Make your reader climax in 200 words or less

Trixareforkids said:

I swear if she doesn't shut her fucking mouth I'm going to shove something in it. M thought as he stood rigid with his back to her. How could someone so annoying turn him on so much he wondered. There she goes again, that's it. He practically ripped his hard cock out of his chef pants turned around and thought was deed. The look of surprise in her eyes turned to fascinated delight as she clamped down on him teeth bared. When she had his full attention she smiled. Now the real dance would begin. Who dominates? Who submits? Who cares as long as she starts sucking. He pushed his hips forward and she opened up. He kept his forward momentum until she began to gag and reached up to grasp his shaft. As he slowly withdrew her tongue cupped him and she brought her mouth around him. With warm caresses from her tongue and a tug on his hips she told him to fuck her mouth. He smiled down at her. With pleasure, he thought and thrust himself across her tongue while she applied just the right amount of resistance. The beautiful silence. Best five minutes of his life.

Well that's my 200 words. Don't know if it'll make anyone cum but I know who I'd be straddling if I had the equipment.

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I've never had someone write a story about and FOR me before and on a thread.
That makes it rather special.

I'm sorry if it appeared as if I was singling you out - for your enjoyment of that story. I'm pleased you did. I think we agree on that point.

I don't recall the original story. and I have no inclination to go looking for it way back whenever it was posted.
Had I noticed it then, I for one; others could care less I believe, would have tut-tutted about its length.

I think the beauty and the challenge is to write a piece in less than 200 words that will have the reader (almost, if not) climaxing.
Perhaps:

"Fuck me!" he whispered in her ear as she reached for the cereal box on the top shelf of the crowded supermarket.

might, in its brevity, have the reader excited and fantasising like crazy.

MichaelinChina said:

I don't recall the original story. and I have no inclination to go looking for it way back whenever it was posted.

Had I noticed it then, I for one; others could care less I believe, would have tut-tutted about its length.

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Well, there's no need to go looking for it, because I quoted it when I commented on it. You know, on this same page...

And not only did you NOT tut-tut it, you said "You can break the rules anytime. That was hot Penelope!"

Get why I felt I was being tweaked now?

MichaelinChina said:

I've never had someone write a story about and FOR me before and on a thread.
That makes it rather special.

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BTW, I have no idea what you do for a living, but my hubby is a chef. (I'll bet a few of you can imagine him wanting to shut me up.) So it's inspired by but not for or about you. Oh and thanks for the inspiration.

Trixareforkids said:

Well, there's no need to go looking for it, because I quoted it when I commented on it. You know, on this same page...



And not only did you NOT tut-tut it, you said "You can break the rules anytime. That was hot Penelope!"

OK so you reminded me of what I said.


Get why I felt I was being tweaked now?

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Yes, I understand now.

Trixareforkids said:

BTW, I have no idea what you do for a living, but my hubby is a chef. (I'll bet a few of you can imagine him wanting to shut me up.) So it's inspired by but not for or about you. Oh and thanks for the inspiration.

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My occupation is irrelevant.

I thought the letter M, and the circumstances of you writing it, seemed to point to me. No? If not I feel crushed.

Nevertheless, happy to have inspired you...

MichaelinChina said:

My occupation is irrelevant.

If not I feel crushed.

Nevertheless, happy to have inspired you...

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Yes, YOUR occupation is irrelevant. Sorry to have to crush you doll. Well...not really.

But I was being sincere when I thanked you for the inspiration.

Trixareforkids said:

Sorry to have to crush you doll. Well...not really.

But I was being sincere when I thanked you for the inspiration.

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Glad we sorted the issue out.
I have broad shoulders..
smiling here...see!

Aww, sorted already? Oh well, the banter was fun while it lasted.

Trixareforkids said:

Aww, sorted already? Oh well, the banter was fun while it lasted.

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You wanted more? Not on this thread lol!

Maybe we should go off and each pound out 200 words or less!

MichaelinChina said:

Maybe we should go off and each pound out 200 words or less!

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Working on it! I'm stuck at 327 and I think I'll have to put it aside for something else, I like it the way it is and can't see trimming more.

Trixareforkids said:

Working on it! I'm stuck at 327 and I think I'll have to put it aside for something else, I like it the way it is and can't see trimming more.

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POST IT! You know I won't complain...unless you wanna ruthlessly edit it. I know, I know, each word is precious!

