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As The Hospital Pervs

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LongDrySpell said:
Without question, the most absurd thing that has happened to me at work to date:

I used to work on an all men's residential ward. One of the men who lived there masturbated almost constantly, and he preferred to do it in public. We would try redirecting him to his bedroom or the restroom, but he would keep returning to a spot in the middle of the hall.

I was coming back from break, and I heard a new staffer yell from the back bedroom area that another resident was having a seizure. I ran towards her...




And slipped in a puddle of semen. Then landed, on my ass, in said puddle.
Click to expand...


I don't think OSHA has a category for that.

OMFG that is funny! and gross. and funny. but so gross. grossly funny....
 
LongDrySpell said:
OK, I didn't learn this one in my CNA class. Please tell me, what is a scrotum hammock? This could come in handy - lots of our post-op rehab cases have grotesquely swollen scrotums.



Unanswered question of the day: can men with Down Syndrome have intercourse? (Just the physiology. I'm not going into the "should" today.) None of us, with about 100 combined years of experience, have ever seen one even get an erection. Or masturbate. (And some of our clients do nothing but.) These are the things we talk about while waiting for meetings to start.
Click to expand...

Take a clean pillowcase, tuck it under the swollen testes (flat with no wrinkles), and tuck the rest under the folds in the groin to keep them from resting on the bed. It never really makes the swelling go down, but it prevents the skin break down. This works well with patients that have flank and saddle edema, because the groin area is also swollen with a place to tuck. This particular person was 'third spacing' and weeping with edema from the abdomen down to the feet.

It's a good alternative to shoving a washcloth under there because the texture of fitted sheets, chuck pads, and washcloths are not good for the edematous areas.

I have become a huge fan of the flat sheet. I started putting the flat pull sheet on top of the chuck pads (as opposed to the chuck pads on top of the flat pull sheet). I figured it is so much work to turn the patient anyway, it makes no difference in the effort of changing everything.

It's an awful sight to see. I can't imagine how it feels. I think the cool smooth feeling of the flat fabric (sheet and pillowcase) might be more comfortable.
--
I am not sure about the Down Syndrome and erections either.
 
LongDrySpell said:
Without question, the most absurd thing that has happened to me at work to date:

I used to work on an all men's residential ward. One of the men who lived there masturbated almost constantly, and he preferred to do it in public. We would try redirecting him to his bedroom or the restroom, but he would keep returning to a spot in the middle of the hall.

I was coming back from break, and I heard a new staffer yell from the back bedroom area that another resident was having a seizure. I ran towards her...




And slipped in a puddle of semen. Then landed, on my ass, in said puddle.
Click to expand...
Next time put a wet floor sign in front of his jack spot.
Hahaha! I hope you weren't injured!
 
achingyearning said:
I just now decided to call my new CD "Scrotum Hammock"

I know that Walmart won't stock it but fuck 'em

so there
Click to expand...

Scrotum,
Scrotum,
it's my wrinkly crinkly bag of skin.

Scrotum,
Scrotum,
it's the thing I keep my testes in.

Well it's wrinkly
and it's crinkly
and it's covered with hair
and I don't know what I'd do if it was not there
(falsetto) Scrotum,
(deep bass) Scrotum,
it's my wrinkly crinkly bag of skin.
 
CT scan at shift change and I want to go home. The fresh RT relieves the dayshift RT, and I wondered when in the world my fresh RN would show up and relieve me.

The fresh RT asks me: Want to hear a funny story?

I figured he must have been joking. I had no lip-gloss on and my face was frazzled and moist with the effort. I didn’t have a neuron left to fake a laugh.

He wasn’t joking, so I said: Ok.

He said: It’s a trauma drama. One day a man was driving with a woman. She was in a compromising position, if you know what I mean. He slammed his car right into the back of a dump truck. They were both admitted to the ICU, in rooms right next to each other.

I asked: What do you mean, compromising position? Were they unrestrained in the vehicle?

He said: You know what I mean.
I said: No, I don’t.
He said: He was distracted.
I said: Her head was in his lap?
He said: Yeap.

My face turned pink, and then I felt the blood draining from my face.

I asked: Did she amputate his manhood off during the collision?
He said: No.
I asked: Did her head get crushed?
He said: Her head was rammed into the steering wheel, but it wasn’t crushed.

I felt better.

I asked: So what happened?
He said: It turns out that during the resuscitation everyone assumed that these two trauma patients were a couple.
I asked: They weren’t?
He said: No. The patients were identified and the wife came in.
I said: No way. What happened?
He said: The two families started fighting because the wife was calling the female a slut in the hallway. We had to separate the patients to opposite ends of the unit.

I said: This isn’t funny at all. What’s the point of this story?

