Go Back   Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > BDSM Talk > BDSM Cafe

Reply
 
Thread Tools

Old 05-21-2017, 05:44 AM   #1
Porkwarrior
Midlife Man Whore
 
Porkwarrior's Avatar
 
Porkwarrior is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vanilla Suburbia Canuckistan
Posts: 7,340
Lightbulb ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

I deleted 152 weird PM's just now. Wow that was hard.


Suck it up buttercup. Seriously.

Edit -- The realization some Mod's here REALLY have a hardon for me. especially if they're chicks, lol.

Last edited by Porkwarrior : 06-25-2017 at 04:18 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-22-2017, 03:56 AM   #2
seela
Quark Thief
 
seela's Avatar
 
seela is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: The Old World
Posts: 4,759
I got a very long and detailed description of a porn shoot someone would like to do with me. It included everything: the place, what we're both wearing, my hair and make up, even the color of my nails, what would happen and in which order and even the back story.

I was to be a warrior princess wearing chainmail lingerie, he was a slave I had captured in a battle and taken on a small deserted island right outside the castle where I lived so that I can use and abuse him without others knowing about it. The island is where the shoot was gonna take place, the castle would act as a pretty backdrop. (The castle really exists, maybe the island too?)

The whole sex thing was described very meticulously and included things like "you pull out a silver hair comb that was holding your luscious locks up in a messy bun, you let your auburn hair fall onto my chest and I can see it still has signs of the battle in it in the form of dust and dried blood". (Ew.)

He also described how I would "skillfully use my diamond embellished sword to cut his simple leather clothes into pieces", but he never mentioned me removing my chainmail underwear. So for example the copious amounts of face sitting was just him licking my chainmail.

I sent him a message to point out this flaw, and he replied by sending the same thing again, only this time he had added a line telling I remove my clothes.

It didn't happen on Lit and sadly my English skills completely fail to portray the true poetry of his vision, but if anybody's interested in shooting medieval chainmail porn on location, I can hook you up! :P
__________________
WANDERING CLOUDS HAVE FASTENED THEMSELVES TO THE MOUNTAIN'S EDGE,
FOR ENDLESS HOURS THEY STAND IN SILENCE AND WAIT

-Edith Södergran: Wandering clouds
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-22-2017, 06:06 AM   #3
FloggingMolly
Not even sure anymore
 
FloggingMolly's Avatar
 
FloggingMolly is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: southwest UK
Posts: 1,447
Bloody hell Seela, I think you definitely win this week!
__________________

Been a long time gone...

Molly's pic thread

  Reply With Quote

Old 05-22-2017, 08:34 AM   #4
La damnee elle la licorne
Literotica Guru
 
La damnee elle la licorne is offline
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Between the house and the garden.
Posts: 19,614
After heaving around a diamond embellished sword and wearing heavy chain mail I am not sure I would want to ride a man's face at all. I mean.... you'd deserve more of a rest.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-22-2017, 09:50 AM   #5
seela
Quark Thief
 
seela's Avatar
 
seela is offline
Join Date: May 2010
Location: The Old World
Posts: 4,759
Quote:
Originally Posted by FloggingMolly View Post
Bloody hell Seela, I think you definitely win this week!
I don't know, it's only Monday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post
After heaving around a diamond embellished sword and wearing heavy chain mail I am not sure I would want to ride a man's face at all. I mean.... you'd deserve more of a rest.
That's true. There's still grime from the battle in the hair too, it's definitely time for a long, relaxing bath rather than riding a man's face wearing metal panties.
__________________
WANDERING CLOUDS HAVE FASTENED THEMSELVES TO THE MOUNTAIN'S EDGE,
FOR ENDLESS HOURS THEY STAND IN SILENCE AND WAIT

-Edith Södergran: Wandering clouds
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-22-2017, 10:41 AM   #6
MeekMe
Unsweetened
 
MeekMe's Avatar
 
MeekMe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 4,388
Unless the guy was exceptionally pretty I'd just gut his useless ass and pillage any valuables. Seriously? Facesitting? No mother fucker, you are the slave. You do the work. There's cleaning and cooking to be done and I need a bath drawn and a hot fucking meal after my battles.

Last edited by MeekMe : 05-22-2017 at 10:45 AM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-22-2017, 11:58 AM   #7
Blue
Literotica Guru
 
Blue's Avatar
 
Blue is offline
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Somewhere cold but still too hot
Posts: 2,322
I wouldn't kill him. I would need men to work my empire's wheat fields and replenish any of my soldiers that died in battle.

Although, if he's such a poor warrior that he was bested and captured by a bejeweled princess equipped with extremely impractical armour and a heavy sword, and so weak that he couldn't escape when his limbs' bindings were changed after the voyage...I suppose killing him might be a net positive since all he'd do is waste my kingdom's finite resources.
__________________
_
██
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-23-2017, 09:36 PM   #8
cookiecat
Literotica Guru
 
cookiecat's Avatar
 
cookiecat is offline
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 12,026
I replied I wasn't quite feeling it...

