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12-06-2012, 10:49 PM
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#1
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I dream, therefore I am
LaRascasse is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: A kite dancing in a hurricane.
Posts: 1,532
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Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex
The title says it all. Have fun. I'll get us started.
"I hope you don't have AIDS. I don't want to catch it again."
Or the classic
"Honey! I'm home."
__________________
My stories in case you are interested. Offbeat, unconventional and just a bit dark. Just a bit, I swear 
Fate whispered to the warrior.
"You cannot withstand the storm."
The warrior whispered back.
"I am the storm."
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12-06-2012, 11:00 PM
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#2
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Literotica Guru
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 51,765
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"Harold? I thought you said your name was Carol!"
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12-06-2012, 11:47 PM
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#3
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Licker of Boxes
Boxlicker101 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: With my face buried in her pussy
Posts: 31,495
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I hope I get my HIV test results back from the clinic today.
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12-06-2012, 11:50 PM
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#4
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Blue Glow Inside
Dual_Triode is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 11,000
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"Is it in yet?"
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12-06-2012, 11:51 PM
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#5
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Loves Spam
MarcelineTheVampireQueen is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,343
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So can we discuss our wedding plans?
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12-06-2012, 11:59 PM
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#6
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Literotica Guru
YDB95 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Hill Valley, CA
Posts: 530
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"I wish we were making a baby."
My ex said that to me once - she was out of work, and I was a grad student living on a stipend. Just...no!
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12-07-2012, 12:57 AM
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#7
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wandering
McKenna is offline
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Northwest, USA
Posts: 15,670
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Are you done yet?
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12-07-2012, 01:01 AM
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#8
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good little witch.
glynndah is offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Floating around in my sparkly bubble
Posts: 27,052
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__________________
"When did I go from the good little witch to the not good enough for you little witch?"
"If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell."
"A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes just a few carefully chosen words can inspire thousands of pictures."
"My! People come and go so quickly here!"
“Technically, a witch is always a lady, except when circumstances dictate otherwise.”
"A  from a good witch brings a week of good luck!"
The good little witch writes naughty things.
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12-07-2012, 01:01 AM
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#9
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Literotica Guru
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 51,765
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"Are you sure that's how your pit bull smiles?"
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12-07-2012, 01:24 AM
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#10
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Not Quite Here
Cruel2BKind is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,996
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'I have to poop'
__________________
http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
These be my stories, if you be interested!
Most are gay male, though I have two that are straight, and one that is a How to.
I tend to go for the darker stuff... But people seem to like it okay! 
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12-07-2012, 01:33 AM
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#11
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How 'bout a kiss, baby
TE999 is offline
Join Date: May 2006
Location: www.blindate.com
Posts: 30,086
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"They pop open sometimes. Don't worry about it."
__________________
I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused.
Never be led astray into the paths of virtue.
Artists are misunderstood. Not by people, but by themselves.
Life is but active anguish in a context of flux.
"Popularity is not whether people like you, it's how many people would like you to like them." Anon.
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens)
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambrose Bierce
"When my ugly ol' car won't climb the hill, I'll write a suicide note on a hundred dollar bill." 'Heavy Fuel' Dire Straits
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun ..." 'Only the Good Die Young' Billy Joel
TE's stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
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12-07-2012, 01:34 AM
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#12
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Literotica Guru
sr71plt is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Mid-Atlantic, USA
Posts: 51,765
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"I know you said you take your mother everywhere you go, but . . ."
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12-07-2012, 01:39 AM
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#13
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Experienced
Kikoro is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 87
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This applies to just about anything, not just sex...
"Here, hold my beer. Watch this!"
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12-07-2012, 01:42 AM
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#14
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Smile!
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: My imagination!
Posts: 21,425
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What's your name again?
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12-07-2012, 01:42 AM
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#15
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Smile!
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: My imagination!
Posts: 21,425
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Are you in yet?
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12-07-2012, 01:44 AM
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#16
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Smile!
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: My imagination!
Posts: 21,425
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No, I really need to get the phone it's my doctor, with the results.
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12-07-2012, 02:07 AM
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#17
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Smile!
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: My imagination!
Posts: 21,425
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Honey I was born a man
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12-07-2012, 02:08 AM
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#18
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Smile!
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: My imagination!
Posts: 21,425
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I'm having a heart attack
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12-07-2012, 02:13 AM
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#19
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Smile!
loquere is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: My imagination!
Posts: 21,425
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I couldn't find the KY. I used peanut butter instead. Wait, whys your face swelling up.
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12-07-2012, 03:18 AM
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#20
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Literotica Guru
HeyAll is offline
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Here and there.
Posts: 4,006
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"You realize this isn't free right?"
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12-07-2012, 03:57 AM
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#21
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How 'bout a kiss, baby
TE999 is offline
Join Date: May 2006
Location: www.blindate.com
Posts: 30,086
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"That's my brother, just ignore him."
__________________
I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused.
Never be led astray into the paths of virtue.
Artists are misunderstood. Not by people, but by themselves.
Life is but active anguish in a context of flux.
"Popularity is not whether people like you, it's how many people would like you to like them." Anon.
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens)
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambrose Bierce
"When my ugly ol' car won't climb the hill, I'll write a suicide note on a hundred dollar bill." 'Heavy Fuel' Dire Straits
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun ..." 'Only the Good Die Young' Billy Joel
TE's stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/me...ge=submissions
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12-07-2012, 04:05 AM
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#22
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Virgin
redhot_363236 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 23
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Oh no, that's not a strap on
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12-07-2012, 05:23 AM
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#23
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Mallory Heart Surgeon.
Bramblethorn is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,029
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"By the way, I'm a violent transphobe." (Or homophobe.)
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12-07-2012, 06:28 AM
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#24
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Literotica Guru
MSTarot is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: southern us
Posts: 1,167
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"Eighteen?" Giggle "Who said I was eighteen?"
Also the above phrase followed with the ratchet sound of a pump shotgun being worked.
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12-07-2012, 07:15 AM
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#25
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Literotica Guru
lovecraft68 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Closer than you think.
Posts: 33,592
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Wow, you're tighter than my mom
Or
You're not as big as my daddy
__________________
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