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Fighting for your Sub??

JMohegan said:
Sure, but they get weeded out in the early stages of dating.
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See? I do think we are in the same kind of boat somehow.
I really think I see where you come from...

Regarding the vocab:
Amazing thing is that the combination of good influence around here and the difficulties to express in another language bring my better sides out.
(But I think I have said that months or even years back over here so that's getting old.)
 
Kojote said:
Uhm... Okay. That's not what I experienced.
Not even way back, when I was much younger.
They talked to me pretty open and pretty much about everything from the beginning. That may be my (sometimes misleadingly) friendly face. But it's also the way I'm just able to listen und... well... don't judge immediately.
There was actually a time in my life when I ONLY got the talking and never got laid. ‘Dear Abby’ stuff, if you know what I mean.

:eek:
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Well part of it depends on the person, I've known a lot of outspoken women my whole life, which maybe why I'm a little spookier around the meeker ones, meek seeming doesn't mean they won't react strongly if you cross their comfort zone, there often an almost passive aggressive thing going on there.

I lived in the South for many years, and I really love Southern women, they will literally say anything that pops into their heads, but back home here, it's passive aggressive city.

So, the OP: I would probably make a few verbal sallies, just to see if you were capable of speech, and if you didn't at least try to lob one back at me, I'd probably get bored and wander off.

That is, if we just met and it was in public.

In private, I'd push you up and against the wall, crush your lips with mine, and give you a titty twister.
 
xssve said:
I lived in the South for many years, and I really love Southern women, they will literally say anything that pops into their heads, but back home here, it's passive aggressive city.
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You're welcome. :p
 
JMohegan said:
Hats off to people who keep their cats inside.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI6QsLOwJ1I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPOEEsj7Dxo&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaDyAiEfEKo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5uHT3mtB4k

Shame on the ones who don't.
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Same with dogs and leashes and leads and ropes.

(and yes, my cats are indoor cats, to the point where the door opening sends them under the bed. It wasn't anything I did, I swear.)

I find that there are some great Japanese indoor cat vids, if you like people who aren't constantly interfering with cats being cats too much.
 
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JMohegan said:
Add the options of adequate fencing and true voice control, and I agree.
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Every idiot with a husky/terrier terror mix in my neighborhood thinks he has "true voice control"

God, there are so many BDSM lessons embroiled in this hijack. LOL.
 
seela said:
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you enjoy. You seem to have a fair grasp on what makes you tick, so all you have to do is communicate with any potential partners about your needs and expectations (and their's) before you jump in.

There are at least 50 shades of submission (oh, snap). If someone is looking for a partner that readily submits and doesn't push back, then you're not a good match for them. If someone is looking for a partner that has to be forced, then you're a much better match for them. Be open about what it is that you're looking for. Meanwhile, maybe have a look at one of the many posts by Stella about the differences between bottoms and subs.
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I tend to agree with this. More to the point, an essential component of BDSM is communication and honesty. Using passive aggression in order to "weed out posers" could cause you to lose out with a compatible Dom who simply needs you to be honest and communicate.

(And I didn't read far enough to see the hijack. lol)
 
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_Stroke_ said:
I tend to agree with this. More to the point, an essential component of BDSM is communication and honesty. Using passive aggression in order to "weed out posers" could cause you to lose out with a compatible Dom who simply needs you to be honest and communicate.

(And I didn't read far enough to see the hijack. lol)
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Even worse, using passive aggression to "weed out posers" will leave you with people who think passive aggression is an okay way for (women) to behave. And that the steps they decide on to correct it are also okay.

Which might have ramifications on that day when you really need direct communication.
 
InnocentBell said:
Alright so ill cut to the chase. While I was introducing myself I started to think about something.

You see, I've been through many Doms for the same reason. My submission. I believe that a Domain should prove to me that they have the strength to handle me. I refuse to submit right away like most subs. Yes I am still kind and respectful. But say they tell me to bring a certain toy or get on a contraption, I just look at them with an innocent blank look on my face. Some just say forget it and some will just get it themselves and take where I sit.

Am I wrong for this?

