How would you deal with this?

TheNiteSiren said:

Feeling a little devastated right now. Here's the situation: There is this guy. I guess you could call him my dream guy. We've never really interacted but I have seen him around. I am a shy person and could never speak up. I just found out that his girlfriend may be pregnant and that they eloped. He never knew I was alive which hurts like hell. Very depressed now. How would you deal with this? I know its immature but I feel a real potent hatred for that woman right now.

This is a reoccurring theme in my life. Which makes this even more sad. I have a sickening pit in the stomach right now. Trying not to cry.

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Everyone has experienced this, I'm sure....except for maybe the most obtuse unfeeling types, and perhaps the more conventionally attractive, or excessively affluent.

Flipping the situation around, however, to imagine someone who thought fondly of you from a distance (use me as an example, if you want) and then hating you for being in love already....I dunno, it doesn't sound good, dumb even: "Hi, I'm this guy you don't know, and I hate you for being happy with someone else." OK then.

I don't know that people here are trying to make fun of you, but perhaps they've been through this already, or they haven't...but in any case it's time to use your critical thinking parts of your brain, as well as the emotional one, and realize you're making yourself miserable about something that, truly unfortunately, was never even there. I've done it too. You're not alone.

It does hurt to know that how you feel about the person doesn't matter to anyone else in the world but you. Yes, it's worse that they don't even know. They don't even want to know.

Love and possession aren't the same thing. Watch old married couples for a while. Possession can be love sometimes, but often it's indistinguishable from being ignored, or even hate.

Take care. You have friends and people who understand your hurt here...many you probably don't even know exist. Irony.

Firebreeze is wonderful, and helped me make a successful transition from the simple LIT slut I was to becoming the Bruce Jenner who was always inside me. Look for me in the 2016 Special Olympics.

You bio says you're a child care professional.
I'm sure you've been in a situation, then, where all the children in a group see a situation one way except for the one child who's actually in the situation.
As a professional, what would be your advice to that one child? Even if that child adamantly refuses to hear the advice of the rest of the group?

been there… felt horrible at the time, just like mourning a part of me that was dying

I let myself grieve for a while,
but then I gradually became more engaged with life and other things.
I immersed myself into several learning projects that I was passionate about - they helped, since they distracted me. But what really helped me heal were the people. I increased my contact with friends, family, colleagues, and I also went out of my comfort zone to meet new people.

ps - hope you're starting to feel better. "Time heals" - as clicheed as it may sound, it holds true. I never would have thought it possible in the beginning - but as weeks and months went by, my pain gradually started to dissipate.
(it would be ideal if you met someone new, too)

As the old saying goes "life isn't fair" so you just have to move on, there will be plenty of men to choose from and that is the nice part about being a woman.

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Hope things are much better for you now.
((Been through a bit of a similar thing , a couple of months ago. If you're interested in exchanging a couple of pm's, let me know.))

You wanna know what's worse than this, OP? I just found out that my ex was dating her new boyfriend a month before we broke up. And he was our closest mutual friend. Since it was a 6-month relationship, that's pretty significant. She said she never meant to hurt me but damn I have a lot of anger and hatred right now.

Granted, I have had time to mourn. So the bite isn't as bad anymore but it still feels like a gut punch. A gut punch from a semi-truck.

Note to self: NEVER text ex-girlfriends. Never. I think my best response to talking to her was "Ouch. Well, I wasn't expecting that." That feeling was really weird, like out of body experience.

Don't want to reveal much in case people who know me are reading this. I personally thought I got over things but my birthday is coming up and some memories made me bawl my eyes out again.

Reading your post, Christopher (especially since it comes from a male perspective) made me feel so much better & got me on track, as I am sure the OP will as well. Thank you for your openness.

I only wish more members would feel strong enough to reveal their vulnerabilities & share, instead of playing this "I'm so tough" game.

Take care, both of you.

TheNiteSiren said:

We've never really interacted.

He never knew I was alive.

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How tough do you have to be?

What I do is go and get blind drunk with some trusted friends, wake up with the hangover of hell and blame it on my fantasy, which is not only true but sows the seed of doubt and I realise they weren't as good as I thought.

hssh345 said:

Reading your post, Christopher (especially since it comes from a male perspective) made me feel so much better & got me on track, as I am sure the OP will as well. Thank you for your openness.

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I'm glad you took something from my post. Sometimes, the denial is the worst part. Acceptance is when the real healing begins. Then you just have to let time take care of it.

I think I need to explain just a bit more. I grew up pretty much coming in and out of hospitals. It is a sterile and lonely environment. I wanted nothing more than to have a family and spend my time taking care of someone. That was what I was taught. Now picture someone with that mentality having to spend almost all of their life with absolutely no companionship. It is lonely, sad and cold.

