What's Your Relationship?

It's interesting enough trying to maintain sexual interest, figure out how to be, like, girls together, and not go crazy without complicating things beyond belief at this moment. I like spanking her, she likes it, it's OK. I take out the garbage and make the money.

Endless_Night said:

Hey, Meeks! *waves*

I’m sexually submissive in a vanilla relationship. My SO is not into dominant sex, so I’m working to get my needs met outside of the relationship. I’m dominant outside the bedroom and have a strong caretaker aspect to my personality. Like Meeks, I handle money and house organization. My forte is crazy relatives. I also make most of the decisions.

Certain types of mild pain, and a few other things, arouse me. Submission doesn’t come easy for me, on several levels, so I'm still struggling to work out my needs and wants.

What can I say? I’m a work in progress.

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( ^_^)/~~~ I am also a work in progress. It's been fun having new experiences and exploring my wants and needs.

KoPilot said:

Let's turn this into a fuckin' blizzard

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I think it might already be a blizzard.

married and ?

I am married and have a sissy on here that I would love to marry as well. My wife is a calm not into kinky too much yet woman. My sissy is a true wonder shes a cumslut (love it) and loves to be humiliated and is sexy as fuck. I would join her and my wife and I into a three way joint marriage anytime.

I'm happy so many have participated. o(^_^)o I keep looking at the title of my thread and I think it's a terrible title. I just couldn't think of the wording or a way to sound like it was inclusive. I love the answers so far and I hope to see more.

MeekMe said:

I'm happy so many have participated. o(^_^)o I keep looking at the title of my thread and I think it's a terrible title. I just couldn't think of the wording or a way to sound like it was inclusive. I love the answers so far and I hope to see more.

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Its a comfortable thread title. If it were any more defined, I don't think you would be getting the wide array of descriptions that you have thus far.

I have never defined my marriage sexually. I guess we switch roles as far as being top and bottom. We have common desires and we achieve them on a regular basis. Sometimes communication is difficult. It has taken years to even discuss certain aspects, but it never ceases to amaze me how quickly things can get better when I think we have reached a plateau.

Sir and I are married, I have two teenage children from my previous marriage, he is divorced with adult children who live in his home country. My ex has visitation and he lives very close to us, so Sir and I do have the house to ourselves on a regular basis .

I am a submissive, masochist pretty close to the extreme end of the continuum on both counts. Sir is a Dominant, sadist and he is masterful at both. While that may be our labels it hardly begins to describe our relationship. In our daily life, we seem fairly "normal" to most people. I call him Sir 90% of the time, I also call him Honey, Sweetheart, Baby and once in a while you big jerk .

He is the head of the household and I couldn't ask for a better stepfather in that he is a great masculine role model for both my son and daughter, yet he always defers to me and my ex in decisions about the children. He is also very good about building up my ex to the kids.

For me, I crave his rules and control of me. We got off to a rocky start with him wanting to make me over in his vision of his wife. I obediently went along with it while suggesting and asking for subtle changes, we have arrived at a happy medium. Per Sir, I always have to wear skirts or dresses and heels which is antithetical to my old wardrobe habits, but I have become comfortable with that. He has let me choose my own hair color and style, as long it is shoulder length or longer. This may be TMI, but when we are together, I may ask his permission to go to the lady's room. This has turned into one of our favorite games to play. He has rules clearly laid out and he will not hesitate to punish me if I defy him. Ofter his punishments are non-physical, or denial. He has taught me that he is not above giving me a good physical punishment which he makes sure I will not enjoy, if he feels that is whats called for.

We both like our sex rough and as Bi Bunny said, I think aromantic is a great term. We are very affectionate, but when it comes to sex, we both like it fast and brutal, we cuddle after the fucking is over.

Our S&M sessions are long and very, very intense.

We have been playing with two other couples which has lead to some very complicated situations. Sir sexually dominates every person in a group, but he doesn't want me to be submissive to anyone in the group other than him. he doesn't feel they are worthy. He has let me become a Mistress to a woman in the group, but she has fallen in love with me. I love her, but as a friend or a sister, not as a life partner. If we agreed, she would move in with us and live as our maid. While having a woman cleaning my house and doing my laundry while being available to service me at any time is a fantasy of mine, it just can't be made to work with the children in the house.