Good or bad thoughts are welcomed.
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Absolutely not. I know how you feel actually, I don't do well submitting. In fact, I don't submit period. I'm very rare like you, i'm a female dominant. Growing up submissive till I was about 25 your mind becomes set in it's ways and you realize who you truly are. Most people would never guess from first meeting me at all that i'm assertive. But with certain people, I naturally take charge of, because I respect them. I don't just pull out a bull-whip and start controling there lives, my femine, smart, yet sweet an innocent blonde look is what do's some of them in hehe..

My husband actually made me realize that about myself last year when we first met that I had absolutely no submissive desires within me at all. I remeber one night he said, "Leigh Ann your not weak at all, I remeber that one time you shoved me and it hurt for over an hour." I felt so guilty about it, and I still do at times, but as luck would have it he found it a huge turn on, and now he's like my puppy dog. He calls me every hour on the hour. Leaves me naughty voice messages that make me wet, to please me and I can't wait to see him, and find out if he'd actually be interested in me using pet names for him. He's a tough cookie to crack, because he is submissive to some women, but only a few very selected women keep him coming back for more you know?

He's 51 and he was actually my biggest challenge, because we never gave up on eachother.
 
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Stella_Omega said:
Even worse, using passive aggression to "weed out posers" will leave you with people who think passive aggression is an okay way for (women) to behave. And that the steps they decide on to correct it are also okay.

Which might have ramifications on that day when you really need direct communication.
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Excellent point!
 
BlondieSinner29 said:
"your not weak at all"
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Not sure whether this was your intent, but to suggest that submissives are "weak" is a huge mistake. When I submit to someone, I give them a priceless gift, and they'd better damn well appreciate it. Likewise if I am domming, I never think of my sub as weak...unless he or she *wants* me to. :)
 
I haven't read through all the replies... However, it has been my experience that Doms of any type don't like to be tested.

Communication is always the best bet when it comes to this road of BDSM. Tell the Dom what you want. Sounds like to me that you want a micro managed type relationship, least from what little I read on here, there are doms out there like that. I know a few. But in the end, no matter how you look at it, you need to communicate what you want. Can't test people and expect results.

I've only been with one Master, Although, I know plenty of Dom types and none of them like to be tested. They have their bratty subs that do silly things from time to time and of course it's play to them, testing though, that only goes so far before they will move on.

You don't need to play with every Dom either, just take time out to watch a potential dom of your choice, (if you go to play parties that is) watch how they play with others. Talk to them and let them know what you want. By watching you can tell if they are posers or not. I learn a lot by watching and talking to Doms.


It's all about communication. Most people don't like to be tested and it never really goes well in the end.

This is my own experience though, everyone is different....

~ Kat ~
 
InnocentBell said:
Alright so ill cut to the chase. While I was introducing myself I started to think about something.

You see, I've been through many Doms for the same reason. My submission. I believe that a Domain should prove to me that they have the strength to handle me. I refuse to submit right away like most subs. Yes I am still kind and respectful. But say they tell me to bring a certain toy or get on a contraption, I just look at them with an innocent blank look on my face. Some just say forget it and some will just get it themselves and take where I sit.

Am I wrong for this?

Good or bad thoughts are welcomed.
Click to expand...

Where is the challenge in a sub who simply rolls over? My most intense experience with was a smart, fiery submissively-inclined woman who had to be (and wanted to be) worked into complete submission. It took time, energy and patience, but god was it amazing when she was finally on her knees looking up at me as she buckled on her collar.
 
InnocentBell said:
Alright so ill cut to the chase. While I was introducing myself I started to think about something.

You see, I've been through many Doms for the same reason. My submission. I believe that a Domain should prove to me that they have the strength to handle me. I refuse to submit right away like most subs. Yes I am still kind and respectful. But say they tell me to bring a certain toy or get on a contraption, I just look at them with an innocent blank look on my face. Some just say forget it and some will just get it themselves and take where I sit.

Am I wrong for this?

Good or bad thoughts are welcomed.
Click to expand...

Where is the challenge in a sub who simply rolls over? My most intense experience with was a smart, fiery submissively-inclined woman who had to be (and wanted to be) worked into complete submission. It took time, energy and patience, but god was it amazing when she was finally on her knees looking up at me as she buckled on her collar.
 