I am the girl who sits and listens to everyone else's problems when no one is willing to listen to me. I am still very sickly but I do my best never to complain because I get the best care. I am everyone's best friend until they don't need me anymore and then they forget about me. I was born into the child welfare system pretty much from the beginning. I was abandoned.

I have never really had a long term relationship with anyone. Say whatever you want about me but that is the truth. Maybe it will make someone understand me better. I'm just tired of being looked over for someone else.

I can understand that. I'll take a stab at this and I might be way off target, but I'm saying it out of concern, not to be hurtful.
It sounds like you have a big self-worth problem: you didn't dare approach that guy because you didn't think he'd fancy you anyway; you didn't send out the right signals in the past because you didn't want to fail, so it's safer to sit on the sidelines. When they go off with someone else, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy - "There - I knew they wouldn't fancy me"
You've had some typically harsh comments here - but you surely knew you would? - and those simply reinforce the pattern of perceived failing further. You sound like you're locked into that circle and trying to break out of that by yourself is almost impossible.
Don't stick around here to be humiliated further, because from what I've seen of Lit, that's exactly what will happen. In fact don't expect any significant help on the internet at all. What you need is proper old-fashioned contact and there is nothing to fear from counselling, because you can't 'fail' therapy - truly.
There are plenty of well-qualified counsellors who could help you, but it up to you to take that first step and go see one.

TheNiteSiren said:

I think I need to explain just a bit more. I grew up pretty much coming in and out of hospitals. It is a sterile and lonely environment. I wanted nothing more than to have a family and spend my time taking care of someone. That was what I was taught. Now picture someone with that mentality having to spend almost all of their life with absolutely no companionship. It is lonely, sad and cold.

I am the girl who sits and listens to everyone else's problems when no one is willing to listen to me. I am still very sickly but I do my best never to complain because I get the best care. I am everyone's best friend until they don't need me anymore and then they forget about me. I was born into the child welfare system pretty much from the beginning. I was abandoned.

I have never really had a long term relationship with anyone. Say whatever you want about me but that is the truth. Maybe it will make someone understand me better. I'm just tired of being looked over for someone else.

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Okay, so your situation is way worse than mine and there is no way I could possibly appreciate what you have gone through. And bluntly, it just sucks that you had to go through that. However, I can tell you that I have crippling social and general anxiety to the point where I get anxious over the most pointless shit. I mean, my anxiety is uncontrollable. My depression has severely damaged my quality of life. I started abusing alcohol at the age of 21 (I don't drink at all anymore). I never leave the house and haven't for a very long time. And I try any way I can to escape life.

So in a sense, I completely get where you're coming from. Recently, I am finally getting real help and trying my best to get back on my feet. It's not all roses.... trust me. It sucks a lot.... still.

The unfortunate fact is, life does not get better on its own. You have to completely change your perspective about your situation. You have to think of the positives. You have to somehow manipulate your own thoughts, which will effect your behavior. And the only way to do that is to get counseling.

Take life and look at what you have instead of what you don't. Enjoy the good, be proud of yourself for what qualities you do have, and then use what you have to get a snowball effect and boost your self-esteem.

I'm single. So since I'm single, I just post on here and have fun. I don't expect to find a relationship on Lit but I can take my quick wit and use it to make good friends. I have a lot of friends here. They are all amazing. Now, I have not found my soul mate and that just fucking sucks. Most of the women I talk to are married and gorgeous... and I just have to say "Well... if you weren't married. Damn." But hell, I get awesome and quality conversation with great friends and I get to enjoy my freedom. That's a plus.

Instead of taking the bad and focusing on it, you should take the good and focus on that. I'm still guilty of being a downer. I'm still guilty of self-pity and beating myself up. But there are times when I shine. And I'm sure there are times when you shine too. No matter how small of an accomplishment you make today, take a bit of pride in it. It will snowball into something bigger, I promise.

I am a bit like you two guys, although, as Christopher said, my circumstances were much better. Your upbringing seems a lot sadder than mine was, NiteSiren.

I used to have signif. social anxiety as well so my coping strategy was to run away from any opportunity presented to me, preferring to live in my head instead. I was just like you.
But then something changed -in an almost drastic way-, and I started to get engaged with life. I think immigration (I am a non-english speaker who moved to a common-wealth country by myself) played a big part in it. As difficult as it was at first, starting afresh on my own helped me see myself and the world around me from a different perspective.

And stickygirl is right, in a way : "Don't stick around here to be humiliated further, because from what I've seen of Lit, that's exactly what will happen". There are many nice people here, but there are others who enjoy talking you down or labeling you as stupid, attention-seeking etc. (happened to me on Lit, too).
Although I'm a bit in two minds whether opening yourself on internet is a good or bad thing. What do you guys think?
- On one hand I fully agree with Stickygirl; the insults and being talked down can be v. upsetting and potentially damaging, indeed.
- On the other hand, I wonder, if you manage to protect yourself & keep your anonimity, perhaps this could also be a good learning experience re what some people are about. (moreover, and v.v. strangely, indeed, for me this channelling of my negative emotions towards something else helped me get out of my current predicament)
- Counselling (aka talking to smn. who's on your side) would be a good idea, I agree, but isn't it v. expensive?

