What is the weirdest thing you ever stuck up your ass?

I stuck a frozen hot dog in my ass once it felt.really good at first but got alittle too cold lol
 
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Mighty sticky, unless I had a clean up crew for sweet drippings
 
So I was at the convenience store today and I saw a bottle of this...:eek:

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...done.

Spectacular.
 
Technically the most 'taboo' thing would have to be a Cock, seeing as it's frowned upon In society, luckily this is gblt and cocks up ur ass is the norm haha
 
Large screwdriver handle
A tube of hair serum
A bouncy ball
A Fudgesicle (do not do, it's so effin cold)
A cucumber
A banana
End of a lint roller
3 or 4 crayola markers bunched up together

Also the end of this pull up bar in the picture attached. The part that goes against the left part of the door frame
 

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I normally use my 8" dildo, but sometimes you have to change it up. I have used: banana, cucumber, and a plunger handle. I have shoved brownies, grapes, shampoo, and cinnamon gum up my ass too.
 
I used to work for a company. Us employees said the company motto was:

YOU PLAY BALL WITH US AND WE WILL SHOVE THE BAT UP YOUR ASS!

They were paying $3.00 per hour for overtime, less than the regular pay back then which for me was about $5.00. I reported them to the labor commission and that was the end of that, no one ever know who reported them, but there was a lot of speculation. I just laughed to myself.
 
Mmm baseball bat...

Which would you prefer, the satiny glide of aluminum, or the slick varnish of a wooden bat?
 
When I first started working on trying to get my wife to take it in the ass, the first thing I did was go to a porno store and find a butt plug I calculated was somewhere around the same size as my cock. Why dick around on the little stuff, right? This was the goal, after all. If she can't take this thing, she can't take me, and failure is not an option.

The queer guy at the counter gave me a knowing look when I dropped this thing on the counter, and said "Do you want any lube with that?"

"Uh. Lube? No. This is for my wife's ass. I have lube at home."

"Uh huh. Whatever."

So I don't know whether I would have done this without his putting the idea in my head or not, but of course when I got back to the truck with my new prize, I just had to try it on myself.

Just so I could empathize with what I was expecting my wife to do, understand. Being a totally macho straight man, I obviously had no interest in playing with my own asshole. Right.

No lube. Hrm. I can't give that smug, all-knowing guy the satisfaction of going back in there to buy lube, can I? No. He'll know I'm going to put it up my own ass. I need to improvise.

Hrm.

Well I do have this ice cold Utz cheddar cheese dip in my cooler.

Hrm.

So I hunkered down in the coffin-like sleeper in the back of my 1989 Peterbilt cabover, slathered this rather large butt plug up with cold cheese dip, and tried to get it up my ass. It wasn't going very smoothly at first, so I put more muscle into it, and I basically just bounced on it a couple of times until I managed to ram the entire thing up my ass in one shot.

Ouch.
 
one of my former boyfriends was in a playful mood once and was trying different things in my sissy pussy but perhaps the strangest was a cooked sausage which he made me eat afterwards ,kinky but fun.
i couldnt see what was being put in and had to guess what each item was and pay a forfeit if i got it wrong and i paid a lot of forfeits on purpose ,lol.
 
Mmm baseball bat...

Which would you prefer, the satiny glide of aluminum, or the slick varnish of a wooden bat?
Stellar question! Though the thought of splinters in my colon is an uncomfortable one, aluminum seems like it would be just too....cold. Wood is more warm and lifelike, if you take my meaning.
 
Mag-Lite with a condom.

I have actually made one that I wrapped with a couple socks, with a gold ball for the head and put a magnum condom on it.

That was the first time I really had an ass-full.
 
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