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What's Your Relationship?

We've been married for 3 and 1/2 years. Started out messing around with BDSM, we knew he was a Dom and I was submissive. But it's just in the last few weeks that we have recommitted to a D/s relationship. I think it will be great in the long run for our relationship. It begets an intimacy that few relationships have. We are really enjoying exploring this new chapter.

~~JJ
 
M_SNashCouple said:
We've been married for 3 and 1/2 years. Started out messing around with BDSM, we knew he was a Dom and I was submissive. But it's just in the last few weeks that we have recommitted to a D/s relationship. I think it will be great in the long run for our relationship. It begets an intimacy that few relationships have. We are really enjoying exploring this new chapter.

~~JJ
Click to expand...
No doubt because with D/s you push boundaries and explore arenas never explored and to do so requires intimacy and trust. When intimacy and trust builds, relationships are healthier! Right ? Just my 2 cents worth!
 
dilipfrmindia said:
No doubt because with D/s you push boundaries and explore arenas never explored and to do so requires intimacy and trust. When intimacy and trust builds, relationships are healthier! Right ? Just my 2 cents worth!
Click to expand...

Exactly! It's been really fun and eye opening! It's forcing me to really communicate better because he demands an answer or because it may not be something I'm comfortable with and we talk things out. I am really enjoying it!

~JJ
 
I'm giving this a bump because there are a lot of new faces that might want to contribute to the thread or may learn something from it.

My relationship has changed quite a bit since I first started this thread. I've also changed a great deal and my views are mostly the same, but I've discovered things about myself that I never imagined possible.

I felt very sure then about what I wanted and what made me happy. I suppose, that growth has taken place and the changes have been thought provoking, confusing, scary, and also quite fulfilling.
 
Me and my cat are a mutually beneficial pairing. I feed her, she alleviates the crushing loneliness a little.

Life is good.

Sort of.
 
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MeekMe said:
I'm giving this a bump because there are a lot of new faces that might want to contribute to the thread or may learn something from it.

My relationship has changed quite a bit since I first started this thread. I've also changed a great deal and my views are mostly the same, but I've discovered things about myself that I never imagined possible.

I felt very sure then about what I wanted and what made me happy. I suppose, that growth has taken place and the changes have been thought provoking, confusing, scary, and also quite fulfilling.
Click to expand...

This happened to me - I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, the kind of relationship, the kind of kink. I stayed single for 10 years because of that thing in my head I thought I needed but could never attain.

Then I met my husband 4 years ago. He was so opposite of that guy in my head. He pretty much blew in to my life, blew up all my pre-conceived ideas of D/s and it just fit.

Consilience said:
Me and my cat are a mutually beneficial pairing. I feed her, she alleviates the crushing loneliness a little.

Life is good.

Sort of.
Click to expand...

:)
 
Hi, I'm married and have been for 16yrs happily have just started to Dom my wife as she has asked me to b her master when her ring comes I then take the role of master . I feel we are both kinky she likes to b spanked with different things also anal play which I very much enjoy teasing her ass ,as I said we are very new to this but very excited to this new part if our lives have just ordered full restraint's gag flog and whip and can't wait to take my little slut as she likes to b called .and play with my new toys ,
 
I want to be alone for the first time in my life. I'm not. That's all I'm ready to say right now.
Living with someone and being lonely is different than being alone, right?
 
Farawyn said:
I want to be alone for the first time in my life. I'm not. That's all I'm ready to say right now.
Living with someone and being lonely is different than being alone, right?
Click to expand...

Yes. Sometimes it's more lonely to be with certain people than it is to be alone.
 
Farawyn said:
I want to be alone for the first time in my life. I'm not. That's all I'm ready to say right now.
Living with someone and being lonely is different than being alone, right?
Click to expand...

I'm sorry you go through this pain. Having someone, but being alone and lonely is also horrible. I wish you peace with time dearest.
 
My husband was my Dominant. We'll be married one year in July, together 4.

I say "was" because he's sick. When I met him, he was healthy. He got sick a little over a year in to our relationship. He has ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease. It's terminal. He's now immobile, in his wheelchair 24/7. He move his chair with his head.