Quote:
Socially and professionally, a woman is a man's equal, but sexually behind closed doors, there is no fucking way for a piece of pussy to ever think or imagine that she is equal to a man. She knows it is not truth. She may play a role or pretend that it is, but secretly, naturally, innately she knows, intuitively, instinctively she knows she is inferior, and secretly craves to be put in her place, and used, abused to serve a dominant man who will not ask but merely take it, and do with it as he so wishes. If she is real about it.

I can't imagine why a grown man would ever ask a woman's opinion about anything of a sexual nature. To be sure, socially and professionally, she should be listened to, spoiled, pampered, enjoyed, and made to feel enjoyed. I like women, and like it when a woman throws her back when she laughs out loud, or wiggles when she walks in some sexy heels.

To be certain, that professionally and socially she is a man's peer and equal. But sexually, pussy is, pussy always has been, and pussy shall forever be, sexually inferior, and I can't imagine why a grown man would ever waste his time and energy asking a piece of pussy's opinion about something sexual in nature.

Take her in your arms, whisper in her ear what you want or desire, or intend to do, and if she hesitates even slightly, then slap her face repeatedly serveral times until she is gasping and breathless. Turn her around, unzip her dress and let it fall to the fall, while gently kissing her shoulder, and slip her bra off. Then tie her hands behind her back tightly, and turn her around, and slap's her face, put her on her knees, take her hair in your hands, and explain to a woman the facts of life, while whipping her titties.

And, when she is crying, weeping, whimpering, promising to be such a good lil bitch, then spank her ass, HARD, and when you put your dick in her mouth, make sure she can count all 8-9 inches of it until gagging. This teaches her call early in the relationship that when she is looking at your dick. She is doing so with reverence understanding who is the boss, and who is the bitch. Nothing like a woman who knows her fucking proper place. Don't you agree, baby girl?

Whoring a bitch out is fun, but Gang banging a slut without first breaking and molding her is a waste of time, because women are socialized to think that their pussy has power and to many weak ass males have perpetrated this lie. So she is giving it away for fun, when it should taken, abused, dominated, exploited, whored out to be thoroughly enjoyed as a man's property. The most important question a bitch asks is simply this..."who owns this pussy as property"? That is the most important question to be answered for any woman, and therefore she will do what she is told, when she is told, and how the fuck she is told. Feel me woman?
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-23-2017, 09:48 PM   #9
MeekMe
Unsweetened
 
MeekMe's Avatar
 
MeekMe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 4,388
He's a cute little boy, isn't he?
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-23-2017, 09:52 PM   #10
Blue
Literotica Guru
 
Blue's Avatar
 
Blue is offline
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Somewhere cold but still too hot
Posts: 2,322
Quote:
Originally Posted by cookiecat View Post
I replied I wasn't quite feeling it...
Whenever I see a message like that;

"What about Dominatrices?...."
__________________
_
██
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-23-2017, 10:01 PM   #11
MeekMe
Unsweetened
 
MeekMe's Avatar
 
MeekMe is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 4,388
Quote:
Originally Posted by Consilience View Post
Whenever I see a message like that;

"What about Dominatrices?...."
Misogynists don't believe in dominant women. They think it's just "playing at being dominant."
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 04:16 AM   #12
KimGordon67
Rampant feminist
 
KimGordon67's Avatar
 
KimGordon67 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: A little island in a big ocean
Posts: 3,091
Quote:
Originally Posted by cookiecat View Post
I replied I wasn't quite feeling it...
Good grief - that was his starting point? Does that actually work?
__________________
They went down to the river on a warm summer night.
The air was thick with the smell of
temptation.

Maybe glance at this before you PM: Writing PMs
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 04:28 AM   #13
DarkSimian
RONIN
 
DarkSimian's Avatar
 
DarkSimian is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: the fugly part of Texas ;)
Posts: 19,218
Quote:
Originally Posted by cookiecat View Post
I replied I wasn't quite feeling it...
Wow. That leaves me speechless
__________________
I'm not a hero, I'm not a savior, forget what you know... I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond my control...


*** PROUD PLAYGROUNDER #394 ***

My story: https://www.literotica.com/s/x-men-origins-simian
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 04:31 AM   #14
La damnee elle la licorne
Literotica Guru
 
La damnee elle la licorne is offline
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Between the house and the garden.
Posts: 19,614
All eight to nine inches of cock? Well, 8 to nine inches of 'crock o shite' text.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 04:34 AM   #15
KimGordon67
Rampant feminist
 
KimGordon67's Avatar
 
KimGordon67 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: A little island in a big ocean
Posts: 3,091
Quote:
Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post
All eight to nine inches of cock? Well, 8 to nine inches of 'crock o shite' text.
D'you think Cookie should ask for a photo, with a ruler for scale?
__________________
They went down to the river on a warm summer night.
The air was thick with the smell of
temptation.