OK, I've gone on long enough, I'm sorry if this turned into a list I just don't know how else to describe all of the facets of our relationship.

multitalentman said:

Its a comfortable thread title. If it were any more defined, I don't think you would be getting the wide array of descriptions that you have thus far.

I have never defined my marriage sexually. I guess we switch roles as far as being top and bottom. We have common desires and we achieve them on a regular basis. Sometimes communication is difficult. It has taken years to even discuss certain aspects, but it never ceases to amaze me how quickly things can get better when I think we have reached a plateau.

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Maybe you're right, there is a very wide range here.

I agree, it's taken us years to be this open. I love it! I feel comfortable enough to discuss anything. It sure makes for some fun experiments. I suppose this isn't just about defining a marriage or relationship in sexual terms. That's certainly a part, but I'm aware of those who don't care for sex at all, so perhaps we'll hear about those aspects, too. ^_^

MeekMe said:

Or lack-there-of?

We have threads for submissives and dominants, and I think we need something broader. We all know there isn't a "one twue way." This thread is inclusive, so I want to hear about what you identify as and how it works for you. Or even how you don't use labels.

If you have a relationship, how does it work? Do you like it the way it is? Do you want it to change? If you aren't in a relationship, what kind do you want or see yourself having?

I wanted to start this thread, because many of us don't fall under just being submissive or dominant. We all have unique situations and I was hoping we could discuss the different ways for how we do things (or don't do things). ^_^ Let's keep it civil! I don't want to see anyone label bashing or commenting on whether another is "twue" or not.

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People are boring and relationships are not worth the effort.

Felix_Jones said:

People are boring and relationships are not worth the effort.

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My first husband never wanted to have sex unless it was inconvenient and non consensual for me. I called that love until he walked out.

I was very into sex anyway and pregnant when I got with my current husband who was also my labor coach. I couldn't come at all. My sexual wiring was totally fucked up but sex was what I need to feel close to someone, the closest thing to love I knew.

My husband convinced me from among a host of suitors that you could be friends and support each other instead of enemies and compete with each other.

His vision of love sounded like a fairy tale to me but one I wanted. After two years together I could once again come. He never pushed. He never tried to control or own me. Sex was always consensual. I was repaired somewhat emotionally and sexually. He let me be the loving person I wanted to be whereas my first husband blocked and frustrated me when I tried to show him love.

Around 42 I found kink through online role play, VTM. Wow! Then I found Lit and terms for what I had been pushing away from me all my life. The self acceptance was wonderful.

My already high libido went freaking nuts. My poor husband had a lot of kinky sex. I tried online sexual role play with his blessings even online doms. We went to some local events. I went to some by myself and btw, I never needed to be "under the protection" of anyone.

We had a lot of sexy fun. Until my guilt at being in charge and/or pushing for sex all the time got too difficult for me to deal with.

I turned things over to him. Now we mostly have maintenance sex which is fab when we can find the damn time with our schedules. I miss the kink which rarely is part of it.

Not long ago he said to me, "I'm glad you are done with kink." I said, no, I'm not done. That's who I am. I'll never be done with it.

Oh and at one time I had him pegged as a Dom. He is also sexually submissive like me. Damn.

We just really need more time together and alone. We are both working 40+ hours on revolving schedules which don't usually match and very few days off.

ecstaticsub said:

Topping men brings out a sadistic part of me that can get my hot but I get way too cruel and I don't like the person I become. Topping men is not a sexual thing for me. It is ...something that feels too dark.

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Totally this.

Mostly I'm a submissive painslut, but I do have that sadistic side that likes to come out every now and again. Jounar likes to feed it some times, and so far it's been light and fun, but there is that part of me that wants to take it too far. I've told him that I don't want to explore that side too deeply, because I would hurt him and not give a fuck. I'm not sure he totally believes that. The other part of that is when I snap out of that headspace I totally crash. It gets very ugly.

I tend to tell people here that I'm single. It's easier than explaining everything.

But I consider Jounar my owner/soul mate. I would move there in a heartbeat if he asked. We just seem to match each other so perfectly. For now it's a long term long distance thing.

Then there's Mr. and Mrs. I'm usually introduced as their "friend" and I introduce and talk about them the same way. I love them both dearly, and can't really imagine life with out them. Which is funny because generally I'm not attracted to women, and I don't consider myself bisexual (Stella labeled it "heteroflexible" which is probably more fitting), though Mr. and Jounar would both argue that point. But they go off the fact that I do enjoy fucking Mrs. but for me it's more because of how I feel about her than the fact she is a her. For a while I was Mr.'s pet, but through all the ups and downs of our relationship, he's weaned me off of that a bit.

