how can i make my girlfriend my Mistress?

So I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now and tried to put the bdsm lifestyle behind me but I just can't I crave being submissive. I told her that I like when she gives me an attitude and is in control but I don't think she is getting what I'm trying to say. Omg I just want her to degrade me boss me around and torture me so badly! How can I do this without making this weird lol

needamistressss said:

So I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now and tried to put the bdsm lifestyle behind me but I just can't I crave being submissive. I told her that I like when she gives me an attitude and is in control but I don't think she is getting what I'm trying to say. Omg I just want her to degrade me boss me around and torture me so badly! How can I do this without making this weird lol

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You can't make her do anything. Sit down and have an honest conversation with her. Hinting at it just isn't going to work. The only way this works is with open communication. If it turns out she isn't into it, look for another solution.

Tips for talking to her:

Write it out so you won't skip anything.

Find articles/blogs/stories detailing the desired relationship dynamic, show her.

Can't talk without stuttering? Send an email and encourage questions.

All else fails? Show her this post.

Meekme always gives great advice. Just talk to her honestly. If she freaks out then she's not right for you anyway.

"How can I make her be what I want her to be?" is what I'm hearin here.

Good luck

I don't think that you can make anyone be dominant. They have to be so inside. I tried pushing my first wife into dominating me and when she tried i felt so bad inside because it really wasn't in her nature. Needless to say it kind of fell to the side after that. I have spent a lot of years to find the one woman who could really dominate me and have it feel like the right way.

It's not that Dominance isn't in the nature, for a lot of women-- it's more that 1) women have been socialised out of expressing dominance, and it's hard to come back to it, and
2) what you think of when you imagine your perfect mistress might not be what She actually wants. You want her to tie you up and torture you, she's thinking "Fuck that sounds like a lot of work just so he can masturbate, and does this mean I'm not going to get laid anymore?"

If you know exactly what you want, what you will accept from a Dom? You're bottoming, not submitting.

And that's okay, you know. It's just knowing this might make your search a little more fruitful. There's an essay linked in my signature, which might be helpful -- give you guys another way to think about the problem.

Remember that what you're asking is something that you understand (in the way that it's meaningful to you) incredibly deeply. You've probably thought through this over a period of years, and I suspect that you'll have very well-honed fantasies - possibly with some real-time experience too.

Don't expect her to arrive at full-on Mistress status immediately.

Think about how you can make femdom meaningful to her (not you). So if she likes shopping, you take her shopping, pay for stuff, carry the bags. If she likes her feet (or whatever else) being massaged, do that. Build her preferences into the relationship. Begin to ask her to take control of the things that matter to her. Do stuff. Be helpful.

Find femdom resources that are much lighter than the places you want to get to. Remember that she needs a starting point right now, not an ultimate goal. If you inspire her from the start, she may begin to look further and explore things more for herself.

You're not alone - this is an incredibly common dilemma. I think a lot of women have the potential to be Dominant, but it needs to come in her own time, at her own pace - however much you crave everything all at once!

A first step might be a bet. Place a bet and say, we'll play XBOX (or sth else obviously) tonight, whoever wins, is in charge. If your gf is a dominant type she will like this challenge, if she isn't then bad luck.

Rather than dropping hints, why not sit down with her and communicate?
Tell her the things that you are looking for, then give her time to digest that.
Don't expect her to dive straight in, and don't expect her to be able to embrace domination easily.
I'm a Top in some things, but in no ways a Domme. There are a lot of people who will be more comfortable Topping in specific activities.

Possibly by showing her a video of what excites you, will excite her as well?