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Old 04-12-2019, 06:56 PM   #1
philos
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How to hang on during really dark times

Just curious how others manage to keep going. Any honest advice would be welcome.
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Old 04-12-2019, 07:06 PM   #2
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Hope you are doing o.k...

I have a list of things that are important to me, such as people that I love, people that make me feel loved and appreciated. It includes unexpected things that made me happy at the time, which might be as simple as a beautiful sunrise, an unsolicited compliment, a fun visit with a friend. I think about that list.

Also... trying to take care of myself. Imagining my Mom talking to me, telling me to make sure I eat well. Being in nature, exercise that is enjoyable and gets the heart rate up a bit, my playlist of favorite music, being with friends, a special small treat like a nice latte or a new pair of cozy socks. Thinking about small things that I have to look forward to.

Talking to a trusted friend, a spiritual mentor, or a therapist.

Sending you good wishes.
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Old 04-12-2019, 08:04 PM   #3
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Thanks
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Old 04-12-2019, 10:53 PM   #4
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For me, both the solid love of my family and my religious faith. Got me through a lot of really, really ugly times, they did.
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Old 04-13-2019, 12:05 AM   #5
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I don't have any advice, but I wanted to send some love.
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Old 04-13-2019, 02:06 AM   #6
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For me, if I am having a dark time, I have to feel it and peel it...like finding what is behind the emotions. Sometimes its something I block and don't want to deal with it, or I am just not taking very good care of myself.

Also, making small changes, like reaching out to someone you don't normally talk to, do a different exercise, breathe differently, and accepting whatever way you feel as ok.

The more I try to wish away the feeling, the worse I feel. But staying with it, and learning from it, why do I feel this way? Is also a step closer to making a change.

Speaking from experience in being in a dark place. And wishing you feel better. That was a great way to reach out in your post.
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:41 AM   #7
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Finding the right compassionate, kind therapist. If your depression is prolonged and it doesn't abate, try finding a good psychiatrist that can give you the right meds. It took thirteen years but I finally found the right antidepressant that doesn't turn me into a zombie and doesn't make me gain 50 pounds.

Do things you enjoy, even if you have to force yourself to do it. Be out in nature. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings/problems.

Remind yourself that this is temporary and it will pass. Honor your emotions.

You can always PM me if you ever need to vent.

*hugs tight*
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:43 AM   #8
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Sounds like great meds. I’ve tried the other kind.
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Old 04-13-2019, 07:59 AM   #9
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Sounds like great meds. I’ve tried the other kind.
I'm sorry. Did you gain weight? I'm just curious.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:09 AM   #10
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Gained weight, lost energy, lost desire, lost erections, lost interests
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Old 04-13-2019, 05:15 PM   #11
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Quote:
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Gained weight, lost energy, lost desire, lost erections, lost interests
I have battled the swing from sunlight to darkness. I've pointed the gun to my head as tears flowed. Without someone to help me, I'm not sure what would have been the outcome. Now it is like it was never real. Part of the problem were physical issues. Thus, if you've not already done this, a comprehensive physical by a 5 star doctor is in order.

In my situation, a complete change of diet was instrumental in turning the tide toward the sunrise instead of the sunset. America is in a health crisis due to the normal American diet.

This one is hard but important; Get out of the house. Hopefully there are wild places where you can hike in nature. Sit by a babbling brook - Negative Ions Create Positive Energy -WebMD . If you are able, exercise is critically important to overall health. Humans were never intended to sit in an office, sit in front of a TV, sit, sit, sit.

This one is simple and should be a daily ritual; Be thankful. Even in the depths of darkness, try to force yourself to think of things you can be thankful for. Think of the shelter you have, the food, the clean water...everything you can think of. If possible, try to do this every morning—just sit in silence and say thank you for the gift of life and all you have.

If you are alone, I would encourage you to try to change that. Perhaps at first it will have to be a counselor/therapist. Alone is not the answer.

If you have lost a loved one; This can seem like the end of all purpose. Try to accept that death is part of life itself. There is a perfection to the way this Universe works, and thus death is a good thing too. Try to adopt the belief that; It is better to have loved and lost that love, than to have never known love at all.

Coming out of the darkness is a process of self-discovery. It may take time, but the journey is worth the effort. I tend to doubt that there is a magic pill that will solve all the issues. There may be one that helps you get started though, which it sounds like you are aware of that option. I feel your pain and wish I had magic dust to sprinkle, but I do have hope and belief that there is a path forward into the light. If you need to talk, feel free to PM.