And when some one catches my eye I do date. Mr. wants me to have some one of my own like he has Mrs. and Jounar wants me to be happy even if that means finding some one here. And the whole thing is extremely complicated in both cases. Which is why I tend to just tell people I'm single. Besides, it kind of scares people off when I tell them there are actually three people in my life that I love very much (and fuck when ever possible) but would like to add a primary that lives with in a 50 mile radios of me.

The truth of that is that I would go mono for the right person. Still hoping that will end up being Jounar (after 9 years so far) but who knows.

Industrial_Bondage said:

Yeah, but cute snowflakes!

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Oh, you.

KoPilot said:

You make perfect sense and write just enough

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Thank you.

IrisAlthea said:

I think I'll keep you company in the snowflake category.

I'm married, we both like it kinky.
There are elements of power exchange but it's not something the whole relationship is structured around.

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Yes! Snowflake company!

KoPilot said:

Let's turn this into a fuckin' blizzard

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Um...yes, please.

Kim_Burly said:

We both like our sex rough and as Bi Bunny said, I think aromantic is a great term. We are very affectionate, but when it comes to sex, we both like it fast and brutal, we cuddle after the fucking is over.

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Just to clarify here (and I'm not picking on you, Kim, I promise!): When I use the term "aromantic" for myself, I mean that I am not interested in romantic relationships. I use it the same way as asexual people use "asexual"--they're not interested in sexual relationships for themselves. (More here if somebody's interested.)

I've had romantic relationships, and I was spectacularly miserable every time I was in one. I'm also terrible at them. (No, seriously--Worst. Girlfriend. Ever. Y'all have no idea.)

I've tried. I've tried really, really hard because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But it's just not in my nature. The most fulfilling relationships I have ever had in my life have been strictly platonic.

So, yeah, it doesn't really have anything to do with sex for me, TBH.

Mmm...

ecstaticsub said:

My husband and I are a very happily married vanilla-ish couple who like to role-play occasionally but mostly we have very satisfying sex when we can manage scheduling it in.

My dominant considers me his owned submissive. I adore that sweet surrender of mental submission that is accompanied by his love and adoration. I can also be a pain slut when I am in that state of mind.

I have also topped women but more in a playful manor than to cause real pain and there is no expectation of submission.

Topping men brings out a sadistic part of me that can get my hot but I get way too cruel and I don't like the person I become. Topping men is not a sexual thing for me. It is ...something that feels too dark.

I am bi, I love, love, love group sex--Mff, fMf, MfM, or a few more m's and f's thrown in. But I don't like gangbang types of group sex.

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This sounds absolutely delicious and SO much like me.....except the bi part, however, I'm uber curious!! During the most incredible sex last night, I whispered in husband's ear about how much I'd love to have another girl lick his cock with me, our tongues dancing together....among other things...He pulled my hair harder and I could tell this was something we might like to experience....

We are just getting started, and he spend a lot of time working out of state. So things are still evolving.

But it's a lot like what you describe, O.P.

I do things for my husband because I WANT to. He doesn't give me orders (outside of the bedroom). So with being so new, and things just starting out, I don't know if there is a label that fits. So for now, I would say that I'm a bottom and he's a top. I top him when he asks, because it's what he wants, and I strive to make him happy, but it's not where my personal preferences lay. Mostly because I'm tempted to inflict pain, but I know he wouldn't like that, so it's a work in progress.

Can't wait for his next visit though! That one night was like an appetizer that just whets the appetite and I'm hungry for more.

Oh lord, where do I possibly begin, lol?

I guess that I will start with the fact that I am a submissive. I will also start with the fact that I think that the 24/7 lifestyle that many of us dream of is borderline impossible, unless the dom(me) makes enough money to fully support a stay-at-home sub.

That being said, I will say that I am anything but a doormat when it comes to my submission. I have my own mind and opinions, and am not afraid to express them. My Mistress and I live together, and both work, making it hard to find time to scene. We do the best that we can though, and neither one of us tries to force something when they know that the other is simply not in the mood or physically incapable at the time.

