H
HandsInTheDark
Guest
Put the flamethrowers away, please, it's a serious inquiry.
I'm trying to do some research for a story and my usual approach, just asking people I know, doesn't work here because I don't know any women willing to talk who don't identify as straight or bi. (Not really a surprise - http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiansex/a/SameSexBehavior.htm pegs people who self-identify as lesbian at under 5% of the population, and my writing wouldn't normally attract them.) Guys, unless you have a lifetime of study in this area, please butt out. Trans folk should as well as that's likely a different kettle of fish.
So here's what I'm trying to decide, on behalf of a character. Despite the fact that homosexuality is finally decently tolerated by society - and this is probably the first decade in the US that you could really make that claim, and counterexamples still abound - it's still likely that women feel external pressure to find a guy, marry and make babies - at least until they tell friends and family why they aren't going that route. It's not surprising - if only ~5% of women identify as lesbian, but some larger number (~10%?) have tried things with girls, most people will simply assume any woman they meet is straight, maybe even if they've had a girlfriend. Having seen guys hit on known lesbians, and bi girls not hit on other girls because they assume of course they wouldn't be interested, it's pretty clear that the mental wiring or cultural presupposition of most people assumes that women are straight ("no, really, she must be") until the evidence to the contrary is compelling.
I figure in some number of people who are just discovering their orientation, that leads to some amount of guilt - "I'm not what society expects me to be." In my limited experience, when someone does come out and announce their orientation, they get supported in their decision (was that true even 20 years ago?) and the social pressure to be like everyone else mostly dries up. But until that point, or in some places even afterwards... social pressure to be like everyone else can be quite strong, and however misplaced, that can lead to guilt and stress.
I'm interested in knowing "what that's like". Comments here are ok, PMs are preferred.
I'd expect to have follow-on questions, but not thousands of them. I'd be especially interested in anyone under 25 who hasn't come out yet and is dealing with parental expectations, hetero friends getting engaged, how experimentation felt, etc. (And no, you won't be hit on or asked about explicit sexual details).
When answering, please identify as bi or lesbian. If you're under 18, please PM as anonymously as possible and do NOT give details about sexual experiences; you're not even supposed to be here.
N.B. I'm male and 100% straight with zero or negative interest in sexual interaction in this space. Also entirely uninterested in flame wars; if you find the post somehow insulting, feel free to PM me a comment and move on. TIA.
I'm trying to do some research for a story and my usual approach, just asking people I know, doesn't work here because I don't know any women willing to talk who don't identify as straight or bi. (Not really a surprise - http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbiansex/a/SameSexBehavior.htm pegs people who self-identify as lesbian at under 5% of the population, and my writing wouldn't normally attract them.) Guys, unless you have a lifetime of study in this area, please butt out. Trans folk should as well as that's likely a different kettle of fish.
So here's what I'm trying to decide, on behalf of a character. Despite the fact that homosexuality is finally decently tolerated by society - and this is probably the first decade in the US that you could really make that claim, and counterexamples still abound - it's still likely that women feel external pressure to find a guy, marry and make babies - at least until they tell friends and family why they aren't going that route. It's not surprising - if only ~5% of women identify as lesbian, but some larger number (~10%?) have tried things with girls, most people will simply assume any woman they meet is straight, maybe even if they've had a girlfriend. Having seen guys hit on known lesbians, and bi girls not hit on other girls because they assume of course they wouldn't be interested, it's pretty clear that the mental wiring or cultural presupposition of most people assumes that women are straight ("no, really, she must be") until the evidence to the contrary is compelling.
I figure in some number of people who are just discovering their orientation, that leads to some amount of guilt - "I'm not what society expects me to be." In my limited experience, when someone does come out and announce their orientation, they get supported in their decision (was that true even 20 years ago?) and the social pressure to be like everyone else mostly dries up. But until that point, or in some places even afterwards... social pressure to be like everyone else can be quite strong, and however misplaced, that can lead to guilt and stress.
I'm interested in knowing "what that's like". Comments here are ok, PMs are preferred.
I'd expect to have follow-on questions, but not thousands of them. I'd be especially interested in anyone under 25 who hasn't come out yet and is dealing with parental expectations, hetero friends getting engaged, how experimentation felt, etc. (And no, you won't be hit on or asked about explicit sexual details).
When answering, please identify as bi or lesbian. If you're under 18, please PM as anonymously as possible and do NOT give details about sexual experiences; you're not even supposed to be here.
N.B. I'm male and 100% straight with zero or negative interest in sexual interaction in this space. Also entirely uninterested in flame wars; if you find the post somehow insulting, feel free to PM me a comment and move on. TIA.
