Harder and Faster (Erotic Poem)

Your hot breath on the back of my neck, your
strong hands holding mine above my head, your
hard cock resting between my naked thighs
Your deep voice whispering in my ear " I am going
to fuck you until you pass out from sheer passion," pressing
your engorged tip to my shaved lips, staring into my eyes
Teasing me with just the head, swabbing it, in and out, reaching
down giving my slick mound a firm smack, making me inhale
sharply, gasping for air
Your fingers rubbing between my silken slit, placing
them into my mouth, greedily sucking off my juices, as
you plunge into my tightness, you silently swear
Pumping your hips harder and faster, grabbing my
hair, my hips and back arching into you allowing
you to delve deep
Harder and faster you drill into me, making me
moan and squirm, bucking against you, as I cum, my
my juices covering you as they seep
Harder and faster, your breath increasing to
a pant, both our bodies covered in sweat, groaning
as you fill me with your hot cream
Your fingers digging into my hips, as you continue
to jerk, emptying every drop, pulling out, you slam into
my dripping cunt, making me scream

If I could recommend anything, it would be breaking this up and removing alot of the distracting punctuation.

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Your hot breath on the back of my neck
your strong hands holding mine above my head
your hard cock resting between my naked thighs

Your deep voice whispering in my ear,
I am going to fuck you until you pass out from sheer passion
pressing your engorged tip to my shaved lips
staring into my eyes

Teasing me with just the head, swabbing it in and out
reaching down, giving my slick mound a firm smack
making me inhale sharply
gasping for air

Your fingers rubbing between my silken slit
placing them into my mouth, greedily sucking off my juices
as you plunge into my tightness
you silently swear

Pumping your hips harder and faster
grabbing my hair
my hips and back arching into you
allowing you to delve deep

Harder and faster you drill into me
making me moan and squirm
bucking against you as I cum
my juices covering you as they seep

Harder and faster
your breath increasing to a pant
both our bodies covered in sweat
groaning as you fill me with your hot cream

Your fingers digging into my hips
as you continue to jerk, emptying every drop
pulling out, you slam into my dripping cunt
making me scream

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At least to me, it is easier to read this way

It's erotic all right, but for a scene in a story rather than a poem.

I can't say I've ever got prose poetry although many swear by it and I do think there are way too may 'Yours' in this piece

UnderYourSpell said:

I can't say I've ever got prose poetry although many swear by it and I do think there are way too may 'Yours' in this piece

Click to expand...

Another reason for breaking it apart ... makes it easier to spot any redundancies.

Magnetron said:

Another reason for breaking it apart ... makes it easier to spot any redundancies.

Click to expand...

I think it only needs the one in the third line, we know it's your whatever, it doesn't need repeating every line

Hot breath on my neck,
strong hands holding mine
above my head, your cock
rests between my thighs
as a voice whispers in my ear etc