I enjoyed reading your guys posts hope you will write again, here or somewhere else.

Btw, Christopher,
You totally seem like a good catch (good-looking on the inside). If only I met someone like you when I was your age…

(I'm speaking seriously)

Rainshine said:

^Awesome work Christopher.

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Thank you, Rainshine

hssh345 said:

Btw, Christopher,
You totally seem like a good catch (good-looking on the inside). If only I met someone like you when I was your age…

(I'm speaking seriously)

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Thank you very much. That's very kind of you to say. I do have my faults and I'm still cray-cray, but I'd like to think I have a good heart and can use it at times.

Rainshine said:

Weren't you outed on the GB as a middle aged man? I think Christopher is totally looking for someone with girl bits.

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That moment when you realize something is too good to be true. =P

Rainshine said:

Weren't you outed on the GB as a middle aged man? I think Christopher is totally looking for someone with girl bits.

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Did not see that one coming...

Rainshine said:

Weren't you outed on the GB as a middle aged man? I think Christopher is totally looking for someone with girl bits.

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'R you joking or talking seriously? I can no longer tell nowadays.
I'm a woman originally from S EU who's in her 30's. I'm older than Christopher, therefore I'm Not looking at him in That way . You must be in your 20's, if you made that assumption.

Yes, some GBers are either crazy Or provincial and closed-minded. If they don't understand something, they start making all kinds of assumptions.
- Take me, for instance. I am not brittish so I think and express myself differently & I am not that fluent in written english. Plus I'm less PC about issues.Therefore, they started suspected me of being an unsophisticated douchebag almost from the start.
- Another example : There are 2 posters (one white, one black) who are funny as hell. But because they don't understand their sense of humour, the trolls keep taking offense & insulting them.

Emerson40 said:

Did not see that one coming...

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no, I am not.
If you guys/girls are distrustful of these things, please think of me as being androginous or asexual.
Since I am obviously not looking for romantic relationships or sex here - I am just looking for some human connection or friendship during a time that's been a bit stressful for me -- I am not hurting anyone.

I am starting to think that certain people who keep harassing me and insulting me of being a guy actually know that I am a woman, or that they wouldn't care either way. But that they are still doing it because they don't like me or some of the things that I said (I can be v. blunt), and that they are trying to make me quit posting on this site.
Which is a shame from my point of view, since I met so many nice posters & this site helped me enormously.

TheNiteSiren said:

You're all really funny. Thank you for making me feel ten times worse. If you had actually read between the lines, this is a reoccurring theme for me. He and I did know each other but casually. I live in a small redneck town so know all the damn facts before you judge.

Everytime I meet someone new that I like, we become friends and they completely forget I am female at all.

I can guarantee this is the last time I make the mistake of posting a problem on here. I was hoping for some kind of helpful advice not judgments and people making fun of me. I thought this was a site for adults. Guess I was wrong. Fuck all of you.

I plan on cutting soon as I finish this post. Pat yourselves on the back...you got me to fall off the wagon. Hope I cut too deep so I can haunt all your asses.

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I hope you come with a warning label, people like you define crazy.

So many personal issues, I really don't understand why you think anonymous people on a sex site have the answers to your problems. I would suggest going the Britney Spears route and cut off your hair, bet he will notice you then

Rainshine said:

The crazy runs thick in this thread...

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=69188331&postcount=15

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Let me be, Rainshine. What are you trying to accomplish here? Make fun of me or make me quit posting in this forum?
I never picked on you, btw

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If you look through that specific thread carefully, you can see that it started just normally - me trying to have a conversation about ideologies (socialism vs. capitalism). But then in came 2 trolls that have been harassing me through various threads (saying that I am a man), and ruined -as they usually did - my attempt at having a decent non-sexual conversation on topics that interest me.
So I turned tables on them, making some things up to spite them. And it finally worked, since they quit harassing me - I guess the guy felt threatened in his masculinity, and the girl felt put down, since I implied that Garnate was prettier than her.
I even had to do smthng. I would not do, otherwise - I even posted a personal pic. with a user's name on me , in a specific thread (all modesty preserved, of course), to convince them.. But to no avail.
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So yeah, I am a wmn. And I'm here for some human contact & to distract myself from other things .
But if certain trolls keep trolling me and insulting me, I will start being really mean. My bite can be really bad when I want to.

so asking you again, Rainshine, as I will start asking the few trolls that have been following me around :
What is your goal? Do you want me to stop posting alltogether ?