COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Mental Illness

I don't really talk in here much...

I had a work event tonight and it was completely stressful and exhausting so I've decided to write something. I usually have enough battery power to get through a few hours of light socializing. Tonight I had none.

I have GAD and for the most part, I cope. When I cope with things, each individual event adds a weight. Each weight stays with me until I'm crawling and eventually until I cannot move. Once I stop moving a panic attack triggers. This is the cycle I've noticed. I go longer and longer without stopping, so I think I'm actually doing quite well. But, for anyone that knows panic attacks, the thought of having one causes terrible fear. So, everyday, I'm aware that something really bad is going to happen... I just don't know when. And while there is a cycle, I never know when that one thing is going to happen and I'm going to be fucked. Completely fucked.

I read this awhile ago and I thought of this thread. It's something that I related to in some ways, though not all. So I'm posting the link: 8 Things People With Generalized Anxiety Disorder Want You to Know
Also, sorry it's Bustle...

My anxiety can be annoying. Super annoying. It's annoying for me, and it's annoying for other people. Please know that anxiety sufferers are very aware that the consequences of our anxiety are annoying.
Click to expand...

This is the part that gets me the most. It makes the panic attacks worse because I'm aware that it isn't ok. I'm aware that what I'm doing is causing trouble to those around me. And it does that vicious cycle I talked about some time ago.

Anyway, the event added a weight and I felt like putting this here.
 
*HUGS* MeekMe. I understand some because both of my adult kids, my husband, my mother and my coworker all have various forms of clinical anxiety.

:rose:
 
Hey, I remember her!

So last week, between my nice therapy people, it was decided to let me have another go with Adderall. (It was generally suspected to have contributed to my meltdown last year, but never certain.) As much as I've been able to get everything else better, I've still been floundering with motivation and concentration. It's been incredibly frustrating.

I've been back on the short-acting dose for a week, and the improvement is amazing. Even Master has noticed and applauded! I feel a bunch like the old me, but maybe new and improved. It feels so good to not only Get Things Done, but to want to, to stick with something for more than 15 minutes, and even poke at the hard things.
 
desertslave said:
So last week, between my nice therapy people, it was decided to let me have another go with Adderall. (It was generally suspected to have contributed to my meltdown last year, but never certain.) As much as I've been able to get everything else better, I've still been floundering with motivation and concentration. It's been incredibly frustrating.

I've been back on the short-acting dose for a week, and the improvement is amazing. Even Master has noticed and applauded! I feel a bunch like the old me, but maybe new and improved. It feels so good to not only Get Things Done, but to want to, to stick with something for more than 15 minutes, and even poke at the hard things.
Click to expand...

So happy for you! I know what that lack of motivation feels like, especially when contrasted with a recent day of really good productivity.
 
That's awesome ds.
I recently convinced my doc to up my thyroid meds and take me higher than the standard recommended levels, because I have always had naturally high thyroid activity. The increase in energy levels, concentration, mood and mental acuity has been so refreshing. I'm me again, for the first time in ages! :heart:
*happy dance*
Getting so much done, attacking projects, etc. I can relate :)
 
I'm experiencing a degree of success managing ptsd with magnesium, zinc and b group vitamins and a fairly strict exercise schedule. Still struggle a little with the depression side of it but ptsd symptoms are responding well.

May help some, not others. I wanted to get off the prescription meds after 10yrs on them though. Always question your doctors.

There are many different forms of ptsd so many different treatments are required. I had no success with mainstream psychs and cognitive therapies until I met a bloke who dealt exclusively with combat induced ptsd who was able to illicit a 60% improvement in social functioning within a half hour session.

No fix-all that I'm aware of though. Best of luck.
 
Collar_N_Cuffs said:
I'm pretty sure spring does that to people, too :)
Click to expand...

Honestly, I used to hate spring. Right up til pretty recently, actually. My best friend's cousin died after surgery in March, many years ago. My first Sir died in a car wreck the end of February, 1983. My best college friend and ex-girlfriend died from leukemia a few weeks later, March 8th. My daughter was born in early April, then held in NICU for 2 weeks. My favorite aunt died March 22nd 1992, and my ex and I had it out over Easter, 1999. Finally, my mom died March 17th 2 years ago. Spring depressed me because it felt like a damned lie I can't get out from under. Cherry blossoms make me cry.

But out here, everything is bright yellow and happens sooner. It helps, not having the timeline six weeks early. Right now the peach trees at a local orchard are just ending their bloom. It's so much better here, with the subtle disconnect. And, of course, it doesn't hurt that everything in my life, right now, seems to be improving almost daily. For the first time in several years I can see futures (yes, plural) and I feel confident about all of the variations. It's weird but pleasant.
 
I feel so weird. The last 2 weeks have been a nightmare of pain and frustration, but I've held it together passably well (save a few tears on Master's shoulder a few times). Now, the light is finally appearing, and I'm all sorts of weepy and having nightmares and can't concentrate on anything. I can feel a dark mood poking at me, and I'm trying to tell it to leave me be, because I'll be physically better in a few more days.

But I'm floundering anyway and it makes me so damned MAD. It's just been one thing after another all year, so far. Most of it was good, some of it turned to ashes, some of it was just plain confusing. I feel like I keep starting over instead of actually moving forward.

I am so grateful for Master. He fusses over me when it's obvious to him I need some pain meds (he's better at noticing my pain, isn't that typical? LOL), he pulls me out of my "brain-churn," he tries to keep me positive (and probably gets even more annoyed than I am), and today he even brought me flowers for Mother's Day. :heart:
 
desertslave said:
I feel so weird. The last 2 weeks have been a nightmare of pain and frustration, but I've held it together passably well (save a few tears on Master's shoulder a few times). Now, the light is finally appearing, and I'm all sorts of weepy and having nightmares and can't concentrate on anything. I can feel a dark mood poking at me, and I'm trying to tell it to leave me be, because I'll be physically better in a few more days.

