Trixareforkids
Silly Rabbit
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Lol, you could correct it later, but the last line is what make me smile. I took it as an intentional screw up, caused by virtual reality...
a companion to 30 in 30
- Thread starter Senna Jawa
- Start date
Lol, you could correct it later, but the last line is what make me smile. I took it as an intentional screw up, caused by virtual reality...
Angeline
Poet Chick
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I find your poem interesting because it can be interpreted a bunch of ways. And who cares if it says February? We are allowed to write about whatever month we want, right? I personally am really happy it's not February anymore, but that has nothing to do with your quirky little ku.
Tzara
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Thanks.I find your poem interesting because it can be interpreted a bunch of ways. And who cares if it says February? We are allowed to write about whatever month we want, right? I personally am really happy it's not February anymore, but that has nothing to do with your quirky little ku.
I want to send you a book about Miles Davis. I need to read it first, though.
I know. That sounds like a bad pickup line. It's not, but...
For those who don't know, here's Miles' Kind of Blue, one of the most famous jazz cuts of all time. Angie can explain to you why.
Angeline
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Ooooh that sounds lovely. Start reading.
As to explaining why Kind of Blue was revolutionary for its time and remains the best-selling jazz album ever, um I'd rather not bore people. Best to just listen to it. If you have listened to earlier jazz recordings going from Dixieland to bebop, you will notice Kind of Blue feels different. Wholly different.
Actually T-zed it sounds like a pretty good pick-up line--at least for someone like me. Lol.
Tzara
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Well, I actually will send you the book once I finish it, if you're interested.Ooooh that sounds lovely. Start reading.
As to explaining why Kind of Blue was revolutionary for its time and remains the best-selling jazz album ever, um I'd rather not bore people. Best to just listen to it. If you have listened to earlier jazz recordings going from Dixieland to bebop, you will notice Kind of Blue feels different. Wholly different.
Actually T-zed it sounds like a pretty good pick-up line--at least for someone like me. Lol.
And I promise not to hit on you about it.
Probably.
Hey. That Tathagata sighting was pretty cool, wasn't it? Can you sweet talk him into hanging around?
Angeline
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Well, I actually will send you the book once I finish it, if you're interested.
And I promise not to hit on you about it.
Probably.
Hey. That Tathagata sighting was pretty cool, wasn't it? Can you sweet talk him into hanging around?
Believe me I've been trying for years.
Surely there has to be some Desejo love out there
thanks for the reads Tzara always enjoy your poetry, just wish I knew half as much as you about the use of metre etc, but it turns what little brain I have into mush trying to decipher any of it, it may as well be a different language.
Even though you and a few others here show me it exists I can't seem to make it work
thanks for the reads Tzara always enjoy your poetry, just wish I knew half as much as you about the use of metre etc, but it turns what little brain I have into mush trying to decipher any of it, it may as well be a different language.
Even though you and a few others here show me it exists I can't seem to make it work
Trixareforkids
Silly Rabbit
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Desejo, your 4-6 is a wonderfully sad piece of plain speaking, a new favorite.
greenmountaineer
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I agree, stark words matching the reality.
We can not treat this, not/here
That simple phrase, placed where it was in the poem, was compelling. It gave the ending line an anti-climactic tone, ie, one of resignation.
Powerful writing.
Desejo
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Tzara
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Desejo:
Those last two poems, especially that last one, were crazy good. I feel like I'm putting Fourth of July bunting around a funeral, like some yahoo city councilman with no conception of honesty.
You really are a good poet. You should publish some of this stuff.
Really. You should.
Those last two poems, especially that last one, were crazy good. I feel like I'm putting Fourth of July bunting around a funeral, like some yahoo city councilman with no conception of honesty.
You really are a good poet. You should publish some of this stuff.
Really. You should.
I have to agree with Tzara, GM and Trix about the strength of your writing Desejo, I have always been very interested in your work and have rarely been let down.
