Domme needs some advice for my sub

SamLaraCroft

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I need some imaginative ideas, I have a sub that wants instructions through out the day, if you're a male sub what sort of imaginative instructions does your Domme give you? Or what do you like to do?

If you're a Domme what instructions do you give? How do you exercise control?
 
From my prospective..

I need some imaginative ideas, I have a sub that wants instructions through out the day, if you're a male sub what sort of imaginative instructions does your Domme give you? Or what do you like to do?

If you're a Domme what instructions do you give? How do you exercise control?

Wow that sounds like a lot of work!

I don’t want an anything/person I would have to give constant instructions to. It sounds like a terrible idea.

Maybe that’s just me. Or may I have been doing this too long. Or maybe my husband is just trained so well.
 
Wow that sounds like a lot of work!

I don’t want an anything/person I would have to give constant instructions to. It sounds like a terrible idea.

Maybe that’s just me. Or may I have been doing this too long. Or maybe my husband is just trained so well.

Lol haha yes it feels like a lot of work, I think some subs are lazy and want a lot of attention I am new at this and don't know how to train a sub, perhaps he's being too demanding on me

How did you train your husband?
 
Going out on a limb..

Lol haha yes it feels like a lot of work, I think some subs are lazy and want a lot of attention I am new at this and don't know how to train a sub, perhaps he's being too demanding on me

How did you train your husband?

First (okay for me at least) your submissive is just that. As a submissive they don’t get to demand or be needy. In my mind that’s topping from the bottom. That needs to be stopped as quickly as possible.

That’s the first and one of the hardest steps. It sounds like the “submissive” is trying to get away with as much as possible.

I also don’t know enough about this relationship. Are you two living together or is this a long distance thing.

So I have not had the proper amount of time to Lit stalk you.

I have talked about my husband in older posts but I’ll touch on some highlights.

First like all of these Wife Led Marriages or Female Led Relationships it was his idea. I was totally lost. He totally topped from the bottom. It was hard and even stressful for me at times. He was always like, well you should be doing this, or that. Saying this or that.

Finally I started doing my own research. He doesn’t get to do that or say that. I can say, act, dress however I want.

Once I figured out and gave myself permission to be in charge it started for real. First I took away all his orgasms. Then I taught him how I wanted the kitchen cleaned, then the bathrooms, how the laundry gets folded. Sexy, right boys!

After a few weeks of him doing what I wanted I gave him back what he wanted. Orgasms. First one a week, then more.

Then projects got added, clean out the garage. Wow me with an amazing meal he cooked. Write me a love note, then a love poem. Then sing it!

After about five years I don’t have to clean, cook, do laundry. I still do it, but I let him know I did it. He really is greatful. Like when he comes home from a long day at work and the laundry is done. He smiles and thanks me while making dinner. He tells me how amazing I am.

He has learned just how hard a list of daily chores can be.

It sounds silly to start there but, his submission is so posed to make my life easier.

I might be over simplifying here, but that’s how it really got started. Chores
 
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I need some imaginative ideas, I have a sub that wants instructions through out the day, if you're a male sub what sort of imaginative instructions does your Domme give you? Or what do you like to do?

If you're a Domme what instructions do you give? How do you exercise control?
What Scareltt said was pretty good.
First start with the chastity, removing that is a major step in a submissive's life and it define who is in control.
Don't give details, too many details get you in trouble. Give general instructions like clean the house. Then you inspect it and if it is not to your liking you give punishment.
 
Chasity..

What Scareltt said was pretty good.
First start with the chastity, removing that is a major step in a submissive's life and it define who is in control.
Don't give details, too many details get you in trouble. Give general instructions like clean the house. Then you inspect it and if it is not to your liking you give punishment.

I guess I never think of what we practice as chastity because we don’t use a device. I have a friend who swears by the devices.

I can always tell when Matty self pleasured. The amount of time intercoure would take. Or the volume of cum in the toilet from a hand job.

