Anonymous comments

ishtat said:

Chloe's use of the 'v card swiped' was I suspect an education for many of us (for me at least) but swiping here has all but disappeared being replaced with 'tap n go.'

Could 'tap n go' be the next euphemism for teenage sex?

Click to expand...

Yes, I think it's getting out dated already. I heard it a bit when I was a teenager, have to check and see what the latest expression is. Tap n go just doesn't have that ring to it, sounds more like a quick hookup

ChloeTzang said:

Yes, I think it's getting out dated already. I heard it a bit when I was a teenager, have to check and see what the latest expression is. Tap n go just doesn't have that ring to it, sounds more like a quick hookup

Click to expand...

Its all quick hookup. One average sex takes 6 minutes.

NOIRTRASH said:

Its all quick hookup. One average sex takes 6 minutes.

Click to expand...

You're doing it again. I snorted my coffee. Once guys get going.... six minutes would be outstanding lol

ChloeTzang said:

You're doing it again. I snorted my coffee. Once guys get going.... six minutes would be outstanding lol

Click to expand...

Most people eat meals in 6 minutes or less.

ChloeTzang said:

You're doing it again. I snorted my coffee. Once guys get going.... six minutes would be outstanding lol

Click to expand...

Try holding still and looking a bit more frumpy.

Handley_Page said:

Far too many authors seem to forget that what is common to them is another thing altogether to the rest of us. A good example is sports. I was reading a quite well-written story which featured a load of technical information on baseball. I think that the the pivot of the story was whether the fielder prevented the runner from getting to the base, but it lost me completely which I felt it did not deserve.
By the same token complexities in Ice Hockey and even NFL have featured.
But none of the authors bothered to explain the damned point to the reader (I'm fairly confident a story featuring Cricket would confuse most American readers).

Click to expand...

I feel your pain. I do have a cricket scene in one of mine, but no knowledge of the rules is required.

My current work in progress has a digression about graph theory. Still trying to work out how best to explain what a minimal-order three-geodetic regular digraph of degree two is, and how to make it sexy...

ChloeTzang said:

You're doing it again. I snorted my coffee. Once guys get going.... six minutes would be outstanding lol

Click to expand...

Sweetie, if that's true, you need to meet a better class of men.

latecomer91364 said:

Sweetie, if that's true, you need to meet a better class of men.

Click to expand...

Oh my current one is great, I'm just looking back historically and remembering my teenage years. On the plus side, teenage guys made up in recovery time what they lacked in control. Lol

Bramblethorn said:

I feel your pain. I do have a cricket scene in one of mine, but no knowledge of the rules is required.

Click to expand...

In the Halloween story I am working on, an Alien stumbles upon a broadcast of a baseball game and tries to figure what is going on. He surmises that the sport was derived from the ancient ritual of stoning criminals, and that at some point long ago they gave the criminal (batter) a wooden stick (baseball bat) to help defend himself. What he can't understand is why only one player (the pitcher) gets to throw the stone (baseball) at the criminal, while the other players just stand around watching.

NOIRTRASH said:

.

Click to expand...

Everybody isn't like you, thank God.

DreamOperator, that sounds interesting. Radio broadcast? Are you working off an actual historical one?

Dream_Operator said:

In the Halloween story I am working on, an Alien stumbles upon a broadcast of a baseball game and tries to figure what is going on. He surmises that the sport was derived from the ancient ritual of stoning criminals, and that at some point long ago they gave the criminal (batter) a wooden stick (baseball bat) to help defend himself. What he can't understand is why only one player (the pitcher) gets to throw the stone (baseball) at the criminal, while the other players just stand around watching.

Click to expand...

What's the erotic part? Maybe the alien observes NFL-type football / handegg games and surmises that cheerleaders are sexual bait for the players symbolically delivering a single sperm (ball) to a vagina (goalposts). He'll observe the same ritual in hockey but without cheerleaders. He wonders why some sports need sexual bait. And how does symbolic homoeroticism work?

Ferax said:

DreamOperator, that sounds interesting. Radio broadcast? Are you working off an actual historical one?

Click to expand...

No, it's TV broadcast -- the visual elements are key to him (the Alien) trying to figure out the game. It's a fictional game. The descriptions of the uniforms suggests a Yankee vs. Red Sox game.

