embarassing/funny/awkward moments during intercourse

Stumbled on this thread and it's too awesome to be almost a year dead! So I will add today's moment and see if I can bring it back to life.

My son is in kindergarten and only has school for half the day. Today was a work day for me, so I was in my bedroom recording stories. I lost track of time and didn't realize my son had made it home. I finished up a particulary steamy scene and went out to the kitchen to get a drink. My husband was laughing his ass off!!!

Due to unfortunate thin walls and typically loud orgasms, I scared the crap out of my baby! He'd been in his room, which shares a wall with mine and my husband said he'd come charging out ready to battle. My husband caught him just as he was about to burst into my bedroom and explained that no, Mama wasn't hurt or in danger. She was fine and would explain later. My hero!

To make matters worse, my son asked me what was going on. I told him I was singing. He said, "But Mama, what were those SCREAMS?" I told him to think of the music that his sister liked. They screamed in those songs too. I was trying to sound like them. Meanwhile, my husband is swallowing his own tongue to keep from laughing out loud.

I spent the better part of an hour laughing my ass off reading this thread. I hope we can keep it going.

With moments like that how could this thread not stay alive.
Thank God for a good partner

thanks for reviving raven.....has brought a smile to my face reading these tales lol....
mine?
many moons ago I wasdating a very energetic young woman and we were back at my flat making love.To this day we dont know what happened but as I thrust forward, at one point,she arched up to meet my thrust,propelling her head back hard against the headboard.immediately she starts screaming in pain.
We stop.
She has a trapped nerve or something ,she cant move her neck an inch.
We phone an ambulance....
The pain is that bad....Ambulance duly turns up.
We make an excuse for what has happened. We find out later that ambulance guys dont beleive her and think that I have been violent with her and they call the police to what they think is a domestic violence situation.
When I get to the hospital and ask where she is being kept ,the nurses and staff where giving me the filthiest looks.
We finally had to tell the truth!
most embarassing!

After we finished, she said, "By the way, I'm only fourteen." After a few moments she started laughing, she was actually twenty.

Many years ago while working in a kibbuzz in Israel, I decided one night after a few to many drinks to sneak over to the girl's dorm to visit my then gf for a bit of hanky panky. Managed to get into the dark room real quietly, made my way to her bunk, dropped my shorts and slipped in with her under her blanket. She felt me coming, woke up, soft lips on mine, hands wandering everywhere...we dare not speak because we don't want to wake anyone else, so we just caress... Then I feel her hand on my cock and reciprocate by reaching for her pussy - and feel her soft bush brushing against my fingers....

Bush? Alarm bells go off in my head because yesterday she was still shaved smooth as a baby's bottom and no-one grows curlies that quick... 'Liisa?' I whisper really quietly, and feel her tense up immediately, then asking back 'Peter?'

Turns out the twits had swapped bunks around, and instead of my gf Liisa I had slipped in with her friend Aleks, who had arranged with her bf to come over for some fun but he hadn't arrived yet...so she thought I was him...

Luckily Liisa slept through it all and when we much later told her about it after we'd gotten over our embarrassment, she thought it was hilarious...

i said oh yeahh babygirl im almost there

.... and she stroked me fast till i came hard ... overflowing out of her mouth down her chin.. she kept it in her mouth n kissed me and then swallowed and kissed me again ...

it was hott as hell when she rang my bell .. i called her my little girl, she gave me a swirl, then a smile that went on for a mile and called me "little boyyyy"

I dint get it .. of course i was distracted a bit ... but the next morning, there was the light ... but i hate that fight, so i gave her another load and 9 more down the road ...

at the end of that night, i said with all my might ...

"hey, its not the size that matters.... its how many times you can make it rise"

was the best way i avoided the size episode LOL

This thread is great! So many funny stories. Glad other people have been able to turn awkward situations into lasting, funny memories

I dated one girl for quite a while and we had quite a few, always finding them to be pretty funny...

Early on in our relationship, she was in a rehab hospital (the kind you stay at for weeks at a time) recovering from an injury. We got caught by nurses so many times... One was younger and just laughed it off, but there was an older one who was less amused when she'd catch me half naked fumbling for my jeans as she came in and apparently gave her quite a lecture after I left.

She found a mixed pack of lubricants (e.g. numbing, tingling, etc.) and we decided to try them out. Most did nothing for either of us, but the 'warming' one apparently set her on fire. About a minute in, she suddenly jumped up screaming and running to the shower to try to rinse it off.