Slap & Tickle

We'd just finished me off and now it was his turn. I rubbed my face across his soft belly fur. I love how the hair tickles my nose and cheeks. He apparently loves his dick lying between my tits because I can feel it getting stiffer. Suck it or fuck it? He's got his eyes closed which means my choice. Fuck it then. Wish my tits were big enough for a titty fuck, I love the images of a beautiful stiff dick sliding between a nice ripe pair, the tip being sucked while the thrusts are slow. Oh well, not without a boob job.

I'm feeling frisky, reverse cowgirl it is, he loves looking at my ass. Don't need lube I'm still wet from my go. I'll just give him a taste before I slide on.

Ooh, that's nice. “Yeah, yeah. Right there.”...“Ouch, shit! Again” Aww yeah, stings so good. Wiggle myself free, now I really want a ride.

“I want some ass.” Even better!

“Well, grab the lube.”

“Bring your ass back here.” God I love this man. Yeah, tickle that ass. Ummm, that tongue feels good, come on, where are those magic fingers.

“Oh, oh. Slow baby.” So frisky.

“Suck” Damn, pay attention it's his turn. “Ummm”

So hard, hurry up, hurry up now I really want it.

“Turn around, ride me.”

Yeah, pull those ass cheeks apart baby. Don't thrust, wait for it. Eeeiii, eeeiii! Almost...there. Oh sweet mama.

“Help me babe my legs are still weak.” Yeah that's better, push me up. Damn it, open your eyes.

“God I love your ass”

“And it loves you. Watch me babe.” Ha, if he keeps his eyes open I'll get a few extra strokes. “Yeah, lift me higher, watch that pretty dick of yours. “ Oh, oh “Fuck babe.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

No! So close, don't hold me back. Just...a...little “Fuck yeah, fuck yeah.” Oh, oh spasm...

One hand clapping! (other one is busy)

Cheers to wet compliments...

MichaelinChina said:

One hand clapping! (other one is busy)

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Too funny!

Now, any constructive criticism? You know, when you've got both hands free to type...

Trixareforkids said:

Too funny!

Now, any constructive criticism? You know, when you've got both hands free to type...

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Just a tad too much dialogue. Some may like it; I don't. I get off on the setting of the scene and description. Minimal dialogue.

MichaelinChina said:

Just a tad too much dialogue. Some may like it; I don't. I get off on the setting of the scene and description. Minimal dialogue.

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LOL. I really enjoy how different we all are. I will give serious consideration to your advice. I generally prefer dialog in sex scenes, well it's not so much dialog as vocalizations and directions. Guess I need to use a little less real life and a little more fantasy.

Trixareforkids said:

LOL. I really enjoy how different we all are. I will give serious consideration to your advice. I generally prefer dialog in sex scenes, well it's not so much dialog as vocalizations and directions. Guess I need to use a little less real life and a little more fantasy.

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Well if your 'real life' is not erotic, I guess you have to resort to fantasy.
I try to write from experience, including those moments that 'might have been' if I'd been more brazen, or thought faster on my feet to take advantage of the situation, which takes a 'real life' story into the realms of fantasy.
I believe readers can identify (and therefore get off on) with an erotic scene better if it is rooted (pardon the pun) in real life.

I liked your first piece (above) much better.
Why not have another go at the second piece, trim the dialogue and make it more descriptive. Edit ruthlessly.

Mark’s words soaked Phoebe’s cunt, her clit aching, wanting more. While her husband, Steve, was showering, she had logged into Dirty Talk, hoping Mark was there. They had teased each other with double entendres, quickly building the sexual tension, and graduated to sending highly-charged, explicit messages in which they told each other how much they wanted to fuck.

Wonderfully aroused, she heard Steve padding through the kitchen, on his way to kissing her goodnight, quickly farewelled Mark with a lewd suggestion for his cock and her mouth, and logged out.

Steve approached, his strong body wrapped in a loose robe. As they kissed, her hand snaked into his robe, to grip his cock as the kiss escalated into a passionate exchange of tongues, and her clit smouldering still from Mark’s attentions, was now blazing gloriously for Steve.

“Who’s got you so horny, darling?” Steve asked, “Mark again? You know I need to thank him for making you so excited for me!”

Without a word, she opened his robe to expose his stiff cock, and after licking up and down the long shaft, engulfed his prick and sucked, fingering her cunt to orgasm while she brought him to a shuddering climax.

(200 wds)

In The Changing Room

It was on a sunny Friday afternoon that Hugh went with Meg and Kate to the Midway Mall to do some bumming around and decided to check out the Hot Topic where the girls had picked out a pair of swimsuits and went into the changing rooms to try them on.