When we met, we had no plans to marry. We thought we'd have all the time in the world to let our D/s relationship develop. We were still in the fun kinky new phase of the relationship when we realized something was wrong with him. It took almost a year for the diagnosis. We got married for financial reasons (being on his insurance allowed me to quit my job) but more because I wanted him to know I was in it for the long haul.

It's been a rough road overall but especially in the realm of D/s. We were settling in to a relationship where he was the leader. I liked following him. His cult of one! We were working out the rules, expectations, consequences. I like that stuff. We were both pretty jazzed at the though of finding each other at this stage in our lives.

Now, I'm pretty much the boss of everything. I'm his full-time caregiver.

It's odd - our goal was to have me be the stay at home submissive/wife. Taken in hand kind of a relationship. Now, I am a stay at home wife. But I'm a fucking slave to his disease, not him. It's exhausting and sad.

D/s is out the window but I still feel submissive. Because I am?! Parts of me love I get to serve him in this way.

I wander around places like Lit to keep my toes dipped in the kinky water and quite frankly, because I have a ton of weird time on my hands, I'm here for the distraction.
 
I am single at the moment. This thread has given me so much to think about and so much diversity! It is encouraging to know that I do not have to have a defined label to find what I am looking for!

Sending strength and love your way cookiecat. I hope all is as well as can be expected. 💛
 
cookiecat said:
My husband was my Dominant. We'll be married one year in July, together 4.

I say "was" because he's sick. When I met him, he was healthy. He got sick a little over a year in to our relationship. He has ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease. It's terminal. He's now immobile, in his wheelchair 24/7. He move his chair with his head.

When we met, we had no plans to marry. We thought we'd have all the time in the world to let our D/s relationship develop. We were still in the fun kinky new phase of the relationship when we realized something was wrong with him. It took almost a year for the diagnosis. We got married for financial reasons (being on his insurance allowed me to quit my job) but more because I wanted him to know I was in it for the long haul.

It's been a rough road overall but especially in the realm of D/s. We were settling in to a relationship where he was the leader. I liked following him. His cult of one! We were working out the rules, expectations, consequences. I like that stuff. We were both pretty jazzed at the though of finding each other at this stage in our lives.

Now, I'm pretty much the boss of everything. I'm his full-time caregiver.

It's odd - our goal was to have me be the stay at home submissive/wife. Taken in hand kind of a relationship. Now, I am a stay at home wife. But I'm a fucking slave to his disease, not him. It's exhausting and sad.

D/s is out the window but I still feel submissive. Because I am?! Parts of me love I get to serve him in this way.

I wander around places like Lit to keep my toes dipped in the kinky water and quite frankly, because I have a ton of weird time on my hands, I'm here for the distraction.
Click to expand...

I am going to send you a PM. When my kid was 13, he and his little rock band held a concert for ALS.
In someone's back yard.
They raised $1500 selling 10$ t-shirts.
As an RN, I can attest that this disease is brutal and soul sucking.
I have NO answers, but if you ever need a shoulder I am here. :rose:
 
Well, after reading so many posts that involved people being candid about their lives it would be wrong to just walk away, so I'll try.

I have been involved in many different types of relationships in the past, ranging from sweetly vanilla, strictly business, and shockingly depraved. All of which will always be held in the deepest depths and meant something. But I am currently horrendously alone and milking it for all it's creative worth, so it's fine.

I don't like to use labels outside of the ones others impose upon themselves but, if I had to, I'd say I'm very much a Dom with a sadistic streak. To be clear, pain is merely a means to heighten pleasure, and I value control over myself as much as over my pets. Seeing an agonized expression and rigid body melt into the look of an animal in rapture is truly proof of the divine.

@ cookiecat
I'm new and hope it's not strange to say something, but I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
 
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In a non-relationship right now. Just ended a long-standing frustrating one that wasn't meeting my needs. But it's a good relationship to describe (in many respects) of what I like. I would identify as strongly submissive. Or submissively strong? But I've never been with a partner who was already dominant. They had to be guided, I guess for a lack of better explanation. Any Dom I've met online seemed to be an asshole so I've stuck with guys who are vanilla on the onset, but grow into a more Dominant role. But i'm generally the one to push their boundaries rather than they push mine. Some day I'd love a relationship with someone who can really embrace the Dominant role. But until then . . . .
 