A few others I can't quite remember the details of...

One time, as my boyfriend and I were about to engage in makeup sex, clothes being thrown all over along with cell phones, keys, wallets etc. My cell phone got left on the bed, and sometime during the middle of it, I realized I was laying on it, so I threw it on the floor.
Our sex session was reaching a cresendo at this point, getting loud and getting frantic... Just as I came, screaming in pleasure, he shot his hot sticky cum inside of me. As we both lay there sated, and catching our breath, I realized that my cell phone was ringing. Reaching down to answer the blocked number, I felt a sense of dread. But I answered and a woman responded on the other end, "this is 911 emergency, and we just received a call from this number, is everything okay ma'am? I heard a lot of screaming, we've already dispatched a patrol car to your gps location."
I told the operator that everything was fine, but was reluctant to say the reason for the screaming when she took the matter into her own hands, "ma'am, were you having sex?"
I told her that we were, and she replied that she would let the police know, but it might not matter. Not more than a minute after I ended the call, there is a loud and authoratative knocking on our apartment door. My boyfriend put boxers on and let them in, but I didn't have time to get dressed at all, so I stayed in bed. The cops were not satisfied until they had checked the apartment and made sure that I was alive and unharmed.
It was all pretty embarassing, but a very funny story now.

Ravenfox, thanks for bringing the thread back to life and thanks everyone for your funny stories. Keep them coming.

She was on top... stops ... "I don't want to sound cliche, but you have a really big weiner." Weiner? Are you 15? I couldn't stop laughing. Yea... I kept doing it ... I'm only a man.

Having sex while South Park is on is a really bad idea. Cartman said something really funny while I was mid-stroke, and I just busted out laughing.

Fingering my gf and hearing the words "hey, are you sleeping?" and yeah... I fell asleep with my fingers inside her. In my defense, I rallied and gave her some good lovin' to make up for it.

same all over the world =p

thiscouldbtricky said:

One time, as my boyfriend and I were about to engage in makeup sex, clothes being thrown all over along with cell phones, keys, wallets etc. My cell phone got left on the bed, and sometime during the middle of it, I realized I was laying on it, so I threw it on the floor.
Our sex session was reaching a cresendo at this point, getting loud and getting frantic... Just as I came, screaming in pleasure, he shot his hot sticky cum inside of me. As we both lay there sated, and catching our breath, I realized that my cell phone was ringing. Reaching down to answer the blocked number, I felt a sense of dread. But I answered and a woman responded on the other end, "this is 911 emergency, and we just received a call from this number, is everything okay ma'am? I heard a lot of screaming, we've already dispatched a patrol car to your gps location."
I told the operator that everything was fine, but was reluctant to say the reason for the screaming when she took the matter into her own hands, "ma'am, were you having sex?"
I told her that we were, and she replied that she would let the police know, but it might not matter. Not more than a minute after I ended the call, there is a loud and authoratative knocking on our apartment door. My boyfriend put boxers on and let them in, but I didn't have time to get dressed at all, so I stayed in bed. The cops were not satisfied until they had checked the apartment and made sure that I was alive and unharmed.
It was all pretty embarassing, but a very funny story now.

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Sharing a tenement flat in edinburgh with a lovely young lady...she came out of the shower just dressed ina skimpy towel...what was a red blooded male to do but chase her around the apartment with another wet towel....naked to of course...after much screaming and laughter falling ina heap on the lounge floor....then we start exploring.bodies entwined ,breath slighlty ragged as we move together,quietly sensualy....KNOCK KNOCK BANG CRASH at the door...yes ,you guessed ,the Police(is there a special book the police get about knocking on doors?you always know a policemans knock)..next doors neighbour heard a woman screaming then everything abrubtly going quiet,she called the police.
I answered the door wrapped in a towel and explained to the officers what had happened.
and
yes,they had to verify that everything was ok.....the sight of two burly scottish policemen trying not to laugh(or leer) ...priceless

...and back again

scotsmitch2001 said:

Sharing a tenement flat in edinburgh with a lovely young lady...she came out of the shower just dressed ina skimpy towel...what was a red blooded male to do but chase her around the apartment with another wet towel....naked to of course...after much screaming and laughter falling ina heap on the lounge floor....then we start exploring.bodies entwined ,breath slighlty ragged as we move together,quietly sensualy....KNOCK KNOCK BANG CRASH at the door...yes ,you guessed ,the Police(is there a special book the police get about knocking on doors?you always know a policemans knock)..next doors neighbour heard a woman screaming then everything abrubtly going quiet,she called the police.
I answered the door wrapped in a towel and explained to the officers what had happened.
and
yes,they had to verify that everything was ok.....the sight of two burly scottish policemen trying not to laugh(or leer) ...priceless

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Underage and totally in lust, my boyfriend and I were making out heavily in the parking lot of the movie theater. Tongues touching, hands roaming and groping any flesh they could find, clothes rumpled and half undone, legs and arms akimbo. Our hot and heavy petting got even hotter when his young hands happened upon my clit as he fumbled around in my panties. I moaned, I arched, and then I screamed. After a few moment's recovery, I gave him an evil grin and then an awesome blow job (if I do say so myself.) He started out quiet and gradually built in volume. He bucked his hips up, he cried out and moaned at the top of his lungs.

I could tell he was a half a moment away from cumming inside my mouth when we heard a thump on the car door. We froze, convinced it was my father. The windows were too foggy to see. THUMP THUMP again as we tried to get our clothes straight again. THUMP THUMP as we said a prayer that my angry father wasn't about to end our relationship by making me a teenage widow. I was kind enough to wish him luck when he opened the door. A police officer with a bemused expression on his face shined a light into the car and took in our disheveled appearances. My boyfriend nearly melted at the sight of someone other than my father standing at the door.

"You kids ok?" he asked.

"Sure officer," I told him "We were just kissing. " To that, he laughed out loud. He stepped to the side to show us a small group of preteen girls far away in the parking lot, looking at us, looking frightened.

After he stopped laughing, he said "That must have been some kinda kissing! We had an "anonymous" tip on 911. They said there were two people fighting in a car here. The caller said that the female voice sounded like she was very upset and the male's voice sounded like he was getting a BEATING."

Damn good stories, yall. I have two that really stick out...

#1: I was with my ex wife for the first time ever. We put on a movie for her son to fall asleep to, and then we went into the bedroom and started goin at it. Well she had a really flimsy bed and several times, the foot of the bed came up off the floor and slammed down, surely wakin up the whole house. Then, after we finished, we're layin there, enjoyin each other's company in the afterglow of our first time together, and in that golden silence....... HEYYYYYYY YOU GUYYYYYSSSSSS! The movie was the Goonies. Her brother had come over and turned the movie up to drown us out.

#2. I was on leave from the Marines and we were at my mother's house for the weekend. We were in the guest bedroom and had a damn good lovemakin session. I mean hair pullin, ass slappin, poundin, sweatin, moanin.... the next night we were helpin out with the dishes after dinner and my mom hands me a note that says "Go fix the bed." We had broken the rails and didn't notice.

#3. Waited for my roommate's shift to start at the squadron, thought he had already shown up and left, and she got on top of me in the one-room barracks room. She was ridin me on the couch, and all of a sudden the door opens. He was late. He came in and got ready while my ex straddled my cock nekkid as hell on the couch.

Growing up in a house with 3 kids and 3 bedrooms I had to share a room with my brother. To get a little privacy I had built a bit of a loft in the rafters of the garage. My GF and I had learned that it was best to keep our shirts on in case someone came in the garage, so one hot afternoon we're going at it when the garage door opens and my mom comes in. She proceeds to pop the hood of her car and start to do an alternator swap. Man its hard to get jeans back on quietly when your mom keeps asking you to come down and help from 10 feet away.

Several months later I had started sneaking out of the house at night to meet up at her place (her parents worked graveyard shift.) I had really taken to eating her out in that time and she got pretty vocal at times, so I'm down giving her a pretty good licking when her little brother bursts through the door to make sure she was okay. It's hard to keep a straight face when your looking up at your GF's younger brother with pussy juice dripping off your chin.

Shortly after my wife (same girl as before) and I got married we were going at it missionary style when I feel one of our cats jump up on the bed. Living in a 1 bedroom apartment that wasn't uncommon so I just keep going, at least until I felt the sad paper of his tongue on my balls. Talk about show stopper, I understandably jumped up with a bit of a yelp, the wife and I got a bit of a laugh out of it after the fact.

I had my younger FB over for Birthday sex and had bought 75 feet of silk rope and four cuffs ... wax.. blindfold.. tickler..and a small flogger to tease and play with...