That was before Hugh stepped into one of the changing rooms and saw Kate put on a Bamboo Banger Swim Top and Bottoms before she turned towards Hugh and asked, "Do you think our new swimsuits are seaworthy?", which made Hugh answer, "They're see worthy all right.", and close the door.

Then, after Meg stepped out of the second changing room and started to wonder where her friends were, she heard a noise coming from the first changing room, took a peek inside and saw that both Hugh and Kate were naked and kissing each other deeply on the lips while he was shoving his large dick into her shithole.

That made Meg go back inside the second changing room and finger herself until she finally came.

After they left the store, Hugh asked, "How does some Dairy Queen sound?", before Meg yelled, "YES! PLEASE DO SAY 'YES'!"

I’m writing this to you, to explain that I managed to record you from one of our camming sessions, and that I watched it this afternoon.

I sat back in my chair, and, excited by how you looked and what you were doing, I started to get hard enough to begin wanking.

I took out a tube of hand cream, and applied a dollop, making my cock shaft so slippery. When I stroked it, it felt, and sounded like being deep inside your excited, aching wet cunt ...

… I believe it’s very wet right now.

Your fingers are my fingers.

I played it repeatedly, wanking as I watched your hand drop between your legs. You had spread your legs wide, and had begun to tease your clit, watching your finger, slippery from your cunt juice, dipping in and out of your soaked pussy as you fucked yourself, for me, knowing I loved that.

Now, let me tell you that it was during the third rerun of you giving me a closeup of your mouth whispering “I want you to fuck me! I love you fucking me!” that brought me to a shuddering climax.

And I came,

and came,

and came.

(200 words)

The gift

I hope you don’t mind, my using your picture. Those hands, strong fingers splayed across your stomach. To feel them on my skin.... to run my own fingers down your chest, feel the hair down to your pelvis and your thighs. I want to run my hands down those thighs. I want to nuzzle between them, my lips feathering up the insides towards the shaft hardening there. I want to run my tongue up and around your balls, the skin soft under my wet licks. To swirl my tongue around one testicle, then pull it entirely into my mouth, not letting my teeth scrape too hard, then to the other, and finally underneath. You suck in your breath, making me smile.

I look up the length of your torso and use my thumbs and forefingers to tease and pull your nipples - are they sensitive, do you enjoy the sensation, the light pain? Your eyes are half-closed with want. I slide myself up, my breasts cradling your cock between them, then slide back down, sucking your shaft into my mouth and swirling around the head. Look, Ma, no hands!

Aaaahhhhhh, to make you come!

(200 words)

THAT was soooo sexy. I loved it.

If you mean my piece above, thank you - I had very nice inspiration.

QUOTE=bluejeanbabyamy;57216914]THAT was soooo sexy. I loved it.[/QUOTE]

The First Test Drive

When I finally opened my eyes and saw that I was totally naked and looking just like Pamela Anderson, I came to realize that my sex change operation was a success before the door opened and my best friend John walked into the room, placed a gentle hand on my cheek and said, "I see that you're finally awake."

But just as I was about to congratulate him on a job well done, I saw that he was standing naked and jerking off in front of me before he got on top of me and said, "Don't look so surprised, Joe. Didn't you wonder why I gave you such a good deal on your surgery? And you obviously didn't read the fine print of the Consent Form. Now that you're Joanne, as your surgeon I get the first test drive."

That was before he touched my breasts and shoved his large dick straight into my asshole which had hurt like a son of a bitch at first.

But when he started started sucking my tits and fucking my pussy, I discovered that I was no longer a virgin and it was a good idea to give John that first test drive.

Bus Ride

I got on the bus. She had a bag on the seat beside her. On the seat by him was a newspaper. The old man moved it when I went to sit down. I sat staring ahead, the small seats forcing my thigh against his. His hands were above the newspaper on his lap, he wasn’t touching himself.
I wished he was.
I wished I were not wearing a demure long skirt and a loose shirt doing nothing to show off my cleavage. I wished I were wearing a slinky tight little dress, hugging my hips, cupping my soft breasts as snugly as a hand with long fingers.
I held firmly onto the pole. My hand was moist with sweat and slid up and down as the bus jiggled along its route with my thigh pressed to the thigh of the indifferent old man. My fingers gripped tighter, up and down.
I wished you were at home with your cock standing proudly up as hard as the pole. I bent my head away from the old man on the bus, suddenly running my tongue over my lips. My fingers gripped on the pole, the bus jiggled my thigh against his.