Advice needed: still virgin but with cuckold thoughts

OK, so here is my story.

I have had some messed up short-time relationships in my high-school years. However, now I find myself in a long-term relationship. I met my current girlfriend in college and we have been in a relationship for 7 years now! She says she is a virgin. I am a virgin.

I will declare here my penis size, since I consider it a major contributor to who I am and the life I live: 4.5in (~11cm). We have moved in together and we have tried to have vaginal sex many times throughout the years, but we have never managed to. I assume it's because of my small penis size. However, I think she has never allowed me full access (she has made it very difficult for my penis size to enter her, by moving away, closing her legs etc.). Besides this, we have oral sex 2-3 times per week and I really love it. More often than not, she makes me cum by oral sex so that I don't try to have vaginal sex with her later.

On the psychological side: I am attracted to the "cuckold fantasy". I feel I am not adequate for my girlfriend and she needs a big dick to please her. I am aroused by the idea of finding someone (male) who could occasionally fuck her brains out while I watch in humiliation, probably with my dick locked in a chastity device. I am aware that I deserve no better. This fantasy became predominant in my life when I consistently failed to enter her (few years ago).
Regarding her: she has given me hints that she fantasies about big dicks. I think there is no reason for a woman not to like big dicks. I myself have respect for big dicks.

Other than this: we are both very successful people, we love each other and we are regarded as a good couple from the people surrounding us.

Important information: as far as I know my gf, I can't open up to her about this fantasy. Even if I do, what's gonna come next? Will I be a forever virgin cuckold?

I consider myself not addicted to porn (I do watch some cuckold porn though), I think all this is because of my penis size.

1) what do you think of my situation?
2) what do you suggest me to do?

Please consider the fact that this is a 7 year relationship when you suggest me to make her her feel secure and comfortable.

Your equipment is quite small but it is large enough to penetrate her. Sounds like her resistance and avoidance is the barrier. I would never counsel forcing yourself on her but is it possible that what she wants is a more assertive approach as opposed to necessarily a bigger dick.

JoaoGon said:

OK, so here is my story.

I have had some messed up short-time relationships in my high-school years. However, now I find myself in a long-term relationship. I met my current girlfriend in college and we have been in a relationship for 7 years now! She says she is a virgin. I am a virgin.

I will declare here my penis size, since I consider it a major contributor to who I am and the life I live: 4.5in (~11cm). We have moved in together and we have tried to have vaginal sex many times throughout the years, but we have never managed to. I assume it's because of my small penis size. However, I think she has never allowed me full access (she has made it very difficult for my penis size to enter her, by moving away, closing her legs etc.). Besides this, we have oral sex 2-3 times per week and I really love it. More often than not, she makes me cum by oral sex so that I don't try to have vaginal sex with her later.

On the psychological side: I am attracted to the "cuckold fantasy". I feel I am not adequate for my girlfriend and she needs a big dick to please her. I am aroused by the idea of finding someone (male) who could occasionally fuck her brains out while I watch in humiliation, probably with my dick locked in a chastity device. I am aware that I deserve no better. This fantasy became predominant in my life when I consistently failed to enter her (few years ago).
Regarding her: she has given me hints that she fantasies about big dicks. I think there is no reason for a woman not to like big dicks. I myself have respect for big dicks.

Other than this: we are both very successful people, we love each other and we are regarded as a good couple from the people surrounding us.

Important information: as far as I know my gf, I can't open up to her about this fantasy. Even if I do, what's gonna come next? Will I be a forever virgin cuckold?

I consider myself not addicted to porn (I do watch some cuckold porn though), I think all this is because of my penis size.

1) what do you think of my situation?
2) what do you suggest me to do?

Please consider the fact that this is a 7 year relationship when you suggest me to make her her feel secure and comfortable.

Click to expand...

Have you actually discussed the problem - as opposed to your fantasy - with her? She may have some issue - medical, psychological or even past abuse - about vaginal sex or maybe, despite the length of your relationship, she is still waiting for marriage to make that step. Maybe she's not a virgin and is ashamed to let you find out. Rest assured, though, that for many women, granted not all, the most sensitive areas of the vagina are in the first couple of inches so 4½ inches shouldn't be a problem as far as that's concerned.

The fact that you are letting this cuckold fantasy intrude upon the relationship before you have even got as far as vaginal sex does suggest to me that your concern is more about your wants rather than what she wants and you will only discover that by asking her and talking about it. But telling her about your fantasy when she won't even allow you in her seems like asking for trouble. Tread carefully, my friend.

