddler phase. Toddlers are often tossed 10-15 fifteen in order to “toughen them up.” Afterward, the toddlers are given a shot of vodka.

Vladmir Putin has often said that if he wasn’t swung as a baby, he might not be as gifted and brilliant as he is now. “My mother swung me every day, and that has made all the difference,” said Putin.

As per usual the Yoga enthusiasts in the United States want to “kick it up a notch” so they are introducing Bikram Swinging Baby Yoga or Hot Swinging Baby Yoga. The mother will take her baby into a yoga room set to 120 degrees fahrenheit and then… the swinging begins.

Here’s the Baby-Swinging video. Check it. It IS real.

Pre-kindergarten Jokes:

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period...

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection; urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.

When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.

"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.

"It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"

To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much unhappiness.I hope you're all getting this down. -Woody Allen

Burger Wars
Because of the current "Burger War" raging
between McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's,

Taco Bell has joined the battle by introducing
their new One Pound Taco Supreme!



Run for the border!

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

shamelessZZZ said:

ZZZ .,, ^^ Likely the most truth ever told.

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Hey zzz I was just thinking about you...long time.

BusyAfternoon said:

Hey zzz I was just thinking about you...long time.

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Well now. ,,. I read Your work every day. ,,. It is great. ,,. and as We both know that I am not good at this, I do enjoy Your work and so does a lot of My Friends.

BusyAfternoon said:

Hey zzz I was just thinking about you...long time.

Click to expand...

I do enjoy Your work. ,, and as We both know I am no good at this. ,,. But I do read Your stuff every day and a lot of My Friends sees it too.

Keep it coming Please BusyAfternoon.