Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

*Loud crash coming from someplace in in the apartment*
Ah shit! What are the cats getting into?
 
Mommy! Are you making me a baby brother?

Or some variation there of. :D
 
"I like the foreplay a lot, hun, but can you put the real thing in now?"
 
1. The fire alarm.

2. The baby alarm.

3. The burglar/intruder alarm

4. Knocking on the door. 'Open up! This is the Police!'.

5. Rats running across the floor.

6. Flood siren/Tsunami Warning.

7. "Daddy? Can I have a drink?"

8. The front door opening.

9. Your adult children using their key to arrive for an unexpected visit.

10. The vicar paying his annual courtesy visit...
 
"Hey look! I found a quarter!"

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"

"Don't worry! I'm sure it will grow back!"

"Hey wait, you're not Lou."

"Wow! So that's what umami tastes like!"

"I haven't been this wasted since the last time I got pregnant."

"Your eyes are so beautiful. I can't wait to add them to my collection!"
 
I think we might be related.

After family research on Ancestry, it is quite likely that my wife and I ARE related, but we have to go back several hundred years to establish the link.

That wouldn't work in the Incest category. If we are related, there are a couple of thousand other living people who share that part of our ancestry.
 
After family research on Ancestry, it is quite likely that my wife and I ARE related, but we have to go back several hundred years to establish the link.

That wouldn't work in the Incest category. If we are related, there are a couple of thousand other living people who share that part of our ancestry.

I was afraid to date anyone in my hometown. Hell, the surrounding three counties! There are Mormon polygamists in my family tree, and Wyoming ain't all that populous.
 
I was afraid to date anyone in my hometown. Hell, the surrounding three counties! There are Mormon polygamists in my family tree, and Wyoming ain't all that populous.

I'm stuck on part of my Ancestry in the 17th Century. One man with a distinctive and easily traced surname married the eldest daughter of a John Smith. His father? His grandfather? Both were John Smith. But which John Smith? There are at least ten baptisms of John Smiths in the local parish register in probable years and all their fathers were called John...

But there is the other side of the coin. A woman with my real (and rare) surname was one of the few survivors of a shipwreck on the Dutch coast in the 17th Century. Her husband died in the wreck. She married a local man who took her name to distinguish them from the other villagers who only had three surnames between them. Her 21st Century male descendants, still in the village that has become a town, still have that surname which is unknown elsewhere in Holland.
 
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"Eighteen?" Giggle "Who said I was eighteen?"

Also the above phrase followed with the ratchet sound of a pump shotgun being worked.

This should be a story. Wait, it's against the rules as it should be.
 
"You wouldn't mind if I told you this is being taped, right?"

CNN live. Wolf Blitzer projects orgasm in five, four, three, two. Ladies an gentleman where ready to call it 12:31 a woman was pleasured dayton ohio.
 
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