_Necrosomantic_ said:
Well, after reading so many posts that involved people being candid about their lives it would be wrong to just walk away, so I'll try.

I have been involved in many different types of relationships in the past, ranging from sweetly vanilla, strictly business, and shockingly depraved. All of which will always be held in the deepest depths and meant something. But I am currently horrendously alone and milking it for all it's creative worth, so it's fine.

I don't like to use labels outside of the ones others impose upon themselves but, if I had to, I'd say I'm very much a Dom with a sadistic streak. To be clear, pain is merely a means to heighten pleasure, and I value control over myself as much as over my pets. Seeing an agonized expression and rigid body melt into the look of an animal in rapture is truly proof of the divine.

@ cookiecat
I'm new and hope it's not strange to say something, but I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing. Welcome to Lit and to the BDSM boards.
Speaking for myself - glad you are here. :rose:
 
SquishyBits said:
I am single at the moment. This thread has given me so much to think about and so much diversity! It is encouraging to know that I do not have to have a defined label to find what I am looking for!

Sending strength and love your way cookiecat. I hope all is as well as can be expected. 💛
Click to expand...

Thank you!!

Farawyn said:
I am going to send you a PM. When my kid was 13, he and his little rock band held a concert for ALS.
In someone's back yard.
They raised $1500 selling 10$ t-shirts.
As an RN, I can attest that this disease is brutal and soul sucking.
I have NO answers, but if you ever need a shoulder I am here. :rose:
Click to expand...

thanks!! That's awesome! Why did they pick ALS as a fundraiser? It is brutal. Soul sucking is a good way to say it.

_Necrosomantic_ said:
<snip> @ cookiecat
I'm new and hope it's not strange to say something, but I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
Click to expand...

Welcome to Lit. Thanks for your kind message. I do appreciate the support!
 
luci_smith said:
In a non-relationship right now. Just ended a long-standing frustrating one that wasn't meeting my needs. But it's a good relationship to describe (in many respects) of what I like. I would identify as strongly submissive. Or submissively strong? But I've never been with a partner who was already dominant. They had to be guided, I guess for a lack of better explanation. Any Dom I've met online seemed to be an asshole so I've stuck with guys who are vanilla on the onset, but grow into a more Dominant role. But i'm generally the one to push their boundaries rather than they push mine. Some day I'd love a relationship with someone who can really embrace the Dominant role. But until then . . . .
Click to expand...

Welcome to Lit.
 
cookiecat said:
Thank you!!



thanks!! That's awesome! Why did they pick ALS as a fundraiser? It is brutal. Soul sucking is a good way to say it.



Welcome to Lit. Thanks for your kind message. I do appreciate the support!
Click to expand...


I sent you the link. :heart:
 
This thread can sometimes be a tricky and often intensely personal subject. I think out of all the threads I've started, this one has spurred the most private messages to me. I don't talk about them or pass on information I receive in private, just read and offer a small response. :) It reminds me that I too, keep some things to myself. I don't feel comfortable talking about some of the new aspects in my relationship. It's a lot like those I receive messages from.

I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks to those that have contributed to the thread and to those that may in the future. It's great to see what's out there and I think it's really eye opening for those that are new and maybe confused. Also, I haven't responded individually to everyone that has posted here, I wanted to say I read every response and that I'm not ignoring you. I just haven't got the right words.

Thanks, everyone. :rose:
 
Online most of the time due to distance :-( But sometimes meetings in person which mean making the most of the time and learning if good match for future.
 
MeekMe said:
This thread can sometimes be a tricky and often intensely personal subject. I think out of all the threads I've started, this one has spurred the most private messages to me. I don't talk about them or pass on information I receive in private, just read and offer a small response. :) It reminds me that I too, keep some things to myself. I don't feel comfortable talking about some of the new aspects in my relationship. It's a lot like those I receive messages from.