Nothing more powerful that jerking him off into a toilet. I love doing that.

I guess catching it in your hand and making him lick it is pretty powerful too. But then you have cum on your hand, and spit too..

When the volume and timing don’t line up I’ll ask once. If he tells the truth, the punishment is mild. Like 25 strikes with the shower brush. However he has to tell me what he was thinking about, reading, or watching. Then I’ll want to see it. Then we talk about why it turned him on. After I might make him masturbate for me while I watch his porn.

I won’t hold it over his head long, he’s a man and sometimes he’s going to self pleasure. However it’s been a really long time since he has self pleasures.
 
Salina is so right..

What Scareltt said was pretty good.
First start with the chastity, removing that is a major step in a submissive's life and it define who is in control.
Don't give details, too many details get you in trouble. Give general instructions like clean the house. Then you inspect it and if it is not to your liking you give punishment.

Don't give details, too many details get you in trouble.

When I started this I taught by example. I would do and complete a task showing him exactly what to do. I should have been more general.

Now on the plus side, I would always say. “Do you understand now?” So whenever something wasn’t right I could go back to that.

If I had to do it over again, I would be way more general.
 
What areas of his life, and himself, has he expressed a desire to improve? Find them, and focus on it if you agree.

Say he wants to exercise more, a quick exercise routine is easy to put together (or tell him to put together himself). Improving diet? What do you allow him to eat, and what is he not allowed to eat? Wanting to be more social? He has X days/weeks to find a social thing to attend to. Wanting to get better at housework? Focus on one or two things pr week to improve on.
 
Scarlett - I haven't read your old posts but I loved what you wrote above. Thanks for sharing. It's nice to read about couples who dive in to D/s and how it evolves.

As always, Sissy - words of wisdom from you. :)

I'm not a D but I like what MistressLyda wrote below:

What areas of his life, and himself, has he expressed a desire to improve? Find them, and focus on it if you agree.

Say he wants to exercise more, a quick exercise routine is easy to put together (or tell him to put together himself). Improving diet? What do you allow him to eat, and what is he not allowed to eat? Wanting to be more social? He has X days/weeks to find a social thing to attend to. Wanting to get better at housework? Focus on one or two things pr week to improve on.

SamLaraCroft - you shouldn't have to do all the work. Give him the task of figuring out... the tasks!

You get to be the teacher and provide the assignments or the outline and he has to fill it in. If he wants to start with a zillion instructions throughout the day, make him be the one to check in with you at ten after the hour every hour. Or whatever.

As a submissive, one of the things I need is follow through. If I don't complete the assignment, I want to be held accountable. I'm not sure if you guys are face to face or online - so accountability will definitely look different.

And overall, have fun! Talk to each other like people - not like D or s - if things get complicated or frustrating.

:cattail:
 
Any relationship relies on communication and trust, that goes especially for the D/s relationship. Have a time for just talking on open subjects. A submissive wants to serve so also provide task that is done for the Dom of the relationship, not just housework. If this is an online relationship instruct sub to purchase items for themselves or if this is a face to face relationship instruct sub to make purchases for the Dom. This interaction enlarges the relationship.
 
Accountability...

Scarlett - I haven't read your old posts but I loved what you wrote above. Thanks for sharing. It's nice to read about couples who dive in to D/s and how it evolves.

As always, Sissy - words of wisdom from you. :)

I'm not a D but I like what MistressLyda wrote below:



SamLaraCroft - you shouldn't have to do all the work. Give him the task of figuring out... the tasks!

You get to be the teacher and provide the assignments or the outline and he has to fill it in. If he wants to start with a zillion instructions throughout the day, make him be the one to check in with you at ten after the hour every hour. Or whatever.

As a submissive, one of the things I need is follow through. If I don't complete the assignment, I want to be held accountable. I'm not sure if you guys are face to face or online - so accountability will definitely look different.