I'll close this with this poem I love;

DESIDERATA ~ Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
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Old 04-13-2019, 11:11 PM   #12
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That was probably the most beautiful response I’ve ever gotten here and I’ve been here a very long time. Thank you so much. It’s nice to know there are good and wonderful people here.
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Old 04-14-2019, 04:16 AM   #13
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Just hang on, time will make this pass.
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Old 04-14-2019, 04:29 AM   #14
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That was probably the most beautiful response I’ve ever gotten here and I’ve been here a very long time. Thank you so much. It’s nice to know there are good and wonderful people here.
I agree!
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Old 04-15-2019, 09:50 AM   #15
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Just hang on, time will make this pass.
I know this but I’m wondering what coping methods other people use.
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Old 04-15-2019, 06:48 PM   #16
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Just hang on, time will make this pass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by philos View Post
I know this but I’m wondering what coping methods other people use.
I would say that for me, it is to try more to see it before coping is required...and nip it in the bud. That darkness has a well known 'smell'—a feeling that is just the first step down into the basement. It is in these first inklings of darkness that it is the easiest to squelch it.

This is the time to get outside, or work up a sweat for me. If I sit and wait, it will just get worse and harder to shake off.

PS: Philos, that was the kindest thank you I have ever received. I guess I just want to say; thank you for the thank you!
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Old 04-16-2019, 12:46 AM   #17
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I would say that for me, it is to try more to see it before coping is required...and nip it in the bud. That darkness has a well known 'smell'—a feeling that is just the first step down into the basement. It is in these first inklings of darkness that it is the easiest to squelch it.

This is the time to get outside, or work up a sweat for me. If I sit and wait, it will just get worse and harder to shake off.

PS: Philos, that was the kindest thank you I have ever received. I guess I just want to say; thank you for the thank you!
You two want we should find you a room or something?
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Old 04-16-2019, 12:05 PM   #18
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You two want we should find you a room or something?
That would be great. Big group hug
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Old 04-16-2019, 01:29 PM   #19
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That would be great. Big group hug
Hugs are always a wonderful thing. I sometimes think that many of modern society's ills have their root in not enough hug/skin time.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

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Old 04-16-2019, 02:30 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by philos View Post
I know this but I’m wondering what coping methods other people use.
Coping Methods:

Hugs are great, so are smiles.

When I am down, I have to stop trying to wish it away or push it away, and just feel it, and let myself know its ok to feel like this.

Calling someone, a friend, aquaintance, family. Just hearing someone else's voice can be helpful.

Keep a journal and write down your mood and thoughts. If they are alarming, try to justify them.

Try something new, this has always worked for me. Just when you think you can't, you can.

Exercise, (honestly getting my blood rate up is like a natural high) nature, doing something fun, and doing what you are doing now.

These are what helped me over the years.

I always remind myself that everything starts with a single step, so if I find myself ruminating over something get up and start moving.

I hope you are feeling better too
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Old 04-16-2019, 02:54 PM   #21
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Quote:
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That would be great. Big group hug
Quote:
Originally Posted by TarnishedPenny View Post
Hugs are always a wonderful thing. I sometimes think that many of modern society's ills have their root in not enough hug/skin time.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

There's way more truth here than many might think ~

I sometimes wonder if society isn't changing faster that human adaptability can keep up with. When we consider that a century ago life was much slower, and more intimately connected with a smaller group...what, maybe three or four generations ago? A time when hugs and human contact was much easier to have. Perhaps the saying to slow down and smell the flowers—and hug someone— is still important?
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Old 04-16-2019, 03:01 PM   #22
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Coping Methods:

Hugs are great, so are smiles.

When I am down, I have to stop trying to wish it away or push it away, and just feel it, and let myself know its ok to feel like this.

Calling someone, a friend, aquaintance, family. Just hearing someone else's voice can be helpful.

Keep a journal and write down your mood and thoughts. If they are alarming, try to justify them.

Try something new, this has always worked for me. Just when you think you can't, you can.

Exercise, (honestly getting my blood rate up is like a natural high) nature, doing something fun, and doing what you are doing now.

These are what helped me over the years.

I always remind myself that everything starts with a single step, so if I find myself ruminating over something get up and start moving.

I hope you are feeling better too
This is all good, but the part about; "...finding myself ruminating over something get up and start moving." is great ! It's the how-to of nipping the depression in the bud. It takes discipline, but you showed the sequence beautifully.
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:27 PM   #23
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I know this but I’m wondering what coping methods other people use.
At times not much seems to work - hope all is well with you
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:38 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by yukonnights View Post
This is all good, but the part about; "...finding myself ruminating over something get up and start moving." is great ! It's the how-to of nipping the depression in the bud. It takes discipline, but you showed the sequence beautifully.
I've used that quite a few times. Once recently after a traumatic event happened, it wasnt the actual event, but all the things that either changed or stayed the same afterwards that were difficult. Taking a first step to talk to someone or do something is really helpful. Can be life changing.

Quote:
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At times not much seems to work - hope all is well with you
Hope you feel better too.
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Old 04-17-2019, 09:59 AM   #25
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I am doing better and appreciated all the well wishes and support but I’m still curious how others cope. I’m going to the gym more often and saw a therapist yesterday. Just making the appointment helped.
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