What do you think about this?

Sammael Bard · Oct 23, 2014

PennLady said:
"The Crow," both the graphic novel and the movie, were great. Changes had to made, of course, for the movie adaptation, but I think they kept to the spirit of everything. I saw "The Crow" a number of times in the theater, and it's one of my favorite movies ever.

"No Country for Old Men" was a novel by Cormac McCarthy (I think) and a movie as well. I've seen it but aside from Tommy Lee Jones, and Javier Bardem's odd haircut, I don't remember a whole lot.

"Your momma must be real proud of you!" Top Dollar wouldn't appreciate being misquoted. Kidding -- it was quite close enough.

Such a great movie. The sequels had some interesting pieces, but none matched the first.

I'm sometimes out of reference when someone talks about a movie that everyone else has seen, except me. I'll definitely see "The Crow" next time I get the chance.

sr71plt · Oct 23, 2014

TheSoulfulBard said:
I'm so ashamed of myself...

She asked. I didn't comment on it before then. You can make a big deal over it if you like--or if you think you're more special than the other ones being asked to restrict their posting of material not already published to Literotica. I rather thought you saw that yourself and deleted it for that reason. But she asked . . .

LastLostIdols · Oct 23, 2014

Well I loved it. I want more, more, more!

Had a look at your page, no stories as of yet. Few essays, enjoyed them but longing for this story to continue reading it. You've really piqued my interest Bard.

Sammael Bard · Oct 23, 2014

sr71plt said:
She asked. I didn't comment on it before then. You can make a big deal over it if you like--or if you think you're more special than the other ones being asked to restrict their posting of material not already published to Literotica. I rather thought you saw that yourself and deleted it for that reason. But she asked . . .

Bingo.

I'm not making a big deal. I've seen a few threads posted by Selena_kitt and dr_mabeuse where they had asked for feedback on an unpublished part. While Selena posted the entire story, dr_mabeuse posted more than just 3 paragraphs. But then, those threads were posted waaaay back. I was thinking if I could get away with it like them.

Apparently I couldn't.

ETA: The thread by Kitt has been closed and the one by dr_mabeuse is in SDC forum. My bad.

Sammael Bard · Oct 23, 2014

LastLostIdols said:
Well I loved it. I want more, more, more!

Had a look at your page, no stories as of yet. Few essays, enjoyed them but longing for this story to continue reading it. You've really piqued my interest Bard.

I might be the slowest Author out here, working on multiple projects at the same time but finishing none of them and then whining about it in the AH.

I'm glad you liked this piece. Thanks!

Learin · Oct 23, 2014

sr71plt said:
Well, yes, sort of it was. The request is for no more than three paragraphs. The original posting violated that, although they were short paragraphs, so no real worries. The next posting, however, started out out-of-bounds. It's not exactly keeping with the forum guideline to dribble out the story in multiple postings.

I missed that rule, I guess...

Thanks for the info, BTW. :rose:

wildescarlet · Oct 23, 2014

Great start

I personally think the use of brand names can enhance characterization/feeling of realism. I did notice a minor inconsistency- Liz states that she knows her brother is lying, but right after Mike says goodbye she suddenly believes him like the fool she is. It might be more interesting if she trusts him the whole time, since that will make her loss even more devastating.
And were they under the bed the whole time?
I love a good revenge story too. Hope the muses will stay with you!

Sammael Bard · Oct 24, 2014

wildescarlet said:
I personally think the use of brand names can enhance characterization/feeling of realism. I did notice a minor inconsistency- Liz states that she knows her brother is lying, but right after Mike says goodbye she suddenly believes him like the fool she is. It might be more interesting if she trusts him the whole time, since that will make her loss even more devastating.
And were they under the bed the whole time?
I love a good revenge story as too. Hope the muses will stay with you!

Good Point. The scene will be clear when the entire story is narrated from Liz's POV in the later pages.

Thanks for raising the point which I would've otherwise missed.

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