How to have an orgasm during sex?

Sex feels good, but not great. I can't seem to have an orgasm.

I've always preferred clitoral stimulation because sticking a finger down there feels a little weird.

After bitterly wailing to my bf that, "I HAVE NO GSPOTTTTT."

I decided to seek out advice.

So my question is: do I have a mutant vagina?

Arctophile said:

Sex feels good, but not great. I can't seem to have an orgasm.

I've always preferred clitoral stimulation because sticking a finger down there feels a little weird.

After bitterly wailing to my bf that, "I HAVE NO GSPOTTTTT."

I decided to seek out advice.

So my question is: do I have a mutant vagina?

Click to expand...

Three words - Hitachi Magic Wand. Not terribly expensive and can be found at most pharmacies.

If that won't get you purring - well...

NiceNastyMann said:

Three words - Hitachi Magic Wand. Not terribly expensive and can be found at most pharmacies.

If that won't get you purring - well...

Click to expand...

What he said.

Forget the G-spot thing. Nobody knows if it really exists or not. I don't have one, that's for sure. It's all clitoral for me and when done right -- whew! Look out! I can get really loud.

Do you, or have you masturbated to orgasm? If so, what works then? If not it's going to be very difficult for anyone to tell you what will work for YOU. Every woman that I have been with has been different. The only thing I would say that was consistent was patience on my part and to make sure my partner can relax.

My wife's preferences have changed over the years. It used to be a very rare thing for her to orgasm during intercourse. We have now found a combination of clitoral stimulation during penetration, that she really enjoys. The one thing that hasn't changed in 20+ years is getting her to relax. If I don't start with slow caressing or massage to get her mind off real life, she will never reach orgasm.

So basically relax. Stop worrying about it and explore your own body so you know what works for you. You are going to have to teach your man what works for you. We are clueless because sex for us has very little to do with our mind, it is 90% physical for us. For most women it seems to me to be 80% mental. I'm sure I'm going to get blasted by some for using numbers without proof.

You probably have a g-spot, but it may be in a different area than the typical "1.5-2 inches up the front wall of the vagina" most magazines, websites and books describe (I know mine is more in the 3-4" range); or perhaps your g-spot isn't particularly sensitive (or is only sensitive in certain instances, like after you've orgasmed a time or ten), or it might need a very specific type/intensity/combination of stimulation to give you a lot of pleasure. Keep exploring into your late 20s, 30s and beyond; frequently different things work for us as we mature.

If clit stimulation works for you, that's going to be an integral part of making sex feel great at this point in your life (and possibly forever). Teach your partner what you like, as others have said, masturbate during sexual encounters, and see how sex feels. I'm not sure how many partners you've had or whether your current relationship is headed for Longtermsville or not, but time and different partners can be the difference between sex feeling good and great - some people just fit together better anatomically or have more chemistry than others.

Keep an open mind, relax, explore, enjoy, communicate with your partner, and you'll find sexual greatness (which can certainly be achieved by incorporating clitoral stimulation), and probably your very own g-spot, too!

Took me years to find mine . I can cum ok. But the magic g spot took years.
And the right frame of mind and the right man. I tried so hard it stopped me . Sex is in the mind first the body second.
Be open to try new things and toys. Don't sit and think ok maybe tonight's the night . Start off by really enjoying your self and your partner. It will happen but only when u can relax and forget about it. The more u learn the more u can teach your fellor.

Arctophile said:

Sex feels good, but not great. I can't seem to have an orgasm.

I've always preferred clitoral stimulation because sticking a finger down there feels a little weird.

Click to expand...

Personally I think you need to start by working on the bold portion above. As long as you feel awkward with your body then the pleasure you can find in it is limited.
Get to know yourself and your fantasies. Work toward letting your lover explore your body on a sort of pleasure hunt.

Happy journey.

You didn't say how old you were, or what your cultural background is. These things are enormously important. Regarding the first issue, I assure you that the older you get, the more comfortable you are with your body and the better the sex will be. I swear I had more erogenous zone at forty than I did at twenty, and the more sensitive they were, too.

The cultural thing may be a bigger hurdle, though. If you were brought up thinking that orgasms were a sign of loss of control, and that you had better be in control at all times, then there is a certain amount of re-programming that you have to do. Trust yourself, trust your partner, and don't be afraid to seek professional help from a counselor if necessary. There is hope for you!

Athalia said:

You didn't say how old you were, or what your cultural background is. These things are enormously important. Regarding the first issue, I assure you that the older you get, the more comfortable you are with your body and the better the sex will be. I swear I had more erogenous zone at forty than I did at twenty, and the more sensitive they were, too.

The cultural thing may be a bigger hurdle, though. If you were brought up thinking that orgasms were a sign of loss of control, and that you had better be in control at all times, then there is a certain amount of re-programming that you have to do. Trust yourself, trust your partner, and don't be afraid to seek professional help from a counselor if necessary. There is hope for you!

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This just reminded of sheesh probably 25 years ago when a girlfriend told me she doesn't masturbate because it was the equivalent to getting her arm scratched. It was only slightly better if someone else did it.

I was like

Best story I ever lived. After years of having great sex. There was one thing missing. Her cumming during sex. One night, we got home. We were both feeling it, but we had kids, so we had to mind ourself until they went to bed. After wards, when she was on me riding, she turned around, rode some more and them came while riding. I'll never forget the "oh my gods" I heard that night, so all you women out there and men too. Never say never. Otherwise come on over and I'll see what we can work out. ;-)

NotHisLady said:

Personally I think you need to start by working on the bold portion above. As long as you feel awkward with your body then the pleasure you can find in it is limited.
Get to know yourself and your fantasies. Work toward letting your lover explore your body on a sort of pleasure hunt.

Happy journey.

Click to expand...

I'm stealing that.

Maybe work it into a line...

"Hey, gorgeous...

...I'm on a pleasure hunt. You wanna draw me a map?"

My first sexual experiences with a boy involved dry humping. I had lots of climaxes and I loved it. Having an orgasm during sex takes a little more but my husband and I very quickly learned what stimulation I needed and how to have him push his pelvic bone against my clitoris during sex. I know where my g-spot is, but it is clitoral stimulation that actually gets me off. All they rest is still a lot of fun and feels very good.

Xxxxxx

My wife needed dual stimulation for the longest time so don't be freightened to need a little extra help getting there.
If your partner is good enough then he will understand.

Also... I'm not sure about other ladies but my wife and my ex-gf both needed a fair bit of stimulation to get the G-Spot to do anything. Only when its, ahem, ripe... (sorry) will it be easily found..
Its a kind of rough patch about 3" in and up to ward the bellybutton (If you get what I mean?) but as others have said its in different places for different people.

Also... I cannot emphasise this enough... You need *GOOD* communication between you both! If something is working or not then say so. Unlike women, us men are NOT mindreaders!