Feedback request - The unconventional convention

It was a nicely written stroke story. It had good pace, good grammar, and it was technically well constructed.

There was no plot, but plot is optional for a stroke story - especially a short one like this.

There wasn't much character development either - I didn't relate to either of them. Again, optional for a stroker and what character traits you did develop were related to the sex, which is how it should be in this type of story.

Probably the only thing truly missing was a kink. Every erotic story needs a kink, incest, bdsm, slut wife, BBC, anal etc.

The 'naughty thoughts' isn't really a kink, because everyone has them. And clearly our hero has a past of dirty actions, but we never went there.

The closest you came was colleague-lust, which is fine for a kink, but to pull it off you need to spend a lot of time building tension in the office.

You could have used her petite body as a kink, but you'd need to play it a bit harder. There was only one or two references, but you could round it out with brushes of her tiny peaked breasts on the plane, a longer study of them naked, and a detailed passage on stretching her passage to accommodate him.

But like I said, very well written and paced. Definitely keep writing
 
It's PC tone bores the shit outta me. I mean, what in hell is a professional? A numnutz who belongs to dog groomers of amerika?
 
After you deleted my comment I paid a visit to the writer and helped out with the vote. Do it again, wordtard.
 
Well, you got my interest and kept it pretty well, but my peter meter scarcely moved. So if I am not reading great literature and I am not stroking, why am I reading? As Blin said, you didn't give us enough character to relate to and the sex was weak. This is a porn site so one has to stretch it a bit.l Also your lack of confidence as a writer comes through in your need to classify everything. Almost everything in the story is nearly, almost, etc.

I know there are trolls out there who will jump on me for saying this, but I will say it anyway. Lots of passages have too many words for meaning.

Here is an example. Obviously there are several ways this could be trimmed and you could accept some of the changes or make more cchangees. That of course is up to you. I am not trying to kill your creativity, only to pick up the pace. See what you think.

After (about) her third trip, she (sort of) stumbles (getting) into her seat, (and has to) catching her balance (by leaning) on my shoulder. Her sexy little hand (sends a shiver or somet)hing. feels good (use a thesaurus we don't want good here we want something exciting), but I'm (still) playing (the role of) the friend and coworker. She quickly regains her balance and (sort of) (that's two 'sort of's in the same paragraph) flops into her seat. Her shin brushes mine, (which) obviously (is) an accident, but she doesn't move it. For me, it's (a tad) awkward, because I don't want to seem like I'm recoiling in disgust. (because) (What I really want to do is kiss my way up her legs starting at the shins) but it's just unusual. I decide not to move my leg, (since my leg is) clearly in my own chairs space, it's her leg (stretching into my space) to blame for our (shins) touching.

More later.
 
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Thanks, Blin and Robert. Forgive any typos I am about to make,I am using my phone to type.

Good thoughts, much appreciated. For my own reading pleasure, I lean toward shorter stories, under the old adage "hey I don't want to marry the erotica, I just wanna bang it", so I wrote a short story too. I find myself wishing they're was a short stories only option at times when reading, but that's just me. If I write more, and dabble in longer stories, I'm going to end up writing the kinds of lengthy series that I avoid reading! But that's fine, I'm working on my writing here, not my reading.

Thanks again, all tips taken well! I do tend to get fatigued and finish fast at times (when writing, let me make that abundantly clear.. ;-). If I keep on writing, I guess I'll have to take the editing, trimming up, and not cutting short more seriously!

Thanks again!
 
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I feel your pain, jsmiam, about short stories being criticized around here for actually being short stories. The trend at Literotica seems to be to longer and longer pieces, the authors having discovered that these get higher ratings generally (those not gushing about it have fallen away in exhaustion before getting to the end). Even in the contests, short stories and novels, which are different forms with different content expectations, are competing together here--which you won't find in any other writing contest that I know about. All of them have wordage limitations to keep the separate forms separate. In fact, most story contests have limits that are no more than one Lit. page. Post a one-page Lit. story and you'll automatically be dinged for having the story too short or not fully developing characters or plot or any other aspect that is something a novel should do but a short story need not.

Lit. readers, in general, aren't all that knowledgeable about the forms of writing--or the cheapening of a story by padding it with irrelevant material just to achieve bulk, something you are taught to do in grade/high school to meet minimum assignment requirements). No reason for them to be, but those who are should be able to weed out the uninformed comments they make (while unfortunately not being able to much about their uninformed rating).

That said, a reader can control his/her reading preferences in story length. You can find out how long it's going to be at the bottom of the first (and each subsequent) page--each Lit. page is about 3,750 words. I always do check the number of pages it's going to be before reading (or not--anything that goes over a 3 is a not usually for me, because that's not a one-sitting short story read; that's at least a novella, and it's going to require a significant investment of my reading time).
 
Thanks for the reply. My happy place is also about 3 screens/pages. Ironically, I submitted a chapter 2, not approved yet, which goes against everything I stand for, because I never read multi chapter stories, but nonetheless, I'm here to work on my writing skills. I don't know how many other people do this, but I like the random tag listing from the Search Stories page, and to have a random Chapter 153 show up doesn't make me want to click, knowing I missed the first 152. The random story tags is a nice way to see a variety of stories, and even convince yourself that "Hey, I didn't go LOOKING for that unspeakable topic, I'm a GOOD boy! It just showed up as a random tag!"