And overall, have fun! Talk to each other like people - not like D or s - if things get complicated or frustrating.

:cattail:

“As a submissive, one of the things I need is follow through. If I don't complete the assignment, I want to be held accountable.”

If my husband were not to complete an assignment he would regret it. His punishment would be the worst possible thing I could do to him (his words) He would be ignored, I wouldn’t even look at him.

Plus it’s another case of him trying to top from the bottom. That’s unacceptable!

Also, he’s creating more issues for me to deal with.. So just no! I asked, told, suggested, left a note, sent an email or a text. I took the time to do that so you know it’s important to me, Just do it..

If he’s not completing tasks he’s trying to get attention. Physical Punishment is attention.
 
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Sometimes you have to treat them as a child. If he crave punishment then put him in the closet for a few hours where he can't see anything.
 
Dylan Thomas was there first, with a mean twist :D

Fourth neighbour: Give him sennapods and lock him in the dark
 
First (okay for me at least) your submissive is just that. As a submissive they don’t get to demand or be needy. In my mind that’s topping from the bottom. That needs to be stopped as quickly as possible.

That’s the first and one of the hardest steps. It sounds like the “submissive” is trying to get away with as much as possible.

I also don’t know enough about this relationship. Are you two living together or is this a long distance thing.

So I have not had the proper amount of time to Lit stalk you.

I have talked about my husband in older posts but I’ll touch on some highlights.

First like all of these Wife Led Marriages or Female Led Relationships it was his idea. I was totally lost. He totally topped from the bottom. It was hard and even stressful for me at times. He was always like, well you should be doing this, or that. Saying this or that.

Finally I started doing my own research. He doesn’t get to do that or say that. I can say, act, dress however I want.

Once I figured out and gave myself permission to be in charge it started for real. First I took away all his orgasms. Then I taught him how I wanted the kitchen cleaned, then the bathrooms, how the laundry gets folded. Sexy, right boys!

After a few weeks of him doing what I wanted I gave him back what he wanted. Orgasms. First one a week, then more.

Then projects got added, clean out the garage. Wow me with an amazing meal he cooked. Write me a love note, then a love poem. Then sing it!

After about five years I don’t have to clean, cook, do laundry. I still do it, but I let him know I did it. He really is greatful. Like when he comes home from a long day at work and the laundry is done. He smiles and thanks me while making dinner. He tells me how amazing I am.

He has learned just how hard a list of daily chores can be.

It sounds silly to start there but, his submission is so posed to make my life easier.

I might be over simplifying here, but that’s how it really got started. Chores

This is excellent advice, as far as our relationship goes, we haven't even had a first date, so I am going to tell him what he needs to do to qualify to be my sub, and to start he needs to stop topping from the bottom, if he really wants to be a sub I need to get something from it.

Thanks
xx
 
Scarlett - I haven't read your old posts but I loved what you wrote above. Thanks for sharing. It's nice to read about couples who dive in to D/s and how it evolves.

As always, Sissy - words of wisdom from you. :)

I'm not a D but I like what MistressLyda wrote below:



SamLaraCroft - you shouldn't have to do all the work. Give him the task of figuring out... the tasks!

You get to be the teacher and provide the assignments or the outline and he has to fill it in. If he wants to start with a zillion instructions throughout the day, make him be the one to check in with you at ten after the hour every hour. Or whatever.

As a submissive, one of the things I need is follow through. If I don't complete the assignment, I want to be held accountable. I'm not sure if you guys are face to face or online - so accountability will definitely look different.

And overall, have fun! Talk to each other like people - not like D or s - if things get complicated or frustrating.

:cattail:

Hey Cookiecat I love your posts, I don't post that often but you're always here to make my experience fun

Sam xx
 
This is excellent advice, as far as our relationship goes, we haven't even had a first date, so I am going to tell him what he needs to do to qualify to be my sub, and to start he needs to stop topping from the bottom, if he really wants to be a sub I need to get something from it.