After getting bored the alien switches the channel and watches a porno movie which he believes is a documentary on human mating habits.

Hypoxia said:

What's the erotic part?

Click to expand...

The erotic part comes at the end. The story is set in Roswell, New Mexico on Halloween day. Because it's Halloween, people just assume he's a guy in costume and not a real alien. He ends up meeting a woman who moved to Roswell because of her obsession with Aliens and UFO's, and dreams of one day meeting one in more ways than one.

Dream_Operator said:

No, it's TV broadcast -- the visual elements are key to him (the Alien) trying to figure out the game. It's a fictional game. The descriptions of the uniforms suggests a Yankee vs. Red Sox game.

After getting bored the alien switches the channel and watches a porno movie which he believes is a documentary on human mating habits.

Click to expand...

To an outsider, baseball could be the doco on human mating habits, and porno the half-time entertainment. Every nation's favourite game has every other nation scratching its head, trying to see the point of it all.

electricblue66 said:

To an outsider, baseball could be the doco on human mating habits, and porno the half-time entertainment. Every nation's favourite game has every other nation scratching its head, trying to see the point of it all.

Click to expand...

Some are harder to understand than others. I watched a fair bit of Aussie Rules during the early days of ESPN, when they were desperate for programming content, and would air just about anything. I ended up moving to Melbourne for work and enjoyed revisiting the sport.

Rugby, on the other hand: I had hard time getting my head around. And it's not terribly popular in Victoria anyway, which didn't help. The rules of Cricket are pretty simple and straightforward, as are Football (Soccer).

American Football (called Grid Iron in some countries) is incredibly complex and confusing to people outside of the US and Canada -- not sure why it gained some popularity in the UK -- The NFL Europe League failed in every other country.


Sorry, I didn't intend to derail this thread. And now back to our regular Anonymous Comments programming:

A recent commenter called me a cunt because I named a red haired character Ginger.

oggbashan said:

One of my latest (now deleted) anon rants was about the wording of the copyright notice at the start of my stories.

It's standard wording for most mainstream fiction printed in the UK but anon considered it wrong.

Click to expand...

It's odd that somebody would get upset about this, it is always second nature to put in a disclaimer that the characters and events are fictional and that any similarity to real people living or dead is coincidental and unintentional. I also always state that only characters aged 18 and over engage in sexual activity.

Another thing about negative comments is that sometimes you post a story and think that some particular aspect might draw negative comments, but it doesn't. For example, my story 'Leanne the Lusty Lifeguard' features a character named Uncle Merv, an overweight, sleazy, middle-aged used car salesman. Uncle Merv makes incessant negative comments and jokes about homosexuals, boasts to his nephew (whom he frequently humiliates in public) about his sexual conquests in his younger years, and makes frequent crude sexual references about girls young enough to be his daughter, such as expressing his desire to smell a pretty blonde girl's bicycle seat.

Uncle Merv takes political correctness and smashes it to a million pieces and if alive today would be any HR department's worst nightmare, but this story is set in 1979-1980 when things were very different. However, I thought some PC readers might comment negatively on the homophobic, sexist character but nobody did.

Retrofan, read my "Not Kyle" story to see what it takes to stir up them PC folks.

I like reading my comments like they are endorsements.


"Only a truly disturbed mind could have thought this story was a good idea. You need some serious help." - Anon Y Mous

"This is really sick." -An Onymous

"This is one of the worst attempts at writing that I have ever seen here. Purely pathetic." -Anonym Ous

"Absolutely horrible." -Ano Nymous

The critics agree, I should never be allowed to write again.

Dream_Operator said:

In the Halloween story I am working on, an Alien stumbles upon a broadcast of a baseball game and tries to figure what is going on. He surmises that the sport was derived from the ancient ritual of stoning criminals, and that at some point long ago they gave the criminal (batter) a wooden stick (baseball bat) to help defend himself. What he can't understand is why only one player (the pitcher) gets to throw the stone (baseball) at the criminal, while the other players just stand around watching.

Click to expand...

In the later Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, it's revealed that cricket is actually a racial memory of a terrible intergalactic war.

Bramblethorn said:

In the later Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, it's revealed that cricket is actually a racial memory of a terrible intergalactic war.

Click to expand...

If you watched England v West Indies or Australia v Bangladesh in the past few days that conclusion doesn't seem entirely unreasonable.