But I'm floundering anyway and it makes me so damned MAD. It's just been one thing after another all year, so far. Most of it was good, some of it turned to ashes, some of it was just plain confusing. I feel like I keep starting over instead of actually moving forward.

I am so grateful for Master. He fusses over me when it's obvious to him I need some pain meds (he's better at noticing my pain, isn't that typical? LOL), he pulls me out of my "brain-churn," he tries to keep me positive (and probably gets even more annoyed than I am), and today he even brought me flowers for Mother's Day. :heart:
Click to expand...

I often find that I can keep things together just fine when I'm in the middle of a situation but get the reaction when the worst is over or even well after everything is over.
This goes for both patching up accident victims and being hit by heart break and other things in between.

It usually helps to let the reaction run it's course, but I also have to remind myself that things are better already, that everything that needs to/can be done is done etc.
 
My 2 cents: There's definitely a lot of ignorance around it. People tell me "how can you have depression when you've got this and that...". It's not a switch you can just turn off.

It took many years before I was finally put under the right treatment, but not before years of close friends and family seeing me as an unstable crazy person. I had so much anger, rage from childhood emotional and sexual abuse that in large part I think led to the worst struggle for me. And that was to figure out who the heck I really was inside. I looked in the mirror and saw nobody, like I had no soul. Wasn't until after high school that I told myself I don't have to fit in anywhere and just like that the world kept on spinning. I accepted myself but still had to come to terms with other things.

As to whether mental illness has any relation to sexuality: in a way, yes. I think the experiences definitely have an effect on your sexual responses.
:rose:
 
My adult non binary child has just had a med change that has lead to more energy and less depression. I am both hopeful and afraid to hope because usually when I do, I get let down hard but I want this person to find a path to an independent life as a contributing citizen so bad.

My mother actually asked me to do some concrete things for her. I went figuring she'd fuck it up as always but I did the things and she didn't tear up my soul too much. OTOH I did drink tonight. lol.

No changes on my adult son.

A coworker just left the job working with me to be somewhere healthier. I am happy for her and now looking for my safer place after working with a insane boss and psychopathic boss's boss.
 
7LivesManyFaces said:
My 2 cents: There's definitely a lot of ignorance around it. People tell me "how can you have depression when you've got this and that...". It's not a switch you can just turn off.

It took many years before I was finally put under the right treatment, but not before years of close friends and family seeing me as an unstable crazy person. I had so much anger, rage from childhood emotional and sexual abuse that in large part I think led to the worst struggle for me. And that was to figure out who the heck I really was inside. I looked in the mirror and saw nobody, like I had no soul. Wasn't until after high school that I told myself I don't have to fit in anywhere and just like that the world kept on spinning. I accepted myself but still had to come to terms with other things.

As to whether mental illness has any relation to sexuality: in a way, yes. I think the experiences definitely have an effect on your sexual responses.
:rose:
Click to expand...

I think that childhood sexual abuse can't do anything but have an effect on your sexuality. It colored my world for decades. It took seven years of therapy to come to terms with it. Still, though - the effects are still there in many ways. PTSD and anxiety issues.
 
I struggle with anxiety and depression, but what's been the most pain for me as been my co-dependency. I've been heavily isolating for months now. I've never been comfortable with putting myself out there for people to see because I'm scared that they'll see my like I do. I tend to be needy, particularly to women, which has ruined relationships and friendships for me. For 6 years now, I've given up on having relationships. Not just intimate ones, but even just forming new friendships. I've finally decided that what I want is to have healthy relationships and not let my personal problem get in the way of sabotaging them. But before I can achieve that, I have a vast forest of nightmares to trench through. I'm going to attend a coda meeting today for the first time in a long time and I'm just starting to use Meetup for the first time to broaden my social life and learn no skills that will help me on my to living a healthy and happy life, whether I'm in a relationship or not.
 
Gianbattista said:
Great, you found it!

Good luck in your endeavours! I love the idea of meet up, there look such interesting groups of things to do on there, but none local to me! I have recommended it to friends and family when they move to new places though, as I think it's good to meet people from a variety of environments and backgrounds.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your help, GB. :)
 
xPassionx said:
I struggle with anxiety and depression, but what's been the most pain for me as been my co-dependency. I've been heavily isolating for months now. I've never been comfortable with putting myself out there for people to see because I'm scared that they'll see my like I do. I tend to be needy, particularly to women, which has ruined relationships and friendships for me. For 6 years now, I've given up on having relationships. Not just intimate ones, but even just forming new friendships. I've finally decided that what I want is to have healthy relationships and not let my personal problem get in the way of sabotaging them. But before I can achieve that, I have a vast forest of nightmares to trench through. I'm going to attend a coda meeting today for the first time in a long time and I'm just starting to use Meetup for the first time to broaden my social life and learn no skills that will help me on my to living a healthy and happy life, whether I'm in a relationship or not.
Click to expand...

Good for you! Those are great steps forward.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

K
Absolution (closed)
51 52 53
Replies
1K
Views
17K
heartofcourage
H
THROBBS
ABC Exhausting, though not Exhaustive
Replies
7
Views
6K
dombeotch
D
neonflux
Storytelling, BDSM, and catharsis - a scientific basis for same?
2
Replies
46
Views
2K
intothewoods
intothewoods
E
The U.S. Monetary System and Descent into Fascism
Replies
15
Views
584
JAMESBJOHNSON
J
Songcatcher
Read this
2
Replies
25
Views
684
Songcatcher
Songcatcher
Back
Top