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Old 01-15-2018, 03:52 PM   #1
HankUric
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Editor or Feedback Welcome: Erotic Couplings or Loving Wives 800 Word Story

Looking for feedback. 800 words, not hardcore erotica or stroke material; probably falls under the "Erotic Couplings/Loving Wives" category. Previous writing style has been described as soulless and clinical; writing sample here.

This new short story is focused on an straight couple's extra marital affair, from start and end. Mostly from the POV of the male character.

PM if interested, will provide Google Doc URL with comments permissions.

Thanks, ahead of time, for anyone willing to support.
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Old 01-15-2018, 04:43 PM   #2
Bebop3
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PM me the link. I'd be happy to offer some feedback.

BTW, did you mean 8000 words?
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Old 01-15-2018, 05:17 PM   #3
HankUric
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bebop3 View Post
BTW, did you mean 8000 words?
Nope. Meant 800. PM sent.
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:22 PM   #4
gordo12
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Well here's your feedback

Don't bother.

It takes an expert writer to write a flash story (short).

800 words isn't a story it's a joke. A one page story on Lit
is around 3700 words. A good average story is 7-10,000 words.

You'll get bombed. Especially in LW. I'll 1* you just for the annoyance.
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Old 01-17-2018, 02:50 PM   #5
HankUric
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Originally Posted by gordo12 View Post
Don't bother.
Thanks for the feedback!
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Old 01-17-2018, 07:03 PM   #6
EquinoxRising
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Originally Posted by gordo12 View Post
I'll 1* you just for the annoyance.
Aren't you just a lovely troll.
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Old 01-18-2018, 06:05 PM   #7
gordo12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EquinoxRising View Post
Aren't you just a lovely troll.
Thank you. Didn't know you were into trolls.

Aside from that, close to 18 years on Lit has made me sick of would be writers that think a few hundred words constitute a story. If I can stop one in his tracks and make them reconsider what they're doing I'll count that as a win for trolls.

If he takes the advice and writes a decently LONGER story I'll support his efforts.

A litle troll tough love.
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Old 01-18-2018, 06:15 PM   #8
gordo12
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Well I'm going to back up and apologise here.

I just read his 800 word story and it's pretty good.

Like I said it takes an experienced writer to pull that off and obviously he's got the experience.

I guess the troll jumped off the bridge too soon.

My apologies to the author.
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Old 01-18-2018, 06:42 PM   #9
HankUric
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Well I'm going to back up and apologise here.
Thanks! I'll take the apology, compliment, and 1* to call it even.
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Old 01-18-2018, 10:37 PM   #10
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Mea Culpa and that would be 4* not 1.

I'll go quietly now.....
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