Help the Newbie?!

Hi! I'm really new to all this BDSM stuff. I've been reading literotica for a few months now and it's got me really intrigued in the lifestyle and I would love to be able to talk to people about all these thoughts and emotions I've been having. Reading the BDSM stories really gets me worked up but I'm so new to this life (and sex in general) and I'm just so confused about where to go from here...

The stories side of Lit is just that - stories.

There's a "library" thread at the top of the forum that is a wonderful resource for things to consider; questions on the forum are a more current/now way to research. (For example, my perspective on a question asked 10 years ago, would probably be much different from my response today.)

I'd also suggest turning off PMs for a bit. "New", "intrigued" and "worked up" tend to bring out the bottom feeders, looking for free cyber-sex. Not that there's anything wrong with free cyber-sex, but a PM box full of "on ur knees bitch", followed by rants about not being "real" aren't the most pleasant way to spend one's day.

Oh, and old timers around here tend to use shorthand for labels -

PYL = dominant, top, master, etc
pyl = submissive, bottom, slave, etc

any specific questions i can answer, here or private *s*

And there's the first of them.

Best advice I can give is if you have specific questions ask them here, there's a lot of knowledgeable people about and you should be able to get multiple viewpoints and see what interests you specifically.

Thanks Cutiemouse and Malic. Thats very kind and helpful of you

I've been in a female-led relationship with my G/F for nearly 12 years now, let me know if you think I can help by sharing some of my experiences. mark

hey nurse

would love to explore any ideas with you.

Just stopping by to say welcome !

cheekynurse said:

Hi! I'm really new to all this BDSM stuff. I've been reading literotica for a few months now and it's got me really intrigued in the lifestyle and I would love to be able to talk to people about all these thoughts and emotions I've been having. Reading the BDSM stories really gets me worked up but I'm so new to this life (and sex in general) and I'm just so confused about where to go from here...

Click to expand...

Its all about learning about yourself.
Know your limits and learn others.
Have an open mind to explore things as you learn.

cheekynurse said:

Hi! I'm really new to all this BDSM stuff. I've been reading literotica for a few months now and it's got me really intrigued in the lifestyle and I would love to be able to talk to people about all these thoughts and emotions I've been having. Reading the BDSM stories really gets me worked up but I'm so new to this life (and sex in general) and I'm just so confused about where to go from here...

Click to expand...

I'm also pretty new and confused, but if you want a friend to learn with you, I'd be willing to chat

Please share the things you learn

I would love the opportunity to chat as I am new here as well and as such, just getting my feet wet...but it is all so exciting and new to me and I am looking to explore with others...I'm an RN in New Hampshire and we already seem to have a connection beyond our desire to explore BDSM and hopefully fantasies in general. Best of luck to you...

As you can see, you've put a big target on yourself.

What CutieMouse said about stories being stories is kind of important. A lot of that stuff is purely fantasy based, and real life is often pretty different. There's no one true way, so we won't be able to tell you how it's done (unless we're talking technique for X Y and Z). We can, however, share experiences and give you different perspectives on the same question.

Where can you go from here? Find the topics that interest you most and read about them. Ask questions about the things you want to know about and maybe some of us will have some insight. I encourage you to find out what it is you want. If you have a good understanding of yourself you'll have more luck finding compatible partners. It also makes it easier to give the boot to those that want to pressure you into things you don't want.

Here's some links to useful info.

This one.

The Library (mentioned earlier)

And this one, you'll see that things vary from person to person.

There's a few to get you started. I think it's important to come to your own conclusions. Info out there on BDSM is typically not set in stone and work more like guidelines to give you an idea or two.

I'm fairly new as well and have been exploring with my husband/Dom. An open mind is important as well as learning your limits and the limits of your partner. We started with a yes/no/maybe list, you can find them pretty easily on Google. They're lists of general likes and fetishes and their descriptions. Sit down together and make your own lists of what you would like, what you know you don't like and what you may be curious our afraid of but want to try. It worked great for us and gave us each some ideas. Talk about your fantasies, even ones you think are wrong, odd or you're partner won't like. You may be surprised that they want those things too. My Dom started all this with me by confiding in me about his rape fantasies. I obliged eagerly as I too had those fantasies. BDSM is all about trust and communication. You have to have a lot of both to make things work. If you have any questions you can ask it on the forum or you can PM me. So happy to have you here.

Hey dear,
You can messsage me and I will see

Welcome to the newbies, have fun, take care & be careful, a lot of good advice on here.

ditto

One thing bad about being young is that you want evrything to happen today. There is a reason why you can't be president until you are 37. You have to take baby steps to get where you want to go. Step one foot in front of the other at a time and learn as you go. Be level headed enogh to not jump into the swimming pool until you can swim first. Good luck.

Eventually, a newbie has to decide whether to meet with a Dom for real or continue with stories or chat. It is a tough decision, one that has to depend on trust.