I've said this many times before, but I believe that the pinnacle of submission lies in one simple word, anticipation. Any pet can be taught to do what it's told, when it's told, because it's told. The desire to anticipate the needs of one's Master/Mistress though, is something that can't really be taught. I try to anticipate what my Mistress might want or need so that she doesn't have to ask for it or tell me to do it.

I think that communication is undoubtedly the most important aspect of any relationship, particularly a d's relationship. It's more than just telling each other what you need or want though. It's also the ability to read the body language of your partner.

One example I have to the above point, was a time when my Mistress and I were scening. She had warmed me up with a spanking, and we had moved on to her beating my ass with a belt. I have a tendency to always try and take "just one more" knowing that it will please my Mistress. It eventually got to the point where I knew that I had had enough, but still tried to push myself for "just one more". My Mistress was clearly paying attention though, because she stopped right then. She knew that I had had enough, even when I didn't want to admit it, and she did the responsible thing and ended the scene.

I will finish this post by saying that taking control of a scene, or initiating one where one might see our roles reversed does not make me a switch. I have done this on multiple occasions, because I was observant enough to know that it was what my Mistress wanted, and on occasions needed.

I have really been enjoying this thread. I think a lot of people get caught up in labels or ideas of what does or doesn't make them real.

We consider our relationship 24/7, although it may not confirm what others expect in a 24/7 relationship. For us it means your dynamic is present even if something he does isn't screaming "submissive". He is always my sub, and I am always his dominant. We don't hold to any tight roles, and thats what I love about it. He might (and often does) sit on the floor but not because I demand it. He does a lot of little things to make my life and my day easier but I don't have to demand it or have a list of expectations. He might rub my feet while we are sitting together or caress my arm or back simply because he knows I love it. While it might simply appear normal to someone on the outside it is part of our d/s dynamic. We discuss decisions together and I value his opinion but in the end I have the final say. He does tend to make a lot of the little decisions (like... where are we going for dinner?) because it makes my life easier. I have a bit of a caretaker type personality as well so I tend to pamper him after long days and do things like getting his lunch together for work. We don't get to play as often as I would like, sadly life and work get in the way sometimes but we try and make it happen, although granted pretty much anything goes in our play time (especially since I likely have to say he is done before will admit it needs to end.)

Others might see us as more of a top/bottom... but I think when it comes down to it its what is in your mind and heart that matters, not how someone describes you.

FurryFury said:

[SNIP]We just really need more time together and alone. We are both working 40+ hours on a revolving schedule which don't usually match and few days off. [/SNIP]

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I hope you find some time soon. It's so hard being on crazy schedules that never seem to match up.

Recovering Dom

Sooooo, We met (HS) & married young too young.
6 years ago I met my Sub, before I knew I was a Dom. Kids are involved and I can't break up my marriage or take the chance anymore so I let my Sub go.
My wife has no idea what I (am) or what I'm capable of.
Sex sucks now & I miss my Sub.
We did many role plays, lite bondage, film (at least I still have those), and I share her with a few of my close friends. She was the cum craving, whore and my cock misses her terribly.

I've recently began writing here to try and "scratch the itch" from the void my sub had left.

Thanks. I also identify with people who said they are not given orders but do things for the other person which is "service" in their own head. Yep. I do that too.

MeekMe said:

I hope you find some time soon. It's so hard being on crazy schedules that never seem to match up.

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BiBunny said:

Oh, you.



Thank you.



Yes! Snowflake company!



Um...yes, please.



Just to clarify here (and I'm not picking on you, Kim, I promise!): When I use the term "aromantic" for myself, I mean that I am not interested in romantic relationships. I use it the same way as asexual people use "asexual"--they're not interested in sexual relationships for themselves. (More here if somebody's interested.)

I've had romantic relationships, and I was spectacularly miserable every time I was in one. I'm also terrible at them. (No, seriously--Worst. Girlfriend. Ever. Y'all have no idea.)

I've tried. I've tried really, really hard because I thought it was something I was supposed to do. But it's just not in my nature. The most fulfilling relationships I have ever had in my life have been strictly platonic.

So, yeah, it doesn't really have anything to do with sex for me, TBH.

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OK BB, I get your point and I won't use it out of context here, but I will use it in my own iteration in real life. I don't mean to sound condescending, but do you feel that something is missing in your life without a romantic relationship?

FurryFury said:

My first husband never wanted to have sex unless it was inconvenient and non consensual for me. I called that love until he walked out.