I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks to those that have contributed to the thread and to those that may in the future. It's great to see what's out there and I think it's really eye opening for those that are new and maybe confused. Also, I haven't responded individually to everyone that has posted here, I wanted to say I read every response and that I'm not ignoring you. I just haven't got the right words.

Thanks, everyone. :rose:
Click to expand...

This has been a great thread. I like reading about different dynamics, how people met. It was a good idea! :)
 
MichelleInAsia said:
Online most of the time due to distance :-( But sometimes meetings in person which mean making the most of the time and learning if good match for future.
Click to expand...

I used to date long distance a lot. It was fun to go to new places, meet someplace in the middle. Online was a good way to stay connected.

sidenote: I realized dating long distance was a way to keep people at arm's length. I could play "submissive" for a long weekend and then come home to my life. Fun for a while but hard to really find that intimate connection.
 
Farawyn said:
I want to be alone for the first time in my life. I'm not. That's all I'm ready to say right now.
Living with someone and being lonely is different than being alone, right?
Click to expand...

Living with someone and feeling more like roommates than lovers / spouses can be soul-sucking....and lonely as fuck.

Married, a couple kiddos...Had some really shitty relationships that I now realize were due to the guys I was dating and not the fact that I wasn't good enough but, hey...self-doubt is a bitch, right? Chalked it all up to the fact that I was putting too much pressure on sex (the relationship would be great in the beginning but then fizzle out...or it was great, but the guy was truly just a huge asshole) and tried to focus on the person vs that I needed sex (honestly I thought something was "wrong" with me...again...self-doubt). Met a very sweet guy, dated, moved in together, got pregnant, got married...and after a few years the differences in our sex drive / sexual interests is hitting me full force, and I feel stuck...like I can't move forward because it isn't in him to give me what I crave, or as often as I want it (fucking sexual appetite differences!!)...and I can't make a big change in my life because the crippling pain that rips through me when I consider not seeing my kids every day...

I just wish I had understood and accepted that, for me, sex *is* important...and maybe it would have been better to accept and love the adventurous side of myself (instead of trying to shove down a part of myself) and wait...(and then I feel guilty saying that because my hubs is a very sweet, caring man...and I could, and have, done way worse).

Anywho!! That got sappy and dark and spirit-dampening!! SO...

Here's a picture of an adorable puppy!!
 

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ropebunny87 said:
Living with someone and feeling more like roommates than lovers / spouses can be soul-sucking....and lonely as fuck.

Married, a couple kiddos...Had some really shitty relationships that I now realize were due to the guys I was dating and not the fact that I wasn't good enough but, hey...self-doubt is a bitch, right? Chalked it all up to the fact that I was putting too much pressure on sex (the relationship would be great in the beginning but then fizzle out...or it was great, but the guy was truly just a huge asshole) and tried to focus on the person vs that I needed sex (honestly I thought something was "wrong" with me...again...self-doubt). Met a very sweet guy, dated, moved in together, got pregnant, got married...and after a few years the differences in our sex drive / sexual interests is hitting me full force, and I feel stuck...like I can't move forward because it isn't in him to give me what I crave, or as often as I want it (fucking sexual appetite differences!!)...and I can't make a big change in my life because the crippling pain that rips through me when I consider not seeing my kids every day...

I just wish I had understood and accepted that, for me, sex *is* important...and maybe it would have been better to accept and love the adventurous side of myself (instead of trying to shove down a part of myself) and wait...(and then I feel guilty saying that because my hubs is a very sweet, caring man...and I could, and have, done way worse).

Anywho!! That got sappy and dark and spirit-dampening!! SO...

Here's a picture of an adorable puppy!!
Click to expand...

Well.... welcome!

I'm in a similar situation for totally different reasons: you love someone with all your heart but for whatever reason, your sexual or D/s or kinky needs aren't being met.

So here we are, wandering the halls of Lit! I feel like a pinball at times, knocking around different threads, different people, never really finding my footing... oh wait. This is your post! :rolleyes:

Sappy, dark and spirit-dampening are a-ok. Hope being here helps. :rose:
 
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