Hahahahahamaybe they saw this sign?
Maybe they did. All right then, time for me to leave. Have fun, jd! 
jd's junkroom
- Thread starter jd_quiet_guy
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Maybe they did. All right then, time for me to leave. Have fun, jd! 
jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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I'm exhausted. lol. thanks.
jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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I added an embarrassing story in my sig. It's above my thread...and to the right of my voice.
bluebomber
Literotica Guru
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- Oct 27, 2007
- Posts
- 1,377
01. Your potted plants are alive,and you can't smoke one of them.
02. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
03. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
04. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
05. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
06. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
07. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
08. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
09. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one who calls the police cause the kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms &
pregnancy test kits.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking for JUST ONE sign that doesn't apply to you.
02. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
03. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
04. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
05. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
06. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
07. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
08. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
09. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one who calls the police cause the kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms &
pregnancy test kits.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking for JUST ONE sign that doesn't apply to you.
bluebomber
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Posts
- 1,377
> 60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
>
> 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
> 2. Ahh, it's cute.
> 3. Who circumcised you?
> 4. Why don't we just cuddle?
> 5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
> 6. It's more fun to look at.
> 7. Make it dance.
> 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
> 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
> 10. It looks like a night crawler.
> 11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
> 12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
> 13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
> 14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
> 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
> 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
> 17. Oh no, a flash headache.
> 18. (giggle and point)
> 19. Can I be honest with you?
> 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
> 21. Let me go get my tweezers.
> 22. How sweet, you brought incense.
> 23. This explains your car.
> 24. You must be a growing boy.
> 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
> 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
> 27. Are you one of those pygmies?
> 28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
> 29. Every heard of clearasil?
> 30. All right, a treasure hunt!
> 31. I didn't know they came that small.
> 32. Why is God punishing you?
> 33. At least this won't take long.
> 34. I never saw one like that before.
> 35. What do you call this?
> 36. But it still works, right?
> 37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
> 38. It looks so unused.
> 39. Do you take steroids?
> 40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
> 41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
> 42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
> 43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
> 44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
> 45. Aww, it's hiding.
> 46. Are you cold?
> 47. If you get me real drunk first.
> 48. Is that an optical illusion?
> 49. What is that?
> 50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
> 51. Were you neutered?
> 52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
> 53. Does it come with an air pump?
> 54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
> 55. Where are the puppet strings?
> 56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
> 57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
> 58. Never mind, why bother.
> 59. Is that a second belly button?
> 60. Where's the rest of it?
>
> 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
> 2. Ahh, it's cute.
> 3. Who circumcised you?
> 4. Why don't we just cuddle?
> 5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
> 6. It's more fun to look at.
> 7. Make it dance.
> 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
> 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
> 10. It looks like a night crawler.
> 11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
> 12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
> 13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
> 14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
> 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
> 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
> 17. Oh no, a flash headache.
> 18. (giggle and point)
> 19. Can I be honest with you?
> 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
> 21. Let me go get my tweezers.
> 22. How sweet, you brought incense.
> 23. This explains your car.
> 24. You must be a growing boy.
> 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
> 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
> 27. Are you one of those pygmies?
> 28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
> 29. Every heard of clearasil?
> 30. All right, a treasure hunt!
> 31. I didn't know they came that small.
> 32. Why is God punishing you?
> 33. At least this won't take long.
> 34. I never saw one like that before.
> 35. What do you call this?
> 36. But it still works, right?
> 37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
> 38. It looks so unused.
> 39. Do you take steroids?
> 40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
> 41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
> 42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
> 43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
> 44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
> 45. Aww, it's hiding.
> 46. Are you cold?
> 47. If you get me real drunk first.
> 48. Is that an optical illusion?
> 49. What is that?
> 50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
> 51. Were you neutered?
> 52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
> 53. Does it come with an air pump?
> 54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
> 55. Where are the puppet strings?
> 56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
> 57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
> 58. Never mind, why bother.
> 59. Is that a second belly button?
> 60. Where's the rest of it?
bluebomber
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Posts
- 1,377
Who am I?
I'M ABOUT 8 INCHES LONG.MY FUNCTIONING IS ENJOYED BY MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES.
I'M USUALLY FOUND HUNG,DANGLING HAIRY THINGS AT ONE END AND SMALL HOLE AT THE OTHER.
IN USE, I'M INSERTED, ALMOST ALWAYS WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY,SOMETIMES QUICKLY, INTO A WARM, FLESHY, MOIST OPENING.
THERE I'M THRUST IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, OFTEN QUICKLY AND ACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMING BODILY MOVEMENTS.
ANYONE FOUND LISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNISE THE RHYTHMIC, PULSING SOUND, RESULTING FROM THE WELL LUBRICATED MOVEMENTS.
WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, I LEAVE BEHIND A JUICY, FROTHY, STICKY WHITE SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL NEED CLEANING FROM THE OUTER SURFACES OF THE OPENING, AND THE FLOWING AND CLEANSING LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED EMANATING,I RETURN TO MY FREELY HANGING STATE OF REST, READY FOR YET ANOTHER BIT OF ACTION.
HOPEFULLY,I WILL REACH MY BRISTLING CLIMAX TWICE OR THREE TIMES A DAY, BUT OFTEN IT IS MUCH LESS.
WHO AM I ????
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED,THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN....
TOOTHBRUSH !!! What were you thinking? You PERVERT!
I'M ABOUT 8 INCHES LONG.MY FUNCTIONING IS ENJOYED BY MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES.
I'M USUALLY FOUND HUNG,DANGLING HAIRY THINGS AT ONE END AND SMALL HOLE AT THE OTHER.
IN USE, I'M INSERTED, ALMOST ALWAYS WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY,SOMETIMES QUICKLY, INTO A WARM, FLESHY, MOIST OPENING.
THERE I'M THRUST IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, OFTEN QUICKLY AND ACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMING BODILY MOVEMENTS.
ANYONE FOUND LISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNISE THE RHYTHMIC, PULSING SOUND, RESULTING FROM THE WELL LUBRICATED MOVEMENTS.
WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, I LEAVE BEHIND A JUICY, FROTHY, STICKY WHITE SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL NEED CLEANING FROM THE OUTER SURFACES OF THE OPENING, AND THE FLOWING AND CLEANSING LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED EMANATING,I RETURN TO MY FREELY HANGING STATE OF REST, READY FOR YET ANOTHER BIT OF ACTION.
HOPEFULLY,I WILL REACH MY BRISTLING CLIMAX TWICE OR THREE TIMES A DAY, BUT OFTEN IT IS MUCH LESS.
WHO AM I ????
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED,THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN....
TOOTHBRUSH !!! What were you thinking? You PERVERT!
bluebomber
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
- Posts
- 1,377
ADULT SEX QUIZ
Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs,
Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife,but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder
they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow
your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury
Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just
had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.
Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have
in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the
rubber breaks, you're screwed.
*********
Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs,
Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife,but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder
they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow
your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury
Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just
had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.
Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have
in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the
rubber breaks, you're screwed.
*********
xelliebabex
Weird Aussie Chick
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2012
- Posts
- 2,007
Invades JD's thread and posts some inappropriate jokes
NaughtyRedSiren
deceitfully innocent
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- Jul 23, 2012
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Leaving you a post stripper, currnetly drunk kiss Thought is sounded like a good idea
jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 12, 2013
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Thanks friends. I'm sick as hell - and this has made me smile today
JoyDyan
Short and Sweet
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- Nov 15, 2012
- Posts
- 16,715
aw, sorry, JD! I hope you're better soon! :*Thanks friends. I'm sick as hell - and this has made me smile today
blulilacgrl
Viva la Tarte!
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- May 22, 2012
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Awww... honey pie! I'm so sorry you're sick. What can I do to make you feel better? 
jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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Awww... honey pie! I'm so sorry you're sick. What can I do to make you feel better?
much appreciated. I'll be ok. Just meds and rest.
ugh, I hate being sick.
xelliebabex
Weird Aussie Chick
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jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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MaxSmith
Yes, that was sarcasm.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2012
- Posts
- 4,085
I may not go to the extent of dancing in the streets with bums, but I have decided that I'm going to be more enthusiastic about life.
OMG.... that made me laugh out loud at 1:30 in the morning...
MaxSmith
Yes, that was sarcasm.
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2012
- Posts
- 4,085
The last time I was sick, my nephew told me jokes to make me laugh... I will share a couple.
Q: What month has 28 days?
A: all if them!
Q: how do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: you 'neak up on it!
Q: how do you catch a tame one?
A: the tame way!
He's 7, but they made me laugh in my cold med induced haze. Hope they do the same for you.
Q: What month has 28 days?
A: all if them!
Q: how do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: you 'neak up on it!
Q: how do you catch a tame one?
A: the tame way!
He's 7, but they made me laugh in my cold med induced haze. Hope they do the same for you.
veryviolet1
Literotica Guru
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- Jun 4, 2012
- Posts
- 9,445
Just dropping by with some chicken soup and get better wishes!
jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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awww, thank you baby
Hope you're feeling better today!
That's awesome, thanks for being sweet!
Just dropping by with some chicken soup and get better wishes!
Chicken soup? I'd hug you....but i'll wait until i'm healthy...and not even one of those flirty hugs with flirty hands...just a sincere thank you hug....
....unless.....
...well...
...thanks for the soup!
jd_quiet_guy
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 12, 2013
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Sick? Fever? You need a hot toddy.
AND lots of pulse increasing, heavy breathing, mind blowing sex...you know, to sweat the fever out.
I hope ya feel better soon.
know anyone interested in providing either one?
JoyDyan
Short and Sweet
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2012
- Posts
- 16,715
*raises her hand*know anyone interested in providing either one?
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