Thanks
xx

A couple of Dom/Domme friends have said this very thing. They enjoy topping but often times end up feeling like "service" tops. What do they get out of it? It can be a lot of time and energy.


Hey Cookiecat I love your posts, I don't post that often but you're always here to make my experience fun

Sam xx

Thanks!! Best wishes on your endeavor!!
 
Time and energy..

A couple of Dom/Domme friends have said this very thing. They enjoy topping but often times end up feeling like "service" tops. What do they get out of it? It can be a lot of time and energy.




Thanks!! Best wishes on your endeavor!!

It will still take time and energy, you’re going to have to find a way to hold his interest.

Here’s an example...

Matty (Minnie, working on incorporating a new nickname) craves touch, I wasn’t a touchy feely person. Caressing his back as I walked past him never occurred to me. So I started finding excuses to touch him as we passed in the house, or were doing something.

If he didn’t reach for my hand I reached for his. Stuff like that. Before long he was asking things like, “Can you show me how to do that. So I can do it for you?” Or “let me take care of that.” Or my favorite, “What can I do right now to make your day easer.”

As I get better at casual touch I moved to more sexually stuff. However that was down the line after I took control of his orgasms and he learned that just because I want to cuddle or have him go down on me does not mean he should expect an orgasm.
 
Sorry there was a point.

It will still take time and energy, you’re going to have to find a way to hold his interest.

Here’s an example...

Matty (Minnie, working on incorporating a new nickname) craves touch, I wasn’t a touchy feely person. Caressing his back as I walked past him never occurred to me. So I started finding excuses to touch him as we passed in the house, or were doing something.

If he didn’t reach for my hand I reached for his. Stuff like that. Before long he was asking things like, “Can you show me how to do that. So I can do it for you?” Or “let me take care of that.” Or my favorite, “What can I do right now to make your day easer.”

As I get better at casual touch I moved to more sexually stuff. However that was down the line after I took control of his orgasms and he learned that just because I want to cuddle or have him go down on me does not mean he should expect an orgasm.

I’m enjoying my pain meds a little too much today.

My point was or is..

You will always have to be thinking, planning, and doing.

For me some days it’s literally (sorry had to) just throwing a pair of panties on his side of the bed.

Other days it might be a pep talk while I’m rubbing him through his pants.

Sometimes it’s a list of things I need done and my thanks is the only reward.

Every now and again it’s something elaborate just for him.

All of it takes time and energy.
 
As "something other than a sub"... Master, Sir, Dom, Daddy...pretty much PYL depending on the individual dynamic... I would just pitch my nickel that a sub that needs to constantly be told and reminded and then doesn't ever follow through is not a sub, but an attention whore.

Some is fine. And when it happens, yes. Follow through punishment to help them to be better is a must. This should be more common in the early days, weeks, and months as they learn. But, they should learn. The need for constant reminders what you expect should taper off. Their submission should be an offering given freely. Not a constant battle to wrest it from them or what is the point?

The submissive should look to the Master more than the other way around.


However! However, positive reinforcement is a thing. If the only attention a Master/Sir/Dom/Daddy gives is when things are not going right, then the sub will automatically act out more to get that attention being withheld when they do well. Ergo, if you only mete out punishment for bad behavior and never reward good behavior, you will be setting yourself up for a lot more work.

Work smarter, not harder. Is your submissive your submissive because they want to be your submissive? Or because they are fucking lazy and just flat incapable of taking accountability for their own actions? That may seem harsh, but I have met a few. And I have nothing against them or whomever they find to serve. But, the submissives that hold my interest are those that are submissive to me, not just needing ANYONE to pick them up like a wet dishrag. And they should be involved in determining just which direction their submission to me goes.

Frankly, when I read your original post, my first thought was "Just who is the submissive here? Why doesn't he get off his lazy ass and research imaginative ideas to offer for your acceptance or refusal?"

