The "Fuck you cancer!" thread

Thanks Cookie and Cascadia the days are long the nights are longer.

The struggle is the lack of help we can actually provide.

mortis said:

I guess it's time to join this blog.

Father in Law is in Stage 4 bladder cancer. Pissing blood and totally fucked in the pain department. Fucking Dr. won't admit it's hopeless and fucking medicare won't pay even the slightest bills without fucking calling them. I hate begging a system to find mercy for his wonderful soul.

Left wondering how to deal with the pain the whole family will feel when it really ends.

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Like a lot of us here, I have been both the patient and the one who waits and grieves and worries. While I hated fighting cancer...I hated more, watching a loved one suffer and lose! I wish you peace and some solace as your family goes through this. *big hug* FYC!!!!!!!

mortis said:

I guess it's time to join this blog.

Father in Law is in Stage 4 bladder cancer. Pissing blood and totally fucked in the pain department. Fucking Dr. won't admit it's hopeless and fucking medicare won't pay even the slightest bills without fucking calling them. I hate begging a system to find mercy for his wonderful soul.

Left wondering how to deal with the pain the whole family will feel when it really ends.

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I know it won't solve the pain you and loved ones are dealing with, but perhaps you can find some bit of support here amongst these caring folks. I know they have and continue to help me.

(((hugs)))


ps: Fuck You Cancer!

gypsy*seer said:

After 5 longs years of bravely fighting, Mom passed quickly at home last night. It is a consolation that all that mattered were here to send her off, but the house is SO quiet now.

She was my roomie for 11 years, and I'm really going to miss her.

FYC in spades

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I’m so sorry, gypsy. I wish there were words that I - or anyone - could say to relieve your pain and sorrow. Please take care of yourself during this rough, rough time.

Hug.

F.Y.C.

mortis said:

I guess it's time to join this blog.

Father in Law is in Stage 4 bladder cancer. Pissing blood and totally fucked in the pain department. Fucking Dr. won't admit it's hopeless and fucking medicare won't pay even the slightest bills without fucking calling them. I hate begging a system to find mercy for his wonderful soul.

Left wondering how to deal with the pain the whole family will feel when it really ends.

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I’m sorry.

Hang out here if you are so inclined. It’s not a bad place to vent your pain and anger, mortis.

FYC.

steelyblue73 said:

It's remarkable in such a terrible way just how many of us have our lives affected by that word, whether it is ourselves, friends or acquaintances, and most surely loved ones. There are battles with it that are fought, some are won, some are not and some are just delayed to be fought again another day. Yet you are always there, seemingly omnipresent, in the shadows, waiting to surface. Why don't you just fucking go away permanently...

Fuck You Cancer!!!!

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**********
steelyblue,
The fact that "we" continue to battle is what counts. We fight for ourselves, our friends, our loved ones, and sometimes people we don't even know. The one positive thing is that we fight and we fight together. We also do all we can to lend support in whatever small way possible. Sharing on this thread is one of those ways.

May you find a little positive in each day, a little happiness in each memory, and little love and support from those around you. You have it here when needed.

gypsy*seer said:

After 5 longs years of bravely fighting, Mom passed quickly at home last night. It is a consolation that all that mattered were here to send her off, but the house is SO quiet now.

She was my roomie for 11 years, and I'm really going to miss her.

FYC in spades

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*************
gypsy,

Your loss is immeasurable. Having walked a similar path with my mom and then my brother, my heart hurts for you. There are no great words of comfort to share. I echo everything the others have said. If there is any comfort, it is in the fact that the pain is over for her. Unfortunately, your pain will continue. Be strong and when you are at your worst, think of all the good times and know she would want you to go on and be happy.

Be blessed and stay strong.
**************

mortis said:

I guess it's time to join this blog.

Father in Law is in Stage 4 bladder cancer. Pissing blood and totally fucked in the pain department. Fucking Dr. won't admit it's hopeless and fucking medicare won't pay even the slightest bills without fucking calling them. I hate begging a system to find mercy for his wonderful soul.
Left wondering how to deal with the pain the whole family will feel when it really ends.

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mortis,
This is one group of which I wish there were no new members. However, if you have to join, it's a great group of people to be surrounded and supported by. Cancer has touched us all in one way or another...some in multiple ways, and multiple times.

