How to respond to a fantasy for b/f that was not a great experience for me

Please everyone...my b/f was not the bad person here. I came here merely asking for advice on how to remove the guilt that he felt for the fantasy going bad.

So far i haven't received an answer to that part of my original post. I realize I'm the douchebag here for not telling the ENTIRE truth at first.

My b/f has a heart of gold and would give anything to help others. There was a woman being arrogant in trying to do something good despite him telling me not to in the past.

I'm sorry for the grief I've caused.

You've received plenty of answers to your question. You just didn't like any of them and now, much like you did with your boyfriend, you want to complain that you aren't getting what you asked for.

You have gotten good advice. Put this one behind you and move on.

Cyndeveaux said:

Please everyone...my b/f was not the bad person here. I came here merely asking for advice on how to remove the guilt that he felt for the fantasy going bad.

So far i haven't received an answer to that part of my original post. I realize I'm the douchebag here for not telling the ENTIRE truth at first.

My b/f has a heart of gold and would give anything to help others. There was a woman being arrogant in trying to do something good despite him telling me not to in the past.

I'm sorry for the grief I've caused.

Click to expand...

Well you were right in being honest with him but you were also wrong for going against his wishes. Communication is extremely important when bringing a 3rd party into your relationship as well as a strong bond between you and your b/f.

As far as his guilt is concerned, the best thing to do is to discuss it. Talk about what each of you liked, as well as what you didn't like. If what was disliked is something that cannot be improved upon, then dismiss the whole experience and move on. Your intentions were in the right place, but perhaps he wasn't ready for such a big change in his sex life. I cannot stress how important communication is.

I don't see him leaving you as a result of this and if he does then it would be his loss. Plenty of men would kill to have a SO fulfill a fantasy of theirs despite not liking the idea themselves. Talk it over, learn from mistakes, and move forward. Those are the very fundementals of any strong relationship

GiggLeGasm said:

You've received plenty of answers to your question. You just didn't like any of them and now, much like you did with your boyfriend, you want to complain that you aren't getting what you asked for.

You have gotten good advice. Put this one behind you and move on.

Click to expand...

I see a lot of b/f bashing in my thread. Then later I realized I left a lot of details out which made him look BAD. Being that I was the one that pushed this to be played out, I am looking for advice to alleviate the guilt HE feels when he has NO reason to feel guilty at all. I went against his advice and played the fantasy out.

I really misled the board in my original post. I'm sorry to everyone for that.

If you waffle like this in real life I can see the problem.

You can't please everyone and if you weren't pleased with the fantasy there is nothing wrong with that at all.

If he is upset you're not pleased he has to figure his way past that.

Now something I'm going to say may not go over well because taking into consideration the type of board we're on sometimes anything that sounds "prudish" is mocked.

Swinging/sharing is not for everyone. More often than not the fantasy is hotter than the reality(by far) and if a couple is really not cut out for it(one or both) things are not comfortable afterwards and that sounds like what is going on here.

In erotic stories and porn vids a good time is had by all. In reality many times(and not all the time there are plenty happy swingers out there) things are not what people expected.

I'm wondering if the problem is some two way guilt and not being ready for the real thing.

Just my take. No offense meant.

COCK_STAR said:

It's always the guys fault around here. It's usually a bunch of fat man haters just waiting to pounce. You need to make it up to him by doing it at least one more time, and acting like it was the greatest experience of your life. Sometimes lies are better than the truth.

Click to expand...

I don't have anything against fat men. *shrug*

OK, his guilt has to have something to do with exactly what you told him and how you told him. Hindsight is 20/20 but it seems your telling about it suggested more to him than it should have. If he wasn't there and you would do it again with another person, what was the problem with this person? Who was he and why did you feel the need to put it the way you put it to your boyfriend, especially since he didn't witness it? If you can answer that, I'll give you a more specific answer regarding any possible remedy that can help and keep you two together.

WHY should HE feel guilty at all?

The_Volunteer said:

OK, his guilt has to have something to do with exactly what you told him and how you told him. Hindsight is 20/20 but it seems your telling about it suggested more to him than it should have. If he wasn't there and you would do it again with another person, what was the problem with this person?

Click to expand...

Well, I felt this other guy was in it all for him. To put it bluntly, he did little to help me get aroused. I had to use my own thoughts and use my own hands to get or keep myself aroused. I say 'keep' cause this guy had a lot of trouble being able to cum and this led to my feeling like I was failure.

My b/f should not have ANY feelings of guilt here. I did not have a gun to my head and he wasn't even in the same state when this happened (yes he knew it was going to happen). I made the choice, albeit, not a wise one in retrospect.

The_Volunteer said:

Who was he and why did you feel the need to put it the way you put it to your boyfriend, especially since he didn't witness it? If you can answer that, I'll give you a more specific answer regarding any possible remedy that can help and keep you two together.

Click to expand...

'The need to put it' the way I put it? I'm not sure what the implication is there, but in retrospect I guess I should have been more careful in how I worded things. I had told him what happened in as concise a way as I could. I left out parts that served no purpose other than to potentially hurt my b/f and that now has in itself became a problem. Omitting things is never wise. Our relationship, as any solid and strong one should, is based on a foundation of honesty.

He asked if I enjoyed it, I wasn't going to lie and say, yes-thoroughly, but I guess in looking back it wasn't as bad as I made it sound the entire time...at least not at first. I think the fact that it took the guy a long time to cum was problematic for me as well as my ego. Add to the fact that I did not just stand up for myself and put an end to it before that point.

YES, I agree that guilt on BOTH sides as someone above mentioned, plays a part here. I did a fantasy for my b/f against his warning me not to do it just for him. I'm not sure how to explain this but once I fulfilled it, it lost value to me...and reality hit me. I didn't want it to continue but didn't know how to end it...other than getting him to cum. There were a lot of thoughts that went thru my mind during that time and some that I should listened to and put a stop to it or something.

I have to think more about this. I definitely feel guilty. Hell, I AM guilty for making him look bad and me all peachy. And for many other reasons. I am now feeling regret too. I'm sorry for all that I did. For now, that's all.

I don't understand the "kick her to the curb", "kick him to the curb" recommendations here. If I'm in the b/f shoes I would be unhappy that a fantasy fulfillment didn't turn out stellar for all parties especially my g/f. Especially if I was emphatic about my g/f being totally invested in the fantasy and she wasn't. I think it's just natural when you have strong feelings for another person that you want the best for them.

Maybe he didn't hide his disappointment well but to me it's just a lesson learned.

Personally it's exciting to have a g/f who is good, giving, and game (GGG).

To the OP: Don't let a bad experience like this be the defining moment in your relationship.