Maybe glance at this before you PM: Writing PMs
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 04:37 AM   #16
La damnee elle la licorne
Literotica Guru
 
La damnee elle la licorne is offline
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Between the house and the garden.
Posts: 19,614
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeekMe View Post
Misogynists don't believe in dominant women. They think it's just "playing at being dominant."
I am tired.

I am tired of living in a world where people don't accept difference of thinking, approach and composition. Whether it's misogyny, attack on non factually different ways we see the world, or religious difference. Misogyny, politics. Whether eating beef well done is a crime


But yeah, I still do it myself . That pm for example.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 04:39 AM   #17
La damnee elle la licorne
Literotica Guru
 
La damnee elle la licorne is offline
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Between the house and the garden.
Posts: 19,614
Quote:
Originally Posted by KimGordon67 View Post
D'you think Cookie should ask for a photo, with a ruler for scale?
I am not the person to ask this week I have let my pms fill up and am barely talking to friends. Real life is such that I really seem the get away of fora not the connection. With a ruler in my hand I might find I had switch tendency this week.
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 07:22 AM   #18
FloggingMolly
Not even sure anymore
 
FloggingMolly's Avatar
 
FloggingMolly is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: southwest UK
Posts: 1,447
"Hello sexy Molly may i ask ypu feeling horny???
Got here a hard big young cock kust fpr ypu"

Were you letting the cock do the typing? Also, am I really now so old that you feel the need to tell me your cock is young?
__________________

Been a long time gone...

Molly's pic thread

  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 09:44 AM   #19
pensivepoet
Love dangerously
 
pensivepoet is offline
Join Date: May 2014
Location: By design, the last place you'd look
Posts: 7,664
Quote:
Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post
I am not the person to ask this week I have let my pms fill up and am barely talking to friends. Real life is such that I really seem the get away of fora not the connection. With a ruler in my hand I might find I had switch tendency this week.
*Volunteers*
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 09:53 AM   #20
Eva_Star
Twinkle, twinkle
 
Eva_Star's Avatar
 
Eva_Star is offline
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Second Star to the Right
Posts: 5,462
Both Seela's and cookiecat's PMs blow my mind. I only get one or two lines of badly misspelled words about sticking something (usually a cock but not always) in my ass or mouth.

*jealous*

haha
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 10:19 AM   #21
La damnee elle la licorne
Literotica Guru
 
La damnee elle la licorne is offline
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Between the house and the garden.
Posts: 19,614
Quote:
Originally Posted by pensivepoet View Post
*Volunteers*
i thought one should not spank in anger? 😁 Poet, you know I could no sooner spank you thN I could kill a cat. I have killed LOTS of snails this morning.

Maybe by Friday I might even feel social again. I have stacks to catch up on, some going back months 😳
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 10:22 AM   #22
pensivepoet
Love dangerously
 
pensivepoet is offline
Join Date: May 2014
Location: By design, the last place you'd look
Posts: 7,664
Quote:
Originally Posted by La damnee elle la licorne View Post
i thought one should not spank in anger? 😁 Poet, you know I could no sooner spank you thN I could kill a cat. I have killed LOTS of snails this morning.

Maybe by Friday I might even feel social again. I have stacks to catch up on, some going back months 😳
So now I gotta find a cat killer just to get spanked?
This thing just keeps getting harder
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 11:51 AM   #23
FloggingMolly
Not even sure anymore
 
FloggingMolly's Avatar
 
FloggingMolly is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: southwest UK
Posts: 1,447
"Hi I'm K 49 f fl . What What If I was your wife and we were sitting on our couch one evening watching tv and drinking heavily as I was wearing just my thin mid thigh button up sleep shirt that I've Stolen from your side of the closet with white lace panties underneath and I said honey I have something I need to tell you since the beginning of summer I've noticed Ryan ( our teen son) and his friend Kevin have been trying to peek at me every time I bend down they look down my shirt is that normal hunny ?? What would you say how would you react ??"
Well... That's a thing that happened...
__________________

Been a long time gone...

Molly's pic thread

  Reply With Quote

Old 05-24-2017, 03:27 PM   #24
twister947
Mama Tried
 
twister947's Avatar
 
twister947 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,622
I lack imagination; the best I can come up with is asking for a recipe. I feel shame.
__________________
"We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them." John Waters
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.” Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What you need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority." Molly Ivins
  Reply With Quote

Old 05-30-2017, 03:59 AM   #25
KimGordon67
Rampant feminist
 
KimGordon67's Avatar
 
KimGordon67 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: A little island in a big ocean
Posts: 3,091
D'you think if we wrote a 'how to PM a lady' thing in the 'How to' board, any of the likely offenders would actually read it?
(Obviously the first suggestion would be 'don't refer to her as a 'lady' unless her profile specifically indicates that she might like that'.)
I get so many PM that aren't terrible enough to warrant including here, but are just make me think 'meh, why did you even bother if that's all you could be bothered with?'
__________________
They went down to the river on a warm summer night.
The air was thick with the smell of
temptation.

Maybe glance at this before you PM: Writing PMs
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:52 PM.

Copyright 1998-2013 Literotica Online. Literotica is a registered trademark.