When the diagnosis of cancer is made, it is like a switch is hit and life as we knew it stops. Cancer may be the diagnosis of one person, but it touches everyone around them. All you can do is be there and be supportive in any way possible. We will be here to do the same for you.

FYC!

Apple, while your comments are directed at steelyblue, gypsy and mortis, they are universally relevant thoughts, and wise for all humans.

Well it's not over yet the stories of his anger and how the pain meds make him emotional are grueling.
He loved me from day one with his daughter and her grief is killing me. I know there is nothing I can say there are no words.

FYC

Wow Im amazed at how many people here remind me of me---lost the love of my life in march--qnd still trying to at least level the roller coaster. As much as it pains me to see all the others here dealing with same issues.......nice to know so much of what Im feeling and what we went thru isnt so uncommon....bless y'all
FUCK CANCER!

2 yr cancer survivor....fuck cancer

cookiecat said:

hugs are really really good. thank you both.




one more hug! thank you

and right back at you with the hugs for the loss of your friend. it's shocking to me what people can endure. do these things happen for a reason? is it random? i don't think my guy got ALS for any reason, just as i doubt your friend was hit so many times by cancer. but i do believe they were (are?) in our lives for many special reasons. i feel the same as you, babyslave -- i was so lucky he was in my life.









little moments, glitter, happy posts - i come here for distraction. instead, i end up with

thanks, everyone.

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Hey Cookie...sending you hugs and continual strength in the quiet moments when you miss him the most. I have not forgotten your struggle without him and I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers...

CSummer82 said:

2 yr cancer survivor....fuck cancer

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Good for 2 years!

Trkr359 said:

Wow Im amazed at how many people here remind me of me---lost the love of my life in march--qnd still trying to at least level the roller coaster. As much as it pains me to see all the others here dealing with same issues.......nice to know so much of what Im feeling and what we went thru isnt so uncommon....bless y'all
FUCK CANCER!

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I lost my partner 2 months ago this week. Today would be the 4 year anniversary of his diagnoses. Blessings right back atchya.

cmslt2326 said:

Hey Cookie...sending you hugs and continual strength in the quiet moments when you miss him the most. I have not forgotten your struggle without him and I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers...

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What a lovely message to find. Thank you, very much.

Haven’t posted in awhile, had a biopsy scare while in remission. Luckily, it came back negative but it was not a good feeling thinking I was going to have to repeat the process

GoAztecs said:

Haven’t posted in awhile, had a biopsy scare while in remission. Luckily, it came back negative but it was not a good feeling thinking I was going to have to repeat the process

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Amazing how quickly the fear can return!! FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!

Now t's time for healing. I don't think my wife will ever be the same again.
Going through old photo albums. I had the thought in the future we will scroll through their facebook posts reminiscing.

Today I was cleaning up VM's and heard his voice again. Brought the tears again.

He is gone out of pain but never forgotten.

FYC

mortis said:

Now t's time for healing. I don't think my wife will ever be the same again.
Going through old photo albums. I had the thought in the future we will scroll through their facebook posts reminiscing.

Today I was cleaning up VM's and heard his voice again. Brought the tears again.

He is gone out of pain but never forgotten.

FYC

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Blessings.

Thanks for the kind words Cookiecat

GoAztecs said:

Haven’t posted in awhile, had a biopsy scare while in remission. Luckily, it came back negative but it was not a good feeling thinking I was going to have to repeat the process

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I've been thinking about where you might be - I'm so glad you posted an update and even happier to hear you're on track!

Trkr359 said:

Thanks for the kind words Cookiecat

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You''re welcome!

Sorting through my friend's stuff today. In among all his books and heavy metal T-shirts and goth boots, a beanie hat friend's house today to help sort through his stuff. In among all his heavy-metal T-shirts and goth boots I found a beanie with "FUCK CANCER" embroidered on it in pink. Well, we have another friend who can use it :-/

mortis said:

Well it's not over yet the stories of his anger and how the pain meds make him emotional are grueling.
He loved me from day one with his daughter and her grief is killing me. I know there is nothing I can say there are no words.

FYC

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No, there aren’t words, but the fact that you share that grief with his daughter (and she knows that) is a form of support. Just checking in on her with a few words makes more difference than you know.



FYC.