I was very into sex anyway and pregnant when I got with my current husband who was also my labor coach. I couldn't come at all. My sexual wiring was totally fucked up but sex was what I need to feel close to someone, the closest thing to love I knew.

My husband convinced me from among a host of suitors that you could be friends and support each other instead of enemies and compete with each other.

His vision of love sounded like a fairy tale to me but one I wanted. After two years together I could once again come. He never pushed. He never tried to control or own me. Sex was always consensual. I was repaired somewhat emotionally and sexually. He let me be the loving person I wanted to be whereas my first husband blocked and frustrated me when I tried to show him love.

Around 42 I found kink through online role play, VTM. Wow! Then I found Lit and terms for what I had been pushing away from me all my life. The self acceptance was wonderful.

My already high libido went freaking nuts. My poor husband had a lot of kinky sex. I tried online sexual role play with his blessings even online doms. We went to some local events. I went to some by myself and btw, I never needed to be "under the protection" of anyone.

We had a lot of sexy fun. Until my guilt at being in charge and/or pushing for sex all the time.

I turned things over to him. Now we mostly have maintenance sex which is fab when we can find the damn time with our schedules. I miss the kink which rarely is part of it.

Not long ago he said to me, "I'm glad you are done with kink." I said, no, I'm not done. That's who I am. I'll never be done with it.

Oh and at one time I had him pegged as a Dom. He is also sexually submissive like me. Damn.

We just really need more time together and alone. We are both working 40+ hours on a revolving schedule which don't usually match and few days off.

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Ouch, that had to hurt! I hope you get to spend more time together and he sees what you need .

Thanks.

He has been very good about trying things when I don't push and give him time to wrap his head around it. Also when we have any time. The last thing we tried was fire cupping. It didn't go that well but I'm still glad we tried. The burns weren't bad at all. I'm fascinated with it.

Kim_Burly said:

Ouch, that had to hurt! I hope you get to spend more time together and he sees what you need .

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Kim_Burly said:

OK BB, I get your point and I won't use it out of context here, but I will use it in my own iteration in real life. I don't mean to sound condescending, but do you feel that something is missing in your life without a romantic relationship?

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I'm sorry, I heard this in my mother's voice.

She has been on this kick lately to "find me a man" and makes little comments about how I must be lonely, and wouldn't I like to have some one to curl up with at night and all of that.

The truth is, I'm happy. Sure I was a little happier when I was being fucked on a more regular basis, but work schedules being what they are, it is what it is. And it's going to take some one pretty fucking awesome to replace 3 people in my life.

Do I have moments when I wish I wasn't in this king bed by my lonesome? Sure I do. Do I have moments when I wish I had some one to take to this function or the other? You bet. Am I unhappy or feel like I'm missing something? 99% of the time that answer is fuck no. I'm happy with my crazy fucked up relationships.

I know this wasn't directed at me, and I'm not trying to be rude, just this is one of those areas my mother and I are in constant struggle over.

Kim_Burly said:

OK BB, I get your point and I won't use it out of context here, but I will use it in my own iteration in real life. I don't mean to sound condescending, but do you feel that something is missing in your life without a romantic relationship?

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I actually identify someplace along the aromantic spectrum-- I really prefer to think of my marriage like a legally binding partnership between two friends with a common sense of humor, political leanings, and life goals. It's just plain handy to have someone around 24/7 that you can talk to about anything, get a second opinion from, help you win an argument, or loan you a few bucks.

We've been long distance for 5 years and counting, and the last time I visited we didn't even share the same bed because I don't like his mattress. It felt like a sleepover and was way more fun (not to mention we both got better sleep).

Moving in together, whenever that happens, will be a financially strategic move more than anything. His city is an expensive place to live, and in an ideal world we'd have our own apartments. We just aren't all that interested in co-habiting.

I don't like sappy shit. I don't like lovey-dovey shit. Our idea of celebrating our anniversary is going shopping together and buying stuff for ourselves, not even each other.

Sure, I have a spouse and life partner. But we're not what I would call "romantically involved". And no, nothing's missing. Trying to force ourselves into a relationship framework that neither of our brains really understand was really dumb, and asking if something's missing from our lives without romance is like asking someone if something's missing from their life because they're vanilla.

Being aromantic isn't a lifestyle choice-- it's just who you are.