He has me tied... three down, one to to go and my cell phone goes off ... I am a single parent .. my daughter.. on court ordered vistitation with her father.. bored mindless asking me:
"what are you doing?"
"Is some one there?"

Tied spread eagle, with only one hand free.. and a partner 16yrs my junior!

Funny as hell.

Awkward

A few awkward experiences

#1. My girlfriend and I were in my bedroom with the door closed and locked, her giving me a handjob after a long day of teasing and foreplay. As in most cases in these situations, we had a small hand towel for the big finish. A few seconds after I came quite copiously into the towel, two of my brothers came to the room calling out my name and fiddling with the doorknob. In our house, everyone knows how to open doors that are not deadbolted or chained shut, so my girlfriend quickly tossed the lotion aside and I tossed aside the towel and pulled up my pants just as they came into the room. They had been at a rap concert and were high on adrenaline, having just seen someone famous. My girlfriend and I were kind of laughing because we were almost caught, and my brothers took this as us wanting to hear more. At the time, it was fashionable for rappers to have something over their head or around their neck in case they got sweaty....my oldest brother decides to demonstrate and grabs the same towel we had used just moments before! As soon as he put it on his head and started jumping around like a rapper, laughter exploded. To this day, only my girlfriend and I know this happened....well, and now all of you.

#2. Both our mothers were in the kitchen talking and my gf and I hadn't seen each other in some time. We had the door mostly closed (parents weren't fond of the door all the way closed) and decided to be daring. At first there was just some petting, then it moved onto oral. She had me in her mouth when we heard footsteps, so she quickly jumped up and I slid off the bed onto the floor, the friction helping to pull my pants up just in time. Both our mothers walked in and noticed the fact that I was bright red (my face flushes very red during sex). Compounded by the fact that we narrowly missed being caught, my face probably looked as if someone had strangled me. When her mother commented on it and asked why I was so red, the only answer I could come up with was "She was making fun of me". Apparently they bought it, but had it been our fathers, I'd not be alive right now.

nyxie said:

I had my younger FB over for Birthday sex and had bought 75 feet of silk rope and four cuffs ... wax.. blindfold.. tickler..and a small flogger to tease and play with...

He has me tied... three down, one to to go and my cell phone goes off ... I am a single parent .. my daughter.. on court ordered vistitation with her father.. bored mindless asking me:
"what are you doing?"
"Is some one there?"

Tied spread eagle, with only one hand free.. and a partner 16yrs my junior!

Funny as hell.

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I'll say...and thank God you took some time to have fun on your birthday!

I was nineteen and home from college for the summer. I still had my old room with a regular, wired phone sitting next to my bed. My parents were asleep, and I'd asked my girlfriend over for some late night activities. She was the daughter of some rather affluent, overprotective and conversative parents, which in my mind, made it all the much more exciting anything that we allowed ourselves to corrupt one another just that much more.

It was about one o'clock in the morning. She had taken her time to tease me with her mouth and had just started to work it up to a crescendo when, lo and behold, the phone rang. Startled, I began to cum in her mouth out of pure surprise. I was probably just as shocked as she was. Then, I realized that I had to answer the phone or my parents would wake up and find me in a quite the compromising position.

I answered. It was her dad. He said, "You were supposed to have my daughter home by midnight. It's one AM. Let me talk to her."

What was I supposed to do? I looked her in the eye, whispered, "It's your dad," and handed to phone over to her.

"Hi, dad," she said, the cum still dripping down her chin.

Lets see. I have 3

First time was in a movie theater parking lot in my 91 sunbird. The damn thing looked like crap and I had the mistake of having wadded up a towel near the back window for "just in case" So my girlfriend and I were getting pretty into things and i have a couple fingers inside her when we see that damn dreaded spotlight playing over my car. We keep hunched down and get our clothes back into position just as the cop walks up and plays the flashlight in the car. Then I hear

"He's got a girl in there" (as if that didnt do some crappy things to my self esteem lol)

Followed of course by "Ma'am are you in here of your own free will?" Understand taht I was 17 and she was 16. After she confirms that she is the cop tells me the towel wadded up in the window made him think i was living in the car. He then asked if we could take it elsewhere and it took every fiber of my being not to ask him for suggestions.