I concur with the opinion that your 4.5"/11cm should be quite adequate for vaginal penetration with a receptive woman. If she is not receptive, there is likely another reason. If not psychological, it may be medical condition known as vaginismus.

By the way, I have known women who actually adore a smaller penis. My current GF says she has absolutely no interest in riding a dick that is bigger than 5 inches. (ETA: Fortunately I am just barely small enough to qualify.)

Hello JoaoGon

Good on you for airing these issues here. I trust you will continue to get some sound and sensible suggestions, as it has been on the thread thus far. If some jerk comes on here, filter it out of your mind.

Main thing: 4.5 is not so much short of the just less than the 5.75 which figure the very large majority of men find themselves around, whether a bit shorter or a bit longer than that. Please keep in mind that the big penises we all see in porn are way above the norm and come from the quite small minority of men who have that extra endowment.

I wonder if there is an understandable anxiety which has crept in for both of you now, when you try for vaginal sex, given that you have tried without achieving it these times? Might you, together, need some help to overcome the anxiety? Have you a couple in your circle of very good friends who you could really trust, and who would be comfortable talking with you about the practicalities of getting coupled up nicely? If not, could you get yourself a referral to a sex therapist or such like?

I get the impression that it could be quite a small step for your lovely woman to take, to become able to receive you, and assuming you can be calm enough and confident enough to maintain your erection while going to her there, once you begin you are most likely to immediately adore it and you will never look back.

I wonder if she is happy for you to explore with your fingers there? For you to learn how to take her to a climax of joy with your fingers there? or with your mouth? If you don't talk about doing that yet, please see if you can.

I don't know you at all of course and so I am cautious about saying the next thing I want to say to you: At this stage in your life, your relationship, and your sexual experience, I feel that the cuckold fantasy is unhelpful. If there are ways for you to put it to one side, shelve it, and rather for you to let your imagination run riot with imaginings of how your fucking with this woman you love is going to be once you have got to that - how extremely pleasurable and fulfilling that is going to be for you and for her too for sure - friend, drive yourself wild with desire for that. You're gonna fuck this woman good. It's gonna be awesome beyond the awesomeness of the oral which you so value and which is such a clear measure of her love for you and her adoration of your body.

Enough. Go well you two.

Simon

4.5" is on the smaller side but not a micropenis or anything. The most recent comprehensive study lists the average penis at 5.16" . So your're not far below that. And if she's with you 7yrs then obviously she cares for you.

If you have the big dick cuckold fantasy, but don't feel comfortable telling her...then I don't see it working out long term, particularly if she was a virgin..That's a quite advanced fantasy for someone of her age and (lack of) experience

Just to repeat some of the things already said but I think the key is to discuss your desire to have intercourse with her. 4.5 can work fine but it sounds like she is not receptive to taking you inside of her. If you have been together for 7 years and have not had intercourse yet, she may think you are content to just do oral. At this stage of your relationship, I think you need to put the cuckold thing way on the back burner. I can not imagine that either of you are ready for that.

Thank you all for the seriousity of your answers. I really appreciate the advice you have given me so far and I apologize to the others if my thread was boring and not entertaining.
There is only one thing that you all don't seem to fully consider in my case: this cuckold fantasy has been developed in my head naturally, I didn't ask for it. However, your comments will help me gain control over my head and prevent this fantasy from causing any (more) harm. Regarding your questions:yes I am very close to her,we have spoken about the intercourse and I am active with oral,fingering etc. In the surface there seems to be no barrier. Apparently there is.
Feel free to post comments even if they are controversal.

I for one assumed this cuckold fantasy has developed in your own head. Why would you ask for it and what does that even mean?

Not to sound cruel but if your girlfriend skitters away every time you get near her because your dick is too small she is profoundly selfish. After 7 years the least she could do is give it a shot.

Something else is at play. Maybe she isn't really a virgin and is afraid you will find out. Maybe she is reticent for any number of valid reasons. But for goodness sake do not doom yourself to a life of feeling inadequate over this. And if you really love each other it is time you asked her........"what the fuck? If there is something up her please tell me what it is but this is bullshit."

You aren't entitled to her pussy but after 7 years you are entitled to a valid response as to why she won't let you in. Take it from there.

You don't shut someone out for 7 years because of the size of their dick, with no discussion or explanation. Something else is going on here.