Trkr359 said:

Wow Im amazed at how many people here remind me of me---lost the love of my life in march--qnd still trying to at least level the roller coaster. As much as it pains me to see all the others here dealing with same issues.......nice to know so much of what Im feeling and what we went thru isnt so uncommon....bless y'all
FUCK CANCER!

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Pain is inevitable but sharing that pain in some way can make you feel connected.

Oddly, I feel better when I read or watch documentaries about cosmology and the vastness and power of space. The smallness and temporality of our lives somehow comforts me when I reflect on the way galaxies collide to create the new from the destitution of the old.

I hope you continue to feel your legs get surer and your comfort grow.

CSummer82 said:

2 yr cancer survivor....fuck cancer

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FYC! Congrats!

GoAztecs said:

Haven’t posted in awhile, had a biopsy scare while in remission. Luckily, it came back negative but it was not a good feeling thinking I was going to have to repeat the process

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Good to hear from you. That’s disconcerting, GA. It’s hard to find relaxation when you feel cellfucker could be lurking outside the window. A big FYC is to try and find small moments of peace and appreciation amidst the uncertainty. Considering we are all up against death (come on, science! Hurry up with the immortality serum!), that’s no doubt a good thing for us all to remember. Wish I were better at it! Let us know how it comes out please.

Bramblethorn said:

Sorting through my friend's stuff today. In among all his heavy-metal T-shirts and goth boots I found a beanie with "FUCK CANCER" embroidered on it in pink. Well, we have another friend who can use it :-/

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What a heavy-hearted task. I wish you a peaceful day and maybe some chocolate.

FYC.

DeepGreenEyes said:

What a heavy-hearted task. I wish you a peaceful day and maybe some chocolate.

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Thanks for the kind thoughts. No chocolate, but... he had expensive tastes in footwear, and it turns out we had the same size feet, so his mother told me to take a couple of pairs to remember him by. I'll wear them sometimes and think of him Most of the clothes went to a refugee charity, so they'll be doing somebody good, and he would've approved.

Bramblethorn said:

Sorting through my friend's stuff today. In among all his books and heavy metal T-shirts and goth boots, a beanie hat friend's house today to help sort through his stuff. In among all his heavy-metal T-shirts and goth boots I found a beanie with "FUCK CANCER" embroidered on it in pink. Well, we have another friend who can use it :-/

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Bramblethorn said:

Thanks for the kind thoughts. No chocolate, but... he had expensive tastes in footwear, and it turns out we had the same size feet, so his mother told me to take a couple of pairs to remember him by. I'll wear them sometimes and think of him Most of the clothes went to a refugee charity, so they'll be doing somebody good, and he would've approved.

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Going through the stuff is both heart wrenching and heart warming. The memories! I haven't been able to go through some things yet. But I did find a Cabbage Patch Nascar kid, new in the box. WTF? Where did that come from? It made me laugh -- a side of my guy I didn't really know about and wish I had the time to discover.

Bramblethorn said:

Thanks for the kind thoughts. No chocolate, but... he had expensive tastes in footwear, and it turns out we had the same size feet, so his mother told me to take a couple of pairs to remember him by. I'll wear them sometimes and think of him Most of the clothes went to a refugee charity, so they'll be doing somebody good, and he would've approved.

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This is work you are doing. (((hugs)))

cookiecat said:

Going through the stuff is both heart wrenching and heart warming. The memories! I haven't been able to go through some things yet. But I did find a Cabbage Patch Nascar kid, new in the box. WTF? Where did that come from? It made me laugh -- a side of my guy I didn't really know about and wish I had the time to discover.

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Maybe he bought it and stashed it just to mess with you.

Christmas tree is up and we got a beautiful ornament from our son. A picture from his wedding with FIL.

Tears were quick but I had a glimmer of happiness. We have a great family well built and stable.

While there is still a huge sorrow in our life there is a great hope if we look to the future and not into the past.

I watched my grandpa suddenly die from lung cancer recently. He was 92, he quit smoking a few decades back, he had been doing yard work less than a month ago. We didn't know until it was too late. In a way it's a blessing that it happened quickly, but it was still awful. My grandma has had cancer multiple times, she currently has the kind that won't go away but it's being treated and we've managed to get her to pretty healthy. But I've seen a horrible way to die and I'm terrified.