As time goes on, they should learn me just as I have learned them. I shouldn't even have to ask, but they should already be anticipating what it is I desire from them.

If I request something special, I should only have to do so once. If I request it three times and they do not give it, then I am done with that particular subject. They should remember that I desire it. If they do not do it, then they are not submissive. Not to me. Not if I am not important enough in their world view to remember what I asked for. They may be something else, but not my true submissive.

If spanking is a treat, don't give them unless your sub earns them through good behavior.

If nipple clamps are pleasurable, they must earn it.

If an anal figging is desirable, then it really doesn't fit the model of discipline if it is used as a punishment for breaking a rule than as a reward for being good.


Above all, when you do mete out punishment for an infraction, make certain it fits the crime, the lesson you wish them to learn. Make certain the punishment engraves the lesson in their mind more so than their tender, delicate skin.


And finally, you need to remember the tasks you have given them. Make a list if necessary. And have them recite their list on command. Make certain that what tasks you give them are ones that you care to keep track of, and make certain that you are vigilant at first. Then, you can taper off and do spot checks. But, never fail to reward good behavior and punish bad.


***shrug***

I don't insist that my way is any more viable than any other. It is just my way that I have chosen to do things. I don't apologize for it, as it has made me and my accepted submissives happy. When, that is, they were truly mine.

And I suppose that is really the secret. Find what works for you and your sub, OP. Make the rules that you and he need. Mete out the punishment that you and he both crave. Reward good behavior as you see fit. Your sub is your sub. Your relationship is yours and his. Make it whatever fits best for you.
 
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How cruel do you intend to be?

A suggestion for her punishment . . .

Instruct your sub to go to Walmart's and purchase white 'granny' panties. Wear for two weeks straight. During the same two weeks, she isn't allowed to shave and post of photo of her torso while wearing her granny panties every day

If she can make that look sexy, then reward her appropriately
 
“As a submissive, one of the things I need is follow through. If I don't complete the assignment, I want to be held accountable.”

If my husband were not to complete an assignment he would regret it. His punishment would be the worst possible thing I could do to him (his words) He would be ignored, I wouldn’t even look at him.

Plus it’s another case of him trying to top from the bottom. That’s unacceptable!

Also, he’s creating more issues for me to deal with.. So just no! I asked, told, suggested, left a note, sent an email or a text. I took the time to do that so you know it’s important to me, Just do it..

If he’s not completing tasks he’s trying to get attention. Physical Punishment is attention.

Warning on this one: while I appreciate it may be a very effective route for Scarlett to take, you must be aware of your subs psychology. This could be particularly emotionally detrimental to some. For Me, this is a hard limit, it would do me damage and really damage my trust in a relationship. I expect this is something Master will address with me someday... But just FYI warning "danger Will Robinson!!"
 
I have never wanted a sub that demanded attention all the time. Not that the sexual wasn't a big part of it. BUT. I also required her to learn things. I wouldn't give something specific. I would say go out on the web and learn something in depth and be prepared to discuss it with me. We both became smarter. The sex and games are wonderful but if you want me to love you, you must bring your mind. Anyone else get that?
 
I have never wanted a sub that demanded attention all the time. Not that the sexual wasn't a big part of it. BUT. I also required her to learn things. I wouldn't give something specific. I would say go out on the web and learn something in depth and be prepared to discuss it with me. We both became smarter. The sex and games are wonderful but if you want me to love you, you must bring your mind. Anyone else get that?

I get that. I had a Dom that would assign me books to read and discuss; in genres I would have never ventured into. I loved it. It showed that he cared and wanted me to grow... it gave us another avenue of discussion. We aren't together anymore, but those are still precious memories.
 
Lol haha yes it feels like a lot of work, I think some subs are lazy and want a lot of attention I am new at this and don't know how to train a sub, perhaps he's being too demanding on me

How did you train your husband?

Why don’t you get to know your sub and communicate with her/him?
You’re the one that sounds lazy.
 
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