He said: I guess, don’t put yourself in a compromising position while driving.
 
I am known to dominate the respiratory therapy department.

RT: I don’t have your half of the unit, but I want you to know that when you call me, I will come over to your side.

Me: How do you know I will call you?

RT: You are very needy. It’s all about your patients. There isn’t a whole unit of vented patients to care for: just yours. It takes 2 RTs to tend to your 2 patients.

Me: That’s right!
 
True story.... years ago I was driving late at night in an urban area and a big sedan in front of me missed the bend in the road and hit the guard rail pretty hard. I stopped and ran up to see if anyone was injured. I glanced and saw that the driver was getting head. The woman in his lap was making noises like she was hurt but the guy (who looked extremely angry) yelled for me to get the F out of there.

Now you've got to realize that while the Sopranos is a TV show, it is based on reality and sometimes in NJ it pays to get the F out if there when you're told to..... so I got back in my car and drove off


sweepthefloor said:
CT scan at shift change and I want to go home. The fresh RT relieves the dayshift RT, and I wondered when in the world my fresh RN would show up and relieve me.

The fresh RT asks me: Want to hear a funny story?

I figured he must have been joking. I had no lip-gloss on and my face was frazzled and moist with the effort. I didn’t have a neuron left to fake a laugh.

He wasn’t joking, so I said: Ok.

He said: It’s a trauma drama. One day a man was driving with a woman. She was in a compromising position, if you know what I mean. He slammed his car right into the back of a dump truck. They were both admitted to the ICU, in rooms right next to each other.

I asked: What do you mean, compromising position? Were they unrestrained in the vehicle?

He said: You know what I mean.
I said: No, I don’t.
He said: He was distracted.
I said: Her head was in his lap?
He said: Yeap.

My face turned pink, and then I felt the blood draining from my face.

I asked: Did she amputate his manhood off during the collision?
He said: No.
I asked: Did her head get crushed?
He said: Her head was rammed into the steering wheel, but it wasn’t crushed.

I felt better.

I asked: So what happened?
He said: It turns out that during the resuscitation everyone assumed that these two trauma patients were a couple.
I asked: They weren’t?
He said: No. The patients were identified and the wife came in.
I said: No way. What happened?
He said: The two families started fighting because the wife was calling the female a slut in the hallway. We had to separate the patients to opposite ends of the unit.

I said: This isn’t funny at all. What’s the point of this story?

He said: I guess, don’t put yourself in a compromising position while driving.
Click to expand...
 
achingyearning said:
True story.... years ago I was driving late at night in an urban area and a big sedan in front of me missed the bend in the road and hit the guard rail pretty hard. I stopped and ran up to see if anyone was injured. I glanced and saw that the driver was getting head. The woman in his lap was making noises like she was hurt but the guy (who looked extremely angry) yelled for me to get the F out of there.

Now you've got to realize that while the Sopranos is a TV show, it is based on reality and sometimes in NJ it pays to get the F out if there when you're told to..... so I got back in my car and drove off
Click to expand...
Makes sense. I don't think 'Good Samaritan' law applies in this situation.
 
Nursing diagnosis: Powerlessness, related to: Loss of function, uncontrolled pain, lack of privacy, lack of knowledge.

Intervention: Communicate with the patient and family, facilitate family presence, orient the patient to surroundings, establish a trusting relationship, maintain privacy.

Expected outcomes: The patient and family will experience an increasing feeling of control of the situational crisis as evidenced by: Participation in decision making activities, seeking information about treatment and care, accepting referrals for support, utilizing allied staff for support and assistance.
 
Primary Assessment

A- *Airway with Cervical spine protection.
B- Breathing
C-Circulation
D-Disability (Neuro)
E-Expose/Environmental control: Take off clothing and keep patient warm

Secondary Assessment

F-Full set vitals/Family presence/Focused adjuncts: monitor/cath/g-tube
G-Give comfort: pain management
H-History/Head-to-toe assessment
I-Inspect posterior surfaces-Maintain c-spine protection. Do not logroll the patient onto the side with the injured extremity.

*I bet every test question will revolve around this.
 
I feel a sudden and urgent need to be kept warm..... please assist






sweepthefloor said:
Primary Assessment

A- *Airway with Cervical spine protection.
B- Breathing
C-i
D-Disability (Neuro)
E-Expose/Environmental control: Take off clothing and keep patient warm

Secondary Assessment

F-Full set vitals/Family presence/Focused adjuncts: monitor/cath/g-tube
G-Give comfort: pain management
H-History/Head-to-toe assessment
I-Inspect posterior surfaces-Maintain c-spine protection. Do not logroll the patient onto the side with the injured extremity.

*I bet every test question will revolve around this.
Click to expand...
 
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