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Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

"You're sure you don't know me? I'm running for President. 'Make America Great Again' and all that."

.
 
I should've looked at your hands before I came home with you. What they say about men with tiny hands is true.
 
*BEEEP the answering machine interrupts*...'This is the animal disease clinic calling regarding your most recent test results, could you please call us back ASAP,in the meantime please refrain from all sexual intercourse, thanks, have a nice day!'
 
Bringg! Brinnng!(phone rings) ' yes hi this is Cardio aware, we're just calling to check as our computer shows the pacemaker hit 200bpm then stopped about 45mins ago...do you required and ambulance?..Helllo... Are you there?...
 
This is the first time I've had sex with a LIVE person. It's weird, you're warm and moving and making sounds. It's freakin me out..... Where ya going?
 
Your a doctor right? That's why I hooked up with you actually. I don't have health insurance. Tell me, is this normal?
 
Here's one: N-gack n-gack n-gack n-gack BLEAH. Anyone who has cats will recognize this at once. Not as blood-freezing as the two mentioned, but definitely off-putting. Carry on, making a note of where you think it happened so you won't step on it when you get out of bed.
 
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