Puns

Ask For More · May 25, 2017

done_got_old said:
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I can't believe you made a joke about his failure.

done_got_old · May 26, 2017

I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked

Ask For More · May 26, 2017

I used to be an accountant but the job became too taxing.

done_got_old · May 26, 2017

A piece of string walked into a bar and said "Gimme a beer!" but the bartender said "Get outta here! We don't serve your kind here!"

So the string left, but he was thirsty, and he really wanted a beer, so he messed up his hair real badly and looped himself around until he had tied himself into a knot.

When the string went back into the bar, the bartender looked at him suspiciously and said "Aren't you that worthless piece of string I just threw outta here?"

No, the string replied, "I'm a frayed knot!"

Ask For More · May 28, 2017

I went to a wedding yesterday, it was so emotional that even the cake was in tiers.

done_got_old · May 28, 2017

Why aren't iPhone chargers called apple juice?

done_got_old · May 28, 2017

A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from the library... The librarian quips after checking the books...

"Sir your books are always returned with the last page missing in every single book..."

The surgeon replies, "I can't stop myself from removing an appendix whenever I see one."

Ask For More · May 28, 2017

Extremely rare sneakers!

done_got_old · May 28, 2017

A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.

yellow_rose71 · May 31, 2017

I just finished a class on estate planning. There was a quiz with only one question. What’s the definition of a will? (Come on, it’s a dead giveaway!)

done_got_old · May 31, 2017

Nylons give women a run for their money.

L8tnIt · May 31, 2017

The quardaplegic* entered a Martial Arts tournament. His technique was said to be disarming.

*may be misspelled

done_got_old · May 31, 2017

L8tnIt said:
The quardaplegic* entered a Martial Arts tournament. His technique was said to be disarming.

*may be misspelled

quadriplegic

Some people don't like food going to waist.

L8tnIt · May 31, 2017

done_got_old said:
quadriplegic

Some people don't like food going to waist.

Thank you for the edit.

Some people think working out is a waste too; they just do lots & lots of squats, and think it is all just down from there.

Ask For More · May 31, 2017

L8tnIt said:
Some people think working out is a waste too; they just do lots & lots of squats, and think it is all just down from there.

It's sad to see them lose their weigh

privatewower · May 31, 2017

I used to be a banker, I got fired because I lost interest.

Ask For More · May 31, 2017

privatewower said:
I used to be a banker, I got fired because I lost interest.

Did the company hold you to account?

done_got_old · May 31, 2017

Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.

greeneyedvirgin · Jun 1, 2017

I got lost on the whey to buy some cheese.

done_got_old · Jun 1, 2017

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

SeanBurns1975 · Jun 1, 2017

L8tnIt said:
Thank you for the edit.

Some people think working out is a waste too; they just do lots & lots of squats, and think it is all just down from there.

Squat puns are the lowest form of humour!

done_got_old · Jun 1, 2017

A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet.

bigcpl4fun · Jun 1, 2017

I went down to Panama once to go from the Atlantic to the Pacific, but I ran out of lock...

bigcpl4fun · Jun 1, 2017

done_got_old said:
A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet.

I symphonies...

L8tnIt · Jun 1, 2017

All the cows thought that that last post was utterly disgraceful :clown:

Puns

Mystery Man

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Oldies but goodies

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