Thanks for the poem sort of Tzara
I can hear it and when I read it I think I get the way the metre works but when I try to understand it sometimes I think hitting myself in the head with a hammer would hurt less
Thanks for the poem sort of Tzara
I can hear it and when I read it I think I get the way the metre works but when I try to understand it sometimes I think hitting myself in the head with a hammer would hurt less
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Trixareforkids
Silly Rabbit
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Desejo, you are putting out some really lovely pieces. The second stanza of 4-11 is really beautiful. You draw such wonderful pictures with your words. 
Desejo
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Desejo, you are putting out some really lovely pieces. The second stanza of 4-11 is really beautiful. You draw such wonderful pictures with your words.
Thank you Trixie. I don't have enough time to polish these, but I'm glad there is some salvageable material here and there.
Angeline
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More than salvageable, Des. Tzara is right that you have a gift. You're really good at bringing the reader into the world of the poem. And you have a perspective--from all your travelling imo--that few of us can claim. You must have so many stories! I hope you get a chance to polish these up (they sure don't need much) and publish them.
Poem
I was thinking that
"Garner" is a word not
Said in polite company.
I tipped my eye over the lip of my glass.
You were standing there waving in all kinds of biscuits.
Of course, I was older then. Mixed up, baccarat.
It was your legs. So planted.
Fingernail on your lip.
I was thinking that
"Garner" is a word not
Said in polite company.
I tipped my eye over the lip of my glass.
You were standing there waving in all kinds of biscuits.
Of course, I was older then. Mixed up, baccarat.
It was your legs. So planted.
Fingernail on your lip.
Angeline
Poet Chick
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Go Remec!
I am reading, oh yes I am. I like today's a lot--it actually feels humid (believe me, I get it: I was so happy to see the sun today!). I like the American sentences, too.
I am trying to work up the nerve to join you. Maybe if I start small...
I am reading, oh yes I am. I like today's a lot--it actually feels humid (believe me, I get it: I was so happy to see the sun today!). I like the American sentences, too.
I am trying to work up the nerve to join you. Maybe if I start small...
Remec
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I am reading, oh yes I am. I like today's a lot--it actually feels humid (believe me, I get it: I was so happy to see the sun today!). I like the American sentences, too.
I am trying to work up the nerve to join you. Maybe if I start small...
Only 17 syllables is pretty small, just sayin'.
Angeline
Poet Chick
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Only 17 syllables is pretty small, just sayin'.
I know. I am out of the habit: surgery and a few months on pain drugs was shuttin me up! But I am healing and off drugs so now so I just need to put the headphones on, crank up the music and see what happens!
Anyway you know it's not the 17 syllables. It's the 30 days.
Just let me whine a little. Lol. I'll get there.
Tzara
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I think this poem is very strong, though it is fuzzy as to what, exactly, it is about.
I assume that it is a personal thing, which makes it OK to be somewhat vague.
But it also complicates it. I think the reader needs to have a better understanding of what the narrative of the poem is. That's the only problem I have with it. It's a very good poem, otherwise.
Bird likes it anyway.
I assume that it is a personal thing, which makes it OK to be somewhat vague.
But it also complicates it. I think the reader needs to have a better understanding of what the narrative of the poem is. That's the only problem I have with it. It's a very good poem, otherwise.
Bird likes it anyway.
Angeline
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It's about my parents. I know the pronouns are sketchy. I thought afterward where I could have id'd them clearly, but yeah I was vaguing it up--not even sure why. I also am thinking about making it a longer poem. So yeah I'm indecisive at the moment. But you'll look at revisions?
Thank you for the feedback and the jazz.
PS I am really excited cause any day now I shall receive The Young American Poets (edited by Paul Carroll in 1969). It's out of print but there are used copies here and there. This is my third copy (I move and lose stuff). It has lots of great obscure poetry, a lot of New York School and Black Mountain poetry. If you don't have it already, I think you'd love it.
Tzara
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Of course.
PM me if you post it and I don't notice it, or just PM the poem to me.
I'm writing Critical Response Papers right now and so both picky and cranky.
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