Removed my post because in looking back today, it appears I typed my reply in the wrong thread.
 
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Being Manipulative

I understand your point in thinking that a Dom MUST be strong. I agree. I told my Dom that I could not have a pussy for a Dom. However as I am learning from my Dom, reasonable does not mean weak. I am fairly submissive but I have an ingrained independent streak so I get the whole Prove IT thing. I have struggled with it too and the conclusion I came to was that FORCING a Dom to prove it was in effect topping from the bottom. You needed him to do what worked for you even though the dynamic behind a D/s relationship is favoring him. By forcing his hand it is my opinion that you are being manipulative. I wish you luck finding the DOM for you but be careful because if he does not take YOUR care seriously he may hurt you when he Proves it.
 
InnocentBell said:
Alright so ill cut to the chase. While I was introducing myself I started to think about something.

You see, I've been through many Doms for the same reason. My submission. I believe that a Domain should prove to me that they have the strength to handle me. I refuse to submit right away like most subs. Yes I am still kind and respectful. But say they tell me to bring a certain toy or get on a contraption, I just look at them with an innocent blank look on my face. Some just say forget it and some will just get it themselves and take where I sit.

Am I wrong for this?

Good or bad thoughts are welcomed.
Click to expand...

So if a dom were to punish you for being "innocently" insolent, would he have passed the test?

I'm a similar way. I will only submit to a man who's worthy of having me. But my tests happen prior to a sexual relationship. I'm a stubborn, dominant personality in daily life. I'm analytical, I'm intelligent, I'm talented. If he's a determined man who is not intimidated by me and proves to be at least an equal, or more, I will submit, but that's strictly a sexual dynamic.

I am who I am. I have my values and dignity and pride and I can't relinquish that to someone else's lifestyle. Typically, the men I meet who meet the base criteria would not be interested were it not for my fundamental personality. My submissive sexuality is that gooey, sweet surprise in the middle of hard, sour candy. lol
 
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Bit of a strange thread, this. I don't understand why this type of bratting is seen as something so desirable or praiseworthy. On other forums I've seen people come along and say something which amounts to "I want to be dominated BUT I want to be in control and he has to prove himself to me first" which, to me, is a mutually contradictory position.

By all means ensure that you're actually talking to a dominant person and not (shorthand) an impostor, and ensure that he's what you want, but you can't have a "submissive" actively dictating, like the OP suggests, to the dom. (I know, I know, there's dictating and there's "dictating" in the hope of getting a smack!)

What these ones really want is someone to service them, not a dominant. Topping from the bottom like this reduces the "dominant" to a walking dildo with opposable thumbs.
 
BritChap said:
Bit of a strange thread, this. I don't understand why this type of bratting is seen as something so desirable or praiseworthy. On other forums I've seen people come along and say something which amounts to "I want to be dominated BUT I want to be in control and he has to prove himself to me first" which, to me, is a mutually contradictory position.

By all means ensure that you're actually talking to a dominant person and not (shorthand) an impostor, and ensure that he's what you want, but you can't have a "submissive" actively dictating, like the OP suggests, to the dom. (I know, I know, there's dictating and there's "dictating" in the hope of getting a smack!)

What these ones really want is someone to service them, not a dominant. Topping from the bottom like this reduces the "dominant" to a walking dildo with opposable thumbs.
Click to expand...

You should probably read the whole thread before pontificating.

As for me and my relationship, your concerns are complete non-issues.
 
JMohegan said:
You have a curious view of what constitutes strength, but that aside, I applaud your commitment to selectivity.

Get to know the guy. Spend time assessing compatibility in terms of ethics, character, sense of humor, etc., as well as power dynamics.
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I agree that your position offers a unique challenge --- that most guys would refuse to consider!!! I'm sure you understand -- why would someone put up with that kind of "bull shit" attitude!!!!

The only type of person that would even consider dealing with that attitude is someone who is looking to justify or prove dominance or someone who actually sees something in you that has some type of worth.

Your attitude statement is a statement that you have worth --- what makes you worthy -- are you just so damn pretty that you are worthy --- are so damn intelligent that everybody is in awe. Or are you just so afraid you push real people away.

Show your real self!!!
 
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