I made my Chapter 2 work as a standalone story, with no urgent need for a person to read Chapter 1. Is there a common practice, for identifying standalone parts to a series? I was going to perhaps label my chapters as "Standalone Chapter 01", unless there's either a convention or a better idea. I want to make for easy fast forwarding, just like with videos... ;-)
 
The standard format for titling a chapter in a series is: [Short Common Title] Ch. 01 (and 02, etc. The reason for the 0 is to keep the series in order. Otherwise it would come out as 1, 12, 13 . . . 2, 3.)

If you want to make clear that each is a standalone, you could title: [Short Common Title] colon Subtitle. If you want to keep these in chronological order, though, you have to alphabetize the subtitle (e.g., Journeys West: Angel City; Journeys West: Devil Canyon; Journeys West: Saint Nowhere).
 
If you can read the stories in any order, don't number them, just prefix with the same series name so that fans can find the related stories easily. Eg
Cum sucking sluts: Angelica
Cum sucking sluts: Brunhilde
Cum sucking sluts: Cum festival

If there is one story that lays the foundation for the remaining unorded stories, just use the series name without a suffix and it will appear at the top in your catalogue.

If there is some kind of order, but each one can be enjoyed as a standalone episode like a TV drama, try using a word like Book or maybe Episode to precede the number rather than Chapter.
Eg. Cum sucking sluts: Book 5
You might not get them grouping in your catalog if you use this method - I'm not sure.

But pretty much if you use a number of any kind, you will drive some readers away in the way you described.

Don't make the mistake I did. If you write a series, keep it in a single category. That way if someone finds Chapter 5 highly rated in the new stories list and they check your catalogue, they'll find 4 more chapters in a genre that interests them.
 
My previously mentioned story got approved, and yes, it uses the "ch. 02" convention (it was submitted before my earlier question about chapters). And yeah, the story took a turn into a different category, without using turn signals. Oh well ::shrug::

Am I correct in seeing that there's no way to edit stories once submitted? Or am I missing something. Between my desire to rename, combined with just now seeing two mistakes, I'd love to fix it.
 
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My previously mentioned story got approved, and yes, it uses the "ch. 02" convention (it was submitted before my earlier question about chapters). And yeah, the story took a turn into a different category, without using turn signals. Oh well ::shrug::

Am I correct in seeing that there's no way to edit stories once submitted? Or am I missing something. Between my desire to rename, combined with just now seeing two mistakes, I'd love to fix it.

Check out the FAQ. It explains how to update title/category
 
Notice I did not say your story was too short or too long, only that certain things should be taken out and other things added. I find 2 1/2- 3 pages on Lit about as long as readers will tolerate (generally). Unless it is divided into chapters.
 
@blin- thanks for the tip, I figured I must have been missing it somewhere.. Usually I read instructions better than that.. ;-) thanks

@robert - no offense was taken at all, thank you! My first drafts of anything I write are always too wordy, so whether I do it myself or need a reminder, I almost always need to de-wordify. And proofread.

Fyi my chapter 2 (I'm so embarrassed at the typos, anxiously waiting for my edits to be published) is out there, doing quite nicely. I'll post a link in a sec via edit.

Link to second: https://www.literotica.com/s/the-unconventional-convention-ch-02 (using phone again, apologies in advance if link doesn't work)
 
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Great story, and I enjoyed chapter 2 as well. Sure, you have a few spelling errors, but nothing that took away from the story. On occasion you get a little redundant, so I'd keep an eye on that, but overall, I think you've written three great stories, so keep it up!
 
Great story, and I enjoyed chapter 2 as well. Sure, you have a few spelling errors, but nothing that took away from the story. On occasion you get a little redundant, so I'd keep an eye on that, but overall, I think you've written three great stories, so keep it up!

Aren't you supposed to be backing up a claim that I have attacked your writing? I assumed you were off researching that. It's what you claimed.
 
Aren't you supposed to be backing up a claim that I have attacked your writing? I assumed you were off researching that. It's what you claimed.

And who starts all the fights around here?

Wow, another spam/troll post from the incredible pilot . . . .

Maybe the mod will delete these two posts so we can stay on topic :D
 
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And who starts all the fights around here?

Wow, another spam/troll post from the incredible pilot . . . .

Maybe the mod will delete these two posts so we can stay on topic :D

Where you're concerned, you do. Your post history is available for anyone to check. And in this instance, you did, and you lied. I'm satisfied that both you and I know you lied no matter how much you avoid or squirm over the issue. I don't mind if the posts are deleted. It's enough for both of us to know you lied.

It might be time for you to go to a new alt to get a clean slate.
 
Where you're concerned, you do. Your post history is available for anyone to check. And in this instance, you did, and you lied. I'm satisfied that both you and I know you lied no matter how much you avoid or squirm over the issue. I don't mind if the posts are deleted. It's enough for both of us to know you lied.

It might be time for you to go to a new alt to get a clean slate.

LOL, you give yourself WAY too much credit. I'd never blink an eye, let along squirm over something you said.

As far as lying? Uh huh, sure Mr. ex spy, blackbird pilot, and diplomate:rolleyes:
 
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