Secondly. Same girl after I had just gotten out of boot camp. I picked her from school. She told me her mom wouldnt be home for a few hours so we went into the bedroom and went at it. She was giving me a lovely handjob at the and and i pulled my shirt up so nothing would get on it. I shoot my load and we get dressed. Later on at dinner her mom keeps looking at me funny. Turns out I had a pretty massive cum blotch on my shirt.

That was bad but nothing quite tops the time I was with a different girl who i hadnt known very long. I was hammering away doggy style and all of a sudden in walks her 3 year old daughter. (its is pitch black in the room) she walks up to the bed (I have long since pretty much dove off of her and under the blanket)
She asks in that way only a three year old can.

"Mommy is that my daddy?

I almost died lol

disclaimer: I'm a really bad klutz. Totally uncoordinated. Bad enough that I was offered the chance to take study hall instead of PE two weeks into my freshman year of high school. I took it, since I was already on first name basis with the school nurse....

Fast forward to my university days...

So one night my sweetie thinks it'll be cool to have me on top... He's on his back, feet tucked up against his ass, knees in the air, cock straight up. I'm facing his knees, my butt facing him (he liked my bootie). I'm straddling him, arms around his knees, rocking and rolling riding and grinding and having a great old time... Leg hair teasing my nipples, clit slapping his sack, his hands on my waist... I FELL OFF!. I lunged towards the all because well, the floor looked awfully far away! I put out my left hand to catch myself and caught the heel of my hand at an awkward angle. I broke my wrist when I slid down the wall and caught my ribs on the footboard of the bed, cracking two of them.

We went to the ER, they called the cops because well, we foolishly told them that we were getting it on when I fell off. The campus medical center had a rule that rough sex injuries get an investigation. We explained that it was all consensual and we'd be more careful in the future....

Fast forward about two weeks...

We're boffing away in a gentler fashion.... I'm on top again as my ribs didn't like me being on the bottom. Hence the gentle boffage. I'm a lefty, the bedside table was to my right. I turned and reached between us for a new toy at the same time as he sat up a bit to get it and I beaned him in the face with my cast. Back to the campus ER, same Doctor, same cops.... I broke his nose.

As we were leaving, the Doctor leaned over and said "May I suggest bondage? Just don't tie anything above her waist, okay?"

old thread.... very funny.... love to hear some more
(yea I am digging it out of a grave!!!)

Wings27 said:

Ok, per Fresh Meat's request:

We were once in the lake, my legs wrapped around him when a HUGE (HUGE I SAY) fish bumped in to me. I freaked out and went splashing back to shore as quickly as possible. It wasn't until I heard the hysterical laughter that I turned around and he shouted "that was my HAND you twit". Yeah well, he didn't get any that night after that, NOW who's the twit?

On the back of my 4wheeler, half naked, going at it and we started hearing this very loud crashing noise through the brush. We both froze, looked at each other, looked towards the sound and sure enough, big ass bear came barrelling out. Thankfully she was not interested in us, she was on her way somewhere else, but dammit. After she left we scrambled to get dressed and hightailed it out of there!

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i love any story that starts "On the back of my 4wheeler, half naked, going at it.." it just tickles something in my country upbringin i imagine..

*muah*

Fast and furious missionary, deep breath to maintain pace. Inhaled a piece of lint or something. Started coughing. Coughing got worse, louder, more violent, less controlled. Burst a little blood vessel, now coughing up blood. Regained control just before she called 911.

Years before, threesome with first wife and her friend from pet shop. Friend is having a great cowgirl ride on me when the cockatoo in the room uttered a piercing ghostly shriek. Friend launched right off me, off waterbed, onto her ass on the floor. The mood was broken for sure, but we laughed and laughed.

At an age too young to mention,I was determined my girlfriend should see what she had hitherto studiously ignored and so had dug my cock out of my shorts. Cue entrance of Granny and rapid shrinkage of unimpressive package.

Years later I am a student being unfaithful to my wife.
There is a loud knocking at door of girlfriend's bedsit just as we are hard at it.
" Who's that?" I ask.
" My boyfriend!"
" You never told me you had a boyfriend!"
" Well, I'm trying to get rid of him but he's very violent."
Incredibly he accepted taxi fare home.

Later and should be wiser, I'm lying in new girlfriend's bed upstairs with her. It is very late.
Suddenly the window opens and, off a ladder, in climbs her supposedly long distant lover straight onto the bed.
" Oh! Have you come to join us?" she superbly asks......as I scramble into my clothes and disappear.